Chapter 16 — oh boy
"Oh, come on, it's not even that funny," Josh argues, albeit feebly so, covering part of his face with his hand.
He is at the bridge once again, not alone, of course — the bridge boy is there too. After Josh's little absence, they have quickly recovered and returned to their old routine; going to the bridge every night and just sit there and simply talk. They don't have to plan about it beforehand, they just meet every day.
"Okay, okay," the brunet reaches out and pulls Josh's hand away from his face, "I won't laugh anymore," he says, stifling his laughter as best as he can. However, his resolve only holds for a few seconds and he burst out laughing again.
Josh wants to frown, or at least pout, showcasing his upset but he can't. Not when the other boy still has hand in his. Giving his hand a little squeeze that somehow manages to reverberate throughout Josh's whole body, the bridge boy places both their hands on the few inches of space between them. He doesn't completely remove his hand then either, a few of their fingers overlapping over one another.
That shouldn't be a big deal. Just fingers touching. That happens. Sometimes accidentally... and sometimes not. But that shouldn't make Josh's heart pound the way it does right then.
Josh realises that it's quiet now; the bridge boy has stopped laughing. Why did he stop laughing now? Slowly and forcibly, he brings his eyes up and is met directly with the latter's green ones. Breath catches in his throat. He didn't realise they were sitting so close that Josh can count his eyelashes. Josh didn't know boys can have such pretty eyelashes. It's almost as if the blond is stuck in a trance; he wants to look away, yet he doesn't, and it's not like he can anyway.
Josh doesn't know if he's only imagining it, but there is a hint of hesitance and doubt behind those green eyes. He allows himself to wonder for a second, only for a second, if the other boy feels the things he does too — the way heat rises up to his cheeks just from a look from him, the way his heart beats crazily in his chest like now just from a single brush of skin. He quickly gets rid of the thoughts though, not wanting to build sandcastles in the air.
Josh gives him a small smile hoping to ease whatever doubts he had in his mind. It works for him — whenever he thinks something bad or ridiculous and he sees the bridge boy smiling at him, it just... helps. The boy does possess a wicked smile — the good kind though.
Josh turns away after that, and a new wave of warmth spread through him when his hand receives another squeeze. Neither of them says anything about the brief contact though, and moves on with their conversation.
Josh told the bridge boy about how he tried to make dinner for him and his sister — tried being the functional word here since his attempt at cooking went up in flames. It wasn't that funny really, but for the brunet it more than was and had a good laugh. Josh can't find it in him to be annoyed though; it is nice to hear him laugh.
"Did you guys have dinner after that or not?"
"I would have cooked again," the blond starts to say, but stops momentarily when the boy beside him lets out a snort.
Josh narrows his eyes at him and the latter quickly apologises, setting his lips in a straight line, promising to keep quiet.
"But my sister stood her ground; she said and I quote, 'I wish to eat tonight, not next month. Thank you very much,' and picked up the phone and ordered pizza. We had pizza," he concludes, and then sighs, "Okay, fine. You can laugh now,"
"Your sister sounds amazing," the other boy snickers, "God, I would like to meet her one day,"
A very offhanded and casual comment. He probably and yeah, most definitely didn't mean anything by it. But Josh stiffens at that. He imagines this curly-haired boy and his sister meeting, and maybe his other friends too. Not an absurd idea really but the more Josh thinks about it (and he only needs mere seconds to do that), the more intimidating it becomes.
It's like two worlds colliding; it can only either be good or really, really bad and destructive and– Josh dreads to think what else. His throat has dried up only from thinking about it. He has to admit, it will be nice to have this boy meet with other people in his life, but–
Fortunately, Josh is pulled out of his thoughts by a nudge at his shoulder before he can delve in any further. He didn't even know he has slipped in; it's very easy for him to get lost in his own thoughts.
"Hey, you still there?"
"Hmm," Josh looks at the boy beside him and stretches his lips into what he hopes is a smile, "Uh, yeah,"
He doesn't look too convinced though. He raises his eyebrow a little, "You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry — you were saying?"
He continues to look at Josh, but to the blond's relief, doesn't ask anything more, and resumes whatever it was that he was saying.
"I was asking what it was that you two were talking that neither of you noticed anything burning,"
"We did notice it," the blond exclaims, quickly coming to his own defense, "It's just... it was a little late,"
"Mm hmm,"
"What — it happens,"
"Sure, sure,"
Josh rolls his eyes, shaking his head, thinking to himself if he should tell him what it was Josie and him were talking about. It's not that they were talking anything bad or that Josh had anything to hide, but won't it be weird to talk about his ex with him.
Maybe it's because this boy never actually forces him to talk about anything that he doesn't want to — even now, he's not nagging at him. He asked, and if Josh wants to talk about it, fine; if not, that's fine too. It makes it all the more easier to talk to him.
"She was asking me if I got back together with Valerie, my ex," he tells him and sneaks a look over at him, anticipating what kind of reaction he will get from him.
"Oh,"
Josh doesn't know what he can draw from that, except that he's a really bad perceiver. He's not cut out for this — unless the bridge boy explicitly tells him what he's feeling. The latter is really good at hiding his emotions — he only lets you see what he wants to.
Josh waits for him to ask him his answer to that, if he's actually gotten back together with Valerie. But of course, he doesn't. He's not going to ask him; he probably even thinks that Josh won't want to tell him which is the exact opposite here really.
He decides to tell it himself, "I haven't. We're only friends now,"
"Oh," he says again, noy very different from the first oh.
Josh used to think that he was really good at reading people — he's not, he is coming to realise now.
The blond tries not to be disappointed by the lack of reaction from the other boy. He doesn't know what he was expecting really, and this is after he told himself he won't be expecting anything — he wants to facepalm himself.
Josh has well started berating himself when the curly-haired boy in a meek voice, which Josh has never heard him sound so before, asks him:
"But, um... are you seeing someone else?"
That's enough to inflate Josh's heart back up. He really is bad at reading people; if not, he will have noticed how the bridge boy had gone quiet all of a sudden and how he had his hands fisted in his lap. He was struggling to ask Josh this very question. Yeah, Josh feels like he does deserve a facepalm or two.
He wants to purposefully put off answering his question, drawl out his response, but he can't. His lips curl up all without his doing, and the answer is out of his mouth in a split second.
"No," and usually he would thought twice, thrice, hundreds of times before repeating the question back to him, but he's overcome with giddiness to care at the moment, "Are you?"
He realises his mistake a second too late. Why did he have to ask him that too? Sure, he wants to know, but as seconds pass and he gets no answer from the boy beside him, he wants to scrape the question away from the air between them, make it so that he didn't actually ask it.
If the bridge boy is already dating someone else, then Josh will know for sure that his crush is doomed — not that he was planning to do something about it in the first place, but– Ugh, this is terrible. Why did he have to ask that question?
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stu–
"No,"
"Hmm," Josh jerks his head up at the sudden response.
The bridge boy breathes a little laugh, shaking his head lightly, "I said no, I'm not seeing anyone anymore,"
"Oh," the blond purses his lips, trying to remain as impervious as the brunet was to his answers before but who was he kidding.
If he were alone, he is sure he would have broken down into a little happy dance by now. But he's not alone, and looking at the boy beside him, he doesn't look too happy with his answer.
And so, swallowing his relief, Josh asks a little unsurely — he doesn't want to overstep his boundaries here and come off as nosy, "Just got out of a relationship or something?"
"Or something," he says, sounding weary all of a sudden, "It's kind of a long story,"
Josh simply nods in reply, unsure of a reply to that. He can see it's not a comfortable topic for him, that there's still something bugging at him about it — he once again sees that flash of something he saw the other night. Josh wants to ask him about it, but he's not sure how the other boy will feel about it. The best thing he feels he can do right then is veer into another topic of conversation but just as about he is to do so, the bridge boy clears his throat:
"It wasn't a clean breakup,"
He quickly shakes his head, assuming the bridge boy feels obliged to tell him something, "You don't have to tell me–,"
"It's fine. I don't mind," he assures him, and then as an afterthought, "Unless you mind,"
"No, no. I don't mind. Not at all. You can tell me anything. I'll listen," fortunately for him, he stops himself right there before he can say anything else and appear too eager and well, forthcoming — that won't be pretty.
"Cool," he nods, smiling, before looking down at his hands on his lap, circling his wrist with the other hand, and rubbing it, "Um, I had a boyfriend. We went out for a couple of months. And it was nice, good. But um...," he takes in a deep breath, before continuing, still not looking up — his grip on his wrist has tightened though, "Something happened — something bad. And after that... we just grew apart, I guess. Then, I moved here and that's the end of that," he finishes, letting out a long exhale through his mouth, his whole body slumping forward.
Neither of them say anything for the moments that follow, silence settling in between them — not uncomfortable, yet not totally comfortable either.
Josh wishes he knew the right thing to say. He's not the best person at dealing with emotions really. The only way he knows how to deal with them is the only way he has been taught to — bury it deep and pretend it doesn't exist, keep yourself busy with something else. It doesn't really work; surprise.
He notices he still has one of his hands wrapped tightly around his wrist, and even though he's not really sure about it, he reaches out and pulls the hand, wrapping it in his instead. His heart has picked up its pace once again, but he's trying his best not to focus on that for the moment being.
He wills himself to look into his eyes, and say, "I'm sorry,"
Just a couple of days ago, he decided he's not going to attempt jumping off the bridge anymore, but if this move was wrong, he is more than ready to lean forward and fall off the bridge. There's no coming back for him.
Thankfully, the boy smiles up at him, hus dimples making a grand return, and making his heart do this weird hiccup in between beats.
"It's alright," he says with a half-shrug, "It's been a while,"
Josh nods, and lets his hand go — he is certain that his whole face has turned a bright colour by then, but tries to act casual and not like he is seconds away from bursting into flames.
"Plus, I think I kinda like someone else now,"
"Oh," and there goes his short-lived relief.
Lucky bastard, Josh thinks to himself at whoever the person who has managed to capture the bridge boy's attention.
Is it someone from this town?
Is it another boy? Or a girl — does he like girls too?
"Golden boy?"
"Hmm, yeah," he grimaces — he did it again.
"Still here?"
"Yes, yeah. I'm sorry," he scratches the back of his neck — he needs to stop drifting away whenever someone's talking to him, especially when that someone is this boy.
He shakes his head, but thankfully he's not annoyed — he has a smile playing at the corner of his lips, "I was asking if you were interested in anyone else,"
The reply is instant in his head: Yeah, you, and Josh fears for a second that he's accidentally said it out loud but luckily he didn't.
"You're blushing!" the brunet exclaims all of a sudden
The same can't be said for his traitorous skin however, as the bridge boy points it out. Josh curses inwardly at himself about his pale complexion.
"So, there is someone, isn't there?" he asks in a teasing tone and Josh pointedly looks away neither confirming denying the statement — he can think whatever he wants.
And then suddenly, he realises something — something that he has realised a couple of times before, but never actually done something about it. He doesn't know his name — the boy he has this massive crush on, and has been spending every night with. He has been simply referring to him as the bridge boy.
Although the other boy does call him 'golden boy', at least he knows his name.
Why has Josh never asked him something as basic as his name all this while, Josh can never know. He starts laughing at the realisation and how comical it all really is — he doesn't know his name!
"What?" the bridge boy asks, confused.
"Nothing. I just realised I don't even know your name,"
"Hmm," he hums and then in a mocking tone, "Changing the topic, are we?"
Well, not really, Josh thinks to himself since they were talking about crushes and his said crush is sitting before, only he doesn't know his name, and chose to finally acknowledge that.
"Well, you never asked, did you?"
Josh knows he didn't, but that doesn't mean he has to admit it, "Yeah, and you didn't ask for my name either. You just somehow knew. Wait, how did you even know my name?"
"A magician never reveals his secrets," is all the boy tells him, wiggling his eyebrows.
Josh gives him a blank look, but chooses not to ask anything more about it — he is more curious about something else; the boy's name.
"So, what's your name?" Josh finally asks him.
The brunet has fun at it, before answering him — furrowing his eyebrows, pretending to think about it deeply, as if Josh has asked him a rather hard question and Josh groans out loud:
"Really?"
"Ok, ok," the boy laughs, and swipes a hand through his hair, turning to face the blond, "Hi," he smiles, dimples and all, "I'm Elliot,"
Elliot, the name rings through Josh's head and all over him. Elliot, he repeats the name silently and holds back a smile.
To the brid–, no, to Elliot, he only says, "Oh,"
⋘⋙