I hear Mia standing in the doorway of my bedroom but she doesn't dare take a step inside. She's hesitant to enter, and I don't blame her. Not after what happened yesterday. I know she would never judge me for taking the break up so badly, but a part of me can't help but feel ashamed. For the first time ever I let all my defenses drop, and showed my most vulnerable self.
No one had ever seen me like that. Not even Mia. I always have some sort of wall up, but yesterday, all my defenses crumbled, leaving me weak and exposed.
"Alexa," Mia whispers, finally gaining the courage to speak. I know she deserves an answer but I can't bring myself to respond, and just lay in bed motionless, pretending to be asleep. I feel a teardrop fall on my hand, followed by another, where it rests by my head but I don't move. I stay still, hoping Mia gets the hint that I want to be left alone and leaves me be, but she doesn't. I hear her walk into the room and next thing I know, she's sitting down on the edge of my bed.
I keep my eyes closed and flinch when I feel her wipe my tears. "It's okay, Alexa," she reassures me. "I know you're awake."
I sigh. "I can't act for jack crap," I respond with my eyes closed and finally turn to face her. I wish I hadn't because all I see reflected in her eyes is nothing but sadness. Her heart aches for me and my loss because I lost the most amazing man to ever walk into my life.
"You never were great at acting," Mia tells me with a small smile, making me laugh for the first time in hours.
"So I'm told," I respond with a grin, remembering how Johnny had made fun of my crummy acting skills not too long ago. "So why are you really here? We both know you're not here to criticize my terrible acting skills."
"No, definitely not," she says with a laugh. "I came to let you know that I talked to Betty and she said to take the day off."
"You did that?" I respond, touched by her thoughtfulness.
"Yeah, I thought you could use another day off, so I called her and told her what happened," she tells me and I panic. "I didn't tell her everything," she quickly interjects, putting me at ease. "I just told her the gist of it, but I didn't go into detail."
"So she knows he and I broke up?" I ask her but refuse to be the first to say his name. It hurts too much to think of him.
"Yeah, she knows."
"This sucks," I respond with a sigh and cover my face with my pillow.
"Hey." Mia yanks the pillow off my face and peers over me. "Everything is going to be okay. I'll be there with you tomorrow and every day after. If you feel like you need a few minutes to breathe, just come get me and I'll take care of your client while you take a couple of minutes for yourself. Okay?"
"What's Betty going to think if I do that?"
"Betty will understand. She isn't just our boss. She's like a second mom to us, so when we hurt, she hurts too. You have nothing to worry about," she reassures me, taking my hand in hers.
"Thank you, Mia. For today. Yesterday. For everything. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up when you did yesterday. You truly carried me through one of my lowest moments and I'll forever be grateful to you for that," I tell her honestly and feel myself starting to tear up.
"Stop it. You're going to make me cry," Mia says with a small laugh as she dabs the corners of her eyes with her fingers. I laugh with her. "You don't have anything to thank me for. I will always be here for you, no matter what."
"Even if I marry Channing Tatum?" I ask with a grin, knowing full well he is her man crush every day.
"If you marry him you better make me the maid of honor, so I can at least hook up with the hot best man."
"I wouldn't have it any other way," I tell her with a big smile.
"You're going to make me all misty-eyed," she whines and I can't help but laugh.
"I'm sorry I keep getting all mushy. I'm just really emotional right now."
"I know. Break up's do that to you. But don't worry, when I get back from work we are going to eat our weight in ice cream and chocolate, and we're going to watch The Notebook, so we can ball like big babies. It'll help us get out all the pent up emotion."
"That sounds terrible but I'm looking forward to it. At least the ice cream and chocolate part. The balling part, not so much."
"We've been talking about spending more time together, so what better way to bond than crying over The Notebook together."
"It's not exactly my ideal way of bonding, but if it means spending more time with your crazy ass, I'll do it."
"Well, duh. You would be crazy to not want to spend more time with me," she says playfully, making me roll my eyes.
"I think Matt is inflating your ego a little too much," I tell her with a grin and she laughs.
"Maybe."
"You can invite him over to watch movies with us if you want," I offer and she shakes her head.
"No way. Tonight, you and I are watching movies alone. If anyone tries to butt in, I'll kick them out, and don't think I won't."
"Understood." I laugh and she smiles.
"I don't want to leave you," she says, looking upset by the idea.
"I know but work comes first," I remind her.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Yes, I'll be fine. I promise," I reassure her.
"You should go out while I'm at work," she suggests and I shake my head.
"I'm not exactly in the mood to go out."
"I know but it might do you good to get some fresh air."
"I'll think about it, but I won't make any promises," I tell her just as the doorbell rings.
"That's my ride. I have to go now but you be on your best behavior and don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"Yes, mom," I tease her and she shakes her head.
"I made you breakfast. It's sitting in the microwave on a plate. If it's cold by the time you get up just reheat it."
"Thanks, Mia. You're the best."
"I know I am," she tells me with a wink. "I'll see you later tonight. If you need anything, just text me."
"I will."
She gives me a quick hug and says goodbye to me before exiting my room. Seconds later I hear the front door close and sigh, wishing she didn't have to go, which is ironic because I didn't even want to talk to her when she first walked in my room, but now that I had spent some time with her I didn't want her to leave. But she had work to get to and I...Well I just had to get my shit together so I could go back to work tomorrow.
I hear my phone vibrate and pull it off the nightstand to see that I have a new text from Johnny.
Johnny: Hey Alexa, I wasn't sure if I should text you after what happened yesterday, but I just said fuck it and texted you anyway. I know I should say sorry for what I did but I just can't.
Me: Is this your strange way of apologizing?
I text back, waiting for a response.
Johnny: I can't apologize for something I don't regret.
Me: Johnny, stop. You're making this way too difficult. I can't be friends with you if you're going to be like this.
Johnny: I don't want to lose you.
Me: You won't lose me if you just stop saying all these things to me.
Johnny: Fine, I'll stop. But you better keep your promise and come visit me one of these days at work.
He texts back and I remember what Mia had told me about going out and getting some fresh air. I planned on staying in all day, but now that Johnny asked me to visit him again, I start considering the idea. It would definitely be better than staying cooped up all day, moping over the one who I shall not name. At least not for now.
Me: Send me the address.
I text back in a hurry and don't bother waiting for a reply.
I take a quick shower and throw on a casual outfit, not really giving my outfit much thought. It's not like I'm trying to impress anyone.
I brush out the tangles in my long curly black hair and let it dry into its natural curls while I apply a minimal amount of makeup to my face so I won't look worse for wear. My eyes still look a bit puffy from all the crying I did yesterday, but I doubt Johnny will notice. Most guys are pretty clueless when it comes to women.
I walk out of my ensuite and grab my phone and keys and stuff them in my purse. I head to the kitchen and reheat the food Mia left for me and moan the moment I eat the first bite.
I pull out my phone from my purse and send a quick text to Mia.
Me: Thanks for the food. It's sooooo good!
Mia: Glad you like it. ;)
Me: Love it!
I open the new text I have from Johnny and see that it includes nothing but the address of the school he works at. I know the school is close but I have no idea where exactly it is. Thankfully, I have a GPS to help me get there.
I finish up my breakfast and wash the dishes before heading out of my apartment and locking the door behind me. I make a beeline for my car, praying internally that I don't run into my ex. Ugh. Just the thought of that word bothers me.
How did I go from having a boyfriend to an ex in such a short amount of time? It doesn't even feel real. But it's my reality now. I have an ex, not a boyfriend.
I make it to my car and I don't see him anywhere. Someone is clearly listening up there and I'm so thankful. I would have hated to have any unnecessary run-ins with him or anyone for that matter.
I put the key in the ignition and let the car warm up while I put the address Johnny sent me in the GPS. I pull out of the parking lot and head in the direction of Johnny's workplace. I'm honestly excited to see where he works, but at the same time, I'm kind of dreading seeing teenagers. Teenagers can be really mean when they want to be, and the last thing I need is for one of them to make fun of me.
I think I'd break down and cry if any of them said something cruel to me, but for my own sake, I need to believe that teenagers are a lot nicer now than when I was in school. Otherwise, I'm going to turn around and head straight back home, because the thought of being bullied again honestly scares me. I don't think I can endure any form of bullying, not after the difficult last few days I've had.
I arrive half an hour later at the school but I'm not ready to enter just yet. I am too keyed up and nervous so I walk across the street to the small shopping center and walk around, killing some time when I stumble upon a cute little coffee shop. I walk inside and am immediately engulfed by the strong scent of coffee. I make my way up to the counter and a handsome young man greets me with a big smile on his face.
"Hi. How's your day going?" he asks me politely.
"I've had better days," I blurt honestly and immediately regret it. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that," I respond with a nervous chuckle.
"Don't worry. I like your honesty. Most people would just smile and say good, but you didn't. I appreciate the honesty," he tells me with a smile. "It's refreshing talking to a customer who isn't afraid to say what they feel."
"Well, thank you. I'm usually not this blunt, but today must be opposite day or something."
"Maybe," he responds with a chuckle. "So what can I get you today?"
"Two large iced coffees."
"What flavor do you want?" he asks me and after skimming the menu I choose vanilla. "Would that be all?"
"Yes, thank you."
"Any chance the second coffee is for me? If it is, it's on the house," he tells me with a wink and I shake my head.
"No, sorry. It's for my friend. He works at the school across the street. Maybe you know him. He's the new teacher."
"Johnny?"
"Yes, him. Do you know him well?"
"Yeah, he comes here often. He's basically a regular now. Do you want me to make him his usual?" he asks me and I nod.
"That would be great. I'll just stick to my large iced coffee."
"Got it." He corrects my order and I pay for it.
"Johnny's a lucky guy to have you," he tells me as he works on my drink order.
"It's not like that. We're just friends."
"That's too bad for him then," he adds and that's when it really hits me. This guy is hitting on me, but I'm not about to flirt back.
"Not really," I say with a shrug, hoping he'll get the hint that I'm not interested in anything but my next fix of caffeine.
"Here are your drinks," he tells me, handing me my iced coffee and some sort of hot beverage for Johnny.
"Thanks," I respond and start to turn when he stops me.
"Wait! I don't typically do this, but is there any chance I could get your number."
"No, I'm sorry. I literally just got out of a relationship. I just want to enjoy being single for now."
"We don't have to be in a relationship. I'm all for casual," he interjects and I shake my head.
"I have to go," I respond, putting an end to our conversation.
I leave the small coffee shop and head back in the direction of the school, glad to be away from him. I can't believe he thought I would be okay just fooling around with him. He didn't even know me, yet he assumed that I would want that when in reality, it's the last thing I want.
I want a committed relationship, just not now. I'm not ready to date again anytime soon. For now, I just want to focus on me. I want to learn to love myself.
I arrive back at the school a few minutes later and walk into the office. The secretary behind the front desk greets me and I approach her.
"Hi, I'm here to see Mr. Hardy."
"Are you a parent of one of his students?"
"No, I'm just an old friend. He asked me to come and visit him at work, so I thought I'd surprise him today, but if he can't receive visitors today I'll just come back another day."
"No, don't be silly. I just need you to fill out this form," she says, handing me a clipboard with a piece of paper attached to it. I quickly fill out my information and hand it back to her. She looks over it and signs the form at the bottom.
"Perfect. Let me just make you a visitors pass and you'll be all set to go. Have you been here before?" she asks me as she starts making me my visitors pass.
"I haven't."
"Do you need someone to show you to the classroom?"
"No, I think I'll be okay. Just send me in the right direction and I'll figure it out from there."
"Here's your pass," she tells me handing it to me. "Just stick it somewhere people can see it." I place it over my heart and smooth it down. She gives me directions and I thank her before heading off to find Johnny.
I follow the directions she gave me and find the classroom a few minutes later but I don't walk in. Instead, I stand outside the door, regretting my decision to come visit him. I really didn't think this through.
I'm going to have to interrupt his class, which I'm starting to dread. It's always so awkward walking into a classroom late, especially when that classroom is full of teenagers. They have the tendency to turn towards the door every time someone walks in, and I absolutely hate that because I don't like having all the attention on me. If for whatever reason it happens, I just have to keep my eyes on anything but his students. I will not let them get to me.
I take a deep breath and adjust the cups in my arms so I can open the door with my right hand and give myself a few seconds to breathe before finally pulling the door open. I step inside but stay close to the door so I can make sure it shuts quietly behind me and doesn't distract Johnny's students too much. When it finally closes, I turn towards the front of the classroom, looking for Johnny and I find him. He isn't standing at the front of the classroom lecturing his students like I expected. Instead, he's sitting on the floor in a circle with his students, but that's not what surprises me, it's the itty bitty eyes that stare back at me.
I take in all the pairs of eyes that are focused on me and cannot believe my eyes. Johnny is surrounded by adorable little toddlers. How could I not have known he taught toddlers? I feel like I should have known this. I'm learning new things about him just as much as he's learning them about me.
"Everyone say hi to Alexa," Johnny instructs his class and they all say my name. It's the cutest thing ever. I just want to hug them all.
"Hi everyone," I respond and wave.
"I'm going to go talk to Alexa but Mary will help you all while I talk to her." Johnny walks over to me and pulls me in for a hug. "I was not expecting you today but I'm so glad you came."
"Me too," I respond and I honestly mean it.
I was dreading the whole situation at first, but now that I saw that he teaches toddlers, I'm ecstatic to be here. "I figured I should come visit before I have to go back to work. Otherwise, I may not be able to visit you. I work on weekdays and I'm pretty sure you don't teach on weekends, so it was either today or never."
"Nope, I thankfully do not teach on weekends but am glad you came on your last day off. So how are you?"
"Not great," I admit with a shrug. There's no point in lying. Especially, not to Johnny. He knows me better than most people.
He looks me in the eyes and raises his hand to my cheek and caresses it with the lightest of touches. "You cried," he states and I curse my makeup for not doing a better job hiding my puffy eyes. "Did he make you cry, Alexa?" he asks me and I nod. "That bastard," he curses under his breath.
"Shhh you're in a classroom with children," I remind him.
"I know. I just can't believe that bastard hurt you," he whispers. "Do I need to teach him a lesson? Because I will."
"No, now stop prying. I didn't come here to talk about it."
"Fine but we're going to talk about this later," he insists, making me sigh.
"Not today," I respond resigned.
"Is one of those for me?" he asks, changing the subject and I smile, feeling grateful for the subject change.
"No, I brought both of them for myself," I tell him with a grin. "I'm kidding. This is for you." I hand him his drink and he takes a sip.
"How'd you know my favorite drink?" he asks in surprise.
"I know everything," I tell him with a wink.
"I don't know how you knew, but thank you."
"The guy at the coffee shop is the one who actually knew," I admit. "I, unfortunately, cannot take credit for it."
"Well, thanks. It hit the spot," he tells me with a grin.
"When are you off for lunch?"
"In about two hours? Why? Are you taking me out to eat lunch or something?" he asks.
"Yeah, I promised I'd bring food when I visited and since I didn't, I want to treat you to a nice lunch. After all, I am a woman of my word," I tell him with a smirk.
"You brought me a coffee so lunch is on me."
"I don't think so. I'm the one who promised to bring food, so lunch is on me."
"Nope, I'm inviting you and that's the end of it," he states, leaving no room for argument.
"Fine but next time we hang out, I'm paying."
"Doubtful," he tells me, making me sigh. "Just forget about it and come meet my class." He takes my hand in his before leading me over to his group of students who are coloring.
"Is she your girlfran?" One little girl asks, making me laugh. Johnny looks at me and smiles before turning back to her.
"No Rosie but I'm sure she wishes she was," he responds to her with a grin and all of the kids giggle. I squeeze his hand really hard and he just laughs at me. Not with me. At me.
"What so funny?" A little boy asks and Johnny smiles.
"Nothing. I just remembered something funny." Liar. He's clearly laughing at my weak attempt to squeeze his hand. I don't even think I hurt him in the slightest.
"Are you cwazy now?" A different little girl asks him. This one is wearing little pigtails that make her look so cute.
"No, sometimes I just laugh when I remember something funny."
"Oh. That's weid," she tells him and I nearly coo when she says 'weid.' It's the cutest thing ever. I just want to squeeze her cheeks and hug her.
"Mary, can I speak to you?" he tells the woman, who helped him earlier. My guess is that she's his assistant but I'm not a hundred percent sure. "Just give me one second," he tells me and I nod.
I go and sit in the back of the classroom while he talks to Mary. He hands her something and she nods. I have no idea what's going on, but it isn't my concern. Instead, I focus on all the toddlers who are watching Johnny attentively.
"It's time to sing," Johnny informs them moments later and they all cheer excitedly. He pulls out a guitar from the closet in the back of the classroom before returning to the circle and taking a seat.
Johnny starts playing the guitar and singing, and slowly but surely, the kids start joining in. Throughout the song, I catch Johnny glancing my way and every time he looks at me, I can't help but smile. Seeing him so happy makes me happy. I'm really glad he chose this path. It's clearly his calling to be a teacher.
They finish their first song and he compliments them before clapping for them. They all join in and clap for each other. It's so sweet seeing how proud they all are of each other.
He tells them what they're going to sing next and they all cheer. I love seeing how excited they get about everything, but the most adorable thing is seeing how they hang on his every word. You would think he's their whole world. My heart melts just watching them sing song after song. It's the cutest thing ever. Before I know it, two hours have passed and it's time for lunch.
Nate and Mary help all his students wash their hands and get settled into their assigned seats. Once they have everyone settled down, Mary leaves to go pick up our lunch from the front office. Johnny apparently asked her to order food for us when I wasn't paying attention. He's very sneaky when he wants to be.
We eat up every bite of our delicious lunch in silence and enjoy every minute of it but when we both finish, the dreaded questions follow.
"Why'd you cry?" Johnny asks me, cutting right to the chase.
"You don't beat around the bush, do you?"
"Why did he make you cry?" he presses and I sigh.
"Why does it matter?"
"Because you matter to me and if someone hurts you, I want to know," he tells me. I see a look of anguish cross his face and feel my heart ache. Here I thought I was the only one in pain, but I was wrong. Johnny hurts if I hurt and he cares for me as more than just a friend. I see it now and it breaks my heart that I can't reciprocate his feelings. Maybe in another life, but I don't see it happening in this one. At least not now.
"Nate and I broke up. He dumped me yesterday. That's why I cried," I finally admit, thinking it would make him happy, but he doesn't smile or grin. Instead, he pulls me in for a hug and takes me by surprise.
"I'm so sorry, Alexa," he whispers into my hair. "It's all my fault."
"It's not. He doesn't know about our kiss but I'm sure if he did, that would have been the nail in the coffin. I betrayed him when I kissed you back."
"I kissed you," he emphasizes. "Not the other way around."
"You're wrong," I tell him, pulling away from his arms. "I kissed you back and betrayed Nate."
"A kiss isn't cheating."
"That's where you're really wrong. When you love someone and kiss someone else, it doesn't matter how small or big the kiss is, it's still cheating. I betrayed Nate and I need to tell him. He deserves to know."
"I'll tell him. I'm the one who initiated it, so I'm the one to blame. Not you."
"No, you telling him would only make things worse. I'll tell him when I'm ready."
"Can I at least be there when you do? I don't want him to hurt you unnecessarily," he tells me full of concern but I shake my head. I can't take him up on an offer like that. It would only make things worse.
"No, I need to do this by myself. You being there would only make him angrier."
"You're probably right."
"Now enough about me and my broken relationship. Let's talk about something else," I plead, wanting to change the subject.
We spend the rest of lunch talking about anything and everything but Nate, and before we know it the day has passed us by, and it's time for Johnny to finally go home.
"Do you want to hang out at my place for a bit? I'm supposed to have a girl's night with my best friend, but that won't be until later tonight. We can hang out in the meantime if you want," I ask him, hoping he'll take me up on the offer because I do not want to spend the rest of today alone. If I do, it will only give me time to think about Nate, and I don't want to think about him because it will only make me upset if I do.
"Yeah, text me the address. I'll meet you there." I send him my address in a text and seconds later his phone vibrates. "Got it."
"Great. I'll see you at my place." I leave him to finish a few things and head to my car. I get in and sit in silence for a few minutes, hoping for my sake that I don't see Nate when I get back. It would be too hard to face him so soon.
I put the key in the ignition and let my car warm up before driving off in direction of my place. I arrive a lot quicker than I expect and pull into the parking lot. I consider going into my place to wait for Johnny, but I know he won't be far behind and opt to wait for him instead.
I get out of my car and lock it before taking a seat on the trunk. I look around but so far there is no sign of Nate and I cannot be more relieved. Hopefully, my luck keeps up and I don't see him today or really anytime soon. I'm not emotionally ready to face him just yet. I hope he does us both a favor and just stays away.
Johnny pulls into the parking lot a few minutes later and parks his car in the empty spot next to mine. "You got here quick," I comment as he gets out of his car.
"Yup, I have GPS to thank for that," he tells me with a grin as he walks up to me and takes a seat next to me on the trunk of my car, leaving no room between us.
"Have you been sitting here the whole time?"
"Pretty much. I considered going inside but figured you wouldn't be far behind and decided to wait for you out here instead."
"Luckily, it's a nice day out."
"It is," I agree.
"Do you ever just wish you could take back time and change the past?" he asks me out of the blue, catching me off guard.
"Sometimes," I admit. "But then I think if I changed even just one thing it would affect everything that has led me to this point. I'm not sure that's worth it."
"I often wish I could change things I did and didn't do in my past," he says, lost in thought.
"Like what?"
"I wish I had told you sooner how I felt about you," he says out loud but doesn't look at me. "If I had, maybe things would be different between us and you wouldn't be heartbroken over a guy who doesn't deserve your love."
"Maybe but I wouldn't change what happened, because if I did, Nate and I never would have crossed paths. As much as he hurt me, I can't regret what we had. It was amazing while it lasted, and I will cherish what we had for the rest of my life. I just have to learn to live in a world where he isn't a part of it anymore. At least, not in the way I'd like him to be."
"I'm sorry. I wish there was some way I could help you, but I know only time will help you heal, and even though I can't do anything to help, I will be here for you every step of the way."
"Thanks, Johnny. I appreciate it." I put my hand on his and he slowly turns it palm side up and intertwines our fingers. He gives my hand a gentle squeeze and I smile at the sight of our clasped hands before leaning my head on his shoulder.
I feel him kiss the top of my head and close my eyes as a stray tear falls down my cheek. It falls on our intertwined hands but Johnny doesn't say anything. He just holds me close. I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like him, but I'm glad I have him back in my life.
"You move quick," I hear that all too familiar voice say bitterly but I refuse to look him in the eyes and bury the top of my face in Johnny's shirt.
"What do you want, Nate?" I ask him and he sighs.
"Nothing," he responds but I can tell he's lying. "I'll see you around." I hear the sound of gravel crunching beneath his feet and with every step he takes, I feel my pulse race. I can either stop him now or let him walk away from me.
"Wait," I tell him and regret it almost instantly. I'm not ready to confront him, but a part of me can't let him go.
I lift my head and slowly open my eyes to see that Nate is looking right at me with pain in his eyes. I want to look away but I remain strong and hold his gaze. "Just tell me whatever it is you want to say. I'm listening."
"Gracie called me. She wants to go back to the bridal store to look at more dresses and she wants you to help her again."
"But?"
"She doesn't know about what happened between us and I want to keep it that way. At least for now. She doesn't need another reason to be stressed on top of all her wedding stuff."
"Are you seriously asking me to pretend to be your girlfriend?"
"For now."
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I exclaim angrily and squeeze Johnny's hand hard but he doesn't even flinch. "This is the most fucked up thing you could ever ask me."
"I know but I'm doing it for Gracie. She has really come to love you in the little time she's known you and I don't want her to lose you too. She'd be heartbroken if she knew we split up."
"What about me?! I'm heartbroken! That didn't stop you from stomping all over my heart. Did it?" I exclaim angrily and he looks at my hand in Johnny's and shakes his head.
"You don't look all that distraught," he retorts, making me boil with rage on the inside.
"What do you know? You're not the one who had to pick up the pieces when you left me yesterday."
"And he did?" he asks, referring to Johnny but he refuses to look at him, much less acknowledge his presence.
"No, but if he had been here when it happened, I know he would have been there for me."
"I'm sure he would," he retorts and glares at Johnny.
"Don't look at him like that. Johnny has been nothing but supportive during this time."
"You can't tell me what to do," he bites out angrily.
"Yet, here you are, asking me to lie to Gracie."
"I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I'm begging you to do this for Gracie. It's just for now. I'll tell her what happened, I promise. I just need time. We can even do it together if you want. Just not yet."
"I have to think about it," I tell him. It's unfair of him to ask me such a thing.
I need time to think it through because what he's asking of me isn't easy. He expects me to play the part of his girlfriend when I can barely hold it together around him. I don't know if I can handle playing the "happy couple," especially when it means having to hold his hand, stand by his side and maybe even kiss him back. It's too much to ask of me when I'm falling apart at the seams.
"Fair enough." He turns to leave but thinks better of it and turns back to face me. "Here, take this." He holds out a manila envelope to me but I don't grab it.
"What is it?"
"It's something I've been meaning to give you," he tells me with a smile, showing me a small glimpse of the Nate I know and love. I accept the envelope and mirror his smile with one of my own. "I'll see you around."
"See you," I whisper back as I watch him walk away from me for the second day in a row. I'm not sure which hurt most, but both times definitely did a number on my heart, which is aching for him.
"Are you going to open it?" Johnny asks me, pointing to the envelope in my hand.
I look down at it and shake my head. "Not yet. I'm not ready," I admit and wrap my arms around the envelope, wondering what could be inside. I honestly don't have the slightest idea but whatever it is, it returned my Nate to me for one fleeting moment, but just like the moment came, it disappeared and took him with it, leaving me a confused mess.
I don't know what's going to happen between Nate and I but there is one thing I am certain. Underneath the cold exterior that Nate carries himself with now is the Nate that I love and care for. I just need to help him find himself again no matter what it takes.