-' 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙚𝙣 - I used to want to see him cry, now I want to see his smile
10장
was this the moment? the moment where someone would finally notice jungkook, would it all be different?
no jungkook, he's gonna leave like everyone. he has hit you, told you to die. he doesn't care, no one does.
"no" jungkook said outloud, sliding down against the door until he was sitting.
"please, tell me what's wrong" jimin's delicate voice echoed through the door.
he is not gonna be there for you,
he hates you. you hate you.
stop wasting his time!
he'll leave if you get your hopes up, wanna hurt more?
"no, I don't want to get hurt anymore" jungkook whispered loud enough for jimin to hear.
"get hurt? jungkook-ah I am so sorry for everything, I promise I won't hurt you ever again!" jimin said, trying to open the door for the hundredth time. he wondered if jungkook was scared of him.
"no.." jungkook whispered again.
"jungkook-ah, what do you mean no? can you please just open the door? I want to see you.." jimin asked as he leaned against the door on the other side.
jungkook wasn't really there mentally. the devil inside of his head was too loud, he wasn't able focus on almost anything jimin had said.
all he did was sit on the floor hugging his knees, the bathroom was a mess and so was he.
the last thing he wanted was jimin to see him right now. he felt lightheaded and nauseous.
"jimin?" jungkook asked with his quiet cracked voice.
"yes jungkook-ah?" he answered immediately.
"go back to class." jungkook said coldly, trying his hardest to not to let his voice crack again while silent tears were falling down his puffy rosy cheeks.
jimin was a little a taken back how drastically jungkook's voice changed, he sounded so vulnerable when he called out jimin's name but all of sudden his voice was cold as ice and sharp as knife.
"no jungkook, the class is not important right now. I wanna make sure you are okay." jimin said gently, waiting for jungkook to respond.
"I'm okay.. just go, I'll take a shower and go to my part time job, so you can go." jungkook said, hearing jimin sigh as he fell quiet. there was a small silence between the two boys who were leaning against the same door from different sides. jimin's heart was aching and he couldn't understand why he felt saddened for jungkook.
he knew that something had went down at the class for jungkook to end up being locked inside the bathroom god knows in what condition, jimin wanted to help him but felt so useless because he was a person who had made jungkook's life even more complicated.
"okay take a shower, we'll talk later then.. and please just rest. I don't know what happened today but just know that I'll be here for you.. I'm worried.." jimin was surprised by his soft spoken words.
and so was jungkook, his heart warmed for a second.
ignore him, he's only worried for himself cause he knows he did wrong to you!
jungkook gulped heavily, sighing as he spoke.
"okay, see you.. " jungkook said as he heard jimin hesitatingly walking away and eventually leaving the apartment.
jungkook quickly stood up and started to clean the bathroom with bleach and other substances while sobbing loudly. he felt even worse now, very nauseous and sore. he broke the promise he gave to his grandmother and the aching on his wrists wouldn't stop.
"I hate myself so much" jungkook was whispering while trying to get the blood away from the white tiled floor and trust me, it wasn't an easy thing to do since jimin's arriving made the blood already drying up.
after about 30 minutes, he was finally done and had taken a shower, jungkook looked at the time.
"oh shoot I need to go to my part time job." he tiredly dragged his feet out of the apartment after he had freshen himself up. as was walking outside of the apartment complex, he remembered the detention.
"aish.. fucking park jimin for real.." he muttered and grabbed his phone to inform that he can't go to his job today because he got a very bad flu and fever.
he wore black long sleeved hoodie and a flannel shirt on top of it with a backpack and ripped jeans with sneakers. he looked good as hell, but the sight underneath his clothes wasn't looking as beautiful.
after the detention jungkook started to walk back to his dorm. he was tired to death and just wanted to sleep and stay under the covers for the next the two days. so he was planning to go and try to study a little bit and get full 12 hours sleep.
-
jungkook felt annoyed to sit in the detention for something he didn't do, of course he had his chance to explain himself but didn't do that so all he could do was to blame himself for this. his body and mind was yearning for his bed and to close his eyes that looked puffy due to the heavy crying, and that being the reason why he was keeping his head down so low for no one to see it. in the detention as for their punishment, they were doing some schedule planning and course organizing.
some random people who were also at the detention were looking at jungkook rather weirdly. he knew they were mocking him because they knew about the party and knew that jimin was the one who organized the whole thing.
after 1 and half hour, the detention was finally over and jungkook started walking towards his dorm, all he wanted was his bed, blanket and a pillow.
"yah!!! jeon jungshit!!"
oh how jungkook just knew he couldn't get to his dorm without getting in some sort of a conflict with someone. he just kept walking, not having enough energy to fight with anyone.
"yah you loser, you deaf or something?????"
jungkook stopped and turned around to face taehyung, hoseok, jin and namjoon smirking annoyingly as they approached him.
"what now?" jungkook spat while avoiding eye contact since he didn't want the guys to see how his face was all swollen and puffy - one more thing to tease him about.
"woah woah we just wanted to say hi.. rudeass fucker." namjoon said, rolling his eyes as he did so.
"okay hi " jungkook said with an ironic smile and turned away to continue walking but not long until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"not so fast little boy." taehyung said, turning jungkook around, he was pissed at this point, his day was already shit and now these guys wanted to have a useless fight. jungkook sighed loudly, lifting his face up, not caring if the guys would see the state of his face.
"you and your little 'squad' can't leave me alone for a second, obsessed too much?" jungkook said, seeing how all of them were taken aback by his sudden comment as he turned back around, starting to walk away again.
"yah!! d-did we say you can talk to us back?" jin stuttered, but tried to sound intimidating.
"go stutter elsewhere I don't care" jungkook yelled back as he kept walking away but the guys just followed him like lost puppies.
"you really are begging blood from your nose huh???" hoseok screamed whilst walking right behind jungkook who didn't even share a glance, only sighed as he spoke.
"aish.. you guys are so fucking childish, just grow up we're not a fucking middle schoolers anymore." he scoffed, noticing how the guys stopped walking as he himself continued.
"yahhh! you loser what did you do to our jimin?!!!"
that made jungkook to stop walking, questioning if he had done something to him, something that he didn't realize he was doing.
"what have you told him? what did you do to him?!? he's gonna turn into like you!! he has been so fucking distant from us ever since you two moved in together!!!!" taehyung yelled furiously, making jungkook sigh big time as he turned around.
"please, get your shits together and leave me out of it okay? jimin is just my roommate it's not my problem if he is gotten sick of you, I really do get him yall suck for real" jungkook said, feeling odd to defend jimin and himself. but for some reason he couldn't handle them being a total cunts to anyone else but him.
and finally walked away for good. hearing them muttering and mumbling with each other. no one followed him anymore so he just kept walking, now his bed sounded even more tempting.
but obviously jungkook wasn't getting there so easily, his phone suddenly buzzed again surpising him since no one ever really messaged him.
Coworker Sung Jae-hyuk:
"hey jungkook hyung~ "
Me:
"yes?"
Coworker Sung Jae-hyuk:
"uhm.. well I know you're sick.. but can you please come here??"
Me:
"why? is there a lot of people? can't you handle it alone?"
Coworker Sung Jae-hyuk:
"yes there will be one big group dinner of 80 people in an hour and i'm here alone with the chef and we won't be able to do this without you... hyung pleasee~"
Me:
"I don't know jaehyuk-ah... I'm really not feeling good at the moment, sorry.."
jungkook's heavy and tired feet were dragging himself towards his dorm, he couldn't even imagine going to work with this tiredness pining him down.
Coworker Sung Jae-hyuk:
"I know and I understand, but boss hong said that you will get triple of your normal pay if you come because it's a short notice and a big company dinner, this is a big deal jungkook hyung!!!! so if you're not feeling THAT bad, I would suggest you to come, I know you need the money... "
Me:
"triple??????! okay I'm on my way then!"
oh how greedy money shall make us all,
jungkook's eyes widened as he saw jaehyuk's message. his usual pay for doing part time the whole month after school was about 1,647,424₩, often less if he had to cancel work a lot. then his living expenses, bills and education took his money, but now he could get money worth of three months only for one day. meaning he would get paid 4,942,272₩ just for the one day which would mean that jungkook can lessen his working hours.
the dinner will be a business dinner for the samsung group's trading department that includes billionaire investors from all around the world and they needed the whole restaurant booked for them. it was a huge deal for a smaller restaurant who needed all the recognition they could get.
jungkook ran to the bus stop without even swinging by his dorm.
-
when jimin was walking back to their dorm from the class, he noticed jungkook sitting in a classroom his head pressed down against a desk supposedly doing some paperwork. he was confused at first since jungkook was supposed to go to work, but quickly remembered the detention.
again, jimin felt for the sad boy, he knew he was the one who should've been in there, not jungkook.
"so this means.. jungkook's gonna be at the dorm the whole evening..?" jimin wondered, he rushed to the grocery store to get some dishes and fresh ingredients since jungkook barely had any food in his house and jimin wanted to feed him. he didn't know what had happened to jungkook today, but knew there was something going on with him. jimin also checked the bathroom and it smelled like a swimming hall, the whole room was glowing and it made him wonder, why would jungkook clean the bathroom all of the sudden?
jimin also felt ashamed for being a bully and saying things about jungkook that weren't even true, this was a great example that never judge a book by its cover.
he didn't quite understand why he cared so much but knew that he started to feel a lot of sympathy towards jungkook after the party, noticing his more humane side aside the cold mask he wore everywhere, how he saw that jungkook was nothing like a hard shell with rotten insides. jimin felt that he had gotten much more softer for jungkook and found the odd urge to protect him.
jimin sat in the living room watching gilmore girls on netflix, noticing how 4 hours had passed by and there was no sign of jungkook yet he should've been back hours ago, they hadn't even exchanged numbers so jimin couldn't text him.
8 hours passed and the time showed at 23, jungkook wasn't there yet. jimin placed the food in the fridge so they could eat it later, but he grew worried.
he knew jungkook cried in the bathroom today and he knew he wasn't feeling alright.
just when jimin as about to go into his room, he heard the front door open, revealing jungkook looking tired as usual - visible dark circles yet a slightly puffy looking eyes, overall he looked so sad and exhausted.
"jungkook-ah?" jimin asked, walking towards the boy who looked up only to quickly lower his head.
he didn't want jimin to see his pathetic face.
"oh.. jimin..." jungkook said quietly, changing his shoes into slippers as he avoided an eye contact with his roommate.
"I made food, I'd like to assume you're tired so would you want to eat before going to bed?" jimin asked carefully, seeing how jungkook looked hesitant but he just nodded. jimin felt happy that he was able to make jungkook eat.
he placed the food on the table and sat down with jungkook as they both started to eat in complete silence which jimin was about to break.
"how is the food?" he asked, receiving a nod from jungkook.
"it's good. you can cook well." jungkook said, looking down as he was still avoiding an eye contact. but his compliment made jimin pleased.
"thank you jungkook-ah. I'm really happy you like it." jimin answered and smiled, but jungkook didn't smile.
oh how much jimin wanted to see his smile, he wanted to hear jungkook's laugh and see happiness in his constantly dull, saddened eyes. he wondered how would jungkook look like when he was happy? how would his eyes shape in when he smiled? and how would his mouth curl up? he looked so tired and down all the time, jimin wanted to see jungkook looking alive, he wanted to see his smile. in fact he was DYING to see his smile.
"so how was your day?" jimin asked carefully, he knew that jungkook sat in the detention for him.
"normal I guess.. I was working." jungkook answered really casually. jimin wanted to get something more out of him but jungkook was so closed in. he did understood since he didn't treat jungkook very fairly, not at all so it's no wonder jungkook has no interest in being friends or even mutuals with him.
"oh okay.. well it's good to get money right?" jimin smiled gently, seeing how jungkook nodded.
"yeah and I got a lot of extra money today so I don't have to work too much for a little while." jungkook said, not knowing why he just shared that much but very much liked to do so. he felt slightly bad for jimin to see him trying so hard and sort of wanted to meet him in the halfway.
jimin's heart jumped and turned and shook a little because jungkook had just told him something extra, something that people usually do when they converse with each other. he could promise he saw a slight bit of excitement in jungkook's forever sad eyes, and it made jimin really happy.
"oh that's amazing! can I ask how much is a lot of extra money?" jimin didn't want the conversation to die down.
"hmm it was 4,942,272 won cause it was tripled" jungkook said, seeing how jimin's eyes widened. his mother always sent him about 800.000 won in a month.
"FOR ONE DAY??" jimin's voice rised up alongside his eyebrows. jungkook nodded and smiled a bit.
"woah that's incredible! now I think I should get a job too..." jimin joked, noticing the brighter expression on jungkook's usually dull face. he saw a faint smile and that made his heart to do a small little ticklish turn, what he saw felt so right. he loved bringing positive feelings to other people, he loved seeing others smiling because of him. jimin felt as if he had found his purpose again, his purpose that he so foolishly had lost and replaced it with misery.
proud, he felt proud of himself.
_________\\\
edited chapter
word count; 2813