He took my shirt off, and started kissing my stomach, and suddenly stopped. He frowned, and looked at me.
-What's that ? he asked pointing a scar I had on the side of my chest.
I didn't want to talk about it.
-That's nothing, go on, I said bitting my lip.
-I wanna know.
-No no, go on.
-Y/N !
-Vinny ! Leave it, that's nothing.
-Tell me ! Even if it's nothing I wanna know !
I sighed.
-I hit the corner of a coffee table when I was four. Is that okay ?
He sat on the bed and stared at my scar. I lied to him. But I didn't want to talk about it. It was old.
-Why are you lying to me..? You don't trust me ?
-Vinny..-
-Tell me the truth, he said in a serious tone.
-I don't really wanna talk about it...
-Come on, please tell me, he said insisting.
I sighed. I knew he wouldn't like the explanation.
-When I was fifteen, my brother was seventeen and already a drug addict. One night he came back home totally wasted, and since I couldn't sleep that night I stayed in the living room until he was coming home. I don't know why, and never did know why, but he was mad, pissed and mean that night... I sighed. He repeatedly hit me for no reason that night. My brother is a whole different person when he is stoned. And he doesn't even know about it. He doesn't remember. My parents don't know about it too. I didn't go to the hospital, even though I think I needed it. The morning after, my brother saw the bruises and asked me about what happened. I just told him I got into a fight at school. He got mad about it and said he'd punch the one who did that, I said sighing and desperately laughing a bit at the same time.
His eyes were still staring at my scar. He looked me into the eyes and frowned.
-Why didn't you tell me ? Why have you been hiding it from me ? he said talking louder at each word.
-Vinny I don't-
-You don't what ? Why didn't you tell me ! That's not fine ! Your brother is just a danger to you and you're still living with that asshole ? You should have told me ! I'm just trying to protect you !
-Vinny calm d-
-Don't even say my name once more, he said getting up. If you can't trust me, he continued shrugging before leaving.
I started crying.
That's not that I couldn't trust him. I trusted him more than anyone else. I just didn't like to talk about it. It was difficult for me to talk about it.
Only Ryan knew about this story. He forced me to talk about it. He just knew I didn't get into a fight at school, since I was 24/7 with him at school.
He never told anyone.
I sighed, still crying, and buried my head into my pillow.
My family was just such a whole mess and, I just didn't feel like it was my family.
My true family was my friends and my boyfriend.
---
I calmed down and decided to text Ryan.
me: vinny learned about the scar
shithead: how?
me: things were heating up.. like we were gonna have sex and he took my shirt off and saw it
shithead: oh ;) so ricky was right lmao
me: ryan please this is not even funny
me: he got super mad about it
me: I don't know if the story itself made him mad but he's mad at the fact that I didn't tell him about it
shithead: and do you think you should have told him ?
me: yes but at the same time you know how difficult it is for me to talk about it
shithead: yeah I see. maybe text him and tell him what you just told me like you should have told him but it's difficult for you to talk about it ?
me: I think I'm gonna do it. thank you ryan
shithead: that's fine
I sighed and when to Vinny's contact.
me: I'm sorry. I should have told you, that's true. It's just really difficult for me to talk about it. and you didn't let me finish. I was gonna tell you I try to avoid my brother when he is stoned. when I know he's coming back at night from a party, I try to sleep at someone else's. when he comes home the day after, everything is fine. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier about my scar. I love you vinny
I sent the message. My heart was beating fast cause I was scared of what he would reply. He could be super mad about it like he could be super fine with it.
vin: that's fine. I'm still a bit mad, but I guess that's okay. you're just never again sleeping at your place when he's stoned. never.
me: vinny I can't sleep at your place everytime he's stoned.. that's just too much
vin: it's for your safety, I don't give a fuck if it's too much or not. and if it's too much, I'll sleep at your place with you. just know that if your brother tries to touch you once more I'll break every single bone of his body.
It made me tear up.
me: vinny.. I love you.. like so much... I really don't deserve you
vin: don't say that
me: please come back to my house
me: I need you
vin: alright don't move I'm coming
---
He came into my bedroom and I ran to him, still crying.
-Why are you crying ?
-Vinny I'm just so fucked up...
-No you're not. Stop saying shit and being rude to yourself, he said stroking my back.
-That's just the truth Vinny. We can't stop fighting and it's always my fault.
-It's not always your fault... That's things that happen in a relationship. And I mean, at least if we fight, our relationship is not getting boring ? Some people say that relationships without fights aren't relationships, he said stroking my hair.
-That's not wrong... But I just feel like you're gonna get tired of me someday. I can't stop crying and ranting, it must be so annoying for you, I said raising my eyebrows.
-I guess I'm used to it, he said sighing before laughing. I'm kidding. You're amazing.
God, I loved this boy so much. I was so lucky to date him.
He was so smart, funny, cute, handsome and good at almost everything. Well no. Not that much. He sucked at cooking but he was really good at drums.
He was so caring. Always here when I was feeling bad. Always here to tell me dumb things in the worst situations just to make me laugh.
I could never thank him enough.