Chapter 15 — alive boy
Josh decides to visit the bridge that night — it has been a while after all, hasn't it? After that unexpected talk with his father, and his mother intervening and his parents' sudden argument, Josh can really do with an escape. It's just an added bonus that he may get to see the bridge boy as well.
He didn't at all expect to see the bridge boy today. But there he was at his school, unannounced — but, of course, there was no way for him to inform Josh about it with him avoiding going to the bridge the past couple of days and them having not exchanged any other means of communications. Josh still can't decide how he should feel about that, the bridge boy showing up at his school. He knows how he felt: he was shocked at first, unable to believe hie eyes and ears (all his reality, basically), but soon after he felt happy, giddy-ish, and he could feel giggles bubbling up his throat, his cheeks warming up. He was genuinely pleased to see him, but is that how he was supposed to feel, he can't help but wonder.
Josh won't lie; he has been wanting to see the curly-haired boy very much these past few days, but... He just doesn't know he can see him. He likes him, he's begun to realise. And since realising that, his feelings have only started to multiply, and that is without meeting him on a daily basis. Josh dreads to think about how it will be if he does see him every day.
If the bridge boy hadn't shown up at his school his field earlier that day, maybe Josh would have continued to avoid going to that bridge forever. But seeing him today, and realising that not seeing him and talking to him is not magically going to make his feelings for him disappear. Also, it's not fair to the bridge boy, isn't it? To stop talking to him out of the blue without a proper reason.
The blond decides that he will start going back to the bridge once again — he has to remind himself that he has been going to the bridge even before this boy showed up in his life. So, it's not like he is going to the bridge solely for him.
He reaches the bridge earlier than he usually would. No matter how many he tells himself that he's only there for himself, to be away from his parents and his house, his eyes still quickly scan the bridge upon reaching looking for one particular individual, and when he realises his not there, he feels his spirits deflate — a little, but still.
Josh scoffs at himself, feeling absolutely ridiculous, and sits down at the edge of the bridge, his legs dangling down. The bridge boy may or may not show up, and Josh is not going to consider that. He's just going to be at the bridge. And it's still early, maybe he will come by later.
Josh leans forward a little and looks at the rocky river beneath the bridge.
"So, you're still alive, huh?"
The bridge boy's words from earlier that day echoes in his mind and Josh frowns in thought, leaning back. He knows that the bridge boy only meant it as a joke, but surely there has to be some concern behind that statement, right? Josh won't blame him, really, maybe he will have thought of the same thing. He has to appreciate the bridge boy for this — not once before has he outwardly asked him about that little 'incident' on their first meeting.
To be honest, even Josh hasn't thought much about it ever since that day. That was a bold, reckless decision that he made and he cannot figure out how he reached to that point. He knew that he was unhappy, but up until that point he didn't realise how truly unhappy he was. A heavy feeling sets in his chest as he thinks about it once again. It's not like suddenly he's okay with his life now.
If he truly allows himself to consider it, yeah, he's not... okay, he thinks. But who really is; half of the people he knows, especially his classmates, complains about one thing or other and... it's just a part of life. He'll be fine. He knows for certain that he's not going to try that again, so it's all good.
Josh rubs his arms, suddenly feeling a little bit cold, and maybe a little alone too. It must be close to midnight now. If the bridge boy was going to come to the bridge, he should be around there by–
"Hey," a breathless voice greets from behind him right then.
Josh lips curves up and he cranes his neck up, turning around — he doesn't bother to hide his smile, he wants him to know that he is happy seeing him.
"Hey,"
"You're here," he smiles back.
Josh nods, with a little shrug, "Looks like I am. Is it okay?"
He quickly his bops his head up and down, "Yeah, yeah," he reaches up and pulls his hair free from the hair tie, running his hand through a couple of times before crouching down and sitting beside Josh, "What?" he asks, turning to the blond with a little crooked smile.
Only then, Josh realises he has been looking at him all this while; if only he were an anime character, he's sure there would have been twinkling stars coming out of his eyes, but thank god, that doesn't happen in real life. He clears his throat, looking away with a meek, "Nothing,"
Fortunately, the brunet doesn't comment anything to that, and they settle into a silence which allows Josh to regain his composure and not feel too awkward.
And then out of nowhere and Josh isn't entirely sure of his track of thoughts either, he asks, "Can I ask you something?"
Josh isn't the only one surprised at him initiating the conversation. The bridge boy is surprised too but he quickly masks it and replies with a nod.
"I, um...," Josh picks at his fingernails — he knows what he wants to ask but he doesn't know how to go about it.
This is something they should have talked about way, way before but for some reason, they didn't, and although Josh is grateful about that, he knows it's better to just talk about it, instead of putting it off. Also, Josh wants to talk about it, he realises with a start — he thinks it'll be better for him and also both of their budding 'friendship'.
So, he takes a deep breath and tries again, "Remember that night we first met..." Josh sneaks a glance at the boy beside him.
The bridge boy looks puzzled at first, but it only lasts for a couple of seconds and then he is smiling again; that eases a bit of Josh's nerves.
"How can I not?"
"Howcomeyouneveraskedanythingaboutitafter?" he asks in a breath and keeps his gaze down, focused on his lap.
The brunet doesn't answer right away which makes Josh think maybe he hadn't heard him, and he was dreading having to repeat his question when the former takes in a breath as if to say something. Josh braces himself for the absolute worst — it can very well be an elaborate prank, who knows.
"I didn't want you to feel like you owe me an explanation or anything," a small pause, "You don't. And I thought if you wanted to talk about it, you would,"
"Oh," Josh relaxes — that's a definite relief, "Um, thanks,"
"What for?"
"For not–," he waves his hand around awkwardly and then shakes his head quickly. Rubbing the back of his neck, he continues, "I'm not–... I wasn't...," he tries again, "I'm okay now, I think. That day was not a good day for me. I really don't know what I was thinking. I just... I wanted... It's whatever," he inhales deeply, sitting up, "I don't plan on doing that ever again. So, I'm okay," he nods to himself and then grimacing, he turns to the boy beside him.
Josh tries not to be intimidated to find that he's already looking at him and voices out his final thoughts — ones that has been particularly nagging at him since earlier that day.
"You don't have to worry about me now. I'm not gonna–," he does this awkward motion of jumping off the bridge with his hand and stops himself short, realising how ridiculous he must seem. A forced chuckle, "Not saying that you think about or worry about me... Just saying you don't have to. I'm fine. I–," fortunately the other boy cuts him off before he can continue any further and Josh cannot be any more grateful.
He lets out a sigh, and thinks this would be a good time to jump off the bridge but too bad, he just said he won't be doing that anymore.
"Do you really think I'm only here to keep an eye on you so you don't–,"
"That's not–,"
He looks at him with a raised eyebrow and Josh closes his mouth, and admits defeat.
The bridge boy lets out a short laugh, and shakes his head, muttering something unintelligible under his breath. He turns to look at Josh and in the sincerest voice, he says, "I really like hanging out with you, okay, golden boy? That doesn't mean I don't care, I do. But that's not the only reason I'm coming here every night, or why I came to your school field. I... just wanted to see you," his cheeks take on a pinkish shade, but he doesn't look away from the blond and waits until the latter gives him an affirmation of sort, making sure that he takes in his words.
"Okay," Josh pulls at his ear lightly — he wishes he can be as bold as the boy beside him and look at him right in the eyes as he says this next sentence, but he's not. So instead, he looks up at the sky, "I like hanging out with you too,"
"Good to know,"
"What were you doing here that day anyway? How did you even find this place?" Josh continues to ask.
"I followed you," he answers coolly; it takes Josh a moment to figure out if he was joking or not.
"Ha-ha," the blond lets out an awkward chuckle, but the other boy remains completely stoic and he has to ask, "You are kidding, right?"
"No," he deadpans, "I saw you walking in the middle of the night and I decided to follow you because I've got no other better thing to do with my life," he says with a straight face.
Again, Josh can't tell if he's joking or not. He can't be a sociopath, can he — although he did offer to push him off the bridge the night they met. But thankfully the brunet's composure breaks and he starts laughing, stopping Josh before he slips into another one of his ridiculous doubtful theories. He really has to stop assuming that everyone is out to get him.
"You should have seen your face," the bridge boy says through a snort.
"You have a very bizarre sense of humour, you know?"
"I'll take that as a compliment, thanks,"
Josh shakes his head, trying hard not to smile, but fails anyway. He moves to another topic, not wanting to dwell on his gullibility any longer.
"You said you're new to town, right?"
The brunet nods, gradually sobering from his laughter, "Yeah. From Quincy, Illinois,"
"Oh. Why did you move?"
Josh can be wrong, but he sees a flash of something pass across the boy's face — something that looked like it didn't belong on his face. Josh doesn't think he can imagine him as anything other than smiling really. And it looks like he won't be entirely comfortable talking about his move, and so Josh doesn't push for an answer when he only gives him a shrug.
He moves on to another question and the bridge boy visibly relaxes, "So, how you're liking Willowcreeks so far?"
"I've been here before actually. Used to stay with my aunts for during summer holidays; so I'm kinda used to this place. But..." as if something went off in a flick, suddenly he looks so... sad.
Yeah, it's not really not right; him not smiling, Josh thinks to himself and instantly he wants him smiling again.
"It's been a long time since I came here and... a lot of things have changed. It's not the same anymore," he says and although he is right there beside Josh, he still sounds and looks so faraway.
Josh has been living in Willowcreeks all his life and nothing really changes around there, not even the buildings; they only get renovated every year, so he knows he is not talking about Willowcreeks anymore. Josh waits for him to say more, but he doesn't.
Instead, he blinks a couple of times and ta-da he's smiling again, not a trace of sadness from just seconds ago visible. Josh doesn't know if he should be amazed or concerned at that.
He doesn't say anything about it however. The bridge boy didn't ask him anything about 'the bridge incident' and gave him time until he himself was ready to talk about it and Josh thinks it only fair to return the favour.
"You don't like it here, huh?" he asks instead, wanting to keep their conversation light-hearted.
"No, no," he laughs, "At least not anymore," he smiles, looking at Josh, "It's kinda growing on me,"
"Yeah? I'm glad," Josh mirrors his smile.
"Me too,"
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