Soft.
Something soft was pressing against her bottom lip.
Was she dreaming? Most probably.
Because the next thing she knew, the feeling suddenly vanished, almost as if the wind blew away the sensation on her lips. Jisoo uttered a deep, discontent moan, groggy from work the night before. Jisoo flailed her arm to the side only to meet with a wall, except it was not firm to the touch. She ran her hand across the surface and felt something round, and heard a giggle.
Her eyelids weighed heavy on her eyes, but she pried them open and saw Jennie sitting beside her on the couch.
And what a sight it was.
Jennie's blonde hair glowed in the heart of the daylight that sneaked in through the window, gold that was cut into shreds. Her dark brown eyes turned up a shade in the light, along with her pale skin. The morning could never look more beautiful on Jennie. Jisoo had seen mountains, sunsets, forests, oceans, but none could be at equal to the image of a woman before her.
"Good morning." She noticed the slight pink hue to Jennie's cheeks, but shrugged it off thinking it was from the sun's heat.
"Good morning." Jisoo replied.
"Ah!" Once Jisoo heard Jennie shriek, she sat up at once next to her, her drowsy aura gone in a millisecond.
"Are you okay?!" She was about to call the hospital when she heard Jennie emit a chuckle. Jisoo quirked her eyebrows in amusement. Jennie pressed to the side of her belly.
"I felt her move."
"The baby moved? I've never felt her move when I talk to her in the--" Jisoo bit her tongue, her daily morning routine was almost unveiled, but thankfully Jennie was too busy with her baby. Jennie takes one of Jisoo's hand and places it on the same area.
"I felt her, Jendeuk."
Jisoo never realized how perfect a small movement was inside of a womb. It was only a kick, but her heart felt warm and her mind felt high. Jisoo snaked her other arm behind Jennie to meet with her belly, grabbing her in a hug from behind. She cuddled the pregnant body against her own, feeling she had embraced the whole world when the only person in her arms was Jennie.
"She is a strong one." Jennie rested her hands above Jisoo's own, interlocking their perfectly fit fingers.
They stayed holding in each other, the feeling of comfort and security coming clean to the bones. Jisoo had never wanted too much of an intimate physical contact, but somehow both her mind and heart were at an agreement that this was honest, this embrace was sincere, there was no deceit nor treachery.
Intimacy came early and easy for the two of them, but they didn't mind, because by such contact they can share their sorrows and happiness.
Jennie looked up and Jisoo realized how close they were. Jisoo became lost in the brown shade of her eyes. Their breaths became one, and Jisoo's heart did a couple of somersaults. The sound of Jennie's breathing blocked out everything. The smell of Jennie's hair tingled the memory of her favorite vanilla, leaving her wanting for more. They was no suite, no buildings, no honks, just them, in sacred silence.
They were close, too close that their lips would consider it a sin if they did not meet.
And when Jennie spoke, Jisoo held her breath. "You have rheum."
Jisoo blinked a couple of times, feeling lightheaded. "What?"
"Eye snot." Jennie took her bottom lip between her teeth to keep herself from laughing.
Jisoo immediately withdrew her hands around Jennie's body and covered her eyes. Talk about embarrassing.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Jisoo tried to dust them off, only to be stopped by Jennie.
"Let me." Jennie cupped her cheeks and drew her thumb to remove Jisoo's morning discharge from her eyes.
"You must have been very tired to sleep on the couch. It's been a while since I've seen you here."
Jisoo cleared her throat. "The office has been quite busy these past few days."
After wiping off the last of the rheum, Jennie kept her hands across Jisoo's cheeks, and it kept Jisoo still again.
"One more thing." Jennie reached over and tamed Jisoo's untidy hair, so that it fell like a stream down her shoulders.
"There, you look beautiful. As you always are." Jennie said it in a tone of sincere tenderness that Jisoo wanted the compliment to only come from her mouth.
"Thank you." Jennie smiled and there it was again that aching tingles inside Jisoo's chest. What weird things they were.
"Do you want me to make breakfast? Omelette?" Jisoo asked, excited after knowing Jennie loved what she had cooked.
Oh God, why must you test me this way? Her omelette is inedible. But as Jennie became a spectator to Jisoo's endeavors in the kitchen, never had she received so much effort and time from anyone, and Jisoo was not even one who knew how to cook. She was touched, deeply touched by everything Jisoo has done for her.
Please grant me the strength not to burn the whole building. Jisoo did not know how to cook, but after making her first omelette, she wanted to be better at cooking for Jennie. She recently started reading cookbooks. But she wondered why she would always seem to make an effort when it comes to her?
"I would love you to."
.
.
Jisoo, Jennie's saving grace.
Jennie, Jisoo's greatest enigma.
***
Prepare the pieces. Okay she got that finished.
Lay the headboard flat on the ground. There, done.
Attach latch brackets onto the inside of the headboard. What in the world is a latch bracket?
It had been an hour and Jisoo had not made any significant progress on the crib she had bought. Thinking she knew everything, she asked the store to deliver it to the suite unassembled. It was Jennie's ninth month, and it was one of her gifts to her, along with the guest room turned baby room she had secretly had prepared.
But still, what do these latch brackets look like?
"Okay, Jisoo, calm down. We can just search google--"
"Jichu? I made carrot cupcakes."
It was Jennie. The crib. Her office, it was a whole mess.
"Wait a minute!!" Jisoo scrambled to gather all the wood pieces in her arms, only to have it crash to the floor with a loud thud, causing curiosity on the other side of the door.
"Are you busy? I could just return later."
Jisoo piled the parts onto the corner of the room and took a blanket from her cabinet, draping it over them, making sure there were no spaces to see the crib. "I'm done! You can come in!"
Jennie's head peeked inside the room. "Hi."
She entered and saw the hidden pile behind Jisoo. "What's that?"
"Office work. Nothing I can't handle." Jisoo blew on her nails, trying to look professional. She smiled and helped Jennie to a seat. "You really didn't have to make me cupcakes. You're a expecting a baby soon! And you're having contractions quite regularly these days. Maybe you should just stay put?"
Jennie giggled and waved her off. "I'm fine, besides I had a reason why I baked the cupcakes."
Jennie placed the tray onto the table and removed its cover, revealing six cupcakes that had distinct orange toppings. Jisoo was about to eat one when she noticed the toppings weren't just random patterns, they were letters.
L A L I S A
She looked at Jennie whose lips were stretched into a wide smile showing her cutest gummy smile. "I've finally decided a name for the baby. And I remembered what you said before, about naming her after Lily? I thought about many names, with varying spellings. Lily, Lilies, Lalice, until I've settled for Lalisa. It means 'Gift of God' in Thai. It's not close to Lily, but I hope it's fine with you."
It made Jisoo's heart wrung from it, but it didn't hurt, it was encouraging and warm, and all things good.
She took hold of Jennie's hands. "The name's perfect. Lalisa. I think I like it very much."
Jisoo caressed Jennie's belly, looking up at her, but she noticed how Jennie's face was contorting into something that denoted discomfort. "Jendeukie?"
Jennie, not wanting to worry Jisoo, stood up from her seat, hoping to distract herself from the pain that started from the back that had now spread to her abdomen. "I'm f-fine!" She tried to sound cheerful, but ended up straining her voice.
Jisoo took hold of her elbows. "Jennie Kim, what--"
"AHHH!!" Thinking it was the same from weeks ago where they both felt the baby move, Jisoo grinned.
"Is Lalisa moving?" She moved her hand around Jennie's belly, feeling for any movement. But Jisoo immediately halted her actions once she felt someting splash near her feet. She looked down and saw clear liquid.
Water.
Water?!
"My water broke!"
"Grace!" Jisoo, not wanting to waste time, carried Jennie outside her office, who was know breathing unevenly.
"Grace call Mark, now! Jennie's going to give birth!"
She looked at Jennie in her arms who had a stiff grip on her shirt. Jisoo carefully ran to the elevator, ignoring the cramps in her arms from supporting Jennie's weight.
"We're going to arrive in the hospital soon. You're going to be okay."
It was her first time seeing Jennie in physical pain, and she wished for it to be the last. If the pain must come upon Jennie, Jisoo wished it to come quickly, only with a promise it will leave her with no scars but the reminder she was going in a labor for her child.
When they arrived inside the limo, Jisoo held Jennie tighter. "If I only could shoulder your pain, I would." Jennie only response was a whine against her chest.
"Please hurry, Mark. Defy traffic laws if you must."
***
"UHHH!! AAAAHHH!!" The nurses placed Jennie on the birthing bed, her medical gown now drenched in sweat.
"Jichu!!!"
Jennie panicked, looking around to search for a familiar face inside the operation room. Jisoo followed not too far behind, placing herself beside the woman. She held Jennie's hand, only to fall into a death grip, but seeing Jennie in that state made her whole body under its own death grip.
"I'm here, Jendeuk, I'm here."
Pain was evident on Jennie's face. She screamed almost every second, hoping to make it in a lesser immensity, but it only heightened, causing her to scream louder, making Jisoo even more apprehensive.
"Ms. Kim, I'm going to need you to push." The doctor positioned herself in between Jennie's spreaded legs.
Jennie nodded weakly and started to push, long and hard. "It hurts!!"
Jisoo rested her forehead on Jennie's temple, hoping to get as close as possible. "I know, Jendeuk. But you have to push. Bring little Lalisa to this world, let's do this together!"
Jennie showed a strong smile to Jisoo and once again struggled to push the baby out of her womb. "Ahhhh!!"
"That's it, Ms. Kim, push!"
The whole room was full of Jennie's screams and pants, she was agonizing to no end, and Jisoo was close to just beg the doctor to lessen any pain possible, but she knew this was the only way for Lisa to be born.
"Lisa, please!!!" Jennie shouted, squeezing Jisoo's hand even more firmly.
Please come out, Lisa. Your mommy is in so much pain. Remember what I told you before? We're going to be your mommy's shield from her pain. So please, baby girl.
They went on like that for a while, Jennie screaming, gasping for air, pushing for her baby to see the world. Jisoo could only watch, and she hated how she could not do anything.
"I see the head! Give me one big push, Ms. Kim!"
It wasn't until the next long push that got half of the baby out, and the rest of the job was left to the doctor as she pulled the rest of the body. And then Jisoo heard the relief from the medical staff, and the cry of none other than Lisa.
"Jennie, she's--" Jisoo saw Lisa's small form being cradled by the nurse and went back to look at Jennie, but her smile instantly disappeared from sight when she saw her unconscious.
"Jendeukie?"
When she received no response, Jisoo grasped Jennie's shoulders firmly and started shaking her vigorously. There was no rising and falling of her chest.
"Doctor! Doctor, she's not breathing! Jennie, wake up!" Jisoo cupped her cheeks and patted it gently, but with urgency.
And without warning, fear crept towards Jisoo, killing her mind, body, and soul, but she was unaccustomed to it. She wasn't used to be coiled into the bondage of the state of being afraid. It suddenly thrusted her serene and calm state in between the overwhelming panic and anxiety.
"Get me the defibrillator!" Another doctor came inside the room, but Jisoo couldn't care less.
"Excuse me Ms. Kim, but you have to step aside."
But Jisoo's ear declined to accept any voice unless it was Jennie's own, and her mind was corrupted with inability as her eyes brought into existence her fear, the tears gathering on her eyes, blurring her vision.
She continued to hold Jennie's face. "Jennie, don't do this to me!"
"Ms. Kim!" The doctor raised his voice as Jennie's situation required immediate action. He motioned the male nurse to come near.
"Get her out."
The nurse gripped Jisoo's arms, and a shove was her response, making him tumble, though his hold remained on Jisoo. Gathering some strength, he started hauling her away. "Please, Ms. Kim."
"JENNIE!"
Jisoo screamed in fright. The veins in her neck started to rise into her skin, making the crooked lines bulge in her neck. At that particular period in time, Jennie was her anchor, Jisoo was binded to her, and simply could not leave. She held on to the metal sides of the birthing bed, making the wheels of the bed screech as it moved along with Jisoo. The nurse forcibly took her at a few feet distance from the bed.
"HEY! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THIS, JENDEUK!!" Jisoo cried, her body at war with the nurse keeping her back.
Fear was the venom carried by the snake that prodded into Jisoo's body. It slithered into a thousand pieces, biting at every inch of her skin. She was poisoned, intoxicated, and the only antidote was Jennie's heartbeat.
Seeing the woman's stubborn nature, the doctor directed the nurse to insert a tube towards the throat for better ventilation. CPR was then initiated to Jennie. With still no cardiorespiratory activity after a couple of seconds, the doctor used the scissors at hand to split Jennie's top in two, exposing her chest.
After following precautionary measures, he attached the pads to Jennie's chest. "Clear!"
Then, a tiny flicker of hope appeared on the monitor. The flat line had a small zigzag in the end. There was a faint heartbeat coming from Jennie. Seeing such response, Jisoo escaped from the restraints of the nurse and ran to her side once again, already sane enough to not interrupt the doctor.
"Jennie, Jennie." Her name became a ritual on her mouth.
Jennie was still unconscious, but Jisoo was put at ease knowing she was alive. Her fear was removed in her system with every outtake of breath, and she couldn't be more pleased after learning she was allowed to be at Jennie's side inside the recovery room, oblivious to the doctor and nurses' worry she might be uncontrollably emotional once more if Jennie was taken out of her reach or sight.
Jennie was immediately transferred from the birthing bed to the stretcher to be taken to the recovery room.
Once inside, Jisoo pulled the curtains around the bed to obstruct any person's view of them. She knew it wasn't allowed, but her usually timid heart morphed into a persistent one, punching at her chest that she could feel it's pounding even without touching it. Jisoo laid down on her side beside Jennie, taking her hand and putting it on her lips, on her heart, pressing a tender kiss.
"I thought you were going to die."
Talking wouldn't change anything, but Jisoo had to do it. She needed to escape the chains of such offensive feelings, so that there was no fear, no more suffocation. The moment she saw Jennie immobile, the world turned black and white, drained of all colors but Jennie.
All her eyes saw was her, all her heart was screaming for was her, all her mind was thinking of was her.
"Don't do that ever again, okay?" Jisoo brought her mouth close to Jennie's ear, whispering her care and fear.
"I know I hated you in the beginning, I know that I treated you like trash, I know you are supposed to mean nothing to me, but I told you, remember? As long as I am alive at every full moon and sunrise, I would be the last person to hurt you."
Jisoo placed her hand over Jennie's chest. What happened not too long ago still inspired fear from within. It was a wrench to her rational thinking when placed in front of an almost dead Jennie. She would not deny, it almost made her hysterical. If she was not blessed with the knowledge of the truth, she would have praised God for taking Jennie's life.
But now, things were taken to a different perspective. Jennie was a fragile one, and she just wanted to protect such a rare flower, the only kind, in the midst of the mad world.
How could she care so much for her? They weren't family, weren't relatives, weren't the closest of friends, but she found herself descending into a profound, fond attachment to the woman. Jennie had been too kind to a monster like her, the rose to her garden of thorns.
Jennie was the pure blood and flesh of a halo. God must have taken one from an angel and put forth Jennie in a glance.
Maybe that's why she felt attached, because Jennie was forgiving, generous and kind, a person she had not encountered after many years of living. Jennie obviously cared for her, and it was only right to return the favor.
Jisoo took into memory the look of Jennie's face, carving every outline with her fingers.
"You are not allowed to leave me, not if I'm the one who tells you to go. Jennie, if you had left me, every night would have no moon, every morning would have no sun."
It felt like the right words to say.
She propped herself onto her elbow and pressed her lips to Jennie's forehead. "Wake up soon, okay? We're seeing your little girl." Jisoo gave Jennie one last kiss on her cheek before leaving the bed, sitting on the chair nearby to watch over her.
Even when Jennie was transferred to the ICU for further observation, Jisoo still wouldn't leave the hospital. She would not step outside until she had stared into her eyes, heard her voice, and touched a little of her skin. She needed to be a witness that Jennie was really alive.
So here she was, sitting outside the room, waiting. It was something she had loathed, but now it was her ticket to Jennie. She had not eaten for many hours, but her slight excitement to seeing her awake wrapped around her hunger and threw it to the open window.
The sound of a door opening brought Jisoo to her feet, looking as hopeful and expectant as ever. And when the nurse smiled, she knew there was good news in store for her.
"She's awake." It was all she needed to hear.
Before Jisoo entered the room, she took the deep breaths she needed, and whispered her heart a loud "Be quiet." Step by step she went inside the room. Seeing the brown hair emerge in her vision, Jisoo skipped some steps to finally see her.
Jennie was free from the tubes attached to her body, and she was talking to a nurse. But it wasn't until Jisoo was a step from her bed that she had noticed Jisoo. Jennie's eyes were droopy, but they were open, and were staring right at her.
She was alive.
"Hi." Was all Jisoo's dumbstruck mind could come up with at the moment.
"Hi yourself. Come, sit." Jennie patted the spot on her bed, and Jisoo just could not refuse an offer of the person she had waited for, for a long, long time.
She placed herself on the area Jennie instructed. "How's Lisa?"
"She's fine, Grace is tending to her at the nursery. Though I haven't seen Lisa clearly, yet. I wanted to see you first, so that we can take a look at her together." Jisoo admitted. She hadn't left Jennie's side.
"Are you good to go?"
Jennie nodded. Jisoo stood up to call for a nurse, indicating she wanted them to be transferred to a private room as soon as possible. A request that was granted earlier than expected.
Once they were given the time alone inside their private sanctuary, Jisoo returned to her spot a while ago.
She took Jennie's hand into her own. "Go back to sleep, Jendeuk. You'll need all the rest you need before we'll see Lisa tomorrow." A weak tug at her hands brought her closer to Jennie, who was still under the influence of medication. Her eyes were starting to close, but it was clear the woman was fighting against her tired state.
"Sleep." Jisoo said again. "I'll just lay on the couch."
"Jichu?"
"Hm?"
"Can you stay with me? No one has ever wanted to stay with me."
Jisoo was not sure if Jennie had meant to say that out of her own sheer will, or if it was the medicine, but the words opened up new wounds inside of Jisoo. A fast stab to her chest.
"Please don't go. No one wants to become the person who stayed for me."
The smallest of words had hurt her as Jennie's pain reached out for her. It dug into her skin, travelling with her veins all the way inside her beating organ.
Jisoo had once again recalled what she had done to Jennie in the past before knowing the truth. All Jennie saw was the ugly side of her, and all she received was the far opposite of what she needed. She had been an increment to her pain, yet Jennie never deserved such. Her mother and her late husband? An angel like her never deserved to live in the dimension of a nightmare.
Jennie had been strong for far too long, and Jisoo vowed to help her friend heal in her most vulnerable position.
It was a promise she intended to keep.
Jennie scooted to the side, and Jisoo took over the space she lent for her. Jisoo held out her arm for Jennie to use as a pillow. She buried her face into Jisoo's neck, her breath hot on her skin, but it provided comfort nonetheless. Jisoo wrapped her arms around Jennie's shoulders, keeping her safe. Once and for all.
"I'll be the one who stays for you."