You're My Home

Chapter Six

When Clarke wakes up to her alarm the warm body next to her was gone. The uniform that Clarke washed and neatly pressed was gone as well.She smiled. Shit. I kissed Lexa fucking Woods. No scratch that. Lexa fucking Woods kissed ME. Clarke practically floated down the hallway, knocking on Madi's door and then the guest bedroom which is basically Aden's by now, 'Good morning favorite kids! I'm going to make pancakes, get ready for school! Today is a gooooooood day!" Madi poked her head out of her room, shooting a questioning stare towards her mom, "What kinda crack are you on this morning?"
"Jesus Madi don't say that!" Clarke tried to give her a threatening stare but her smile wouldn't go away so it just looked like Clarke had smelled something bad. Madi's eyebrows shot into the sky, "alrighttttt alright alright." she mumbled and closed her bedroom door again.
An hour later the house smelled like chocolate chip pancakes, both kids were in school and Clarke was happily tucked into the couch, starting to paint Lexa's look right before she leaned in for a kiss. Clarke barely has the outline traced when her phone starts to ring. It's Lexa. Clarke eagerly snatches up the phone and swipes to answer. "Heeeeeyyyyy" Clarke is glad that Lexa can't see her huge ass grin although she can probably hear it.
"Hey. um look."
"What's wrong?" Clarke sat up a little straighter, hearing the serious tone in Lexa's voice.
"I'm sorry um about last night."
"Why are you sorry?" Clarke lets out a giggle.
"I gave you the wrong impression. Look Clarke I'm not in the position for a relationship right now. I'm sorry." Lexa let the words spill out in a rush.
"Oh." Clarke's voice immediately sounds more collected and serious, more formal, like she was talking to her boss, not her best friend. "Okay."
"Clarke I'm so sorry I-"
"It's okay." Clarke has switched to her monotone voice, not letting any emotion through. She only uses this voice when people really hurt her. "See you later."
"Okay Clarke, bye" Not even a second after she hits the end button and Clarke's in tears. Big heavy drops roll down flushed cheeks and onto her canvas. She really thought this was it. It was perfect. To Clarke it was. And now it's not.
~
After two weeks Clarke is still as sad as when Lexa called her. Aden doesn't come to her house after school anymore, both Madi and Clarke miss his presence. Lexa has avoided Clarke at all costs, staying in her car whenever Aden has a lesson and never coming out. Clarke eats alone at home for lunch now. It sucks. She misses her best friend more than anything.
~
"Clarke?" Clarke is sitting at the kitchen counter, painting a grayscale portrait of Madi. She looks up when she hears that voice. The voice she hasn't heard in nearly three weeks. The voice she misses every single day.
"Lexa?" Clarke slips off the stool and walks to the door. Lexa is standing, one foot through the doorway, the other lingering outside.
"I didn't know if door open meant come in or if I had to knock." Lexa smiled, embarrassed, and Clarke's heart fluttered at the scene. Shut it, Clarke mumbles to herself, this girl hurt you remember?!?!
"You can come in" Clarke is surprising herself with how calm and collected she's staying. "What's up?"
"Where are the kids?"
"Outside playing with the horses" Before the last word even fully leaves Clarke's mouth Lexa has her pushed up against the wall and her lips on on hers. Clarke melts into the kiss until she remembers.
"What the fuck" Clarke shoves Lexa away and takes a few hurried steps back. "What the fuck. No you can't just kiss me and then forget about me. No you can't do that" Lexa's eyes brimmed with tears.
"Clarke I made a huge mistake" The tears have started to fall from green eyes now, "Like a massive one. Hands down the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life." Lexa takes a shuddering breath, "And that's pushing you away. I'm not used to people caring. It scared me. A lot. And the fear, it made me lose the one thing that was keeping me happy, that was holding me together. It made me lose you" Lexa has abandoned all hope of keeping herself together now, she's fully sobbing, shaking with helplessness and fear. Finally Clarke gives in. Again, the tens of thousands of thoughts ran through her head, yet all she could get was protect her. Lexa lost the ability to stand and now she's kneeling in front of Clarke, her head in her hands. Clarke was aware of all the pain this woman has caused her, but she was also aware of all the happiness this woman has brought her. So she reached for the crying woman's hand. Wet eyes nervously glanced up at her. They were met with open and understanding blue ones.
"It's okay Lexa" She tugged her hand, helping her to her feet. Lexa's lips part with awe, and before they both know it Lexa is wrapped in Clarke's arms. Clarke takes a breath for what seems like the first time since that phone call. Lexa smells like pine trees with fresh dryer sheets. It's Clarke's favorite smell.