Jennie tossed and turned on her bed as the temperature inside the room got colder. A single ray of sunlight sneaked itself through the curtains inside her bedroom, slashing across her eyes. She turned away from the discomfort of it, and glanced at the bright numbers of the clock. It had been 2 hours since she was discharged from the hospital, yet she could not sleep. The dream, it had been too long since she saw that dream.
Why haunt her now?
A secret she buried into the depths of her past, and surely it was clawing its way back to her present, maybe her future.
No one had to know. No one needed to know. And it wasn't the only one she kept.
With a sigh, she leapt up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom. She turned on the sink, letting the water run down the drain. She took a handful of it in her hands and splashed it across her face, drying it with a towel shortly thereafter. She grabbed the hairbrush within her reach and pulled it through brown locks. Her hair had laid peacefully below her shoulders, and she stared at it through the mirror.
Until a faint knock echoed inside her silent room. She quickly scrambled to the door to see Jisoo carrying a tray with her. Jennie's mind emptied of thoughts as Jisoo took a step in. Jisoo placed the tray on her bed, opening the lid to reveal a meal prepared.
"I asked Grace to cook you a meal, and I thought of bringing them up here to you."
Jennie recoiled back a few steps. It still felt uncomfortable around Jisoo. Both of them could not deny the awkwardness that hung in the air. The encounter in the hospital a few hours ago did nothing in evaporating any unpleasant feelings. It only added more.
"Just so you know, this does not change anything. You're still a whore to me, and I still hate you, got that, slut?"
Though not receiving any verbal confirmation, Jennie's brown eyes told Jisoo she understood.
"Good. How's your head?" Jennie wasn't sure, but the question felt forced and null of any feelings.
"I'm okay. I got a few hours rest."
Jisoo was only half-listening and blew on her nails, examining the new polish she got on them. "M'kay." Then Jisoo left her in the bedroom all by herself.
Grace entered not soon after, placing her palm flat on her forehead, checking for any signs of sickness sweeping over Jennie's body.
"I'm fine, Grace." She said softly.
I have to be.
***
Days after being confined inside the suite by Grace to achieve her much- needed rest, Jennie was walking around the streets of Central Park.
Jennie walked up the arch of the bridge, and down to the garden path. The patches of green on the sidewalk were full of flowers, each blooming in the flight of summer. From where she stood, she could see the reservoir, the water reflecting the light from the sun above.
Suddenly, she felt something warm and wet on her left foot.
Jennie looked down and she saw the little black and tan Pomeranian in the task of licking her foot. She giggled, but found it a challenge to bend down due to her stomach, so she could only stare warmly to the animal.
"Yeontan! There you are!" A thick male voice said near her, snapping her out of her admiration from the dog. She saw a man with a towering height and strong features run towards her. He was wearing a tank top and jogging pants, clearly in the middle of a morning exercise. He petted the dog below before shifting to Jennie. "Forgive him for being such a bother."
Jennie shook her head and waved her hands in the air to prove her point. "Oh no, he was quite the comfort. Gave me the little warmth and smile I hadn't felt in a while." A long, long while.
The man's gaze went to her stomach. The girl in front of him had a slim figure, but her stomach had that distinctive bulge to it. So he assumed. "Oh, you're pregnant just like my wife! How many months are you in?" His voice went up a notch in excitement.
"Two and a half." Jennie looked down, timidly fidgeting her fingers.
"My wife would love to meet you! She always has this fetish of meeting other pregnant women. Do you mind if I call her?" Jennie was in this unknown friendly and generous reception of a stranger, but she meeting new acquaintances could get her mind off Jisoo and all the unpleasantries.
"No, not at all."
Before calling his wife, he said to Jennie, beaming with a smile. "I didn't get your name."
Jennie offered her hand. "I'm Jennie Kim."
"Kim Taehyung."
.
.
.
Hours later she found herself laughing her heart out from a story told by his wife, Joohyun. Taehyung brought her to a restaurant near the park, leaving the two women for their girls' talk.
Jennie wished she met her earlier, maybe Joohyun and Taehyung could be her silent getaway from all the hurdles and storms still brewing in her life.
"He seriously did not do that!" Jennie wiped the tears from her eyes with a tissue.
Joohyun nodded her head, sipping water from the glass she held in her hand. "He did! Crazy isn't he?" Jennie nodded her head, getting a new set of tissues to pat her eyes with.
"So, have you found out the gender of your baby?" Joohyun changed the topic, something she did every now and then, not that Jennie disliked it. She found it very funny and interesting.
"No, in about a month or so."
Joohyun's eyes sparkled, and looked dreamy, reminiscing of a moment from the past. "Oh, Jen, it's a moment that's one for the books. The overwhelming emotions just hits you like a bullet. It's definitely a time you and your husband will cherish forever."
Husband.
Jennie never told Joohyun her baby would never know a father. Would never know what it felt like to have one.
One of the things that kills her everyday is the fact her child will be born with a broken family and a broken mother, but she will try to fix herself for the baby.
"I hope it will." Joohyun didn't get the sadness covering Jennie's features and continued.
"Your husband could also join you in your prenatal classes! It's very intimate for the couple, and very informative, I must say."
But Jennie was alone. She had no one.
"Oh, oh! You could also ask your husband to take pictures of your growing bump! Tae would snap a photo every month and post it on the wall, admiring it almost every day, and I wonder when he'll ever get tired of it!"
But no one else would ever admire her, much less her growing belly.
"Tae also loves resting his head on my stomach, feeling our baby boy move inside me. Every kick the baby makes, he always makes sure to remember how it felt against his skin."
But no one would do that for her baby. It was just the two of them, her and the child. All they had was each other. Joohyun talked and talked, not knowing every word she said was a dagger in Jennie, shoving in her face she would never have a husband, or a partner to go through with her during her pregnancy and what comes after. But she had to endure the pain, until it was time to leave in the afternoon and part ways.
***
Jennie had yearned for peace, for a moment of love and solace, for the chance to finally swim along the ocean of her life she was drowning in. She was afraid, that she has plunged too much into this darkness to see light. She feared another misstep could send her back to the abyss of pain and misery.
So she searched the land of forgiveness. And yet everywhere she would go, she could never find one where Jisoo would accept, would show her mercy. The poison of revenge and hatred swirled in Jisoo's veins, but she could never stop searching.
Jennie was standing in the balcony, admiring the view of Manhattan from above. The sun from her eyes was meeting with the lands of the Earth, sinking itself to give way for the lunar light of the moon. She came from the restaurant with Joohyun and was alone inside, with Grace doing her daily grocery shopping, while Jisoo probably doing work.
But not today.
Jisoo silently made her way inside her suite, body and mind exhausted from a meeting. She saw the living room basked in the light of the sun, almost glowing a shade of gold from it. The doors to the balcony were open, something she and Grace rarely do when they're at home. So when she saw the figure of Jennie outside, she had to clench her fists.
Her gaze did not go beyond the balcony to the horizon, but focused on her. Jennie's hair was tied into a neat bun, with a few strands along her nape. She wore a white dress, loose to her skin but her stomach.
Jennie looked so innocent, so pure. Untainted. Jisoo hated how a woman, a betrayer and a cheater could look like so.
"What are you doing here." Came Jisoo's question, but what she wanted to ask was, What have you done to my life? Why? Jisoo could never let this go, the ache in her whole body and soul.
Jennie jumped in her skin and turned her attention around. Her eyes widened and glanced away. "Watching the sunset. It's beautiful."
The selfish part of Jisoo only wanted Jennie out of her life. She internally screamed at herself seeing the sincerity in Jennie's eyes. She needed to wound her like how she and her husband wounded her. The things she done in the past to Jennie weren't enough. She needed to shower her with more pain. Jennie would leave her house scarred after she gave birth, and nothing would be more triumphant for Jisoo.
Jennie yelped when Jisoo forcefully turned her around, her back to the city.
"Let me teach you a lesson, Jennie." Her name sounded so wrong coming forth from Jisoo's lips. As if she didn't want it to be hers. Jisoo trapped her between the balcony's railings and herself. Jisoo trailed her nose on her neck, exploring Jennie's territory. Jisoo's hand came to caress her thigh, travelling beneath her dress until it rested on her pelvic bone.
"Do you know what a woman should do before she fucks a man?" Jisoo hand now in contact with her belly, softly stroking her baby bump. "Ask me, slut." Jisoo brought her leg forward between Jennie's thighs, lightly touching her center.
"Jisoo, stop!" Jennie harshly whispered with a note of pleading entering her voice, turning her head away, hoping to separate as much of herself from Jisoo.
"Please, Jisoo." Tears sliding from Jennie's lashes fell down her cheeks.
"You really do look beautiful when you're hurt." Jisoo muttered.
She created a defense against Jennie's tears. Everytime she would see her cry, she would always tell herself Jennie was crying because of something else, not her. That Jennie was crying because she was weak, not because Jisoo was tormenting her. But, they were all illusions to protect her selfish desires from her heart that knew what she was doing was wrong.
But didn't Jennie know cheating was wrong? Yet she didn't do anything to prevent the affair from happening. She thought Jennie was worse than her.
Jisoo's hand reached below her breast. "Did he fuck you hard, Jennie?" Jisoo's breath now along the column of her throat. Jennie lost the ability to breathe. "Ask me what a woman should do before fucking a man, slut." Jisoo's fingers dangerously entering under the fabric of her bra. Jennie finally managed to grip Jisoo's shoulders to push her away, but the woman did not move a millimeter.
Jennie wanted to scream.
"I can't..." The weakness in her voice and tears added to Jisoo's smile, but also the heaviness in her heart. It didn't matter. She shouldn't care. She doesn't care.
The all too usual stream of tears now evident on her cheeks. Jennie was crying, not a new scene for Jisoo. Jisoo scoffed, looking at Jennie with lifeless eyes and an empty smile. Jennie needed a way out. This was the only way. "W-what s-s-should a woman d-do?" Jennie shot out the words in between gasps of air. Her voice was shaking from the strangling of her cries.
"Your question is incomplete, slut."
"B-before sh-she f-fucks a man..." Jennie was hurting so much. But she wasn't the only one.
Jisoo sneered in disgust and moved a good foot away from Jennie. The pregnant woman had to hold on to the railings behind her to support the weight of her fragile body. "Before a woman fucks a man,
"She marries him first."