*miko - shrine maiden
Pain! I can't breathe! Memories of water. I can't grab onto anything! Isamu! Help! I'm drowning!
I sit bolt upright, heaving in air. Where am I? It is a room, though not one I have ever seen before. I am confused. The last thing I remember is fox fire and the river. Isamu was fighting the shinshoku... then his tail accidentally hit me in the stomach... no air... falling... water smacked my back hard... the current dragging me away and under...
"Ah, Hotaru-san!" The head priest looks in on me and enters. I return to the present. He is bruised, his eyes have dark circles, and he looks worn from his battle. "You have been asleep for two days. How are you?"
Two days? How?
"You are in the shrine. A miko found you on the riverbank. You swallowed a lot of water, but you are alive. Do you remember what happened?"
At first I cannot speak. I am lucid, but weak. My body is bruised and battered. I do not feel Isamu anymore. All sense of my beloved is gone. I feel empty inside.
"I..."
I remember the town on fire, Isamu smiling at me, the bodies of innocent people I had known lifeless corpses because of him. He was so childlike, he didn't even realize he had done anything wrong. There was a strange innocence about him in his evil. I have no other way to explain it.
He did it for me. I am horrified by his actions, but I miss him terribly. How can I still love that monster? How could I ever stop?
"You were bewitched by a fox. He is banished from this plane, back to his realm. We performed an exorcism. You are free, Hotaru-san."
My breath catches and rattles. My vision blurs, the hot tears brimming over and streaming down my cheeks.
"I know it is hard, he did terrible things to you. It will get better in time. The truth is, you are a very lucky woman to be alive."
'How am I lucky?' I want to scream at him. 'How dare you! You stole my lover from me, separated us! Yes, he was ruthless and cruel! Most men are! Isamu is a beautiful, misunderstood creature from another world. He was going to take me there, to someplace magic! I could have helped him become kinder, gentler! You - you took my dreams away!'
I don't say any of this. I know better. It will not change what this man thinks. I tremble in impotent rage.
"You cannot remain here, I fear, not with what has happened and the fox taint associated with your name. When you have recovered, we will move you. Can you sew? There is a shrine in a remote location up north that needs a seamstress. It is a new beginning, Hotaru."
The man who took everything pauses and watches me. I am a wreck. Why won't he go away?
"I see you need time to come to terms with all that has happened. I will leave you to your grief." My vision blurs. I barely see the shinshoku go.
My lips tremble. My beautiful fox is gone. I will never see him again. I have lost him forever! I bury my face into my hands and sob. He is lonely and needs my love. I need him, too. I found in my kitsune all the love and desire I ever dreamed of. The weight of my loneliness crushes my heart. I scream my rage into a flat pillow until my throat is raw. At last I exhaust myself. In my condition, it does not take long.
Isamu, somehow, in some way, I will free you. I love you. No matter how long it takes, I will find a way. I will play your game with them, camouflage myself deep. They can think me compliant and grateful, but never in my heart! That belongs to you, my demon lord. By your marks upon my flesh, I vow, I am yours forever.
As I drift off, I send these thoughts through whatever connection I have left. He came to me in dreams, so perhaps he can hear me in his. I hope so. It is all I have to keep me sane.