★ And I don't know about tomorrow
Right now the whole world feels right
And the memory of a day like today
Can get you through the rest of your life
I know it won't always be like this
Life can change as quick as a kiss
It's not over yet and I already miss
Today ★.
.Today. Brad Paisley.
★★★
Love gasped, covering his mouth with his palm. "P'Tangmo!".
P'Tangmo snorted, his cheeks coloring as he turned his head slightly to the right. He brushed the back of his head, embarrassed. Love was not sure what he was embarrassed about, though.
"Sorry" he chuckled, and then used both hands to rub his eyes forcefully, as if the motion would help remove the shyness he was feeling. He groaned, and slowly moved his hands away. Blinking, he stared at Love's wide eyes. "It's the truth, though. You can't even imagine just how jealous I have been".
Love's unsteady heart skipped another beat, and Love became afraid of it not being strong enough to handle all of this intensity. The emotions were too many, and they were juggling Love's heart in between their clutches, with ups and downs and turns and twists; and everytime the emotions went down, Love could feel it coming up to his mouth, as if it wanted to come out; and everytime they went up, the heart steadied itself back in its place.
From the moment he had met P'Tangmo, however, his heart had not been held by anything, it had just been free inside his chest, letting his P' move it around with just a smile.
He felt his own cheeks reddening as he stared back, his eyes wide and innocent.
"J- yo-" Love stuttered, not believing what he was hearing. P'Tangmo had to be playing a joke on him, this just couldn't be right. "Are you saying... you were jealous of P'Vier?".
P's hands came to grab Love's over his lap, and squeezed them, the warmth returning to the younger boy.
And still, everything was perfect; with the darkness, and the stars, and the quiet, and the warmth, and the fruity smell that tingled the air. And Love was starting to feel a bit dizzy, a bit out of it, really. Was P'Tangmo telling the truth?
P' gulped, the nervousness still flickering behind his eyes. However, on the contrary of what Love had been thinking, it wasn't because he couldn't trust him, but because Love was what he had to open up about.
His blond brows furrowed, and his lips quivered. P'Tangmo was trying to seem certain, to seem confident in what he was going to say, but Love knew him like the back of his hand, and he could tell just how scared he actually was.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I know this is... I know I am just dumping this onto you all of a sudden" he chose to say, and Love made sure to listen through the thick fog that was starting to cloud his brain. His heart was beating impossibly faster, faster than it had ever beat before. And P's previous words kept bouncing around his skull, and all he could hear was the word 'jealous' being screamed inside of his head, as if trying to wake him up. As if trying to tell him that he had, indeed, hear his P' say that. "I- uh, fuck... I never thought it would be so difficult to say what's on my mind. That's never been a problem for me before. Not until you came along".
Love blinked, and his lips parted, unsure of what was going on.
He was both confused, and scared; confused because P'Tangmo was saying too many things at once, and none of it was making any sense to Love; and scared because his P' was right there, trying to tell him something important, and all that Love was doing was staring dumbly back, blinking, and he didn't want for P' to think that he didn't want to listen, because he did. He wanted to listen to it so badly.
Unlike P', Love was never good at saying what was on his mind, and on the rush to say something just to make P' think that he was listening, he blurted out the first thing that crossed his head.
"Is that a... bad thing?".
P's eyes widened comically.
"What? No! Of course not!".
"Oh... okay" Love replied, stupidly, still blinking.
And now P' seemed nervous, but he also seemed scared, and frustrated, and Love wondered how he managed to fuck things up so easily.
It must be some kind of gift... the fuck-up master.
He decided to keep quiet.
P' sighed, using a hand to rub his eyes again, and pulling it back onto Love's.
"I'm sorry, I'm not making any sense. I just- I wasn't planning on telling you, but I thought it was time for you to know. I didn't want you to think I didn't care about you, or that i just randomly get mad at people; I don't" P' explained, gazing back at Love. Love nodded, but didn't answer. "I just... I've liked for for a long time now, so... I just thought I should tell you. I was jealous of Vier because you have liked him already, and I thought you were starting to like him again".
"I don't" Love blurted out without his body's consent.
P' gulped, and, slowly, a small smile painted his lips.
"Okay" he whispered, and Love could watch how a rosy colour creeped onto his cheeks once again, just like it had been doing ever since they had started talking. Love figured his own face looked exactly the same, if not worse. P' took another moment to gather his thoughts, and Love waited, feeling how his chest was starting to feel just as warm as his hands, and how, as P' kept smiling, the warmth burned harder. "Still... I know it's a long shot... and I know I- I know I just dumped this onto you. But- but I just needed to say it. I don't want us to be weird because of this, though. I- please, if you- if you don't like me, you can just tell me and we can talk it out, but please don't start ignoring me now because I don't think I could handle it and I wouldn't know wh-".
"P'" Love interrupted him, not liking how his P' seemed to be crumbling after every word, not liking how his P' was letting himself go in front of him, and Love was not doing anything about it.
Love squeezed his hand, and P's frantic stare stopped, closing his eyes suddenly, and Love's heart skipped once more.
He waited for him, just like P' had always waited for Love too. And he waited until P'Tangmo had caught his breath, and had opened his eyes again.
And now the stare was back, under the stars, and mixed into the darkness. And tha silence was swimming in between them, only being broken by their breaths. And Love felt the warmth again.
The warmth inside his chest.
And he felt it float around his heart, hugging it, and squeezing. And it was squeezing it too tightly, and too firmly, until he couldn't breathe.
And, after a few seconds, Love realized what the warmth was.
It had always been cristal clear, and yet he had been nothing but confused.
Because, as easy as it seemed, the warmth was love.
Love was in love.
"I love you" P'Tangmo said, just as the thought had crawled into his brain.
And everything stopped.
A brief wonder of doubt approached him, disbelieving that fate could truly do things like this one; he wondered if the Universe was laughing at him, if he was taunting him.
Here you have, everything you have ever wanted served in a silver platter. Take it.
Take it.
Take it.
Was it real?
Could he trust it?
And then P'Tangmo let out a soft breath, mixing a sweet, melodic laugh among the air. And Love saw it. His eyes, kind and pure and open. And Love was sure he had seen this look in his eyes before, and that something like this could not have been faked.
And that P'Tangmo was good, he was the nicest soul he had ever come across in his life, and he had somehow managed to befriend him. And he had somehow managed to love him deeply.
And he had somehow managed to be loved by him as well.
And, dear god, was life always such a good thing?
"I love you too, P'Tangmo" Love surprised himself replying with the steadiest voice he had ever had. And a tear escaped his eye without his consent. "I love you so much".
And P's eyes were widening further, and his face coming closer with the seconds. And his hands were moving upwards, from Love's waist to the side of his chest, to his shoulders and neck, and all the way up to his cheeks. And his long fingers stayed there, holding his face with care, as if Love was a precious thing, a valuable thing.
Love would come to realize that, for P'Tangmo, he was a valuable thing.
He was the most valuable thing of all.
Love placed his own hands above P's, caressing the skin. And the warmth was not only in his hands and chest now, it was everywhere. It was surrounding them, and spreading further away.
Because the love he was feeling had, indeed, been too much to be caged up, and had managed to flee, now being open to the world to see.
His love was meeting the Earth for the first time since it had been borned, already grown up, but still growing.
P' let out a whine, as if he had too many things to say, and too little time, and as if he wanted to say it all together even though he knew he couldn't.
"You love me like... you want to kiss me everyday?" P' finally whispered, uncertainty lacing his tone. "You love me like I can kiss you without being scared of you rejecting me? Like I know for sure that you want to kiss me just as much as I want to kiss you?".
Love frowned. "How else could I love you?".
"Like you have been loving me so far. Like my best friend" P'Tangmo replied without hesitating, as if he had had this answer stuck in his head for a while, always ready to leave his lips if only the question had been asked. "Like I have to keep thinking: 'okay, so today I can hold him, and today I can hug him, and today I can kiss him, and today I can pretend that he is mine'" he continued, his voice becoming stronger as he spoke. "'today I can pretend that he loves me like I love him'... but never knowing what was going to happen tomorrow".
And Love couldn't help but wonder if the Universe was truly taking the piss this time, because...
"Would you believe if if I told you I've been thinking the exact same way this whole time, P'Tangmo?" Love asked, holding the hands on his cheeks with more certainty. "Would you believe me if I told you you are still my best friend even if I love you like you love me too?".
P'Tangmo shuddered.
"I will believe everything you tell me from now on".
And Love giggled, feeling too much, and not being able to hold it in anymore.
He needed to let it all out.
"Then..." He ventured, brave for the first time in his life. "Then would you believe me if I told you just how badly I want to kiss you right now?".
And P' could only blink as the colour filled up his cheeks.
And Love waited.
And saw him gulp, and stare.
"I love you so fucking much". P' said, and trapped Love's lips with his own.
With a muffled voice, and a warm chest, and a dizzy mind, Love was feeling like the luckiest person in the world.
"P'Tangmo!".
★★★
So... Am I happy with this ending? Kind of, but I think it works.
Again, thank you all for being here until the end! I hope this reaches your expectations. If not... I'm sorry :( I tried my best.
If I am up for it, maybe someday I will make an epilogue, but I make no promises.