Lauren
"I still think you should tell her."
"I know you do, but I'm not going to," Lauren shakes her head, "at least not yet. Not until... until I can decide whether or not she'll treat me differently."
Lucy rolls her eyes, shouldering her overnight bag and checking her phone to see if her Uber has arrived to take her to the airport. She's flying back to L.A. today, and since Lauren doesn't have class until the afternoon, she'd decided to spend the morning with her. "Look, she obviously cares about you, and if you told her, I doubt she'd make a big deal about it. Especially if you made it clear you were uncomfortable with that."
"When has anyone ever cared about what makes me comfortable?" Lauren bitterly replies, but feels guilty for snapping immediately after it happens, running a hand through her hair. "Sorry. I just... sometimes I wish I'd never auditioned for that stupid show, because then people wouldn't treat me differently. Then when I find the one person on the fucking planet who hasn't seen it, and you want me to tell her about it?"
"You said it yourself, you're crushing on her," Lucy points out, "if you want to be with her, you have to be honest with her."
"I doubt she even likes me like that. She kept staring at you when she met you, and she asked if we were together," Lauren lists, "she probably likes you, not me."
Lucy watches her with mild amusement as Lauren talks herself out of any possibility of Camila liking her back. "Ever think she was asking because she likes you? She was holding your hand like the whole night-"
Lauren shakes her head. "Only because I was being clingy because I was tipsy."
"Oh my god, Lo," Lucy laughs, "don't you want her to like you?"
"I- of course I do, I just don't think she does, so there's no point in you getting my hopes up," Lauren sighs, and when Lucy's phone buzzes, she pulls her in for a hug. "Please don't go. I could use a roommate."
"You know if we both left the show, the whole world would implode," Lucy laughs, "it's bad enough that you're leaving. Can't wait to see the reaction to the cliffhanger. They're all going to think you're dead."
"It would be more meaningful if I was," Lauren snuggles into her, but when Lucy's phone starts to ring, she finally lets her go. "Alright. I'll walk you down to your cab."
She grabs her backpack with her laptop in to take notes in her class later. They take the stairs instead of the elevator, and when they leave the apartment building, Lauren pulls Lucy into another hug. She knows she shouldn't; if anyone pictured them, the shippers would blow it way out of proportion, and they're already going crazy at the fact that Lucy spent the weekend at Lauren's.
"I'll see you soon," Lucy assures her, giving her one last squeeze before letting go and getting into her Uber. "I'll text you once my flight lands in LA."
"Okay. Have a safe flight," Lauren says, but it's a little half-hearted, because she really wishes that Lucy was staying. But the cab drives away, and as she properly pulls her backpack onto her shoulders and turns in the direction of campus, she mumbles to herself, "back to reality."
She keeps her head down as she walks to campus, ignoring the one guy with a camera who thinks it's a nice idea to harass her, asking if she and Lucy had had a romantic weekend, if she was just going to come out already. She so desperately wants to tell him what she really thinks of him, but he has a camera, and she knows her PR team would hate her for it, and she doesn't want to cause them any unnecessary stress.
When he realises he's not going to get a rise out of her, he leaves her alone after snapping a few photos without her consent, and Lauren squeezes her eyes shut to hold back the tears of frustration. Outwardly, she acts like it never happened, and makes her way to her class, aware of the stares and whispers as she passes by groups of people.
Why can't they just get used to it? Lauren thinks to herself. I've been here for like a month and a half, and they act like I've just shown up.
"Vanessa, hey, can I get a picture?"
Ignore them ignore them ignore them, Lauren thinks to herself, quickening her pace. If she can just make it to her lecture hall, she'll be fine. Nobody will talk to her if she puts her headphones on until the lecturer arrives. She doesn't care if it makes her a bitch, but obviously if they were a big enough fan, they'd know that her name isn't fucking Vanessa.
"I'm actually an aspiring actress," the person who was speaking grabs her arm, and she whirls around to meet the gaze of a girl around her age, "I was wondering if you could get me in contact with-"
"Maybe learn the person's name before you try to use them for your own personal gain," Lauren snaps, and she knows she shouldn't have, regrets it the second it comes out of her mouth, but she just wants to get to her class without someone wanting something from her.
Before the girl can reply, someone calls out "Lauren, hey!" and she feels the anger bubbling to the surface. What now? She thinks, but when she turns to ask for some space, she sees Camila and everything just relaxes.
"Hi," Lauren says, completely unfazed when the girl from before mutters wow, what a bitch, and walks away. "How are you?"
"I'm good," Camila smiles, and looking in the general direction of the way the girl went, she adds, "you looked like you needed saving. What'd she want?"
"I- uh, just asking for notes," Lauren gets out, and so she doesn't seem like a total bitch, she adds, "but she didn't even get my name right, so..."
"Then you have a total right to say no," Camila smiles at her, and Lauren's heart flutters, because she's so fucking beautiful and not even in an understated kind of way. She's just wearing an old Hufflepuff Quidditch sweater and jeans, and she still looks absolutely flawless. "Are you doing anything right now?"
Even though she has a class, and even though her inner teacher's pet is screaming at her for it, she shakes her head. "No, just... thinking of going to the library. Why?"
"Well, I won't rip you away from your studies if you don't want me to, but I was wondering if you wanted to come over." Camila offers, and excitement bubbles at the pit of Lauren's stomach like a puppy getting told they're going for a walk. "I figure if I'm going to watch The Haunting of Hill House, I should do it in daylight so I don't completely scare myself, but I'm definitely still going to need a hand to hold."
"I think I can provide that," Lauren plays it off casually, like she's not incredibly happy at the idea of hanging out with Camila and holding her hand again. "So, what classes have you had today?"
"I had a composition class at eleven, then renaissance literature just now." Camila says, rolling her eyes at the last class. "Love composition, hate renaissance lit."
"I did that last year, actually. Obviously through online lectures and stuff, but I feel that. I hated it too," Lauren replies, following Camila, walking past the building she's supposed to be in in favour of spending time with the younger girl. "Not sure I actually paid much attention when watching the lectures back. Just wasn't engaging."
"So, how'd you do examination stuff?" Camila asks. "Like, if you were working from home, what about exams?"
"Well, I still submitted the essays online like everyone else, and I used to come up here to do my exams on the specific dates in a separate room from everyone else," Lauren recalls; it had been collectively agreed that her presence in the main exam hall would've been distracting. "So I came to campus for a couple of hours to do my exams, then I'd go back to LA."
"Oh, interesting," Camila answers, "that's not so bad, I guess. But I don't know, I don't think I could do that. I like to complain about my exams for weeks to my friends, and I couldn't do that if I didn't know any other students. Now we can complain about exams together."
Camila nudges against her playfully, and that part of Lauren that always turns into mush when her crushes do anything completely melts. She really has to focus to reply, "Yeah. I'm totally down to be study buddies for the American literature final."
"Just down this way," Camila says to her as Lauren almost walks in the completely wrong direction, and when she blushes in embarrassment, Camila just smiles endearingly. "Are you sure you want to be study buddies? Because trust me, I'm a total mess around exam period."
"Maybe that's because you usually study by yourself," Lauren suggests, "we can test each other. Whenever my finals are usually creeping up, I make little flash cards and force Lucy to test me, but since we're in the same class, it would benefit us both."
"Damn, I definitely made the right choice in making friends with you," Camila grins, "can't wait to have straight A's this year. It'll be the only straight thing about me."
Lauren laughs, "Nice gay joke. I find that only LGBT people can make decent gay jokes, any time straight people do it, it's just..."
"Offensive," Camila finishes for her, and when she digs into her back pocket for her keys, Lauren's eyes wander downwards, and she doesn't even realise that she's blatantly staring at her ass until Camila turns around and Lauren's gaze snaps back up to meet her eyes. She doesn't mention it, but she smiles almost knowingly. "Anyway, come on, the house is just down this street."
She pulls Lauren down another street, of small, mostly terraced houses, and Lauren knows that her apartment would probably look suspiciously spacious to be somewhere a student lives. She jumps when Camila takes her hand, but loops her fingers through Camila's and lets her lead her to her house. She pushes open a front gate, and Camila waves her arm over the little flowerbeds out front.
"That's Ally's doing." She explains, "If it were left to Dinah, Mani and I, it would look like a total mess."
Lauren hums in reply, waiting for Camila to unlock the front door. "So she's the responsible one?"
"Yep, she's basically the mom of the group," Camila laughs, unlocking the front door and holding it open for Lauren. "After you."
Lauren steps into the hallway; it's kind of cramped, and definitely not the kind of place she's used to, but she already likes it. It's just normal, and Lauren pretty much craves normalcy. There's pairs of shoes littered by the door, some lined up, and a pair of converse left haphazardly on the ground, and the door directly to her right opens up to a little lounge area. In front of her, there's another closed door, a staircase, and she can see straight through to the kitchen. It's remarkably clean, especially considering four students live there, but again, Lauren assumes it's Camila's friend Ally's doing.
"This is the lounge," Camila nudges the door open wider, so Lauren can see in properly. It's empty, and the TV is switched off, but there's a blanket left thrown across one couch, and an empty coffee mug on the table. "If you want to just- uh, sit in there for a few minutes, I'm just going to go sort out the absolutely catastrophic mess that is my bedroom, also known as throwing everything into my closet to make it look slightly presentable."
Lauren laughs at the blatant honesty, completely oblivious to the fact that Camila has had posters of the Silverhollow cast on her wall since they'd moved in, as well as seasons 1 and 2 of the show on DVD proudly displayed at the top of her bookshelf. "Alright. Have fun doing that."
"Wait, do you want a drink?" Camila realises her hostess role. "Sorry, I literally never have anyone over so I'm totally alien to the whole hosting thing."
"It's fine, Camz," Lauren assures her, using the nickname she'd let slip out while she was tipsy. "And I'm alright for now. Go sort your supposedly messy bedroom out."
"Right, yeah, I'll get on that," Camila sends her a sheepish smile, "I'll be right back."
Once Camila disappears out of the room, and she hears her footsteps heading up the flight of stairs, Lauren pulls her phone from her pocket and opens up Twitter. She'd admittedly neglected the app recently, favouring Instagram more than anything, but she figures she might as well give the fans a little attention, even if some of them annoy her.
@LaurenJauregui Hi chickens! Sorry to all of you lil nuggets on here, not been feeling Twitter recently. Anyone feel like a quick #asklauren to make up for it? :)
There are hundreds of responses in seconds, and Lauren is a little overwhelmed by it all, but she goes through the hashtag and picks the most interesting questions, ignoring anything referencing her sexuality or the users who obviously live in the fictional reality in which she and Lucy have secretly eloped.
@snugvanmilias how is college going!! we miss you!!
@LaurenJauregui @snugvanmilias It's going well, thank you for asking!
@vanessaregui whats your fav memory from filming silverhollow? PS I love you
@LaurenJauregui @vanessaregui Most definitely when Lucy and I were supposed to be filming the season 2 sex scene and I fell off the bed and flat on my face. I ended up chipping a tooth but it was funny as fuck. PS.... I love you too!
@vanmilgbtq please tell me you're gonna be attending some kind of premiere or event soon??? I hope you are bc I need HQ pics of you on the red carpet it's been SO LONG
@LaurenJauregui @vanmilgbtq Sorry! No plans to do anything like that for a while. Just trying to focus on college right now, but here is an iPhone quality selfie to hold you over. :)
She attaches a goofy selfie to that last one, and then returns to replying to a couple more, hearing Camila hurrying around upstairs.
@laurnjauregay have you got any new roles?? with this mid-season hiatus im starved for content and i miss your pretty face!!
@LaurenJauregui @laurnjauregay No plans right now! Putting everything I have into this season of Silverhollow, as well as working on my degree. Anything else and I think I might need to clone myself to get it all done!
@vanmilias Is it true you're doing some interviews to promote the new season during the mid-season break?
@LaurenJauregui @vanmilias I swear you guys know more than I do most of the time! I don't have anything planned at the moment, but who knows? It's possible that there is something booked and I haven't been given a schedule yet
@jaurevives did you have fun hanging with lucy this weekend????
@LaurenJauregui @jaurevives Of course I did, I always have fun hanging out with her. She's one of my best friends and I'm very grateful that she took the time to come up to Stanford to visit me.
"Hey, sorry, it was a lot messier than I realised," Camila pops her head around the door, sending her a sheepish smile, "but it looks totally clean now. Unless you look in my closet, so... please don't."
Lauren locks her phone, tucking it back into her pocket, and follows Camila up the stairs. "Which room is yours?"
"That one," Camila points to the room towards the front of the house, "Mani and Dinah are up here too, and Ally has the room downstairs." She pushes the door open, and holds it for Lauren to go in first, "welcome to my cave."
The closet is quite literally full to bursting – the door isn't entirely shut, and Lauren has the hilarious mental image of Camila shoving things into the closet in an attempt to make her room appear tidy. The white sheets on the bed are made, but messily so; the sheets have been thrown across, the pillows aren't fluffed and there's creases on the sheets, but it's so Camila. The curtains are open, but the blinds are still shut, and almost as if she realises that, Camila switches the light off and dives across to open the blinds, letting the sun in, and smiling that same sheepish smile again. The little bookcase is messy and totally unordered, but again, it's just Camila. If there's anything she'd have expected, it's this.
She especially likes the Hufflepuff banner pinned to the wall above Camila's bed. Looking at the younger girl's sweater, she smiles, "I'm guessing you're a Hufflepuff, then?"
Camila blushes, smoothing out her sweater like she'd forgotten she was wearing it. "Uh, yeah."
Lauren grins. "Me too, actually."
"Really?" Camila asks, sitting down on her bed and patting the spot next to her. "I got more Ravenclaw vibes from you."
"A lot of people say that. That or Slytherin." Lauren laughs. "I never get the Gryffindor label, and most people are surprised when I tell them I'm actually a Hufflepuff."
"And just when I think you can't get any cuter," Camila says, and Lauren blinks in surprise, shocked that she'd say something like that. Is she flirting? "Anyway, let me get Netflix on. This is literally the only reason I have a TV screen in here, so I can watch Netflix on a proper screen even if my roommates are hogging the TV."
"Smart move," Lauren comments, still a little surprised and overwhelmed by what she'd said. "You know, I- I..."
She trails off, the words stuck in her throat, because she's not smooth and she can't flirt when she actually likes someone. She'd wanted to say I like smart girls, but she felt like the moment had passed, and she didn't know if Camila had even been flirting with her in the first place.
"What?" Camila asks, turning the TV screen on and connecting Netflix to it through her phone. When she turns to look at Lauren, she's smirking, and almost like she'd read her mind, she says, "You got a thing for smart girls or something?"
"I- um," Lauren blushes, not meeting Camila's gaze, "yeah, actually."
Camila grins, and searches for the show, pressing play on the first episode. She pushes herself back and rests against her pillows, and after a few minutes of hesitation but knowing that she'd be more comfortable, Lauren moves back too, sitting next to her.
As she gets herself comfortable, Camila grabs her hand, flashing her a small smile. "You said you'd offer your services as a professional hand holder."
"I- yeah," Lauren murmurs, squeezing Camila's hand as the first episode plays. Since she's seen it before, Lauren knows when the occasional scares are coming, but she's glad that she can play it off as fear when Camila jumps and snuggles close to her, because at the rate her heart is beating, it would be obvious that she's crushing on her in any other context.
When they reach a very tense part of the show, Camila grips onto Lauren's hand so tightly that she thinks she's probably broken something, and when the younger girl's bedroom door swings open, even Lauren jumps, but Camila lets out a loud as fuck scream, and that freaks Lauren out even more.
Camila scrambles to pause the show as a practically flawless girl laughs at their reaction. Lauren recognises her from Camila's Instagram, but she doesn't know her name. "Damn, Mila, didn't realise I was that scary."
"Oh my god," Camila chokes out, pretty much hyperventilating, "I didn't realise anyone was home, I thought it was a fucking demon. Fuck, Mani, I think you actually just gave me a heart attack."
"Alright, for future reference," The girl – Mani – rolls her eyes, "everyone is home now. It's 5PM, you know none of us have really late classes this semester."
Lauren doesn't really know what to say, just rubs comforting circles into Camila's back and helps her calm down, hyperaware of the way the girl is looking at them. Once Camila relaxes, she finally turns to Lauren fixes her with a small smile. "Well, now you know I'm a total wimp."
"I mean, I already knew that from any of the parts that were slightly tense," Lauren teases her, "are you not a horror fan?"
"Nope, not at all, I think I might need to watch something cheesy after that. Like an episode of Glee or something," Camila laughs, and when she looks up at the girl in the doorway, her eyes widen in realisation, "Oh! Mani, this is Lauren, she's a friend from one of my classes. Lauren, this is Normani, one of my roommates. And best friends."
"Hi," Lauren smiles shyly, because Normani is basically flawless and it's kind of intimidating as fuck. "It's nice to meet you."
"You too," Normani smiles, but then she sends Camila this look that Lauren can't quite figure out, and it makes the anxiety at the pit of her stomach bubble up. "Anyway, Mila, Ally was wondering what you wanted to do for dinner. Should I let her know you have a friend over?"
Before Lauren can assure her that it's alright, that she'll go, that she doesn't want to burden anyone, Camila says, "I don't know. I was thinking Lauren and I would just get takeout and continue on our little binge-watch of this terrifying show."
That's when Lauren gets her opening. "I can go if it's going to cause trouble-"
"It's not," Camila sends her a reassuring smile, "How many episodes does this have?"
"Ten," Lauren answers, "and we're halfway through episode three."
"Alright. Okay," Camila nods, and for a moment, she looks totally deep in thought, until she says to Normani, "tell Ally we'll figure something out for ourselves."
Normani nods, and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her, and Lauren turns to Camila with a frown. "You want me to stay for dinner?"
"Well, seven episodes left. We can totally do that in a night, right?" Camila asks, and it's more rhetorical than anything. "So I'm thinking... you go home, grab some overnight stuff, then come back and we just binge the whole thing with a load of junk food. Sound good? I'm kind of praying you'll say yes, because there's no way I'll be able to sleep alone tonight after this."
If there's something Lauren wasn't expecting, it's a sleepover invitation. She's not complaining, obviously; she likes that she has a real friend here, and the invitation means Camila sees her the same way.
(Well, not entirely the same way, since Camila probably isn't hopelessly crushing on Lauren, but still.)
"Yeah. I'm down for that." Lauren smiles, and she suddenly feels a whole lot less guilty about skipping her class. "Honestly, I don't think I'd be able to stay in my apartment by myself tonight, so this totally works out for me."
Camila grins. "Perfect. We'll finish this episode, and then you can grab your stuff? Then we can order trashy takeout."
"Okay," Lauren's stomach flutters at the thought; not only does she get to spend time with her crush – god, she hates how schoolgirly that sounds – but it's one of the only normal kind of hangouts she's had in years. Whenever she's with Lucy, they're generally bitching about fame, making fun of the celebrities they've met that are definitely trying too hard. Whenever she goes home, her family and friends are always asking how LA is, how the show is doing, and all of this other stuff that revolves around her life as an actress. It's nice to just pretend that she's not that, even if it's only for a night.
It makes her fall for Camila just that little bit more.
Camila
"So, what happened to I'm not going to talk to her?"
Camila rolls her eyes at Normani, and from the way Ally and Dinah are looking at her, she knows she's told them about Lauren, and the way they were holding hands before Normani had completely jumpscared them both.
"She approached me, okay?" Camila defends herself, and she looks to Dinah for help, because she'd told her some details. Not the parts where she'd gone over to Lauren's apartment at the weekend, met Lucy Vives, and held hands with a tipsy Lauren Jauregui who kind of told her that she hates her fans. "DJ, I was serious when I said I wouldn't talk to her, you know that, but you also know that she kept talking to me. I told you, she sat next to me in the lecture, and she asked to meet that Wednesday to walk to class."
"She's not lying," Dinah defends her, and Camila breathes a sigh of relief, "about that, anyway. Have you told her you're a fan?"
Camila rolls her eyes. "Oh my god, can we please not talk about this now, she could come back at any minute."
"And that's a no," Ally translates aloud, "you should be honest with her, Mila."
"I wanted to be, but I never got an opening to say hey, I like the show, and I feel like she'd probably be freaked out, and after stuff she's told me, I can't risk telling her," Camila tries to defend her choice, "she kind of said that she hates her fans."
"What, she said that to you directly? I hate my fans?" Normani asks. "Because if she did, she's kind of an asshole. Without people like you, she wouldn't have a career."
"It's not like that, and no, she didn't say it directly, just made some vague comments about how people freaked her out and pushed labels onto her and made her insecure with her sexuality, and those are the intense Laucy shippers, and I don't blame her for being upset about that." Camila easily supports Lauren; she's almost used to doing it, since it was basically her hobby on her fan account. "Actually, she's- she hasn't mentioned the show at all. And whenever I've given her obvious openings to, she kind of brushes it off. Like, when I met Lucy last weekend, I asked how they knew each other, and Lauren just said work."
"So you're both lying to each other," Normani concludes, "that's fucked up."
"But it's not like she can get mad at you," Dinah muses, "like, if she gets upset at you for not telling her you were a fan, then you can point out that she didn't tell you she's an actress. She'd be a hypocrite to get upset at you."
"She would have a total right to be mad at me. I don't blame her, after some of the things she's told me, and I know she hasn't even told me everything, how the fans affect her and stuff," Camila runs a hand through her hair, "I just don't want to tell her, because I don't want to risk her dropping me. I really like her. Like, more than before."
Ally raises her eyebrows, "You're crushing on her?"
"Yeah, but not in the way I was before. Before, she was like, this unattainable celebrity crush, and even though I kind of adored her, I didn't know her." Camila sighs, squashing herself onto the couch between Dinah and Ally and feeling immediately comforted when they both wrap their arms around her in a hug. "But now I do know her, and she's so much better than I ever imagined."
"You know she likes you back, right?"
Camila sits bolt upright to look at Normani, just to double check she's not smoking a fuck ton of crack. "Uh, what? No, she doesn't. She's Lauren Jauregui. She could date any famous actor or actress that she wanted to date, any millionaire. Why would she want me? A boring college student?"
Rolling her eyes at Camila's lack of confidence, Dinah asks Normani, "Why do you think she likes her?"
"Well, when I went upstairs to ask what Mila wanted to do for dinner, they were holding hands," Normani points out, and Camila immediately ignores the point, because she's Camila. She's affectionate with all of her friends. "And then when I almost killed Mila from freaking her out, Lauren was looking all concerned and rubbing her back to calm her down. She looks at you with total heart eyes, by the way."
"She likes Lucy," Camila tries to argue, and she knows she sounds like one of those crazy shippers, but since last weekend, she's kind of been convinced, "When I was with them, I asked her if they were together, and she looked all sad when she said no. And any time Lucy and I were talking or sat close, she'd squeeze herself between us and look all jealous."
"Ever think she was jealous because she likes you?" Ally retorts, and it's so weird hearing sarcasm from her that Camila wonders if she's on another planet right now. "Even if you are going to make a move, you have to tell her the truth first. You need to tell her that you were a fan."
"I will, but not... not tonight," Camila shakes her head, "I just want to spend some time with her tonight, I don't- I don't want her to be weirded out when she finds out there were posters of her on my bedroom wall or that I had a fan account on Twitter and Instagram. You guys won't tell her, will you?"
"That's something you should do," Normani says, "we won't rat you out."
"Thank you," Camila breathes a sigh of relief, and when the doorbell rings, she jumps up. "That's her. I- thanks, guys."
She slips out of the lounge, making sure to shut the door behind her before she opens up the front door to Lauren. The older girl sends her a bright, goofy smile, and Camila's stomach flips.
"Hey," Lauren greets her, and when Camila looks her over, she realises she's already switched into a pair of black sweats and an old baggy The 1975 t-shirt. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun, and the makeup she'd been wearing earlier had been taken off. Camila can see the little freckles dotted on the bridge of her nose, the ones she'd always adored, and it basically makes her melt. It makes her look a lot younger, and the bright smile on her face reminds Camila of the seventeen year old in the 'first day on set' interviews on the Silverhollow season one DVD.
"Sorry," Lauren notices her looking, "figured I might as well get kind of dressed down; nothing more uncomfortable than sitting in skinny jeans for hours."
"I'm kind of slapping myself for not doing it too," Camila smiles, "I'm also super jealous that you look damn good in sweats. That's just not fair."
Lauren blushes, and when Camila thinks back to what Normani says, her heart rate speeds up. Could Lauren seriously like her? "I- thanks. You too. Well, I mean, you're not wearing sweats, but when you are... I'm sure you look good."
She remembers what Lauren had said the other night. When I like a girl and I want to flirt, it's like my brain forgets how to work. The rambling definitely gives her hope. "Trust me, I most definitely look like a mess."
"I find it hard to believe you ever could," Lauren answers, and it's smooth enough for Camila to brush off any suspicions. She's being stupid; Lauren would never like her. "Anyway, what're we going to order?"
"It's your choice. We could get some fast food in through Uber Eats like McDonalds or Taco Bell..." Camila suggests, "or we could order the classic kind of takeout. Pizza, Chinese, Thai... whatever you want."
"You said we'd get something trashy, right? Taco Bell is kind of the definition of that," Lauren says, and Camila laughs, already opening up her app to order for them. "I'm glad you invited me over, Camz."
Camila adds what she wants and then passes her phone to Lauren, letting her add her own stuff to the basket. "I'll admit, I had totally selfish intentions, because I'm going to need to hold your hand for the rest of the night, just because I can't deal with scary shit."
Lauren laughs, but there's a faint pink blush on her cheeks as she follows Camila up the stairs towards the bedroom. "I can definitely do that."
"Good," Camila holds out her hand, and Lauren looks at it for a moment before she takes it, linking the fingers together in the couple way to hold hands, all interlocked. She kicks open her bedroom door, and sits down on her bed, double checking their order status. "Do you want to bother starting an episode before our food gets here?"
"It'll ruin the immersion if we have to pause halfway through and get takeout." Lauren says, sitting down next to her, leaning against the headboard of Camila's bed. "Want to play something?"
Camila frowns. "Like what?"
"Like a... never have I ever, or would you rather kind of thing," Lauren says, "like... would you rather have a cat or a dog?"
"No hate to cats, but dogs all the way," Camila easily answers, "I actually have two dogs back home in Miami, Thunder and Leo. What about you?"
"I'll have one of each." Lauren decides. "I have a dog at my parents' house too. His name is Dash, but he's more their dog than mine anymore."
"Maybe you should get one," Camila suggests, "would you rather watch Netflix or traditional TV?"
"Netflix, but since Game of Thrones is on traditional TV when it airs, I deal with the ads," Lauren shrugs, "Would you rather watch a comedy show or a fantasy?"
While Camila's favourite show, Silverhollow, is a drama slash murder mystery, she does like her fair share of comedy shows. "I'm a big comedy fan. Broad City, The Good Place, Friends, Sex and the City, stuff like that."
"I can't stomach Sex and the City because of this one scene I saw where they're being incredibly fucking biphobic and saying things like pick a side and that the guy shouldn't have been open about it and saying that it was a problem." Lauren lists, and Camila knows the scene she's talking about; she'd found it pretty disgusting too. "After seeing that when it went viral on Twitter, I just can't make myself watch it. Friends was kind of offensive too, but it was never thatblatant."
"I get what you mean. That whole scene just made me cringe." Camila replies. "Friends had Carol and Susan, they were actually like a normal family raising a child, so you've got to give them that. Even if it seems problematic now, it was progressive at the time."
"I guess so. I don't know, I feel like it's different when you're bisexual. Everyone says things like oh, they all end up picking a side and I'm like yeah, because bisexuality isn't polyamory." Lauren rolls her eyes. "And everyone assumes that bi guys are taking a pit stop before gay town and bi girls are just straight and doing it for attention. Sorry, I'm ranting, it's just..."
"It sucks." Camila finishes for her, squeezing her hand. "I know. To be honest, I don't understand those people who can't grasp the concept of bisexuality. What's not to get?"
Lauren meets her gaze, and sends her a small smile. "I guess that's why I don't really want to have a big coming out thing. If I end up with a woman, everyone will say that I was gay all along, but if I end up with a man, people will claim I'm actually straight and just said I was bisexual for attention."
"As long as you and the people you care about know your truth, then that's all that matters," Camila assures her, "You're worrying about those people who pointed stuff out about you, right? The ones who made it all..."
"Traumatic? Yes." Lauren sighs. "Anyway. Back to the game. It was your turn."
"Okay... a more existential one." Camila thinks out loud. "Would you rather be rich or famous?"
"Rich." Lauren answers the question immediately, and Camila had definitely been expecting that one. "You?"
"Also rich, but not too rich, you know?" Camila says, and when Lauren tilts her head to the side in confusion, she elaborates, "If I was given a billion dollars, I'd keep enough so I could live a comfortable life and never have to worry about debt, but then donate the rest to different charities I believe in."
If Camila wasn't so insecure and disbelieving of the idea that Lauren could possibly like her, she would've known immediately with the way the older girl looks at her with so much respect and admiration. "That's- that's really amazing."
Camila blushes. "You think?"
"Yeah," Lauren replies, and Camila doesn't notice the way her gaze flicks down to her lips for a split second, the way she slowly starts to lean closer. "I do."
Camila rubs her thumb against Lauren's knuckles, and when she looks into those bright green eyes, she finds herself totally entranced. Lauren's eyes are magical, green and golden galaxies that Camila could get lost in without trying. She doesn't even realise how close they are until the doorbell rings loudly throughout the house and they jerk apart.
Camila lets out a shaky breath as Lauren slouches back against the headboard of her bed, looking a little ashamed of herself. She goes to reassure her, but the moment has passed, and the doorbell goes again, so Camila awkwardly excuses herself to get the food.
As she opens the door, awkwardly thanks the delivery guy and gives him a tip, she tries to shake what just happened from her head. You imagined it, Camila tells herself, there's no way that Lauren Jauregui was about to kiss you.
She grabs a couple of plates from the kitchen and takes their food upstairs. Quickly composing herself, and acting like absolutely nothing had happened – because nothing did happen, Camila, - she walks into the room with a grin and announces, "Rejoice, for our Taco Bell hath been delivered!"
Lauren laughs at her dorky joke, and takes one of the plates. It's like any tension between them had evaporated, so that just leads Camila to believe that she'd imagined it. "Thanks. Are we actually about to eat Taco Bell on your bed?"
"We have plates," Camila shrugs; despite how messy she is in every other aspect, she's actually a rather tidy eater. "It'll be fine."
"Damn," Lauren comments, "you're braver than me."
Camila takes her food out of the bag and dumps it on her plate, passing Lauren whichever tacos are hers. She also puts a basket of nachos between them. "I figured I'd get some nachos for us to share, since that's kind of a movie theatre thing, right?"
Lauren just shrugs, but thanks her anyway, taking one of the cheesier nachos and dipping it in a generous amount of salsa. "Are we going to start watching?"
"Sure," Camila turns her TV on and opens up Netflix, starting episode four. She jumps up, draws the curtains, and switches off the light, before turning on the little string lights she has hung up around the door frame. "There. Watching it with the lights off is much creepier."
"Okay, but apologies if I spill anything on your bed." Lauren says, before she pauses mid taco bite, plate balanced on her lap, and decides, "actually, I'll wait until my eyes adjust."
It's not that bad; the light from the TV screen, as well as Camila's string lights make the room a little brighter, and while it's not a light that you could read in, they can still see well enough to eat.
The food lasts them through an episode, and before the fifth episode can start, Camila goes to get them drinks and take their trash away while Lauren has a quick bathroom break. In the kitchen, she runs into Normani, who sends her a teasing kind of look. "Made out yet?"
"Fuck off, Mani," Camila rolls her eyes, "she doesn't like me."
Normani just smiles knowingly. "Sure she doesn't."
Camila ignores her as she fills up two glasses of water and heads back into her bedroom. Lauren is stood by her bed, playing on her phone, but she puts it away as soon as Camila walks back in.
"Thank you," Lauren takes the water and has a sip, and that's when Camila notices that instead of her black sweatpants, she's wearing a pair of skimpy pyjama shorts that don't leave a lot to the imagination.
She tries not to make her staring obvious, but it's hard when Lauren Jauregui's ass is that nice. She clears her throat, grabbing her pyjamas, and quickly excuses herself under the guise of changing.
Once she's done that, she has time to mentally prepare for what she's about to see, but when she walks in, Lauren is sat down on her bed, obviously scrolling through her Twitter feed.
When Camila sits down, she snuggles under her covers, and Lauren smiles, reaching across her to get her stuffed Nala out of her overnight bag, the one she always sees Lauren pictured with at airports.
Lauren notices her looking, because she announces, "alright, before you make fun, it's a comfort thing."
"I wasn't going to make fun of you," Camila replies, because she wasn't. She thinks it's adorable. "I think it's cute. Who bought it for you?"
"I- um..." Lauren hesitates, and Camila wonders why. Maybe she'd gotten it on set or something? "Actually, I kind of bought her for myself. I just... needed something to cuddle. I wasn't exactly going through the best time. I know it's lame, but..."
"Oh. Aw," Camila smiles, "it's not lame. I actually have a little teddy bear I sometimes snuggle with. It was my little sister's, and she gave him to me when I moved away to come here for college. Sometimes, when I miss home, I snuggle with him."
Whatever shyness Lauren has over the stuffed animal disappears instantly. Instead, she snuggles Nala to her chest and joins Camila under the covers, resting her head back on the pillows. The younger girl presses play on the next episode, and as it gets scarier, Camila finds herself inching closer to Lauren. Half because the show is fucking scary, but also because she kind of just wants to cuddle her.
"I love hugs," Lauren tells the interviewer, spinning a little on her chair, "for real, like, the best part about meeting fans is all the cuddles. It's part of why I hate sleeping alone, I just really want someone to cuddle me."
As she remembers that old interview, from about a year and a half ago while Lauren was promoting season two of Silverhollow, she wonders if it would be okay. If she could just wrap her arms around Lauren's waist and pull her close. If Lauren would rest her head on Camila's chest and watch the show with her like that.
She's almost got enough courage to do it, but then there's a scare in the show, and she jumps in surprise, totally wimping out. Lauren turns to her with a grin. "Scared, Camz?"
"It's the dark, okay? I'm literally just thinking about all the demons lurking in the dark corners of my room," Camila comments, and when Lauren rolls over on her side to look at her, she blurts out, "I need my professional hand holder."
She holds out her hand, and Lauren just smiles, shuffling closer to her, so her entire left side is pressed up against Camila's right. She takes her hand, locking their fingers together, and rests her head on Camila's shoulder. The younger Latina smiles, and turns back to the show, knowing she can use whatever fear it inspires to play off how fast her heart is beating.
All she knows is that she adores this woman, more than she had before. She tries not to think about how complicated their situation is, about how Lauren doesn't know she'd been a fan for years, about how Camila is supposed to not know that Lauren is an actress, but she also believes that they're beyond that. Lauren is more than just an idol to her; in fact, Camila doesn't think she idolises her at all anymore. She admires her, definitely; for everything she's achieved in just twenty-one years, it would be hard not to. But it's not the way it used to be. Lauren is her friend.
Which is why you can't tell her you were a fan, Camila thinks, especially not how big of a fan you were. You had her post notifications on, followed her every fucking move, checked LMJUpdates and VanmiliaUpdates at every chance you got.
But you need to be honest with her, the logical part of her pipes up, how do you plan on doing that without freaking her out?
Her first solution is just make Dinah do it for me, but she realises that's probably not the best plan. So, she decides she'll wait for some kind of natural opening, and then she'll tell Lauren.
When it feels right, Camila decides, but that doubt comes creeping back in again, but what if it never does?