*ushi no koku - the hour of the ox, between 1 and 3am
It is late when he leads me through the forest. In spite of the heat, I suppress a shiver. It is spooky out here, and too quiet. This is ushi no koku - the hour when the evil spirits who rule the night walk abroad. Isamu is not concerned. He walks tall and confident, and I have to admit, I find his fearlessness comforting. I feel safe with him.
My lips tingle from his kiss. Isamu's touch is like that, lingering far longer than it should. It is like he is burrowing under my skin. I tell myself this is a trick my mind is playing on itself. He proved beyond all doubt tonight that he is decent and kind. I am relieved I can trust him.
Then it hits me. Isamu is courting me. He wants to marry me! My heart races in panic! I don't know which way to go! Is Isamu truly the answer to my dilemma? Do I want him to be?
He could definitely use a wife. His home is empty and lacks warmth. He must be able to provide for himself somehow without coming into contact with anyone. He was the one who said I was the first person he has spoken with in years.
Before I know it, we stop where the trees end. I can see the house, still and dark in the night. It seems to have taken no time at all. I hate going back, but I cannot stay with Isamu yet. I need my things, my clothes at least! What do I tell my brother? He would not approve of Isamu. I can't tell Yoshiro or he will block us! But do I have the strength to simply... run away? With someone I hardly know?
Isamu insinuates himself between me and that wretched home. Now all I can see is him. His presence fills my senses. I smell his woodsy scent and I find myself leaning towards him. I feel delirious, my head swims. It is all so surreal and magical. I can't believe I'm not dreaming.
He touches my cheek, his eyes filled with regret at leaving me. This time when he kisses me, his tongue slips between my lips. I am startled, but I open my mouth to him. It has all the passion I remember from my dreams. I return his ardor. My hands slide into his long hair, and it is like a river of white silk running through my fingers. It is easy to lose myself in the moment... and him.
I am breathless when Isamu pulls away. He smiles at me and I think he has never looked more beautiful. I am excited. Butterflies take flight in my belly when I look into his eyes. He wants me with a man's lust, I see it plainly. It feels both good and terrifying to be desired like this.
"Beautiful," he whispers, tracing my cheek with his fingertips. How can one word hold so much power over me?
I have not lain with a man since my husband, and I am afraid. In spite of that, I want to be with the real Isamu, not the demonic image my dreaming mind torments me with every night. What if days pass before he returns again? My heart breaks at the thought.
"Please don't stay away," I whisper urgently. "Come back to me."
"I am definitely coming back for you, Hotaru-san. I give you my word."
An intense wave of energy washes through my being. My spine shivers. It is as if he just spoke a powerful binding oath to me. I believe him and my fear that I will never see him again vanishes. Yet for some reason I can't understand, a part of me is more frightened than ever.