Red Base
Outside the Red base, Lopez's head and Lopez 2.0 are next to each other, a distance away from the base.
Lopez 2.0: >A scarecrow!?<
Lopez: >Yep.<
Lopez 2.0: >They just left you hanging out there with all the vegetables?<
Lopez: >It takes about 90 days to grow corn.<
Lopez 2.0: >That's terrible!<
Lopez: >It was not the best.<
Sarge is seen in the distance near the robot parts and crates.
Sarge (Distance): Hey, Lopezs! Come over here and gimme a hand. I keep havin' to get on my knees to work on this. But I figure it'd be easier if you held it at chest level instead.
Lopez 2.0: >Yes, sir!<
Lopez: >Wait. There is one thing about these people I do like.<
Lopez 2.0: >What?<
Lopez: >Hey, Sarge! Why don't you want to get on your knees? Afraid it will bring back some repressed memories?<
Sarge: Ha! Lopez, you ol' kidder you. Now come on, time's wastin'.
Lopez 2.0 looks down at lopez and then back at Sarge.
Lopez 2.0: >Hey, Sarge... You smell!<
Sarge: Oh, don't tell me he's got you in on it too. Ha ha, Lopez you are rambuctious.
Lopez: >Sometimes he makes up entire conversations. You suck!<
Sarge: It is a lovely day, isn't it?
Lopez 2.0: >And you aren't smart.<
Sarge: Thank you for noticing. I have been hitting the gym.
Lopez: >Your mother's so fat she uses a richter scale.<
Lopez 2.0: >And she's a whore!<
Sarge: He, he. You two are like a couple of three stooges. Well, whenever you're done goofin' off come help me with with this. I just need to make a few more adjustments.
Lopez: >Stick with me, kid. And you're going to be just fine.<
Blue Base
Wash is walking up to Blue base and stops.
Wash: Here goes nothing.
As Wash goes to enter the base, Freckles walks in front of him.
Freckles: {Agent Washington.}
Wash: Oh, Freckles. I didn't see you there. Man, for a behemoth you hide really well.
Freckles: {You have failed to uphold your duties to Captain Caboose.}
Wash: But I was just on my way up now. Ready to clean the base!
Freckles: {You lack diligence, Agent Washington.}
Wash: What?
Freckles: {You question authority, Agent Washington.}
Wash raises his gun at Freckles and slowly backs away.
Wash: Um, Caboose! Could you come out here?!
Freckles' cannons begin powering up.
Freckles: {You must be eliminated, Agent Washington.}
Wash: Caboose!
Inside of Blue Base, Caboose comes walking out onto the balcony.
Caboose: Hello!
Wash: Your pet is trying to kill me!
Caboose: What? That does not sound like Freck... Hey Freckles, Freckles what are you doing?
Freckles: {Agent Washington has failed to meet the minimum requirement of Blue Team service and is no longer fit for duty. He must be eliminated.}
Caboose: See, he's just doing what he just said.
Wash: Caboose, please come here, I need to talk to you!
Caboose: Agh, probably wants to talk about what an awesome leader I am.
Caboose heads back into the base as Wash and Freckles quietly wait for him. There's an awkward silence as Wash let's out a cough. Caboose comes running out the base and stands besides Freckles.
Caboose: Yes, hello, what seems to be the problem Agent Washington?
Wash lowers his weapon and looks at Caboose. He then turns to look up at Blue Base's balcony where Tucker, Wade and Zeta are standing and watching. He takes in a deep breath, before looking back at Caboose.
Wash: I'm sorry Caboose. I'm sorry your best friend left you without saying goodbye. Maybe he thought you would try and stop him or maybe it was too hard for him to tell you but, no matter the reason, he's still gone. He left you,-
Wash stares up at Wade, Zeta and Tucker.
Wash: -all four of you. I don't really do emotional things and I hoped you might have been able to get over this by yourselves so I left you alone, and instead of coming to terms with what you lost, you replaced it with, well, the first thing you found. But I should have been there for you Caboose because, that's what friends do for each other...
Freckles: {Captain Caboose is not your friend, he is your commanding-}
Caboose: Uh, no we're all friends here Freckles, it's, you know.
Wash: That's right, and as your friend I want to say that I'm sorry. I know it's not much, I made you this.
Wash reaches behind him and pulls out a blue Mark V helmet in his hands.
Caboose: Oh my god! My old helmet!
Caboose runs over to Wash and stares at it like a child in a candy store.
Freckles: {Captain Caboose, you should return to your duties.}
Wash: I know you really like Freckles, Caboose. But you have to understand that he's very dangerous. He's not a puppy anymore... A kitten? Or... He's really big.
Caboose: Yeeaah... He blew up a car.
Wash: I remember that.
Caboose turns around and approaches Freckles.
Caboose: Freckles, you- you're one of the best machines I know. And that is saying something because I have been friends with a lot of machines. But... From now on, I think you should listen to Agent Washington.
Freckles: {Are you sure?}
Caboose: Yeah, yeah he's very smart and really nice.
Freckles: {...Acknowledged.}
Caboose: You can be leader again if you want to, Wash. It's... It's not as much fun as it looks. I think I'm more like the dashing second in command kind of person. Y"know, all the perks no work.
Wash: Thank you, Caboose.
Over on the balcony, Tucker, Wade and Zeta are watching with Simmons next to them, sobbing at the scene.
Simmons: (Sniffle) I wish my team was this emotional.
The three of them stare at Simmons.
Tucker: Jesus Christ.
Wade: Are you... crying Simmons?
Zeta: You can't blame him, it certainly was a heartfelt sight to witness.
Tucker, Wade and Zeta walk out of the room. Back outside, Caboose takes off his helmet revealing his short blond hair and blue eyes, before putting on his new helmet.
Caboose: Ah! It fits perfect! And look, someone left some gum!
Tucker, Wade and Zeta come walking out of the base and approach Wash.
Tucker: Pretty sneaky, Wash. A couple of mushy words, a present and you're right back up at the top.
Wash: Nothing sneaky about it. I meant every word.
Cabooses helmet is heard shorting out, causing his visor to flicker to blackness.
Caboose: Uh oh. I ugh... I can't see anything. Hello?
Caboose blindly looks around.
Wade: Though, you still need some work on your craftsmanship.
Caboose: OH MY GOD I'M BLIND!
Wash: One thing at a time, Wade.
Caboose: Uh... Can people see me? I can't see them!
Zeta: Well, at least we don't have a killer robot to worry about anymore.
Red Base
Outside of Red Base, the Reds' new robot starts to power up. Its engine is heard rumbling and smoke is seeping out of it.
Sarge: Ha ha! Listen to that lady purr.
Donut: Great job, Sarge!
All the reds including Doc are standing in front of the robot.
Grif: Great job? It looks like shit! It's half the size. And it's on fire!
Leo: Huh, I guess we did miss some pieces or I should say Grif did.
Sarge: That reminds me...
Sarges whacks Grif on the back with his shotgun, making him fall to the floor. He continues to hit Grif as he speaks.
Sarge: Donut, get me a glass. (Hits Grif) I'm makin' orange juice. (Hits Grif)
Grif: Ack! Every time!
Leo: Maybe, next time you'll learn not to lose pieces.
Sarge hits him again.
Grif: Ow! That's if I'm alive next time!
Donut: Getting a jump on the flu season! Good idea, sir!
Doc: Wait, that's a thing?
Cyclops: {C-c-Cyclops online.}
Sarge stops his assault on Grif and focuses on the robot.
Sarge: Huh, I knew it was a beautiful lady.
Grif gets up from the ground and dusts himself off.
Leo: Cyclops?
Doc: Looks more like a praying mantis to me.
Donut: No, she said "C-C" Cyclops. I think it's Italian.
Cyclops: {E-e- error. H-hardware malfunction.}
Sarge: Welcome to Red team, CC! Now if you can -
Cyclops looks down at the Reds and Doc.
Cyclops: {Enemy soldiers detected.}
Grif: Ugh, is it supposed to do that?
Sarge: I admire your enthusiasum, Cici. But you've only got one enemy. It's a big robot over at -
On Cyclops HUD, it marks out the Reds and other targets shown in the distance, marked as hostiles.
Cyclops: {Negative. Motion tracker detects nineteen hostiles.}
Leo: Hold on, hostiles?
Cyclops aims at the Reds.
Cyclops: {D-d-deadly force authorized.}
Leo: Oh, you've got to be shitting me.
Doc: I'm not hostile! I'm a pacifist! Kill them!
Grif: Hey!
Cyclops: {E-engaging targets- t-targets...}
Cyclops shuts down.
Sarge: Damn. She ran outta diesel.
Doc: You converted it to diesel?
Sarge: Of course. Looks like she needs a bigger fuel tank.
Leo: Seriously!? She was about to kill us! What we should do is throw her off a cliff!
Sarge: Well, I don't see how that'll solve the fuel problem.
Donut: Hey, guys... There's fourteen of us in the canyon.
Grif: Wow, Donut. That's four more than ten! Good job, buddy.
Sarge: I dunno if I'd really count Lopez.
Donut: But she said nineteen.
There's a moment of silence as everyone takes it in, until suddenly gunfire is heard at the other end of the canyon.
Grif: Oh shit...
Leo loads a round into his Railgun and starts sprinting towards Blue Base.
Leo: We need to move now!
Blue Base
Back over with the blues, Locus' soldiers are seen attacking Blue base. Wade and Tucker are taking cover behind a rock and tree, firing back at them.
Wade: Who the heck are these guys?!
Tucker: What the fuck did we do!?
Caboose is nearby, blindly wandering around on the battlefield.
Caboose: Why are we shooting off fireworks? Is it someone's birthday?
Wash is taking cover behind a large rock.
Wash: Freckles, cover Caboose!
Freckles rushes over to Caboose and crouches down in front of him, shielding him.
Caboose: (Singing) Happy birthday to me...
Simmons and Zeta are taking cover behind a pillar, but Simmons stands up from it.
Simmons: Stop shooting! We're friendly!
A few shots hit near Simmons, Zeta quickly grabs ahold of him and yanks him back down behind cover.
Simmons: That's the opposite of what I said!
Zeta: Are you trying to get shot!?
Tucker: Fuck this!
Tucker stands up and shoots one of the soldiers in the head, before taking cover again.
Wash: Wait! We don't know who they are!
Tucker: They're the guys who are gonna kill us if we don't kill them first!
Wash: ...Wade, take them out!
Wade: You got it!
Wade stands up and aims his rocket launcher at the three remaining soldiers.
Wade: POP-
Wade fires a rocket that explodes the middle soldier and catches the other two in the blast radius.
Wade: Goes the soldiers!
Red Team and Doc come rushing over the bridge and meet up with Blue team and Simmons.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is goin' on!?
Leo: Who were those guys shooting at you?
Wash: We don't know.
Zeta: They just showed up and started shooting at us!
Lopez 2.0: >Oh, man... I suddenly feel bad for not warning everyone.<
Sarge: Shut up, Lopez. This isn't the time for jokes.
Lopez 2.0: >And now I regret nothing.<
Leo: Guys, maybe we shouldn't be standing out here in the open.
Wash: Leo's right, we need to find cover in case there's more hiding out in the -
Out of nowhere the Orange Guy rushes in front of the group and deflects a sniper shot with a hardlight shield from his arm.
Orange Guy: Run!
Simmons raises his gun at him.
Simmons: Look out! It's another one!
Orange Guy gets shot in the leg by a sniper and crumples onto the ground, in a crouched position.
Orange Guy: Gah! SON OF A BITCH!
Simmons: Wait. I'm confused.
Everyone stares down at the Orange Guy in confusion as he stares back at them.
Orange Guy: What are you doing?! I said run!
Locus: Excellent work soldiers.
Over by the bridge, Locus uncloaks revealing himself to the group.
Locus: You killed my men. I suppose that makes you the real deal.
Wade: Okay, now this is getting really confusing.
Locus: Quiet! All of you, come with me now.
Leo and Wash glance at each other, before Leo aims his Railgun at Locus.
Leo: ...And why would we do that?
Locus: Because if you don't come now I'll have to take you all later.
Orange Guy: Fuck off!
Locus: You, shut your mouth and be glad I missed your head.
Orange Guy: Oh my god, you are such a douchebag!
Tucker: Yeah what he said!
Locus: This is your last chance.
Wash: ...Freckles!
Freckles walks over to the group and fires at Locus, but he quickly cloaks and disappears.
Grif: Holy shit, did you see that?
Caboose: No! What happened?! Please describe it to me! Use only small words!
Orange Guy: Um, any of you guys know how to patch up a leg?
Doc: I'll go get some orange juice.
Doc runs off, leaving everyone else with the mysterious stranger.
Orange Guy: Wait, that's a thing?
The End
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