5:15 a.m.
Messaging: ONETEEZ BATCHES
princessmingki
What happened last night
Can someone please summarize it for me
There's too many messages to read
StrongToedOlaf
HOLY FOOK WHAT HAPPENED HERE
mommySHw
Where did Seoho hyung go
and who's dumbjerk
applebreaker
Okay let me try to summarize this quickly
Ravn hyung and Seoho hyung have been bribed to steal Shiber away from San hyung by the strange Elfin person who tormented Wooyoung hyung and Hwanwoong hyung as well
Ravn hyung is forced to dress up into a long white dress and a white wig
tallwoong
And he won't send us a picture
r00dboii
SHUT UP
applebreaker
Okay...
So
Ravn hyung snuck into the dorm last night
Attempted to steal Shiber
But then woke up Yunho hyung and San hyung by accident
Hongjoong helped them get a bat
Seoho hyung told them not to hit Ravn hyung with the bat
But San hyung did
And he got mad at Seoho hyung and Ravn hyung for trying to steal Shiber
And Yunho hyung also called Seoho hyung a dumb jerk and thus, his name changed to dumbjerk
dumbjerk
I really want to change it back
mommySHw
We are not twins no more :(
StrongToedOlaf
At least we won't be confused on who is Seonghwa and who is Seoho hyung anymore
babyxion
Good ol' Keonhee, always trying to look at the bright side
UWUyoungS
Well it was nice trying to confuse the readers...
StrongToedOlaf
What readers?
UWUyoungS
OOPS
UWUyoungS deleted a message!
tallwoong
Breaking the fourth wall like a genius
UWUyoungS
UM THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT
TeddyBearYunho
What's the fourth wall?
StrongToedOlaf
Probably the wall in your bedroom with the door on it
babyxion
Or the window
UWUyoungS
tallwoong
UWUyoungS
You guys' logic are weird
TeddyBearYunho
Or it's logical
princessmingki
Okay back to the previous topic
Ravn hyung and Seoho hyung
WHY THE FOOK DID YOU DO THAT
DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHIBER MEANS TO SAN?
mountainSAN
YEAH :(
r00dboii
I thought he cursed for a second—
princessmingki
THAT'S NOT DA POINT
YOU DON'T KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES OF SHIBER BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM SAN
mountainSAN
YEAH :(
princessmingki
HE'S GONNA CRY AN OCEAN IN THE DORM UNTIL IT TURNS INTO A TSUNAMI AND WE WOULD ALL HAVE TO MOVE OUT AND WE WON'T LIVE TOGETHER ANYMORE AND SCHOOL WILL BE MUCH FURTHER AWAY NOW BUT THEN NOT LIKE WE REALLY WANT TO BECAUSE WE HAVE A CRAZY WAILING ROOMMATE WHO FLOODED THE ENTIRE DORM WITH HIS TEARS
mountainSAN
Wait—
princessmingki
I'M SORRY SAN IT'S THE TRUTH
r00dboii
We have been threatened okay
We had no other choice
mountainSAN
YEAH RIGHT
dumbjerk
He muted us in our private chats
He's must be really mad at us
UWUyoungS
Well who wouldn't be
Showing up to someone's house in a white dress and stealing one's favorite plushie...
One's gonna be traumatic for days
mountainSAN
I am traumatic
I have to keep Shiber in a box under my bed to make sure he doesn't get stolen again
KANGYEOSANG
You just fooking revealed his location you idiot
mountainSAN
CRAP I HAVE TO MOVE HIM AGAIN
tallwoong
Huh?
princessmingki
This is the third time he revealed Shiber's location
First to Yunho
Then me
And now to everyone else
mountainSAN
Yeesh someone should hide him for me
applebreaker
I will!
mountainSAN
Someone I trust
applebreaker
babyxion
Jongho is someone you can trust, San hyung
mountainSAN
You don't know him as long as I have, Dongju
He not as trustworthy as he seems...
applebreaker
He's lying
UWUyoungS
Yeah right
What about the time you brought a cheat sheet to your Math class because you didn't study for your Geometry test?
princessmingki
Or what about the time you snuck To Kill A Mockingbird in class so you can do well in the quiz?
KANGYEOSANG
Or what about the time you wrote Luke 1:1-4 on the back of your arm because it was so long and you were unable to memorize the entire verse the night before?
R00DSHORTIE
Wait—
mommySHw
WHAT—
tallwoong
OOP—
babyxion
Jongho did that?
mountainSAN
Yep
applebreaker
THIS IS ALL SCHOOL RELATED FOR GOODNESS SAKE
WHO WOULDN'T DO THESE THINGS
R00DSHORTIE
I am very disappointed with you, Jongho
mommySHw
I DIDN'T TEACH YOU TO BE THIS KIND OF STUDENT
applebreaker
IT'S NOT MY FAULT
YUNHO HYUNG FORCED ME TO PLAY FORTNITE WITH HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE THE GEOMETRY TEST WITH YEOSANG HYUNG
THAT'S WHY THEY FAILED THE TEST
I COULDN'T READ TO KILL A FOOKING MOCKINGBIRD BECAUSE WOOYOUNG AND SAN STOLE MY COPY OF THE BOOK THE DAY BEFORE THE QUIZ AND SO I COULDN'T READ IT
I WANTED TO MEMORIZE LUKE 1:1-4 BUT MINGI STOLE MY BIBLE BECAUSE HE LEFT HIS AT THE ACADEMY
WHY ARE YOU ALL PUTTING THE BLAME ON ME
R00DSHORTIE
mommySHw
KANGYEOSANG
mountainSAN
UWUyoungS
TeddyBearYunho
princessmingki
StrongToedOlaf
The amount of drama this group has
tallwoong
Right
babyxion
Now I can't tell who's innocent or guilty here
GONEHAK
Nobody can tell
dumbjerk
Waw
r00dboii
You guys are such irresponsible children
mountainSAN
CHILDREN?!?!
WE ARE GROWING, HORMONAL TEENAGERS
mommySHw
Who stink like crap
mountainSAN
EXCUSE ME—
mommySHw
And have no freaking manners
mountainSAN
*EXCUSE ME HYUNG—
mommySHw
Better
applebreaker
Point is
I'm tired
Tired of everyone blaming me for something I didn't do
Think I'm not trustworthy? Fine
I'm leaving
applebreaker left the chat!
babyxion
You ticked him off, that's what y'all did
dumbjerk
LANGUAGE
babyxion
*You tucked him off
tallwoong
—in your pocket
R00DSHORTIE
Y'all better apologize to him @mountainSAN @TeddyBearYunho @KANGYEOSANG @princessmingki @UWUyoungS
UWUyoungS
Why us
mommySHw
Because you all started this fooking problem
TeddyBearYunho
To be fair, I was innocent
I didn't add anything to San's statement
Mingi and Wooyoung and Yeosang did it
princessmingki
Wrong order
TeddyBearYunho
NOBODY CARES
UWUyoungS
Fine then
Okay guys go to the other group
princessmingki
Oki bai
dumbjerk
Wait where are they going
GONEHAK
Jail
r00dboii
Wait seriously??
GONEHAK
Of course not you idiot
r00dboii
Dang it
Stop getting my hopes up, Geonduck
GONEHAK
...
I thought that died out
mountainSAN
It never did
UWUyoungS
SAN
mountainSAN
OKAY OKAY
mountainSAN has gone offline!
UWUyoungS has gone offline!
tallwoong
The troublemakers are gone
Finally
GONEHAK
You forgot someone
tallwoong
Who?
GONEHAK
You
StrongToedOlaf
PFFTTTT
babyxion
Where did they all go, anyway
dumbjerk
I hope they're not trying to steal someone else's plushie
R00DSHORTIE
Nah they're not
They went to their own private group
r00dboii
They have their own private group?
R00DSHORTIE
Yup
babyxion
What's it called?
mommySHw
It's called
The ATEEZ '99 Liners
☺
12:54 p.m.
Messaging: The ATEEZ '99 Liners
TeddyBearYunho
Why are we texting in the middle of class
UWUyoungS
NOBODY CARES YUNHO
JUST STOP GOING BACK TO ONETEEZ BATCHES Y'ALL
WE DON'T NEED TO BE THERE ANYMORE
mountainSAN
Well of course we need to go back there that's like the main group chat
UWUyoungS
NOT FOR THIS CHAPTER
KANGYEOSANG
What chapter
UWUyoungS
UWUyoungS deleted a message!
UWUyoungS
At this rate there won't even be a fourth wall anymore
princessmingki
Just build another one
UWUyoungS
...
How did I even become friends with you all
KANGYEOSANG
If you're saying we're dumb and you're not you got your facts wrong
UWUyoungS
That's not what I'm saying what the crap
KANGYEOSANG
That's what it sounds like you're saying
TeddyBearYunho
Guys guys guys we gotta focus on the task at hand
Apologizing to Jongho
mountainSAN
Why are we even trying to apologize to Jongho
We did nothing wrong
He is guilty
Not us
TeddyBearYunho
WE'RE ALL GUILTY
We've been bad role models to Jongho
UWUyoungS
But it's his own fault that he chose to follow our ways
TeddyBearYunho
But it's natural for a younger person to follow the ways of their older siblings/friends that they hang out with often
Seonghwa hyung told me that yesterday
UWUyoungS
...
Guys Yunho is turning into a Seonghwa hyung
mountainSAN
Or a Hongjoong hyung
KANGYEOSANG
That's even worse
princessmingki
He's the eldest among us so he thinks that he'll seem cooler if he hangs out with the older kids...
TeddyBearYunho
THAT'S NOT TRUEE
KANGYEOSANG
Are you sure about that
TeddyBearYunho
How am I even friends with you guys
mountainSAN
OKAY FINE let's go plan out how we should apologize to Jongho
princessmingki
Let's all write a 'Please Forgive Me' song
mountainSAN
Why
princessmingki
Just because
KANGYEOSANG
No
No songs begging for forgiveness
We're not that desperate
TeddyBearYunho
Okay so no songs
Anything else?
UWUyoungS
Let's throw a piano at him
KANGYEOSANG
What the frick
UWUyoungS
As a peace offering
KANGYEOSANG
Why would Jongho want a piano thrown at him for a peace offering
mountainSAN
That sounds more like a war call
UWUyoungS
Well it sounds like something he would like
KANGYEOSANG
No wonder your brain cells ran away
TeddyBearYunho
Guys get serious
WE NEED SOMETHING BY TOMORROW
princessmingki
Why tomorrow
TeddyBearYunho
Because Jongho is leaving tomorrow evening for vacation
UWUyoungS
ALREADY?!?
But final exams haven't even started yet
TeddyBearYunho
Apparently he already took them a few weeks ago
mountainSAN
That lucky batch
TeddyBearYunho
Yeah
And so we need to apologize to him by tomorrow
Or
He'll never ever forgive us and he'll never go back to ATEEZ
mountainSAN
I guess I'll be the main vocalist of ATEEZ now
princessmingki
And I'll have a room all to my own now
UWUyoungS
No fair!
KANGYEOSANG
Okay Yunho what's your plan to apologize Jongho
TeddyBearYunho
I don't know okay
Why are y'all asking me
princessmingki
Because you're literally the eldest among the five of us
And I guess, the most responsible
UWUyoungS
I stand corrected—
princessmingki
Nobody cares about your opinions Wooyoung
UWUyoungS
mountainSAN
Or let's just go apologize to him
LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE
KANGYEOSANG
But unfortunately
We're not normal
UWUyoungS
Took you long enough to finally get it Yeosang
KANGYEOSANG
Somebody shut him up for me
TeddyBearYunho
On second thought, who don't we at least try to apologize to Jongho (quote San), "like normal people"?
princessmingki
I guess that's worth a try
KANGYEOSANG
And then we fail trying to do so
UWUyoungS
DON'T FOOKING JINX IT KANG YEOSANG
KANGYEOSANG
We'll fail
UWUyoungS
...
How did I even become friends with you
☺
3.01 p.m.
Messaging: ONETEEZ BATCHES
babyxion added applebreaker
applebreaker left the chat!
babyxion added applebreaker
applebreaker left the chat!
babyxion added applebreaker
applebreaker left the chat!
babyxion added applebreaker
applebreaker left the chat!
babyxion added applebreaker
applebreaker left the chat!
babyxion added applebreaker
applebreaker left the chat!
babyxion added applebreaker
applebreaker
Stop it Dongju
applebreaker left the chat!
babyxion
Y'all had ticked him off REALLY bad...
R00DSHORTIE
Jongho's just a sensitive little boy
babyxion
Be quiet hyung
Jongho legit just grabbed my phone and yelled into it, "I'M NOT A SENSITIVE LITTLE BOY"
mommySHw
Wait what
are you with him right now?
babyxion
Yep
He went over to the ONEUS dorm because apparently he couldn't stand reading the '99 liners' "dumb conversation", he says
UWUyoungS
WAIT HOW DA FROOK DID HE READ IT
dumbjerk
Think logically you idiot
Of course Jongho read the messages over Mingi's shoulder
What do you think
StrongToedOlaf
Seoho hyung's so smart
Like how
dumbjerk
Hey you're smart too
You can speak English and Korean and Japanese...
StrongToedOlaf
Why thank you for the compliment 🥰
babyxion
Why are you both suddenly so nice to each other
dumbjerk
Keonhee apologized to me for hitting my crotch with an apple
StrongToedOlaf
And Seoho hyung baked me an apple pie
tallwoong
Nice
It wasn't made from the apple that hit Seoho hyung's crotch, right?
StrongToedOlaf
EW HWANWOONG NO WHAT THE FRICK
That apple died a long time ago
KANGYEOSANG
How
GONEHAK
Seoho hyung squashed it flat amidst his anger
r00dboii
And pain
GONEHAK
And pain
princessmingki
By the way y'all we have already created a plan about how we should apologize to Jongho
mommySHw
We don't care
Just go freaking apologize
mountainSAN
Why is Mommy Seonghwa so salty today
mommySHw
Because of English class
princessmingki
Gimme some tea
What happened in English class
R00DSHORTIE
Did you get a girlfriend?
KANGYEOSANG
FINALLY SEONGHWA HYUNG
TeddyBearYunho
WE'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR YOU TO FINALLY GET A GIRL
UWUyoungS
THE DAY HAS COME FOR SEONGHWA TO FINALLY LEAVE THE DORM AND START A LIFE ON HIS OWN—
mommySHw
The fook no
I don't have a girlfriend what the crap
KANGYEOSANG
TeddyBearYunho
UWUyoungS
KANGYEOSANG
He just squashed our hopes and dreams
TeddyBearYunho
I wanna cry cry cry
UWUyoungS
Can I sob on someone's shoulder
mountainSAN
You can sob on mine
UWUyoungS
Nah you're too far away
Let Yunho sob on yours
I'll sob on Yeosang's
mountainSAN
#rejected
KANGYEOSANG
It's called the five year friendship advantage ;)
mommySHw
Do you all want to listen to my story or not
TeddyBearYunho
Okay continue continue
mommySHw
So
Everyday in English class
We have a Word of the Day
And so today
The word is called 'banal'
Which means
Ordinary, boring, unoriginal
R00DSHORTIE
Oh I know where this is going
mommySHw
Don't tell them yet Hongjoong let me do it
So our teacher did an example sentence
And it was outrageous
mountainSAN
WAIT WAIT DON'T SAY IT YET
Lemme guess
Did it say
"Seonghwa hyung is too banal to get a girlfriend."
R00DSHORTIE
PFFFTTTT I SHOULD'VE DONE THAT FOR MY EXAMPLE SENTENCE
mommySHw
NOOO WHAT THE FOOK
But it's even worse than that
TeddyBearYunho
"Seonghwa hyung is too banal to ever ever get a girlfriend."?
mommySHw
NOOO WHAT THE FOOKING FOOK
Why do you keep assuming that this is related to me having a fooking girlfriend...
princessmingki
Guys PLEASE shut up I really want to know what happens next
UWUyoungS
Stop being mean to the rest of your fellow '99 liners, Mingi
princessmingki
Shut up Wooyoung
UWUyoungS
*feigns gasp*
babyxion
YOU PLAGIARIZED JONGHO'S WAYS
UWUyoungS
MINGI HAS BETRAYED US ALL
princessmingki
Seonghwa hyung ignore them
Please continue
mommySHw
...
Why are you so kind today
princessmingki
Meh
Just continue
mommySHw
Okay
So the English teacher wrote something OUTRAGEOUS on the board
And y'all know what it is?
UWUyoungS
Okay I'm curious WHAT
mommySHw
Wait for it...
My teacher wrote...
.
.
.
.
.
.
"My sister loves listening to BANAL K-POP SONGS"
r00dboii
WHAT THE CRAP
dumbjerk
DID YOUR TEACHER LEGIT WRITE THAT SENTENCE ON THE FOOKING BORED
*BOARD
mommySHw
YES
UWUyoungS
OUTRAGEOUS
OUTRAGEOUS
SO FOOKING OUTRAGEOUS
SOMEONE MURDER THE ENGLISH TEACHER FOR ME
mountainSAN
K-POP IS NOT BORING
KANGYEOSANG
IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT UNORIGINAL
princessmingki
WE WORK SO FOOKING HARD AND THIS IS WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT K-POP—
R00DSHORTIE
And everyone explodes
TeddyBearYunho
BUT WHO WOULDN'T
StrongToedOlaf
YEAH
THIS TEACHER OF SEONGHWA'S IS A BATCHY BATCH
GONEHAK
THE BATCHIEST OF ALL BATCHY BATCHES
tallwoong
THE ABSOLUTE WORST
babyxion
CAN WE LIKE
THROW HER INTO A DITCH
GONEHAK
PLEASE
UWUyoungS
OR CAN WE PLEASE ASK JONGHO TO SPLIT HER HEAD OPEN
WE DON'T NEED A CRUEL TEACHER LIKE HER IN THIS EARTH
TeddyBearYunho
But he won't do it because he's still mad at us
UWUyoungS
Dong it
Okay
Let's go apologize to him right now
mountainSAN
LEZZZZ GOOOO
R00DSHORTIE
Are you guys only apologizing to Jongho simply because you want our English teacher's head to get split open
UWUyoungS
Correct!
Now where's Jongho?
babyxion
He's in the ONEUS dorm
princessmingki
Okay lezz go peopleee
mountainSAN
HEY I said that first, it's my phrase :(
princessmingki
Well it's mine now
mountainSAN
KANGYEOSANG
You idiots can argue about this later
Right now we need to avenge Seonghwa hyung's deranged teacher
TeddyBearYunho
Let's go apologize to Jongho!
TeddyBearYunho has gone offline!
KANGYEOSANG has gone offline!
princessmingki has gone offline!
UWUyoungS has gone offline!
mountainSAN has gone offline!
StrongToedOlaf
Am I the only one worried about this plan?
mommySHw
This is probably not going to end well
R00DSHORTIE
Told you not to tell them that story, Seonghwa
mommySHw
At least I stirred up some drama
It's time to spice things up around here
☺
5.18 p.m.
Messaging: Son Dongju
Choi Jongho
Dongju!
Is everything going according to plan?
Son Dongju
Yup
They're coming
Choi Jongho
FINALLY
I CAN FINALLY AVENGE MY SUPER ANNOYING HYUNGS AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE BEING WITH THEM
Son Dongju
Oh come on
Don't exaggerate too much
The readers might think you're exaggerating and that you're going to kill them
Choi Jongho
What readers
Son Dongju
...
RIP fourth wall
Choi Jongho
🤨
Whatevs
The prank better go as planned
Son Dongju
It will, Jongho. It will
Messaging: Readers
elfinlia1661
Ohohohoho, Jongho has a prank ready XD
BTW the 'banal' thing that happened with Seonghwa? That actually happened to me in real life. 'Banal' was the word of the day, and my teacher's example sentence was "My sister listens to banal k-pop songs".
Me and my friend FREAKED OUT lol
But seriously though
K-POP SONGS ARE NOT FREAKING BORING
OR ORDINARY
OR UNORIGINAL
I MEAN
HAVE YOU LISTENED TO ILLUSION
OR WAVE
OR TWILIGHT
OR VALKYRIE
IT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT GENRE COMPARED TO AMERICAN POP MUSIC
SURE THEY'RE BOTH POP
BUT THEY SOUND SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT
K-POP IS NOT BANAL
REMEMBER THIS [inserts my english teacher's name]
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk
Goodbye, au revoir, adios