Dear my girl,
I left the house today and it's a damn good thing I did.
After days of moping, April got in my head again and told me that one of her friends was throwing a party tonight and I should go.
"Get out of those fucking sweatpants, let some straight girls grind against your dick, and forget that you turned Alina gay."
"Shut the fuck up," I muttered, rummaging around the fridge for something other than month old pickles and mayonnaise with no luck. "I'll go grocery shopping if you want me to go out so bad. That would be good for the whole family. Like seriously, I get we went away for a few weeks, but we don't even have ramen."
"No," She said, shutting the fridge. "Go shower. I'm leaving in twenty minutes and if you don't come with me I'm going to change the Netflix password and not tell you what it is."
I was going to argue, but I knew it was pointless. She would make me go one way or another.
April had been right before, but I was just really not in the mood to socialize, whether it be with males or females.
Reluctantly, I went.
It was-- dare I say-- pretty tame. Granted, everyone was still hammered and there were definitely some pretty crazy games of beer pong going down, but there wasn't vomit smeared across the walls, or things broken, but I had a feeling it was because of a blunt being passed around, which I saw April take as soon as we got there.
I found a few of my friends hanging out in the kitchen doing vape tricks and acting like the drunk douches they were, a few girls scattered here and there hanging around them.
"Well if it isn't Black out himself," Brandon laughed, blowing smoke through his nostrils before walking over to me and pressing me in a firm hug. "We thought you ditched us for Cali, man. How have you been?"
I shrugged. "I've been, we can just say that." I tried to bring up my attitude for these guys but it just wasn't working for me.
"Been in some Malibu Barbie's mouth?" Ricky snorted, mimicking giving a blowjob which earned a raucous cheer from the other guys.
I laughed with them, my morale rising a little for his terrible humor. "Nope, I'm trying to be just like you Ricky, forever celibate."
Their cheer from that comment was even louder than theirs for Ricky and yanno, nasty guy humor made me feel a little better. I missed the boys. That night, no one brought up Alina or her girlfriend and it was really nice not to be berated about it, but I had a feeling they knew that. For once they wouldn't be douchebags, and it was the one time it really mattered.
I almost completely forgot about her, until I saw her.
We were fucking around when someone dared Brandon to moon the people out on the patio. I went over to the screen door and took a video as he walked out proudly, then turned and let his bare ass hang out, earning shouts of disgust from a lot of the girls and whistles from the guys, but there was one person that didn't react at all, and hers was the one I noticed the most.
Alina was in the back corner partially hidden by a tree talking to her girlfriend in a very serious manner. Their sincere conversation turned into an argument that seemed to continue to escalate, and I couldn't tear my eyes off of them.
I watched as Alina began looking more and more upset, the way she looked when someone talked down to her. The way she looked when I broke up with her. Her girlfriend was getting fired up, throwing her hands in the air and her voice raising to the point where I could hear her upset tone, but Alina's always stayed level. Eventually, she finished with a-- probably very calm and validated-- response and she walked away while her girlfriend stormed by the fire pit where a bunch of kids were passing around a bottle of vodka and took a swig.
Alina headed towards the screen door and I quickly went back to my group of friends as they roared over Brandon's ballsy move.
I watched her come in the door out of the corner of my eye and head to the drink table, filling a solo cup with tequila and throwing a lime in it before going into the living room without seeing me.
I tried to get her off my mind for the rest of the night, but I just couldn't shake that look on her face. I hated seeing her upset, and the fact that this new girl was doing that to her just made me mad. Whatever she was yelling at her about, it was probably completely invalid and exaggerated. Alina never made you that upset over something that was actually her fault, things usually weren't her fault.
After seeing that, I wasn't really in the social mood anymore and decided I should probably get home before my sinking mood set in.
I said goodbye to my friends and started heading to the door through the living room which was most densely populated with drunk teens.
Among the crowd, I spotted Alina stumbling towards the stairs with Julian fucking Rivers. I stopped, watching them as he wound an arm around her waist and half carried her up the stairs as she drunkenly rambled on about something.
I thought about going after her to make sure she was okay, but I knew she wouldn't like that, so I scanned the room for her girlfriend instead. I figured no matter how big the argument was they got into, she would still want to know if her girlfriend was going off with another guy.
She was nowhere to be found, so I ran out to the backyard to look for her, and I found her all right, but she didn't seem in any position to be a caring girlfriend as she was kissing some other girl in the same corner her and Alina had been fighting in. Lips locked, hands on the girl's ass, like really kissing her. One argument and she cheats on Alina. Some girlfriend she was.
I was furious at this, but I didn't have time to express that feeling because I needed to find Alina.
I didn't care at this point if she wanted me checking on her because no one else was going to and if someone didn't, she was going to get hurt. Julian was an asshole and whatever he planned on doing with her was not good.
I forced my way through the crowd and skipped two stairs at a time to get up there.
I opened every bedroom and bathroom door, interrupting an intense makeout session, an argument, and one time even full blown sex, until I came to the last door, and I was nervous to see what was inside.
Alina was sprawled across a double bed right in the middle of the room and I could hear her incohesive mumblings as Julian sat next to her, nodding his head as his hand rested on her arm. I watched them through the crack in the door, waiting to see what would happen so I didn't embarrass myself by assuming anything too early.
"She's just nerv's, I get it," I heard her slur. "But I'm down for her, yanno? I'm down, down down down- ohhhh!" She moaned, her hand flying to her head. "Ow, jeez, my head hurts."
"Just relax," He muttered to her as his hand ran down her arm to her side, then to her waist, then snakes over to the front of her shorts. "She doesn't deserve a sexy girl like you."
I watched as he began to unbutton her shorts, sliding them down her legs.
"What you doing?" She mumbled, looking down at her exposed legs.
"Just getting these tight things off so you can sleep." He said.
"Oh, that's... so... sweet..." She said before her head tipped to the side and she completely passed out.
Alina might've bought his bullshit, but I didn't for one second.
His hands were around the waistband of her underwear when I shoved the door open and barged in the room, making Julian jump and snap his head in my direction.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I asked through clenched teeth, shoving him away from Alina with a force I didn't even know I had.
"Jesus Christ, Grant! Chill! She's totally cool with it." He said, glancing nervously at her motionless body.
I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall, his eyes growing wide. "Cut the bullshit, Rivers," I glanced down at the ground where a single red solo cup lay empty. "What the fuck did you put in there?" I pulled him forward then slammed him against the wall again, making him yelp in pain. "What the fuck did you give her, you son of a bitch?!"
"Liquid E!" He yelled, trying to squirm out of my grasp but I didn't budge. "Give it a break, Grant, you already had your turn with her, let me have a shot."
"The only shot you'll be getting is between your eyes," I spat before releasing his shirt and turning back to her.
"Look, I know she's with a chick now and you're probably mad as hell about it, so I'll make you a deal. Let me have a go at her first, I've got a bet I have to win, then you can have her for the rest of the night-"
I didn't think before whirling around and nailing him straight in the jaw as hard as I could, his body snapping to the ground.
I didn't pay any more attention to him, I figured he would be out cold for the rest of the night, just like he intended for Alina.
I pulled her shorts back onto her legs and fumbled with the button with shaking hands before giving up. The blood from my knuckles started to drip onto her waistband and I quickly wiped it onto my shirt. Did I really hit him that hard?
I took my sweatshirt off and awkwardly pulled it on over her head to cover her up a little because her shirt was pulled down so much her bra was hanging out of it.
"Alina," I said, running my thumb against her cheek like she always used to like me doing. "Wake up." I tried shaking her lightly but she was out and there was no way I was getting her up.
I lifted her from the bed and awkwardly slung her over my shoulder, trying to be careful not to hurt her.
I then made my way down the stairs, the thumping of the bass threatening to send me off my balance. I had picked Alina up before and she was nowhere near this heavy, dead weight is a very real thing and it's very difficult to carry an unconscious person, I can tell you that right now.
I scanned the room one more time for her girlfriend, then remembered that piece of shit cheated on Alina so what was the point of handing her over to someone else who would just disrespect her?
I made it out to my car and carefully placed her in the back seat so she could lay down. A disjointed mutter came from her mouth as her eyes grew to slits. "Wh... whe... gran..." She croaked, lifting a limp arm up to me.
"It's okay, just relax." I whispered to her. "I'm going to take you home, okay?"
I got into the drivers seat and drove slowly down the street to make sure the momentum didn't knock her off the seat, meticulously avoiding all potholes and abrupt stops.
Luckily, there weren't many people out on the main roads so I could go as slow as I wanted without anyone honking at me and scaring Alina.
"I'm... I don't... I... oh god... don't feel good." I heard her mumble from the back. "Stop... stop the car."
I quickly pulled into a Burger King and swerved into a parking spot as Alina moaned in the back seat.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
She shook her head slowly like it weighed a hundred pounds. "I'm... be... sick." She managed to say before spewing vomit all over the car.
After that, she passed out again, her face resting on the hood of the sweatshirt, saved from the pool of vomit.
I locked the door before running into Burger King and grabbing as many napkins as I could to try and clean up the mess and also wipe the puke from Alina's face.
"Come on," I grunted as I pulled her out of the car by her shoulders, resting her in the passenger seat away from the mess. The smell started really setting in and I knew it wasn't going to be easy to get out.
"Where am I?" She muttered as her eyes opened slowly. "W-What's that smell?"
"Don't worry about it," I said. "You're with me, Grant, we're at Burger King right now but I'm taking you home."
She curled her nose, swallowing hard. "What's in my mouth?"
"Uh," I looked around for a bottle of water or something to give her, but my car was completely cleaned out for the first time in a long time. "Do you want a milkshake?"
"Chocolate." She nodded slowly.
"Okay, okay good." I said, glad she was responsive again. I pulled around to the drive thru and got a chocolate milkshake, sticking the straw in and handing it to her.
By this time, she could sit up by herself, and was still weak, but could hold her drink and keep her eyes at least half open. "Thank you." She said as she latched her mouth around the straw. "What happened? Where's Sasha?"
"Uh," I couldn't possibly tell her now everything that happened and how she ended up in my car. "Sasha had too much to drink so she asked me to take you home, and uh, you just had a little too much to drink at the party."
"Grant, my head hurts." She said, taking another sip. "Am I already having a hangover?"
If I hadn't killed Julian already I was going to and I was going to burn the rest of whatever drugs he gave her. "No, you're probably just dehydrated, just keep drinking."
She kept drinking her milkshake, then suddenly she stopped and her chest rose shakily. "Wait," She looked over at me, tears in her eyes. "W-What happened? I can't remember, Grant."
"It's okay," I said. "Just relax. You're okay. I'm going to take you home. Drink your shake."
None of that helped as she began crying, one of the most heart wrenching, horrified cries I've ever heard. "W-w-what happened? I-I-I can't remember. I-I-I'm scared." Her chest rose and fell heavily as she could barely take enough air in to accommodate for her sobs.
"It's okay, Alina," I reached across the console and put a hand on her arm to comfort her, but she ignored me and continued to cry.
I quickly got out and walked around to her side of the car, opening the door and turning her head towards me gently.
"Alina, look at me," I said to her as her face shook in my hands, tears dripping between my fingers. "You're okay, you're safe, it's okay."
She shook her head. "No, no I don't feel good, Grant, I feel weird."
I quickly wrapped my arms around her, pulling her trembling body tight to my chest, a feeling I missed so bad.
"It's okay, you're okay, you're safe. I know you don't feel good, but it's only temporary, okay? It'll go away, just calm down."
I felt her wind her arms around my neck and pull me even tighter to her and she cried even harder before she started to calm down.
I started to pull away but she held on tighter and I didn't protest.
"D-don't leave me." She sniffled.
"I won't," I whispered, closing my eyes as I began to stroke her back, nuzzling my face into her hair that I missed feeling so much, even if it did smell like vomit. "I'll never leave you."
"I-I'm scared G-Grant I f-feel weird." She cried into my neck, warm tears dripping down my shirt and over my heart, tearing me to absolute shreds. "Don't leave me please don't leave me, I need you, please I need you."
We sat like that for a few minutes as her sobs died down a bit. I waited until I knew she was asleep again before I set her back down in the seat and carefully shut the door, getting back in the drivers seat and slowly heading towards her house.
My heart pounded in a way that wasn't frantic or scared, but more passionate, and sympathetic, and I knew my heart was beating for her. It was like every time it pounded against my rib cage, it just wanted to bust out and touch hers.
I looked over at her periodically as I drove, observing the soft way her chest rose and fell, admiring the way her eyelashes rested every so lightly on the tops of her cheeks, the way her face looked just so peaceful and unaware, enjoying her dreamless sleep.
With a face like that, I really didn't want to be the one that had to wake her up.
I wish she would just stay asleep so she wouldn't have to remember what just happened to her. I wish I would never see her cry again. I wish that none of that had to happen to her so she could just keep being her happy self.
I pulled into her driveway and didn't see her parents' cars there, so I thought it was safe to assume no one was home.
I went up to the door and checked the see if the spare key which they kept behind one of the shutters was still there, and sure enough it was.
I went back to the car and gently picked Alina up and held her in my arms, her head tipping onto my shoulder so I could feel her soft, vomit smelling breath against my neck and despite how disgusting that sounded, it was one of the best feelings in the world.
I managed to open the door without waking her and carefully made my way upstairs to her room. The house was quiet, except for Lewis yapping at me as I entered her room, making me smile. I hadn't seen the little guy in forever and was worried he was still sick, but it looked like he was back to being the energetic little pup he was.
I laid Alina on the bed and pulled back the sheets before tucking her under them.
Lewis jumped onto the bed and started licking her face like it was a puke flavored popsicle and a disembodied mumble escaped her lips, so I quickly pulled him off of her which ultimately ended up in him just licking me instead, his tail flapping excitedly against my leg. I was glad he still knew who I was and liked me after I seemingly abandoned him.
Eventually, he calmed down and snuggled up next to Alina's leg, falling asleep himself. I looked over at the two of them resting together and I smiled. I considering kissing Alina on the forehead, but I thought that might be overstepping. I didn't want to do anything she wouldn't want me to do right now, especially because enough guys had violated her tonight.
"Goodnight." I whispered to her before quietly shutting the door behind me.
When I turned down the hallway I stopped in my tracks being met with a scared Clarissa in nothing but an oversized t-shirt wielding a baseball bat.
"What the fuck, Grant?!" She exclaimed, making me nervous that she had woken Alina. "What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get in?"
"Relax," I said, putting my hands up in surrender. "Alina had a little too much to drink and I was just bringing her home. She's asleep. I got the spare key from the shutter." I said, handing it over to her.
"You crazy fucking stalker!" She said, raising the bat to strike at me.
I quickly jumped back before she could. "Whoa! Clarissa, calm down! I swear, I'm just bringing her home. She was really wasted and her girlfriend was a bit preoccupied and I didn't want her to get hurt. I promise I didn't do anything to her, ok? I just wanted to make sure she got home safe."
She reluctantly put down the bat. "I hope you're not lying to me, Grant, because I'm serious when I tell you that if you touched her even slightly in the wrong way, I will kill you."
"I don't blame you." I said. "And I know this looks weird especially because Alina wants nothing to do with me, so just don't tell her I was here, okay? She wouldn't like it." I requested.
She nodded. "I understand."
"Thank you," I said. "Keep an eye out for her, please." I said finally before turning to go down the stairs.
"Do you still have feelings for her?" She asked, making me stop dead in my tracks.
"It doesn't matter." I said with a sigh.
"Do you know how upset she was when you broke up with her? Do you know the pain you caused her? You said I was the one who was taking her sunshine? When you left you took the whole goddamn galaxy with you and left her with nothing. Do you know how long it took for her to get that back? Hell, I don't even know if she has it all back."
I turned around, taking the deep breath. "I know, and I regret it every day, believe me. She's happy without me now, so I guess it all worked out."
"Between you and me," She started, taking a step closer. "She's not happy now. I don't trust this Sasha chick and even though you're my ex, I still liked you a lot better with her."
"Clarissa, stop," I said. "First of all, Alina knows what she wants and honestly you're probably just freaked out by the fact that she's dating a girl. Second, don't give me false hope, that's the last thing I need right now. If Alina wants to give me another shot, she will, but that's looking pretty unlikely so just don't." I finished before going downstairs.
I opened the door when I heard her say "Hey, Grant?"
I turned around. "What?"
"Thank you for looking out for her." She said with a smile.
"Of course." I said before smiling back at her then leaving.
I wish I could believe what Clarissa was saying was true. I at least agreed that Sasha wasn't to be trusted, I saw proof of that tonight, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Even if things weren't working with Sasha, it didn't mean that Alina would come running back to me. Especially at a time like this, she needed space and she didn't need me breathing down her neck.
When the time is right, if it ever comes, I would be waiting for her because no matter what, I still love her.
-Grant
*****
This chapter was kind of inspired by Tear In My Heart by Twenty One Pilots if you got the reference at all :)
Ok thanks bye
-RavenclawMaven1198