"Right here?"
"No, slide it over a little bit, closer to the bed but-"
"Erinne, you realize it's going to have to be moved when you're in labor, right? Cold Hammer can't squeeze past this to be next to you if it's in the way."
"Ugh, fine, fine, leave it there. After the baby comes we'll move it closer. I want to be able to reach him easily...and I don't want him that close to the window either. It's too drafty and he'll catch a cold."
Lohke chuckled and finally released his hold on the edge of the cradle Cold Hammer had built. It rocked back and forth gently as he let it go, awaiting the arrival of her child. She stared at it now, uncertainty filling her. What if she lost her son? What if she had no child to lay in the cradle at night, rocking him to sleep?
She shook her head, trying to dislodge those gut wrenching thoughts and focused on what Lohke was saying to her. She understood now why the Ancestors had chosen to tell her this, it was truly the way to torture her, to punish her for brazenly speaking to them. It broke her heart every day.
"Is this my punishment?"
"What?" She hadn't been paying attention to Lohke at all despite her best efforts. Had she accidentally mentioned her punishment out loud?
"To move all your things around? This is how you get back at me for sending Cold Hammer away."
"I can think of several ways to punish you and this is hardly it, Lohke." She was strangely sincere in her answer and he must've heard it in her tone.
"I am sorry, Sheobulf," he began and she threw up a hand to silence him. She understood Cold Hammer had a duty, but she was still angry. Lohke couldn't even understand the full extent of her anger and fears because she didn't dare tell him her prophecy, that one day she would lose her son. She didn't know when or how. Perhaps they meant in the womb, perhaps stillborn, perhaps thirty years from now. How was she to know?
"I want that shelf out." She pointed and when he followed her indication, she quickly wiped at her tears that had sprang up suddenly. She didn't think he saw them.
"It's a perfectly good shelf."
"There were rats all over it when we got here. It's got a hole on the bottom corner." She called as he lifted the old shelf effortlessly and walked out the door. He'd argued with her that the old shelf was perfectly fine, no need to replace it but she'd demanded a new one and, since Cold Hammer was no longer available, he had to do it. He'd grumbled good naturedly and made her a new shelf, but swore he was taking the old one home.
She could see him through the open shutter window as he dropped one and picked up the other and returned. It was so easy moving things with an orc around. Nukbrik used to let her struggle to do everything on her own.
"See? If you hadn't sent my mate away you wouldn't be doing all this work."
He laughed. "I'll never hear the end of that one."
"Til the day you die." She examined the shelf as he set it down. "That looks good. Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me, we are family, this is what we do for each other." He turned to face her. "Especially our expecting mothers. The children they bear are our future."
"Indeed. Perhaps I'll have a dozen more so you can put in more work around here."
"Ha." He wiped his hands off on his pants and moved to the table sitting down. In a way, she was glad he was back from his business at the neighboring clans. It'd taken him a week. She'd spent the time with Kitchka, the twins, and one night Chigun had stayed with her to keep her company. Lohke had made certain they understood she was not to be left alone in case the baby came. Now that he was home, he'd spent the last three days with her. "Do you have everything you need for the baby?"
"I think so. We have clothes, small blankets. Cold Hammer made me a sling so I can carry him on my back."
He nodded, waited a minute and then pulled a sack to him that he'd laid on the table earlier today. She hadn't thought much about it, assuming he had food or something in it, but now, as he reached inside of it, she saw it was not food.
"I am no wood carver, but I thought this would be a nice gift for your family, so I had Beren do it." Lohke handed it over to her. It looked like a wooden plank of some sort, but as she flipped it, she found an intricately carved pattern and, etched deep in the wood, three names: Tekhana, Sheobulf, and Andol. It was carved as a family tree, their names paired with their son below it. She drew her fingers across it, a light scent of cedar and freshly cut wood hanging in the air.
She hadn't told him the name they'd chosen for their son, but Cold Hammer must've because it was plastered below hers and Tekhana. It was no surprise, Lohke probably knew every secret that passed between her and Cold Hammer. "It's beautiful." She beamed at him. If he wanted forgiveness this was a step in the right direction. "What if we have more children?"
Lohke laughed, "We'll add new planks below it."
She chuckled and set it down on the table, running her hands across it. "You used his real name."
"The name he gives to his family and those he trusts. His family should have his real name on their family tree." She smiled and didn't disagree with his words. She glanced towards the wall, her mind already considering where to place the gift on the wall, when Lohke spoke again, "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"I was just curious, when did he tell you his real name?"
That was a curious question indeed. "The first time I told him I loved him." And right before they made love. "Why?"
"I'm just not sure the last time he told someone his name. Of course there are several Killerfrosts that know it, but he won't even let anyone that isn't close to him use anything but Cold Hammer. I was surprised, especially with you being human, even though I could see the way he was around you, the way he was changing, I was still surprised."
"He won't let anyone use the name?"
"By won't I mean I've seen him slam an orc into the dirt by his throat for using it."
"Why?"
"It was the name his parents gave him. He was close to them both. He loved them both. And he had to listen to them scream his name as they died."
"He what?" She had been looking down at the plank but at those words she jerked her head up to look at him.
Lohke looked sympathetic at her reaction. "You should probably talk to him about this, not me."
"Why?"
"Because it's the reason he hates humans."
"I thought..." she paused, "I thought when you were taken as a boy caused his hate."
"That's only one part of it." He said solemnly. Her heart ached in her chest. She'd known for some time now that Cold Hammer's family had been killed by humans, but she'd never asked about it. There'd been a few moments when she'd considered it, but honestly, they had so much grief around them both, she was loathe to bring it up. Bringing up the past, before they'd met, wasn't something either of them did much. There was too much pain there. Her family's death, his wrongdoings...some things were better left unsaid between them.
"Will you tell me what happened to them?" She asked him quietly.
"Sheobulf, this is really something he needs to answer-"
"I already know his family was killed by humans."
He broke off, staring at her. He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked towards the window, uncertain, before he faced her again. "But not how?"
She shook her head, "I don't know how, but I know humans are somehow to blame."
He sighed, "They were murdered, Sheobulf, not just killed. Intentionally." He swallowed, shadows dancing in his eyes and she thought about how much of Cold Hammer's hurts were part of Lohke's as well, how much of her own pain was mirrored by Lohke's. They were a trio of horrors. Their pasts, their nightmares. "I will tell you, but only because you are his mate."
She sat a little straighter, listening. "Okay."
He took a deep breath before he said, "The first war between humans and orcs was long, some grew up and died without ever seeing an end to it. When Cold Hammer and my father came of age, they fought in it. They grew up in a time of war just like us. In that time, he and my father became prominent warriors for their clans. There was a lot of fighting, army against army, battallions marching over each other." She nodded. Cold Hammer and Lohke's father had probably grown up in a time with even more danger than she had, and yet she and Lohke were the ones taken, stolen, abused.
The Battle of Cudedon brought an end to the war that had lasted for generations. Even though there had not been a constant upheaval of fighting in the first war, times when fighting had ceased almost completely, they'd still been mortal enemies, the war had still continued. The Battle of Cudedon brought the first major retreat from any part when the orcs captured the human king and beheaded him on the field with his army unable to stop them, watching.
Upon his death, the humans had thrown white flags at the orcs and retreated deeper into human territory where they'd established the first borders that separated orc and human territory. Their borders were patrolled heavily, their maps began marking it as the edge of the human kingdom, and orcs had taken their victory and retreated, doing the same. Border patrols, and keeping a clear distance from the humans. For the first time in centuries, the fighting stopped and they stayed away from each other, recovering.
For nearly fifty years, there was no fighting, which meant Cold Hammer was a curiously old orc in human years, but she knew and understood their lifespan was much longer than humans. "How long did your father and Cold Hammer fight in the First War?"
"Maybe eight years if my memory serves."
"Eight years and they became renowned warriors?" That spoke volumes to their skill. Lohke gave her a small, short nod to confirm her question.
"The Second War was shorter, it didn't last for centuries. There were two generations of orcs that no longer knew constant fighting amongst the humans, and older generations that, for the first time, knew peace without war. I think that helped end the Second War quicker. People, all people, desire peace, even those who cut their teeth on war."
The Second War had been thirty years, but the battles weren't as big, weren't as bloody. There were far less losses per battle than in the First War. For the first time, humans and orcs attempted to discuss peace, but the language barrier was too hard for enemies to overcome and they retreated, came back to fight, retreated, raided, and retreated again. They struggled to take more land from each other and that was the marker of the Second War. Sometimes the humans gained land, sometimes the orcs did. It wasn't about killing each other, it was about territory, unlike the First War.
And the Third War they'd just ended. Together. With a king and a peace treaty.
Lohke continued, "When the second war started up, Cold Hammer was heavily involved in most of it. He'd already proved himself, he was needed to lead and so he did. There was a point when a human battalion battered the orc forces, pushed back whatever imagined border they'd claimed in those days. They were wreaking havoc, destroying entire villages, so they started evacuating. Some were forced to leave their homes with no notice, saving only their self and the clothes on their backs, groups of orcs running barefoot through rivers with their children on their backs."
"Sounds like a nightmare." She murmured softly, a pang in her heart. She set her hand over her stomach instinctively. She would kill anyone who tried to harm her child, but she couldn't imagine an entire battalion of soldiers gunning for them, on the run as she tried to keep them alive. It must've been terrifying for any parent that had to do so.
"I'm sure it was." He nodded. "Cold Hammer's father had recently been wounded and sent farther into orc territory to recover. His mother was with him. He was healing fine, he was planning to rejoin the fight in the coming months when he was well, but at that time, he could barely stand without aid." Erinne swallowed down anxiety, already imagining the direction this story was going in. Lohke continued, "Cold Hammer was helping refugees escape when he heard that the village his father and mother were in were in the line of attack and he left everyone to go to them. By the time he got there, it was already under attack. He joined the fight to protect the village and give families time to escape, but the humans were overwhelming them. They started barricading families in their own homes and lighting it on fire."
"With everyone still inside? Even the children?"
Lohke nodded, "They burned most of that village to the ground with most of the orcs still trapped in their homes, even the children." He confirmed her question with a solemn expression.
Erinne touched her forearm self consciously, grief pericing her heart, "He has burns on his arms and hands."
Lohke nodded, "He tried to break down the barricades while his parents screamed his name on the other side. He listened to them die and he couldn't stop it." He shook his head and she didn't know what to say so she stayed silent. "We orcs live a long time, but it's never easy to lose your parents, no matter how long they have lived. I wasn't born yet, but I imagine, with his stubborn pride and skills, it was hard for someone considered a hero amongst his people to not be able to save them."
"And he had to witness it." She replied, low in her throat.
"I think that's why he surrendered so easily the day you discovered he killed your family. He went on a war spree when his parents were burned alive, and it earned him the name Cold Hammer, but he never forgot what it felt like to have his parents die like that. When he found out he was the cause of your pain, of you feeling like that...I think it destroyed a part of his soul that day. That was the day I knew how much he loved you, because Cold Hammer would have never surrendered or felt such remorse, but Tekhana could, and Tekhana would have never come back if it wasn't for love, the love he felt and still feels for you."
"That explains so much about him."
"He quit feeling, quit caring. He killed coldly and mercilessly."
"That's why everyone talks about all the war parties he led against the humans. He didn't just do it to find you, did he? He did it before you were even born, he did it after." He'd always been a human killer.
"He led many war parties against the humans, in two wars, before I was even born, but you knew that already, Erinne, you've just never had the gall to ask him about it."
"You're not wrong, Great Chieftain." She sat down in the chair across from him, rubbing her stomach solemnly. "And you are right, losing one's parents is never easy." She could see the agreement in his eyes and asked, "When did you lose your father, Lohke?"
"Human skirmish. Clans tended to take turns patrolling borders and such. Having a successful raid brought greatness to your clan. It was towards the end of the second war." The end of the Second came unceremoniously. No great battle, no great death like a king, just the weariness of battle worn soldiers retreating and patrolling their borders to keep invaders at bay. Slowly over time the fighting stopped except for small skirmishes and raiders on both sides. Lohke took a deep breath before he added, "A human spear injured him, but the infection took his life weeks later. I got to be with him through all of that. I was young, nine summers. Cold Hammer stayed with us through it all."
"What about your mother? I've never heard you mention her."
"Ah, she was spared the misery the war eventually brought to my life. She died bringing me into this world, Sheobulf."
She paused in the middle of rubbing her hand across her belly, her eyes flicking up to his. As if in response, she felt a small kick at her hand and continued rubbing. Childbirth took many lives and she'd be lying if she said hearing that about his mother, so close to her own time of birth, didn't frighten her just a little. "I'm sorry, Lohke."
"She was a great orc. I got to see her when I took the loostqa flower my first time."
"You did?" She felt a smile start at the edge of her lips. She'd learned that an orc's time with the loostqa flower visiting the Ancestors could be an extremely private matter, not all shared what happened there, but she asked, "Will you tell me?"
He laughed lightly, "My mother mostly spent our time telling me how proud she was of the orc I was becoming. She did tell me I had a great destiny ahead of me but never specified. As far as a coming of age ceremony went, it was fairly bleak. She gave me no singular detail of my life, as is usually done, but the other ancestors gave me a glimpse into the future."
"What glimpse?" She wagged her eyebrows but he went quiet and solemn.
"I saw a face."
"A face?"
He dipped his head.
"What face? Whose?"
He smiled slowly, "I unfortunately did not see the face clearly. It wasn't until I was imprisoned by the humans that I dwelled further on it." He told her, "I could not see the face clearly, but it was small and I was breaking a chain. I thought, after my imprisonment, that this meant I would have to free others from my predicament, other children." He shook his head, "But then I met you, and you had a chain on your neck."
Erinne froze at that confession, her eyes going wider and she sat forward, staring at him. "But you didn't break the chain off my neck. Khash did with his magic."
"Visions can be misleading." He leaned forward, just as she'd done, and took one of her hands in his, spreading his palm out across hers and then wrapping his fingers entirely around his wrist before holding her arm upwards. "You're so small compared to us, Sheobulf. I mistook your petite frame for that of a child's in my vision." She felt a chill spreading through her. It was her. Lohke's future was her. "When I watched Khash break your metal collar, I knew then, I felt it in my bones, you were my vision."
She didn't know why that brought tears to her eyes. Somehow, it made her feel like, all those years in captivity, she was less alone because there was someone out there actually coming to rescue her. He'd been looking for her and hadn't even known who she was. "Lohke." That was all she said and he squeezed her hand in his, smiling softly.
"I still didn't know that day that you would be one of the greatest friends I've ever had, the only female I claim as sister, and that you would steal the very heart of my best friend." She smiled back at him as he said that but stayed quiet as he continued, "I had spent so many years expecting to rescue more imprisoned orc children like me, it shaped the way I thought about the world, how I wanted to prevent it, to keep that from happening. The day I met you, I realized I wanted to stop it from happening to anyone. The day your collar came off, I realized fully where my path lied and why I'd been set upon this path."
"All this time, you never told me of your vision."
He gave a slight shrug, "The visions of the ancestors can be a private matter. Besides, that would have terrified you. Before you fell in love with Cold Hammer, when you were still prepared to go be with the humans, you would have been terrified of the notion that you were somehow foreseen in my destiny. You wouldn't have understood the loostqa flower or how the ancestors work."
She hated being told that and knowing it was true. "Much has changed since the day you saved my life."
He shook his head, "I didn't save your life, Sheobulf, I just freed you."
"You did save me. I had nothing before that but fear." She thought back to who she was when he'd rescued her. She'd flinched at the slightest movement from any of them, prepared to fight. She was continuously on edge, ready to be attacked at any moment, defensive to anything spoken to her. If she couldn't fight physically, she was ready to fight verbally.
In the coming months, she'd slowly relaxed and somehow Lohke had steered her into becoming a little less feral. With his and Wren's guidance, she'd found a part of herself she didn't know existed, a place where she lived without fear. She could reason, persuade, and she could love.
"You've given me so much, Lohke, family and love, freedom." She clutched her stomach a little harder as her whole belly tightened and pain gripped her momentarily. You will lose your son... Ancestors, she couldn't lose him. She couldn't lose any of them.
"Sheobulf?" Lohke sensed her shifting mood and leaned forward.
"I would have never had these things without you."
"Does this upset you?" He asked, concern brimming in his eyes.
She shook her head, "Not what you have said, but what it means." He gave her a confused look, one eyebrow raised, so she elaborated, "Once I had only fear, but now I have so much to lose. Family, love, and freedom." She would kill to keep it all safe, but she didn't know if she'd be able to save her son, not with the ancestor's ominous warning plaguing her.
"The war is over, Sheobulf, these fears are in the past now."
"War will come again. They told us."
"So they did, but you know the ancestors sometimes work in mysterious ways. It could be decades, it could be the end of your lifespan. You yourself have said this."
She nodded and sighed and held her breath as another wave of tightening muscles and pain pulled through her. "You are right." She agreed softly. "So many of us have put aside our differences, even Cold Hammer. Maybe the peace will last for many years to come. The ancestors didn't say life wouldn't be worth it or that the peace wouldn't be worth it. I distinctly remember them saying that, even though the peace will end, it will come again."
He dipped his head, "We have much to look forward to."
She smiled but winced at another sharp pain in her belly and he finally caught on, narrowing his eyes on her so she said wryly, "Yes, much to look forward to, like me maiming you."
"What?"
"If this baby comes and Cold Hammer isn't here because you sent him away, I'm maiming you, Lohke."
He swallowed, a somewhat nervous glint in his eyes. "Are you having contractions, Sheobulf?" She snorted and didn't answer so he said, "Cross your legs and tell that little brute to stay put, I don't need to lose any limbs. Cold Hammer should be home any day now, it's been three weeks."
"And every day your luck gets closer to running out." She winced again as another contraction rippled through her. She worried his time had officially run out.