It was generally agreed that humans had a vulgar and artless name for the ancient institution, a name which had a more appropriate level of poetry to it in nearly every other language known to the milky way, spoken or otherwise. Humans called it the "Parliament of Stars".
The Parliament of Stars, by any name, was a loose assembly of the various hyperspace capable species, the so-called FTL Players. The Parliament was the only means by which the group could police itself. It was kept relevant only by the support of the three great galactic powers: the Successors of Inxon, the Erkglurk and the Aggregate of Societies. By the weight of their might was the Parliaments laws enforced.
The vast bureaucracy of the Parliament was housed in a grand cathedral of a space station known to the limp-tongued humans as Concordance Orbital. The enclosed cylindrical station was a work of alien beauty that could not be comprehended by humanity any more than its name could be translated.
Concordance Orbital was older than the first appearance of life on Earth. The star around which it orbited had long ago cooled to a brown dwarf.
Here two FTL Players, the Chuusqod Salient Authority and the Zo Cluster, were sponsoring a petition by the Gug-Gug-Gugs to have the Human Cooperative's war against them declared illegal on basis of technological asymmetry. The Chuusqods of course being long standing allies and former clients of the Old Ones, and the Zo Cluster being territorial rivals of the Cooperative. Biased or not the petition was properly made and it was to be heard before the Tribunal of Peerage.
The most insulting part of the whole affair was the fact that the Cooperative had nothing to do with the war. The Cooperative scrupulously kept its nose out of other people's business to a level that some found downright pathological. These attacks were all A.R.C.'s doing.
The Shalkernon-Rezabeik Gestalt was sympathetic to the goals of A.R.C. He even tried to help them when he could do so without being seen to be helping them. Be he resented how difficult they made his job.
"The fact of the matter is the war isn't illegal because we're not fighting the Gug-gug-gugs," said Elaine Quartermass, Lodge Mistress of the Neutronium Dragons, "they're just proxies for the Old Ones. We've known the plan for over a year now: the Old Ones provide weapons technology to the Gug-gug-gugs and support their annexation of Xalax, Home/Click-*-Click-*-Click-Click and now Eccustea, right under your noses inside your sphere of influence by the way, and then once their claim is legitimized the Gug-gug-gugs apply to the Old Ones as a client species."
"And the Old Ones steal a decent chunk of human space without ever having to actually risk war with the Cooperative," added Oona Grimaldi, Lodge Mistress of the Violet Motley.
"I'm not going to make that argument," said Rezabeik, the half of the Shalkernon-Rezabeik Gestalt currently meeting with the two A.R.C. leaders in a small office inside his personal starship.
"That's not a problem," said Quartermass, "let me do it."
"That's out of the question," said Rezabeik.
"This is outrageous, you're just going to sit back and take this?" asked Grimaldi.
"I'm doing no such thing," said Rezabeik, "I am cleaning up your mess and trying to keep it from blowing back on the rest of humanity. In," he checked his implant, "thirteen minutes and change I have to go before the Tribunal of Peerage and try to argue that A.R.C. is not the military arm of the Three Rings Cooperative and that you're a bunch of out of control rogue actors, which by the way you are. And it's going to be very difficult to make that argument if I'm calling upon you to speak on our behalf."
"Our argument is better," said Grimaldi.
"And you're welcome to make it when you're dragged before the Tribunal of Peerage, after I convince them that the Three Rings Cooperative has nothing to do with any of this. Which is true. You're probably right about the Old Ones but I'm here to represent the Cooperative and that's not our position."
"Your position is to wash your hands and blame us?" asked Quartermass.
"Our hands are clean. You are to blame. This isn't our fight and we're not going to fight it for you. We can't risk humanity's standing in the galactic community every time A.R.C. feels like the rules are too inconvenient. The arms length separation between your organization and the government is very important for exactly this reason."
"This isn't going anywhere," said Quartermass.
"I agree," said Rezabeik, standing. "I have to get to the hearing."
He left for the hearing, leaving the two women standing alone in his office.
* * *
The three permanent members of the Tribunal of Peerage sat on a semicircular dais facing the gallery. Each had a self-adjusting seat suited exactly to their specific physiology. The seats were enclosed in force fields containing the precise atmosphere and pressure conditions of the individual members home worlds. Similar force fields surrounded everyone present in the gallery.
Cluglokag was the representative of the Erkglurk, and the oldest and most respected member of the Tribunal. Her saddle-shaped head sat atop of bulbous and flexible cartilage-like exoskeleton. She was quite elderly even for her long-lived people, well into the female portion of her life cycle. At the end of her term representing her people at the Tribunal she would return to her homeworld and slowly dissolve into tens of thousands of children in the Birthing Ocean. At regular intervals she groomed her eye-stalks using moist pedipalps.
Rhombus-Circle-Dodecahedron, a swarm of tiny almost transparent flecks that swirled and cascaded in complex mathematical patterns, was the representative of the Aggregate of Societies. No member of the Aggregate's species was individually sapient; instead the behavior of an entire colony as a whole added up to a single self-aware consciousness the same way 100 billion neurons added up to a single human mind. Although Aggregate colonies were highly intelligent they had difficulty communicating with individualistic species. To that end the colonies would construct self-aware AIs programmed to make their positions known to the galactic community. Animal-Speaker-7 was once such AI, appointed to represent the Aggregate at the Tribunal. It was the oldest such AI still in operation.
1.618 was the representative of the Successors of Inxon. Its presence in the lower dimensions was a pitch-black prism devoid of all light. Its true physiology spread out into hyperspace like a crystalline fractal. It had all the inert-seeming stoicism typical of its venerable people.
All communication was translated and retranslated along various different means of communication. Humans usually preferred to experience it in the form of a mental representation of spoken language.
<The Tribunal of Peerage will now consider the argumentation of the petitioner,> announced the disembodied AI clerk.
The gug-gug-gug delegation, consisting of a trio of nobles from each of the sexes, noisily approached one of the seven small podiums surrounding the large dais. Just ahead of them floated an angular gunmetal drone. It took position behind the podium as the speaker, with the gug-gug-gugs crowding around behind it casting suspicious looks in all three directions.
<The gug-gug-gugs thank this honorable tribunal for hearing their petition. They have asked that I represent them in this matter today. What the gug-gug-gugs ask is what is right and true, that is for this honorable tribunal to make a formal declaration stating that the Three Rings Cooperative's war against the gug-gug-gugs is illegal for reasons of technological asymmetry, for the ordering of an immediate cessation of hostilities, and for the Three Rings Cooperative to be formally sanctioned for this violation of galactic law.>
The drone continued.
<I believe that greater context on the events leading to the war will help illuminate the nature of humanity's crime. The Gug-gug-gug/Human war concerns the fate of three inhabited worlds: Eccustea, Xalax and Home/Click-*-Click-*-Click-Click. All three are within what is considered to be the sphere of influence of the Three Rings Cooperative, colloquially known as "human space". However, none of three planets was ever given protectorate status by the Three Rings Cooperative, nor were they made clients, nor allies, nor subjects, nor tributaries. Humanity has had centuries to declare their interest in these worlds. Instead it has deliberately chosen to leave them independent. Therefore they have no recognized stake in this conflict that would give them legitimate intervenor status.>
<The gug-gug-gugs have not broken the time barrier and lack even 5th dimensional hyperdrives. Neither have they developed any other similar method of non-hyperspatial relativity-free FTL. The gug-gug-gugs even lack relativistic FTL! They are firmly out-of-play. Furthermore they are within two standard deviations of T from the sapient species on the worlds in question. They are the technological peers of those species.>
<It is true that the gug-gug-gugs do not have what any of us enlightened species would consider legitimate reason for their invasions. The out-of-play species war with one another for the same petty and incomprehensible reasons they always have. It has long been the position of the Parliament of Stars that the FTL Players should not make war with out-of-play species unless their own interests, or the interests of the galaxy at large, are directly involved. Neither is the case here. This is a local war entirely contained within the affected systems.>
<The gug-gug-gugs served articles of war on the worlds in question before attacking. They consulted with several FTL Players on the legality of their invasions before proceeding. Rarely does an out-of-play species conduct themselves so conscientiously. The gug-gug-gugs should be commended, not attacked.>
<The Three Rings Cooperative's war with the gug-gug-gugs is plainly illegal. We petition this honorable Tribunal to take official notice of this and to sanction humanity appropriately as we delineated earlier. The gug-gug-gugs thank you for your valuable time.>
The drone turned around and obviously began exchanging private signals with the gug-gug-gug delegation.
<The Tribunal of Peerage will now consider the argumentation of the respondent,> announced the clerk.
<Thank you,> said Shalkernon Rezabeik. The human Rezabeik had been reunited with the drone Shalkernon and had recombined their minds into the gestalt entity that both now considered their true self. Now they were of one mind and spoke with one voice.
<I would like to thank my learned friend for his succinct summary of events. The Three Rings Cooperative agrees in pith and substance. Our only point of contention is that it was not the Cooperative who attacked the gug-gug-gug expeditions.>
<Elaborate,> demanded Rhombus-Circle-Dodecahedron.
<A.R.C. attacked the gug-gug-gugs. The Three Rings Cooperative does not support or sanction the actions of A.R.C.>
<Humans attacked the gug-gug-gugs,> signaled Cluglokag. <The Three Rings Cooperative speaks for humanity.>
<No one polity speaks for humanity,> signaled Shalkernon Rezabeik. <We speak for ourselves.>
<This is pure obfuscation,> insisted the law drone. <The Three Rings Cooperative seeks to have things both ways. If a rebel army the size of A.R.C. is at large and unchecked in their territory they can hardly be said to hold it. If this is their position then the Parliament must reevaluate humanity's territorial claims.>
Shalkernon Rezabeik looked over at the law drone. Back when it had been just Rezabeik speaking with the rangers in his office he thought the influence of Shalkernon would have been a leveling influence when it came time to actually argue the case. But no part of him was more annoyed than the half that was the drone.
Sprell it.
<The gug-gug-gug delegation should be careful when they speak of obfuscation and territorial claims when they're acting as proxies for the Old Ones,> said Shalkernon Rezabeik.
There was a general commotion in the gallery for a moment, before the diverse assembly of life forms regained their sense of decorum enough to limit themselves to private signals.
<There is no proof of that,> signaled the law drone, flatly.
<Very well, will the gug-gug-gugs then pledge not to apply to be client species of the Old Ones for a century or two after the war ends?> asked Shalkernon Rezabeik.
<The gug-gug-gugs are the victims here, they should not be subjected to sanctions!> signaled the drone.
<I didn't think so,> signaled Shalkernon Rezabeik, looking up at the Tribunal. <I would like to point out to this honorable tribunal that, while the Three Rings Cooperative did not sanction A.R.C.'s attack on the gug-gug-gugs, A.R.C.'s motive for the attack was to prevent the Old Ones from sneakily annexing a portion of human space. The Old Ones are using the gug-gug-gugs as cover to keep from having to fight A.R.C. As soon as the gug-gug-gugs take a few worlds inside human space they're going to apply for client status with the Old Ones. How did anyone here think they were moving their fleets around, considering they lack even relativistic FTL? The Old Ones are FTL-players. Aligning with them makes the gug-gug-gugs fair game. Not that it's any of our concern in the first place.>
<There is absolutely no evidence of this! This is an outrageous accusation!> insisted the law drone.
<The Three Rings Cooperative appears to have a great deal of insight into the motives of an organization it disclaims,> noted Rhomus-Circle-Dodecahedron.
<We merely keep abreast of developments within our own territory. The Old Ones aren't being nearly as subtle as they believe. They have already provided the gug-gug-gugs with equivtech weapons which elevate them above their peers.>
<I must repeat once again that no evidence has been submitted of any of this,> signaled the law drone.
<There are reports that ion weapons have been used in the conflict,> signaled 1.618.
-<The gug-gug-gugs deny this unequivocally,> stated the law drone, <they are using weapons of their own design. However even if this vile slander were true the Old Ones do not manufacture Ion weapons. I believe those are a human innovation, are they not?>
<Where would they get human weapons?> asked Shalkernon Rezabeik.
<Where indeed?> retorted the law drone.
<The representatives will conduct themselves with civility,> signaled Cluglokag.
<I do not need to make these arguments. My government is not involved in this conflict. I only seek to give this honorable tribunal such context as is necessary to render a verdict,> signaled Shalkernon Rezabeik. <I have nothing further.>
<The tribunal will now briefly retire to consider the matter,> announced the clerk.
* * *
<The Tribunal of Peerage hereby issues the entity known as A.R.C. a formal caution with respect to its illegal war against the gug-gug-gugs. This Tribunal accepts that A.R.C. had a good-faith mistaken belief that the gug-gug-gug civilization was acting as proxy for an equivtech entity and therefore their actions lacked criminal intent. Providing that hostilities against the gug-gug-gugs cease immediately it will not be necessary for this Tribunal to take further action. However, now that this war has been adjudicated illegal, further hostilities will be subject to the harshest possible sanction. A.R.C. is now on notice.>
<As for the question of the Three Rings Cooperative's responsibility: because no formal sanctions are being made at this time it will not be necessary for this Tribunal to determine what difference, if any, exists between the entity known as A.R.C. and the polity known as the Three Rings Cooperative. This Tribunal warns the Cooperative that it will need to take more stringent action in the future if it wishes to distance itself from A.R.C. in the eyes of the law.>
The computer stopped reading the Tribunal's order in the two ranger's heads, but the words remained on the screen.
"QX," said Grimaldi, "if the Old Ones want a proxy war, let's give them a proxy war."