It was easy to fall into a routine. Jennie was sure of that.
Each and every day, she would do light chores in the morning, read pregnancy books around midday, yoga classes in the afternoon, and Jisoo's "fuck-you-whore-slut-dirty-pussy" drama in the evening when she got home from work.
It was a burden in the beginning. Jisoo had thrown a considerable amount of weight on her shoulders. Emotional baggage, but Jennie thought she knew better. Hate was Jisoo's defense mechanism. A wall that prevents her from falling into the unknown abyss. So Jennie took it all.
She understood Jisoo all too well. Remove the wall of hatred, was a woman questioning the unfair treatment of her husband. Jennie could never return Jisoo's hatred. Hate was all too easy, forgiveness, love, and understanding took courage. She could easily take away the hate from Jisoo by telling it, but she would be forced to deal with the pain. Jennie didn't want that. Her pain was her own, she could never bestow that upon a widowed wife.
"I don't think this fits well. It's loose around this area." Jennie was standing in front of a mirror, holding the dress Joohyun had bought for her. She pointed to her belly, growing for the past five months now.
"It will soon, Nini." Joohyun excitedly said. She and Joohyun definitely found common ground on motherhood and pregnancy matters. Jennie was glad an ounce of her time was allotted for Joohyun. Another thing was the nickname she gave her, 'Nini'. Jennie loved it. 'Jen' had a string of memories in the past that she did not want to ponder on.
Eventually they ended up buying more clothes than the one dress Joohyun promised her. She also bought pillows and mattresses for comfort.
Jennie's heart warmed. Maybe staying with Jisoo in New York wasn't entirely hell, after all.
"When are you going to the doctor to learn of the gender?"
She and Joohyun were grabbing some lunch. Jennie placed some sauce in her salad, eating the stray lettuce on the corner of her plate. "Next week."
Dr. Boruch called Jennie last night and informed her that the gender of the baby is already recognisable at this stage of pregnancy. Both of them immediately scheduled an appointment the week after. Jennie was beyond elated to know the gender.
"I can't wait!" Joohyun clapped her hands. "I cried the moment I learned our baby is a boy." She stroked her belly, eyeing it lovingly.
Jennie laughed. "I can imagine."
Joohyun looked at her watch and her eyes went wide. "Oh! I almost forgot I am supposed to visit my best friend at her office!" She finished her food at once and stood up, taking Jennie with her. "Why don't you come with me? I'll be saddened to leave you alone in your house."
"Are you sure? I don't want to be a nuisance."
"Nonsense! She's the sweetest woman I have ever known!"
"What's her name?" Jennie asked quietly, holding the sling of her bag while walking to the car. Before entering the passenger's seat on the opposite car on side, Joohyun flashed her bright smile.
"Kim Jisoo."
***
Jennie had not known the true definition of uncomfortable until the moment she stepped into Jisoo's office. The taller woman wore her spectacles, her hair tied in a high ponytail, and her business attire all neat and fit on her body. Jennie had never admitted to anyone, but Jisoo looked beautiful.
In that speck of time, Jennie took her time in observing Jisoo. The way she would put her glasses back in their rightful position whenever they would fall down her nose. The way she would tuck the strands of loose hair to the back of her ear. The way her fingers would move across the table after she wrote something. The way her chest would rise and fall after exhaling. In another lifetime, Jennie dreamt she wasn't the mistress, and Jisoo wasn't the wife, what would happen then? If she hadn't hidden the truth from Jisoo, maybe, they could fall in-- no, Jennie shook the thoughts away. Jisoo hated her. That was the right thing.
Jisoo was busy typing something on her desktop when Joohyun ran her way inside, leaving Jennie leaning on the door to her thoughts. "Hey, Jisoo!"
Jisoo looked up. She smiled at her, failing to notice another presence inside the office. It was the first time Jennie saw her genuine smile. Jennie felt her stomach stir at Jisoo's crescent-shaped eyes and heart-shaped lips. It was a total contrast to what she would receive.
"I didn't expect you to come so early."
"Anyway, I'm here now. I bought a new friend with me. Hey, Nini, come over here!"
Once their orbs met halfway, Jisoo almost smashed the keyboard on her table. They were silent, but their eyes were holding the conversation that was inexistent to Joohyun. Jennie saw how fast the glee disappeared from Jisoo's face. It was soon replaced with anger and confusion. But still, her eyes looked dainty.
Upon seeing Jennie unmoving, Joohyun walked to her and took her in front of Jisoo's desk. Jennie stood, not looking at Jisoo.
"Jisoo meet Jennie. Jennie meet Jisoo."
Jennie nodded, trying to hold in her shame and apology. She just really wanted to get out of the room, but Joohyun insisted for her to meet her close friend and one of the most famous socialites.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Jennie." Jisoo extended her hand, showcasing her smile, but Jennie never saw the sparkles in Jisoo's eyes, nor the sincerity in her beam. By the tone of her voice, Jennie knew she would receive another set of knives and spears of words straight to the heart.
Joohyun nudged her. "The pleasure's all mine." And when she felt the warmth of Jisoo's hand, she wanted to feel it again, but Jisoo dug the nail of her thumb onto Jennie's skin, making her flinch at the sudden input of a sting.
"So now that you've both met, I'll just go to the comfort room to release some waste, I won't take long."
The moment Joohyun was out of the office, Jisoo slammed her fists on the table. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? No, wait, don't answer that. How in the fucking hell of this world did you meet Joohyun?"
Jennie walked a few steps back, but still at a close proximity to the table. "I was walking in the park months ago when I bumped into her husband, Taehyung."
"Ughh! Now Tae, too?" Jisoo released her hair from the tie and let it fall on her back and front. "Great, just great." She slumped back onto her chair, running her hand through her hair.
"I didn't mean to upset you. If only I would've known she was a friend of yours I wouldn't--"
"Dont, just don't. You've already done too much damage interfering with my marriage and I don't want you mingling with other aspects of my personal life."
"I'm sor--" Jisoo cut her again.
"Can you please stop with your "I'm sorry" bullcrap? I've heard that for the past months and my ears are gonna fall off my head if I hear one more from you." Jisoo shook her head, still unbelieving that her best friend knew Jennie. "Sit and we'll talk."
Jennie sat on the chair in front of Jisoo's desk and stared at her lap.
"Joohyun and Taehyung do not know about my husband's infidelity. If time comes we are both in their presence, we are fake good friends, understand? You will act accordingly. They cannot know you are carrying his child." Jennie sank into her seat with a sigh.
"I understand."
A few minutes later, Joohyun was back and was inviting to some afternoon snack.
"I'm afraid I'm quite busy, Hyun." Jisoo was back to her computer. Joohyun chuckled and put her bag on the table.
"I knew you would say that, which is why I bought the afternoon snacks to you. Jennie helped me in choosing them. Coincidentally, she chose your favorites, macarons and chicken fingers." Joohyun set up the food on the second table inside the office. Jennie looked away. She always remembered how Jisoo would ask Grace to buy her some snacks. At times, Jisoo would fail in eating a full meal in a day, but never macarons and the chicken fingers.
Jisoo was about to counter with another snide remark when she saw Jennie, who was avoiding any eye contact. She saw how the woman was carrying the weight of her baby inside of her womb. Her hands were unconsciously moving across the bump that had almost tripled in size the last time Jisoo paid attention. "Fine."
And that was all it took for Jisoo to sit across both women, munching on her macaron. It was pistachio. Maybe Jennie did pay attention.
"Nini is five months pregnant. Doesn't she look lovely? Even with all that baby weight."
Jisoo arched her brow. "Nini?"
Joohyun wiped her mouth from any remnants of the biscuit. "Oh, just a nickname I gave her."
"So, Jennie, what do you do for a living?" Jisoo leaned her head on her palm, resting her elbow on her knee. She moved forward, acting like she was curious.
Jennie gulped, but still showed a nervous smile. "I'm a housewife." Jisoo's mouth formed an 'o' and nodded. "So where's your husband?"
"He's... he's uh..." Jennie's hand formed into a fist, forming an answer in her head.
"He's what?" Jisoo pushed.
"He's away."
"Away where?"
Jennie closed her eyes for a moment. Would Jisoo ever spare her a moment away from this unpleasant ache inside her chest? Never.
"Away to work in Los Angeles."
"I see."
The awkward atmosphere did not dissipate from there when Jisoo continued to ask questions about her life. Jisoo's mocking hostility in her voice made her tense and wince. She was the object of Jisoo's own laughter. Jisoo was having fun, knowing Jennie was lying about every little detail about her supposed "life". Jisoo would almost snort and snicker after every answer Jennie would say, but she acted otherwise. Being blind to the internal battle between the two women and seeing nothing but two acquaintances getting to know each other quite well, Joohyun interrupted their conversation.
"Why don't you go with us next week to the doctor?" Jisoo almost choked on her biscuit.
"What?"
"Jennie is learning the gender next week, and I've heard she'll be going alone, so I'll be volunteering the both of us!" Sometimes Jisoo hated her best friend's friendly and outgoing personality. This woman was going to be the cause of her insanity. "Come on, bestie, pretty please?" Oh God, not that face and tone. Joohyun's never going to stop until she comes with them.
"I would love to." Jisoo mumbled.
"Why don't we take a picture?"
What the?! Is her best friend her mother or something? Fuck! What's gotten into this woman! Jisoo shouted more curses inside her head, reminding herself to avoid Joohyun for the next 4 months until Jennie leaves after she gives birth, which was impossible.
Jennie scooted to the side, allowing space for Jisoo to sit on the middle. Joohyun took out her phone and held it in front of them. "Closer, we hardly even fit." Jennie blinked and leaned towards Jisoo's head, but not touching. "We still don't fit. Closer, Nini." Jennie held her position, afraid of what would happen if she did come closer. "Not like that. Like this." Joohyun brought her hand behind their heads and stuck their cheeks together.
Smooth and warm were all the words that filled Jennie's head. As she shifted slightly, Jennie felt Jisoo's cheekbone, just beside her own. Did Jisoo feel her fear and this alien warmth? Probably not. Jennie didn't know why, but her heart was racing. This woman beside her brought every dreadful and hurtful feelings within her, but once Jennie saw through it all, nonnative inner thoughts and feelings started growing inside. It felt new, strange, peculiar, but it wasn't at all painful.
Jisoo would bark at her, would cry a sharp, explosive snap. She was attacked and ridiculed, pilloried. The barks and snaps continued, growing in numbers, but Jennie noticed they were similar, never changing. Jisoo never attacked her physically, only by her words. To keep her away, to keep her fearful. But it was a wrong move for the wife, for Jennie got used to them. Jisoo barked to prevent Jennie from seeing the shattered woman beneath the bitchy image Jisoo had built during her stay.
The pain Jisoo was giving Jennie was not even pain for her anymore.
The barks? The snaps? The insults? They were nothing compared to what Jennie felt when Jisoo carried her out of the hospital. Nothing compared to what she felt when she looked Jisoo from afar, compared to nothing when their cheeks touched. What was this? Why was this even happening?
Jennie could not name such feelings. She didn't know what they were.
Pain. The pain Jisoo opened to her was nothing now.
Because a new pain flowered inside Jennie.
The pain of the possibility of having gentle feelings of care and affection towards Jisoo.