Blue Base
Inside Blue Base, on the second floor Wade and Tucker are watching Simmons who's crouched down in front of a console, working on it. Wash comes walking over to them and stands besides Tucker.
Wash: What is all this?
Simmons: It's the future.
Wade: Oh Wash, where have you've been this whole time?
Wash: I've been doing everything I can to keep us alive.
Tucker: Oh really? Then where were you when Freckles tried to kill me for calling his tiny hat stupid!?
Wash: I thought you didn't need me protecting you, Tucker.
Wade: Honestly it's not a bad looking hat, no wonder Freckles would trie killing for that.
Tucker: It's still stupid in my opinion.
Simmons: Hey, guys. I'm trying to revolutionize the world of inter-canyon communication. So if you could keep it down that'd be great!
Wash: What is he talking about?
Simmons: I'm talking about... the internet!
Simmons stands up and stands next to the console, revealing the new "Simmons" search engine on the screen.
Male Computer Voice: Welcome!
Tucker: Oh my god! Everybody leave! Everybody leave right now! There's something I've gotta do.
Wade: The internet?
Tucker: Seriously. You're gonna see some shit if you don't leave.
Simmons: Well, it's not really the internet. The only two points of communication are Red and Blue base.
Tucker: (Disappointed) Why would you lie to us like that?
Tucker is holding a box of tissues and Vaseline in his hands, but drops them in disappointment. Wade glances down at the items and picks up the Vaseline, before looking back up at Tucker.
Wade: Really? I thought Zeta threw this stuff out!
Tucker: Dude, I've got backups hidden everywhere around the base in case of emergency.
Wash: That's disturbing.
Wade drops the Vaseline and wipes his hand on his armour.
Wade: Remind me to search the place so, I can burn them all.
Tucker: Hey! You are not destroying my material, you've already destroyed the only dirty magazine I had.
Wade: Actually Zeta was the one to destroy it.
Simmons: Is this what you guys usually talk about?
Wash: (Sighs) Unfortunately yes. Did you also put one of these at Red base too?
Simmons: Oh uh yeah. I had to sneak past Freckles but it was totally worth it.
Wash: Why?
Simmons: Behold!
Simmons types into the console and opens up the "Basebook" homepage.
Wash: Basebook?
Simmons: Yeah. It's a site that lets you post pictures, videos and even text posts so that your friends always know what you're up to. It's revolutionary!
Wade: Revolutionary? But weren't the first social media sites made hundreds of years ago?
Tucker: And there are no friends in this canyon. Only forced acquaintances.
Simmons: Yeah, but those old sites just turned into amogarations of attention whores. Nothing but teenagers who wanted to prove they were cool and old people who wanted to prove they were still relevant.
Wade: So what's the whole point of Basebook?
Simmons: Oh, y'know. Just wanna keep in touch with my friends on the Red team while I'm your prisoner. Can't let them forget about Ol' Simmons! Ha ha he, huh ha ha he, (crying)
Wash: Well... I'm glad you spent your time in captivity on something meaningful.
Tucker: So you made it. What now?
Simmons: Well, let's see what Sarge is up to.
Simmons turns back to the computer and searches for any sign of Sarge profile.
Simmons: Uh huh. Hmm. Hasn't set up his profile yet... That's cool. Umm I'll just wait for an update. He has to have an update.Yeah I'm sure It'll come eventually. Huh Updates. He he ha, he he...
Wash: Ya'know... Maybe you should go outside for a bit, Simmons. I'm sure Caboose wouldn't mind if you got some fresh air.
Simmons: No no. It's cool. I'll just save Sarge some time and... Make a profile for him! Yeah. That'll be fun. And I'll do a post about it. Just so he knows...
Tucker: ...Hope you like the new Blue team, Wash. Really worked your magic.
Tucker walks away leaving Wash, Wade and Simmons alone.
Caboose: (Distance) Ugh, Okay!
Wash hearing Caboose, walks over to the edge and looks outside, seeing Caboose sitting on top of Freckles machine gun arm and Freckles who's posing in his sombrero. Zeta is standing in front of them both.
Caboose: 'Kay! Okay did it! Zeta! Can you get my camera! And hurry please!
Zeta: Where did you leave the camera?
Caboose: Uhh.. probably in the bathroom.
Zeta: Where you taking pictures of yourself again?
Caboose: ...perhaps.
Zeta: I'm just going to assume that's a yes, just don't move got it. And I might just hang this picture up on the fridge, if you behave!
Zeta walks away into the base as Caboose gasp.
Caboose: You hear that Freckles! Do not move no matter what!
Freckles: {Holding position.}
Caboose: Oh my god this is gonna be so cute!
Back to Wash in the base with Simmons in the background.
Simmons: Hey Wash, Wade. Could one of you's take a picture and then tag me in it? He he, 'cause if I do it myself I'll just look like one of those losers.
Wash just let's out a tired sigh as Wade starts walking away.
Wade: Just take a selfie, that's what everyone else does!
Red Base
A crash is heard outside the base, Donut comes running out of the side door aiming his magnum at any intruders.
Donut: Alright! Spread 'em!
Instead Donut see's Leo, Grif and Doc with Sarge in the background near some crates.
Leo: Hey, Donut.
Donut lowers his gun.
Donut: Oh it's you guys! What took you so long?
Leo: It's not exactly easy moving several tons of robot parts in a timely manner.
Doc: Yeah, I think Grif even dropped some of the pieces along the way.
Grif: There's a difference between dropping and abandoning.
Hearing this Sarge turns around Shocked.
Sarge: What?! Droppin' pieces?! Grif, if I find a single screw missing from this death machine, I'll beat the living pulp out of you and drink the remaining orange juice! 'Cause I like my dead men pulp free. And with extra calcium. If available.
Grif: What if I lost multiple screws? Or several feet of armor plating?
Grif says, while glancing to the side at the much smaller robot then it was back on the ship.
Donut: Giant robot battle here we come! This is gonna be huuaaawesome! Fight fire with fire. Good idea, Sarge.
Leo reaches behind him and pulls out one of the future cubes.
Leo: Why don't we just trap Freckles in one of these cubes?
Doc: You actually brought one of those with you?
Leo: Well-
Grif: Technically yes.
Grif throws a cube behind him and a large stack of cubes appear.
Grif: But actually no.
Donut: It's a cube that makes more cubes?
Leo: Not really, they teleport stuff.
Grif: Which is awesome! Watch this.
Grif sees a traffic cone in the distance.
Grif: Fuck you, cone! What'd you ever do for me?
Grif throws a cube and teleports the cone.
Grif: I'm just kiddin', cone. You can come back.
He throws another one and the cone returns.
Donut: They're like Poké Balls!
Grif: No. THESE are cool. Do not ruin them for me.
Donut: Or maybe they send stuff to the phantom zone. Like in that bad Superman movie.
Leo: What like Superman 2 or Man of Steel?
Donut: No the eleventh remake. (Deep voice) Superman Origins 3: Revelations!
Doc: Oh yeah. That was awesome.
Leo: Are they ever gonna stop remaking the series?
Doc: Probably not, but I'm not complaining!
Grif: Sarge, look. Let's just send Donut to Blue base with one of the cubes. He throws it at Freckles. Freckles gets zapped. Then we just throw the cubes in a volcano or something.
Donut: Why do I have to do it?
Grif: In case it doesn't work. I wanna be alive.
Donut: Makes sense.
Leo: Grif, stop trying to get Donut killed. I still remember that time you nearly killed him because of "headlight fluid".
Grif: Hey! That was like years ago! Besides I remembered you also found it funny back then!
Leo: Hmm nope. You've got no evidence about that.
Grif: You want evidence? Simmons was there, he'll back me up!
Donut: Isn't Simmons at blue base?
Grif: Oh yeah, shit.
Doc: Uh guys, can go back to discussing about the cubes?
Grif: What's there to discuss? I already told you everything about these baby's!
Doc: Yeah, but we still don't even know how the teleporter cubes work. What they're extremely radioactive? Or what if they only work on inanimate objects?
Grif: Robots are objects.
Sarge: Hey! You're gonna hurt some feelings here. Don't ever talk like that in front of my robot.
Lopez 2.0 comes rushing over to the group.
Lopez 2.0: >I heard the word robot. Did you call me?<
Sarge: Nobody's talkin' to you, idiot.
Leo: Sarge, don't you think that was a bit harsh?
Leo says as he watches Lopez 2.0 walking away.
Grif: Not the first time he's called someone an idiot.
Doc: Well, Grif you should at least run some tests first.
Grif: But tests are haaard!
Leo: What's so hard about tests?
Grif: Because it requires me to use my brain cells!
Leo: I don't think you've been using them at all.
Grif: Woah, now "that" was just harsh.
Sarge: Well if testing those rubix cubes keeps you morons away from me so I can work. I say go for it.
Grif: Seriously?
Sarge: You can either test the cubes or you can test this thing's primary defense systems.
Grif: What do I have to do for that?
Sarge: Just stand still and wait for the sweet embrace of death.
Grif: Okay. Yeah, I'm leaving now.
Grif runs into the base.
Leo: I'll keep an eye on him. Last time I left him with something, I had to get a new pair of socks.
Leo runs into the after Grif.
Donut: Ooh! I'm gonna update my Basebook page about this.
Doc: What's that?
Donut: Oh, Doc. You're. Gonna. Love it. You should see this picture Caboose just uploaded. It's HILARIOUS!
Lopez 2.0 and Lopez's head watch from afar as Doc and Donut head inside the base.
Lopez: >([SIGH] Another robot. How original.)<
???: Psst!
Lopez 2.0: >Did you hear something?<
Near Lopez 2.0 and Lopez is the Orange Guy crouched down and hiding in a small cavern in the shadows. Lopez 2.0 turns to the source of the sound and see's the Orange Guy.
Orange Guy: Yeah. Hey, over here. Brown guy.
Lopez 2.0: >Holy shit, who is that?<
Lopez: >Who is what? I can't see.<
The Orange Guy stands up.
Orange Guy: Okay, don't come over here or anything just listen. You and your friends are in a lot of trouble.
Lopez 2.0: >What?!<
Lopez: >Seriously, what the fuck is going on?<
Orange Guy: I'm gonna get you guys out of here, okay? But you need to sit tight a little while longer. I'm not the only one with their eyes on you.
Lopez 2.0: >What does that mean?<
Orange Guy: I gotta go. Look I know you people can fend for yourselves just... Be careful.
Lopez 2.0: >Be careful? Why? Who is watching us?<
Lopez: >TURN. ME. AROUND.<
Lopez 2.0 looks back and notices that the Orange Guy is gone.
Lopez 2.0: >He's gone!<
Lopez: >Gone?<
Lopez 2.0: >Vanished!<
Lopez: >Was he Batman?<
Lopez 2.0: >Lopez, we have to tell somebody!<
Lopez: >You can't be serious.<
Lopez 2.0 looks at Sarge in the distance and calls out to him.
Lopez 2.0: >SARGE! SARGE!<
Sarge: Hmm? You talkin' to me?
Lopez 2.0: >A MAN WAS JUST HERE! HE SAID WE WERE IN DANGER! HE SAID WE HAVE TO-<
Sarge: Dos point oh, quit your yammerin' so I can build your replacement. Ugh I mean your... Building your... ugh. Yeah it's pretty much your replacement.
Lopez: >Trust me, kid. Don't even bother. You could draw that man a detailed infographic describing the situation and he'd still find some way to screw things up.<
Lopez 2.0: >But we could be rescued.<
Lopez: >I can either be a head in this canyon. Or I could be a head in another canyon. At this point I really don't care.<
Lopez 2.0: >But what about our creators?<
Lopez: >They're the worst.<
Lopez 2.0: >What do you mean?)<
Lopez: >[SIGH] You're going to want to sit down for this story. It's about 20 hours long and I only enjoy telling it in five minute intervals.<
The End
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