a.n. don't forget to vote and comment
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Harry Styles
Life has been nothing but massive tides lately and I have absolutely no idea how I have managed to stay afloat. I mean, from my business growing to my personal life getting better yet certainly more complicated to where I stood this morning, it was just all so crazy.
This whole Louis case is still on going and no one actually knows when he will be taken care of for everything he has done. Renleigh gave everyone the week off at her headquarters and she completely shut the building for the time being. She clearly needed a reset and I was really glad she decided on this. Although, this didn't mean I saw her much. From what she told me, she was busy with helping her brother catch up with everything he missed from when he kept skipping class and she also have been hanging out with Zayn a lot. I didn't mind that, I was glad she had people other than me to be with yet all along, I just had this feeling in me that she ignored me on purpose.
She was meant to come over today and spend the night so we could go to the airport together in the morning. Our trip to Spain came around much quicker than anticipated and considering everything that happened, it was actually at a great timing.
I left work around an hour ago then sat in traffic for thirty minutes before I managed to get home. I still had things to pack for Spain which I really did not want to do at first. Then, as the time went by and I waited and waited for Renleigh, I put my suitcase together, ready to take in the morning.
Then, just as I began to wonder where the hell my girlfriend was, I heard the bell go off then Dax's paws against the floor as he got there before I did. I opened the door and it revealed Renleigh. She jumped a little when she noticed I stood there and it felt like she was being a bit awkward.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked and chuckled whilst I took a better look at her.
"Yeah, m'fine," she mumbled with a forced smile and pressed a kiss on my cheek. She wheeled her little personalised suitcase in my house like a cabin crew, straight past Dax, absolutely not bothered that the dog was all over her. She then—I'm assuming—got shaken out of her daze because she squatted down and petted my dog.
"Are you sure?" I looked at her weirdly. I noticed she got friendlier and friendlier with Dax each time she visited and I found out she was very good with him when she thought I wasn't present, but I never actually witnessed them being so close from... well, so close. "You are acting strange. Have I done something?"
"No... I mean, I'm good and no, you haven't done anything," she cleared up. I walked closer and she stood back up from Dax, her hands on her waist as she exhaled and her lips blew raspberries. Something bothered her. "There is, however, something I want to talk to you about."
"I'm all ears."
"Right... well, I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell you before we go on holiday."
"It won't let you rest and I can't lie, I am certainly intrigued to find out what you want to talk about. Sounds pretty serious."
"It is..."
"Okay, go on."
"I don't know how to start it or how it would be the most appropriate but basically, I might be moving to New York," she blurted in one go and I let out a breathy 'oh' at the sound of it. That was nothing I expected from her. "Yeah... nothing is set in stone but I think I want to do it."
"Well, this is certainly nothing like what I thought it would be," I chuckled, still sort of shocked. "How come? I mean, is it work or you just want to get away after everything that happened? Is it permanent or like a few month-long thing?"
"It's work and it's more like a couple-of-years-thing," she corrected me. "I have been offered this deal before but I declined because I thought I could find a different way to expand but after so many meetings and phonecalls and emails, I'm not sure there is anything else I can do. New York has always been my first choice and it wouldn't feel right to move the headquarters to anywhere else."
"So, it's permanent, then," I concluded. Renleigh nodded and watched me closely as I walked over to the couch. I felt her eyes on my back, on every move I made before she followed me. "And you really have no other ways of expanding? This is really what you want and think that will benefit your brand?"
"Yes," she replied quietly. "Well, for now, anyway."
"Why do I have a feeling you've already decided and you're just filling me in on this so I know what's going on?"
"Because... that feeling is right and I've already decided and I'm just filling you in on this so you know what's going on," she repeated the words after me and I nodded slowly. It wasn't that I was mad at her or anything, it was just really unexpected and kind of ruined my holiday mode. "I know it might not be something that you expected and it might not fit in your schedule but it fits in mine and it's something I have gotta do for my own head."
"It's not my decision to make, it was yours and I'm glad you made it," I told her to make sure she knew I wasn't angry about it or had anything against it. "I'm just pretty shocked, that's all."
"But you're... you know... supportive and all, right?" she asked me, really unsure of how I saw the situation. I smiled up at her as she still stood by my side and I reached for her hand. Our rings clinked as I pushed my fingers through hers and pulled her closer until she could sit right by my side.
"Renleigh," I sighed as I turned more towards her and made sure she looked in my eyes as I spoke. "I support you through everything you do and plan to do. There is nothing you could tell me that would make me angry, especially when it's something as great as the news you just shared."
"Okay, good because I was kind of shitting this—telling you about it and your reaction... wasn't sure you were on board with it."
"Of course, I am," I smiled gently. "I will obviously miss you terribly for the most part but I don't have a private jet for the sake of it, do I?" I chuckled and she finally gave me a little smile. I leaned closer to her and kissed her temple. "Sometimes I think you think I'm some scary monster who will bite your head off if you say the wrong thing which is honestly hilarious because you are the same person who will send me to hell and back through an argument without a problem."
"Yeah... I don't know why it's like that, honestly," she mumbled. A few moments passed by and she sighed then asked. "Can we drop this topic for now? We're going to Spain soon and all I want to worry about is running out of sun cream."
"Sounds like a plan to me, darling," I grinned and she wrapped her arms around my neck and brought me in a hug.
• • •
It was so fucking cold. My nipples were all out and shit and I couldn't wait to get on the damn plane. Renleigh, of course, made fun of me which was expected. When I mocked her back, she just said I was seeing things, more specifically her piercings.
We both managed to fall asleep on the journey to our destination which was no surprise since we left rather early. I thought that was the best option because that way, we still had time to sleep in Spain and then get on with our day.
"Wait, so, I'm assuming everyone has their own rooms?" she asked as we entered the villa. The whole place was squeaky clean after the cleaning crew had been here, strictly called just before our arrival to ensure everything was spotless. Although I have been talking to Renleigh for a while now, I still wanted to impress her from time to time and showing her somewhere like this for the first time, was important for me to be perfect.
"Yeah," I replied. "Parents in the right wing which is basically a restricted area then the left wing is all ours and the middle house has a few guest bedrooms for when friends come to stay with us and stuff."
"So, it's been built for your family, then," she concluded and I hummed. "That's nice. Is that what made you want to build your own home?"
"I think so, yeah," I nodded. "Plus, I'm very particular with what I like and how I like it. I made a lot of changes to my current place after I moved in because I wasn't that much of a fan."
"Really? What have you changed?" she asked some more questions about my home and I thoroughly enjoyed the topic.
"Completely redid the bathroom, got a whole new pool and made some tweaks to that so it's, you know, warmed and stuff," I explained. "I pretty much demolished that place and then got it furbished for my own liking."
"How long have you been living there?" she chuckled. "That sounds like an awful lot of work and time."
"It was my birthday present from my parents."
"Which birthday?" she squinted her eyes at me when I left out the small little detail.
"Eighteenth."
"Hm."
"Yeah," I said. "Rich parents, right?"
"I wouldn't know," she nudged me, her tone sarcastic and her smirk apparent. "So. What about this pool? Is it heated?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "Can turn it on if you want."
"Maybe later," she sighed. "I, um, want to talk to you... about New York."
"Okay," I placed our suitcases by the walk-in wardrobe in my room. "What is it?"
"Well... I just don't know how you really feel, you know. I know you're supportive of my decision and said you will miss me but I can't help thinking about how you might have... held back on your truthful reaction."
"Yes, well, I didn't lie when I said I will miss you and I would rather you stay in London than move but I don't want that to affect your decision," I admitted. "I really am happy for you and glad that you want to go for an opportunity with so many doors and room for growth because I know that your company is everything you live and work for. It would be wrong of me to want to keep you here—to want to control you. I think we both know you're the one in control of our relationship," I smirked.
"More or less, sure," she chuckled. "In bed, that's my territory. The talking... yeah, that's all you, honey."
"I suppose," I agreed. "But anyways—point is, that this is huge for you and I want to see you do well. I know success makes you happy and I want you to be happy."
"Even if that means I have to move away for an unknown amount of time?"
"Even if that means you have to move away for an unknown amount of time," I said the exact words back to her to ensure she completely understood me. There was really no doubt I had in her, I trusted Renleigh with everything I had and I knew that even if she will be in some other country, we will be fine.
"This feels too good to be true," she mumbled.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because... because, like, aren't you meant to be crying on your knees, begging me to not go anywhere?" she asked with a confused facial expression. "I just... I just feel like you shouldn't be so okay with this. I mean—are you? Like... truly?"
"I'm not sure what kind of fucked up shit goes on in your head or what went through it when you imagined how you would tell me about New York, but that'll never become reality. This is it, yeah?" I reassured her. "Your happiness is one of the most important things to me and if moving is what will make you feel good, then that's what's going to happen. You will move to New York and I will visit you."
"Okay... you will visit. But what if it's like—I don't know, for the first two months or something? First, you'll come out every other week then you'll come out once a month then we'll result to calling then to texting which will then turn into emailing each other until it all stops."
"Renleigh, I'm in love with you. I love you. I'm planning on marrying you sometime in the future—well, that is if you say yes," I chuckled. "I don't want anyone else other than you, do you understand that? There really aren't many words that could describe how I feel about you and so I'm struggling slightly but I promise you that the distance will not be a problem for us."
"I want to believe you so badly but when I think of distance, I think of me completely losing touch with you. I know myself and I know I will be neck deep in work and initiating contact will be the last thing on my mind. That makes me feel horrible beca-,"
"Stop," I interrupted her. "Don't. You are rambling which means you are overthinking this more than it needs to be. We really won't know what's going to happen until you are there and I'm in London."
"True," she said quietly. She was a mess. The unknown killed her and her feeling unsure and scared killed me. This was a lot on her and I understood that. This was going to be the longest and farthest we'll be away from each other if she really goes for this opportunity. "I'm sorry if I'm being annoying about this... I just... m'just scared, I guess."
"I understand," I told her gently. I was scared, too. Not because I didn't think we'd be able to last but because I had no idea what the distance would do to us as individuals. After spending so much time together and the other being around constantly, it was going to be so much different.
"Yeah... I know. I love that about you. You always understand me and see things from my side, sometimes even before I say anything. I often think I take you for granted and that I don't deserve you but then I get this selfish feeling... something in me gets so possessive and offended when I think of you being with someone else," she scoffed and kept her focus on her hands. "It scares me how much I want you and how much I want you all to myself—and not just sexually but like in general. It's so fucking scary. I-damn. I'm oversharing, aren't I?"
Eventually, her hazel eyes looked right into my green ones and still, all I could do was smile. Throughout her whole rant, I just smiled. I was so proud of her for telling me how she felt.
But she also told me something she loved about me.
"Why are you grinning at me like that?" she questioned curiously, mostly confused and I understood why it was slightly weird.
"You don't even realise what you said, huh?"
"I-,"
"I'm sorry I don't want to put you on the spot but it's just so strange yet so nice to hear you say that word without any negative feelings backing it," I said, a bit flustered as I even had it in me to admit.
"What did I sa-oh," she realised almost instantly and I nodded, a small chuckle through my lips at the same time. "Yeah... um. I don't know—I mean, I'm not sure if I... you know what? What if we go into town, grab something to eat? Yeah, that sounds good, don't you think?"
"Ren," I grabbed her hands when she tried to walk past me and I pulled her into my lap. She tried to get free which resulted in us falling over and landing on the mattress, my right arm under her body and the other one over her. "Stop being so awkward with me."
"I'm not," she mumbled. I looked at her with a knowing expression and she pushed me away a little. "I'm not! I'm naked in front of you all the time and say stupid shit that makes me look dumb as fuck."
"Okay, yeah," I agreed. "But, I do love seeing you naked—I mean, a body like yours should be admired every day and I'll be sure to book an appointment for a full body moulding so it can be placed in a museum. Then, when you say dumb shit, it's funny and you're kind of adorable."
"Why do you say stuff like that to me constantly?"
"Should I not?"
"I don't know."
"Well, do you like it?"
"It makes me feel so embarrassed," she admitted. "But like in a caring way, you know..."
I hummed as I pushed her hair away so I could see her pretty face. I tucked a few strands behind her ear and ran my fingers down the side of her cheek. Swear there was no one like her in the world.
"You know what I've figured out?"
"That I want to have sex with you?" she questioned with a sly smirk on her lips. I rolled my eyes at her comment and she laughed at my fed-up expression.
"No. But we can later," I gave in to which she whisper-yelled a victory 'yes!' with her hand fisted. "So, I think because you don't know how to deal with a certain word, seeing as it overwhelms you like nothing I have ever known, you turn to other words in order to describe what you feel. Or what you think you feel because I'm a firm believer that you, yourself, don't believe that the word you are using is enough to describe the feeling you are trying to describe."
"I thought I was supposed to be the rambler in this relationship?" she glanced at me with a confused facial expression.
"Not the point, Kensington."
"Okay so get to it, Styles."
"You'll go all shy on me and say some random shit," I sighed.
"What if I promise I won't?" she asked me with a look in her eyes that was able to get me to do anything for her.
"I think you use the word 'caring' because you are too scared of using 'love'. Please don't hurt me," I screwed my eyes shut as I said the last four words hurriedly and curled into a ball as I prepared for the punch.
The punch that never came.
I peeked at her, only opened one eye, and all I saw, was Renleigh looking at me with her eyebrows raised.
"You're right," she told me. Oh. "You're right, I do use that word more than anything else and it's because the other one overwhelms me."
"You said it just before..."
"I must have not thought about it too much. It's weird, really. Sometimes it's all I want to say but then other times, I just want to erase it from existence. I just don't think I know what it really means because I've heard it thrown around so much and whenever I thought I did feel that way about someone, it wasn't real. I don't know."
"It's okay. You will get there," I smiled. "I don't want you to say it just to make me happy, anyway. I want you to say it when you're sure about it otherwise it's not real, you know?"
"Thank you," she breathed. "You really are so understanding and I'm so glad I met you."
"I'm so glad I met you, also," I kissed her forehead after I let her know. "Now about that idea you had before—we should definitely go and find something to eat."
• • •
a.n.
i waited so long for them to go on holiday so i could use that damn villa 😔✋🏼 i'm proper chuffed i finally wrote it hehe
o i have a question. is there anything you want to see happen in the near future? like other than smut and them potentially getting engaged/married/pregnant. stuff i could write about that you would enjoy? there are only a handful of chapters left for me to write until this story is done and i want to make sure it's something you guys would enjoy reading but also something that i'd enjoy writing
before i get any questions about a sequel—i thought about it but i really want to get into boxer harry and writing two stories at the same time would be abit annoying and also time consuming and stressful with having to manage two storylines on top of university. so unless i ever really get the motivation, i don't think there will be a sequel to ffc 😔✋🏼
but yeah. there's a lot to go down that you guys have no idea about and i'm really pumped to publish those chapters hehe
xoxo