TRIGGER WARNING for bullying/harassment, death, suicide attempt
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Rosé's POV:
"Hi, this is Kim Jisoo speaking," The raven haired said, holding her phone.
We were standing outside the law firm that would be representing me against Mr Yin. The latter has already been informed that I filed a report for sexual harassment and aggression. When he returned from his business trip, the man didn't try to approach me even a bit.
"Yes, we are just down the hall. 6th floor? Okay, thank you so much. Yes."
Jisoo hung up then faced me, her soft eyes trying to read me. I took her hand in mine and brushed my lips against her knuckles.
"Thank you for accompanying me. I don't think I would be able to do it alone."
The Korean tip-toed and kissed me on the cheek, before winking.
"You are a strong woman, Chaeyoung. With or without me."
I blushed with the kiss, and we made our way through the building. It didn't take much time to find my lawyer's office. A secretary welcomed us with a cheeky smile and offered us a seat before leaving, surely going to inform Miss Park about our presence.
"Jennie strongly recommended me this law firm," Jisoo said, out of nowhere. "They are known for winning cases like yours."
"I trust your sister. If she is half as wise as you, I have nothing to worry about."
"Why are you so nervous, then?" She put her hand over my jumping knee, stilling it.
I shrugged and leaned my head against hers. Jisoo played gently with my fingers, unaware of the comfort it somehow brought me. After a moment, the secretary came back and asked us to follow her.
She led us to a big office with huge windows that let a soothing light through the room. A glass desk was near an alcove where were stored quantities of books.
My eyes fell on the frail figure leaning over a file, and I was paralyzed with stupor. The young woman wore her black hair in a high bun, and her complexion was softened by the pastel colour of her cardigan.
My hand gripped Jisoo's, who looked at me with curiosity and concern.
"Excuse me for being so rude. My name is Park Alice, nice to meet yo-," my sister stood up, closing the file before looking up.
I intended to take a step back, but I was too surprised to move an inch.
"Chae-Chaeyoung?" Alice stuttered. "How... I mean..."
Our eyes were wide with shock, but I was even more astonished when my sister walked up to me and engulfed me in a tight hug. I didn't let go of Jisoo's hand and gently pushed Alice off me, sorrowful memories still fresh in my mind.
I tried to ignore her pained expression and diverted my gaze elsewhere.
"Rosé, are you okay?"
I looked down to see Jisoo, watching me with those doe eyes of hers. Softening, I nodded and kissed the side of her head, sensing that my sister was observing us.
"Jisoo, this is my sister: Park Alice."
-
I was lying in my bed, motionless. I could not tell if I was scared, sad or angry. All I had in mind was the way my father hid in my room to cry.
"It's the end," he said.
But the end of what?
When I asked him, he burst into tears, without answering, then left.
Later, at night, I was awakened by cries of pain -powerful cries-, which tore my heart apart. Just like the other nights. But this time there was a thud and my father's heavy, hurried footsteps on the stairs.
I did not dare move, knowing deep inside me that it was too late. Or maybe I was just terrified. God knows how I managed to fall asleep. I woke up the next day, alone; the house was silent.
-
Jisoo pulled my hand, gently.
"Your sister?"
I never told her about my family, even though I could sense she was curious. But it was such a complicated story. I wasn't sure myself if understood it completely.
-
"Dyke!"
"She looks nice for a lesbian."
I sat at the front row, head down. A note has been left on my desk: an explicit drawing and a legend...
"We should fuck her. She needs to see what a real man is."
"We have been best friends for so long. I had a sleepover at her place. What if she observed me in my sleep or took advantage of me? People of her kind are sick."
I scrambled the note and threw it on the side, the words printed on my mind:
'You deserve a good rape.'
* * *
"Stop trying to draw attention to yourself, Chaeyoung. Dad has bigger issues to deal with. Don't add in it your childish drama," Alice scolded me.
I held back my tears and looked down, ashamed.
"You are so popular; why would you suddenly get bullied? This is ridiculous."
-
"Rosé, I am sorry."
Lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice what was happening until my sister bowed down before me, in a 90° angle.
"I am so sorry," She tried to muffle her cries, but I could see her shoulders shaking.
"Alice..."
"I beg your pardon. I didn't mean any of what I said..."
-
'I wish it was you, and not mom.'
-
"Yet, neither you nor Dad held me back," I stated coldly.
Confused with my own emotions and the shock of seeing my sister after all those years, I pulled Jisoo's hand and walked out of the room.
The last thing I heard was Alice bursting into tears and falling on her knees, her heartbreaking sobs shattering my heart into pieces. Perhaps walking out has been the hardest I have ever done.
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Jisoo's POV:
Once back from our meeting with Rosé's sister, the young teacher did not stop crying. As soon as we were out of sight, she collapsed in my arms, sobbing hard. She had seemed so fragile and small in my embrace.
I teared up, not bearing to see her this vulnerable, once again. I wouldn't dare compare what she went through with Yin, and what was happening at this moment (even though I didn't know what it was about).
But in both cases, I just felt like crushing everyone and everything that ever made her cry. After an hour comforting her inside my car, I drove us back to my apartment and held her hand until she was safely tucked in my bed.
"Rosé, babe, look at me," I asked her gently.
The Australian beauty obeyed diligently, tears shining in her eyes.
"Don't cry. It makes me want to protect you at all costs, and you know how ridiculous I look, stumping my feet like a 5yo."
The joke brought a slight smile to her lips, and the urge to kiss her worries away became stronger. A sweet and kind person like her only deserved happiness in her life.
"Can you cuddle with me?" She asked unsurely with a small voice.
"Of course," I answered, already covering us both with the sheets.
Rosé immediately scooted closer and hugged my side, her head resting on my shoulder.
"I am sorry about what happened. It seems like I only bring worries in your life."
"Everyone comes with a package, Rosé. You already helped me deal with mine, years ago. And I will stay by your side until everything is resolved."
"And after that?" She questioned, tense.
I smiled and pecked her lips.
"After that, we will write another chapter of our story."
She hummed contently and played with the buttons of my shirt.
"You must be wondering what's going on between my sister and me."
"Don't feel the need to tell me if you aren't ready."
"No, I trust you. I want you to know the truth."
I held Rosé tightly against me as if she was going to vanish into thin air, and she told me. She told me everything while crying herself to sleep.
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Rosé's POV:
My mother was lying on the couch, her empty eyes staring into nothing. There was something off about her gaze, but I couldn't point it out.
I have always known her sick, so I was sadly accustomed to seeing her in such a state.Excited to show her the grade I got for my English test, I walked up to her and took the paper out of my bag.
"Look, Eomma! I think that if I keep going, I will be able to keep straight A's in all of my subjects!"
She gave me a weak smile and stayed silent, unable to speak. Concentrating, I suddenly noticed what was unusual about her.
"Mom, your eyes are turning yellow."
Cancer was killing her.
* * *
She was my first kiss: Tzuyu. We had met at the beginning of the year; she was smart, funny, open-minded. We would give each other a peck when nobody was looking, and walk hand in hand along the shore.
We didn't want to make our coming-out so soon; Tzuyu wasn't ready, and I didn't want to stress my mom any more.
But one day, someone from school caught us, and the nightmare began. Tzuyu moved back to Taiwan, and I was alone against the world.
Mom passed away a month after that.
* * *
"What happened to you?!" Alice yelled at me.
I entered the kitchen, my face and shirt covered in blood.
"School."
"You have nothing else to do but get into a fight? Really? Your behaviour is unacceptable!"
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!" I shouted. "THEY WANTED TO RAPE ME!"
"Don't raise your voice at me. And also: don't make yourself the victim."
* * *
I remember the last time I have seen my house. It was 3 months before graduation.
My dad came home and said he discovered from a friend's son that I was homosexual. I don't know what triggered him more: that I was a lesbian, or that his friend looked down at him.
Homosexuality wasn't a disease, and people around me just kept trying to make me believe the contrary. It was all bullshit.
Alice stared at me from her open room, while I packed a bag full of clothes and my guitar. Without a goodbye, I passed in front of my dad and walked out of the house.
I started living with my grandmother, graduated from high school and college, then moved to another town when she passed away.
What hurt me the most was that my sweet and caring sister didn't even visit me in the hospital when I made a suicide attempt.
Neither my dad.
The message was clear: they would have preferred to see me dead.'
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Jisoo's POV:
Lisa picked Rosé up around 5 pm. The blond-haired teacher didn't want my children to worry about seeing her cry. She thought it would only add to the stress they get from their father.
I didn't argue, understanding that she needed some space away from everything.
"Eomma, you look all serious," Jiwon said, sitting on my lap.
Eojin, who was playing on the carpet, looked in my direction at those words. He walked up to me, bouncing in a such a cute manner that it made me smile.
The little boy climbed on my lap, just like his sister, then leaned against my chest.
"Eomma looks pretty. Not serious," He said as if 'serious' was a bad word.
I chuckled and secured my children against me, covering us with a soft blanket.
"I won't be, I promise."
"What did you do, today?" Jiwon asked curiously.
"I met Rosé's sister rather... unexpectedly."
"Chaeyoungie has a sister?!" She exclaimed. "She said she had no sibling!"
"Her family hurt her very much. So, I think she tries to forget about it," I smiled sadly.
Eojin leaned towards the coffee table and grabbed my phone. He put it in my hand and I looked at him, confused.
"Call Rosé, please, Eomma," He begged with his pouty lips.
I did as he said and composed the Aussie's number. She answered after a couple of rings. Her voice was hoarse from crying.
"Jisoo?"
"Chipmunk!" Eojin said excitingly. "It's me!"
"Hey, buddy. Did you take your mama's phone?"
I put a finger against my lips, indicating to my son to not tell I was listening. He nodded and Jiwon took the phone gently.
"Hi, this is Kim Jisoo speaking," she joked.
Rosé giggled, and the only sound of her laughter brought an unexpected warmth to my heart. She was such a strong and beautiful person.
"Jiwon, I know it's you. Do you need anything? Is your mom okay?"
"Eomma is okay. We just wanted to tell you a secret," the little girl had a mischevious smile on her face.
I knew that smirk; she got it from me. She had something in mind and it was no good.
"What secret?" Eojin asked, not understanding. "We wanted to tell Rosé a secret?"
"Shhhh... I am the one speaking," Jiwon shushed him.
"And what did you want to tell me?" The Aussie asked.
I could hear the smile in her voice.
"Eomma loves you," my daughter said, making me bolt from my seat.
Rosé sighed on the other line, then said softly:
"I know. I love her too."
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(A/N): if you were ever harassed or bullied for what you are, be reminded that you only deserve care and respect, just like any other human being. Those who think the contrary can (kindly) go to Hell.
If you ever lost someone you loved, I don't know what to say. In fact, there isn't much to say. All we can do is continue to move forward, and keep them in our hearts.