Dear Alina,
Yes, I'm back to writing to you again.
I realized something today that I didn't like, but I needed to realize it. I needed to understand.
I was in the living room playing Xbox when April came in expecting to watch whatever version of the Bachelor was on, and instead scoffed seeing my spot planted on the couch.
"Is this all you do? Play fake basketball? Why don't you go play real basketball? Some people would like to actually make good use of their time." She said, falling onto the couch and kicking her feet against my thighs.
"Hey, I enjoy this, and I'm better at it than real basketball." I refuted as I dunked a shot.
"Yeah, because you don't try at real basketball."
"Fuck you, April, I don't have hops."
I was almost positive I heard her mutter pussy under her breath and I paused the game. "What did you just say?"
"Pussy," She responded in a nonchalant tone as she scrolled through her phone. "If something looks too hard, you dip out."
"Excuse you, last I checked I took honors chem this year and it whooped my ass but I didn't give up, I made a move on Rena even though I knew it was going to be a mess, I went to that party even though I really didn't want to be social."
"None of that takes balls, Grant. You almost failed out of chem because you didn't want to put the work in and Alina was the one who pulled you through. You never made a move on Rena, she was the one who had to keep coming after you because you were too scared to try something new. You only went to that party because I had to threaten you to." She scoffed, shaking her head. "You're just like dad, you're a settler."
At this point, I was getting pretty upset. Where was all of this coming from? And why was she being such a bitch? "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"You settle," She said lazily, getting up and making her way over to the TV to turn off the Xbox. "When things get tough you just lay down and take it like it is. You didn't want Rena to move on you, but she did anyway and you just accepted it. You didn't want to go on that vacation, but you didn't want to fight to stay home so you just let them take you there. You didn't want to make things work with Alina, so you just left. Everything you do, you settle for the easiest option and you don't fight for what you want."
"I fight like hell! I avoided Rena for days before she found me, I protested at the table when they told us we went on vacation, and I argued with Alina about everything wrong with us before we broke up!" I wasn't a goddamn pussy!
"You're a whiner, Grant, whining isn't fighting. You need to stop settling and take what you want for once."
I scoffed. "I do what I want, okay? I can't believe you would fucking say that about me."
"Still whining," She sighed. "Stop complaining to me and prove you can get what you want, Grant."
"What if I have everything I want?" I argued.
She laughed. "You and I both know you don't, and the only way you're going to get it is if you fight, and even if that fails, you can know you tried."
Somehow, she knew I was still in love with you. And somehow, she was completely right. I had tried to apologize to you at Chipotle, but pussied out. I sat for days without calling you or trying to get a word in. Then finally, I got you out of that party, but I didn't even try to explain to you what happened. I just left you.
I was just about to text you when my phone buzzed.
Hey Grant, I have your sweatshirt. Can I stop over to return it?
A part of me was kinda upset you were the one to make the first move, but I guess that's what I got for taking my sweet time with this. Nevertheless, I was ready to try with you. I was ready to fight.
I'll come get it tomorrow morning
I'm coming for you though.
I'm done settling.
Love,
Grant