Listening to Walk Away-Black Veil Brides. Such a sad song :').
I just went straight towards the bathroom and made sure that no-one followed me. How embarrasing was that? I placed my hand under the sink until i felt something cold.I found a razor in my pocket and Id put that there just in case it was needed. I knew i needed to stop cutting and that it was an unhealthy addiction. But i couldnt. I just couldnt.
Slowly, i pulled the blade down my arm, relishing the warm blood and the pain. It felt good, in a way. This was my escape. My only escape. Slowly, I slid my back down the wall bringing my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my head. Tears cascaded down my face as silent sobs escaped my mouth.
The memory of Andy and I first meeting then resurfaced. The words he said pierced into me like a blunt dagger to the heart.
'What the fuck are you doing here?'
The pain was unbearable and I penetrated my scarred skin even more with my dagger. My sobs became louder and louder so I had to clasp my hand over my mouth.
A knock then emanated from the door and I heard a voice ask ,
"Are you okay? You've been in there for a while. I really need to pee." It was CC.
What was I going to do? There was so much blood on the floor and my arms were still bloody.
"...yeah...just a sec..." I managed to say, standing up, wiping my tears. I rinsed the blood of my arm and wiped it, before pulling the sleeves down.
As quick as I could, I cleaned the floor making sure there was no trace of blood and hid the blade under the sink again.
I exited the bathroom in a rush, avoiding CC's gaze.
"Hey, are you okay " he asked, grabbing my arm. I winced a bit, but I don't think he noticed. "You look like you've been crying. "
"I'm fine" I said, forcing a smile.
"Well...okay.."
I ran up the stairs tearing my arm away from his grip. I was going to leave. Yep. I couldnt stay here any longer. It was just too awkward and Andy hated me.
Then it occurred to me. Why did I come upstairs. I had no clothes to collect. So I went downstairs again and headed for front door. There was no-one here so as quietly as I could, I opened the door, letting the cold morning breeze brush past me.
I took a step forward and closed the door behind me. This was it, I was going to have to try and survive without help now.
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I didn't want to come here but I knew I would have to eventually. My feet stomped accross the scattered leaves in front of my house. I walked around the small innocent looking home to the side, where I found my bedroom window. I made a plan to quickly jump through the window, pack all my belongings and then jump out again. Then I would just wing it and do whatever I could to stay alive.
After a recap of what I was going to do, I slowly slid open the window and managed to fit my body through the small gap. It felt weird standing in my room, knowing that this would be the last time I'd visit this place. The first thing i heard was sighing, moaning and sobbing coming from the front of the house. That was probably my mum drowning out her sorrows in alcohol. I sighed. I just wish she could be the loving mother that ive always dreamed of. But i knew that could not be.
I grabbed my bag in the corner of the room and started to stuff most of my clothes in the bag. Then I grabbed all the essentials and stuffed them into the small pockets. After that I emptied out my piggy bank that was under my bed. £54 that would do for a tiny while. I squished it into my jeans pocket. My bag was quite big and I managed to also fit another pair of shoes in.
Quickly, I crept towards the other side of the room to my desk and opened the first drawer. There was a tiny wooden box , and with a smile upon my face, I opened the box. A gleaming silver necklace was there that looked new. It had a picture of my dad and me when I was younger. That was the last memory I had of him. Before...before the car crash.
I closed the box and after making room for it in my bag, I put it there too. I wiped away the tears that were on my cheek and just made my way to sit on the bed. To be honest, I would miss this place. There were many memories made here with my dad. They would live on in my heart though.
I made my way towards the window then, but just as I was about to go through the small gap, I noticed something odd.
There was silence.
Complete silence in the house.
It felt...weird.
I didn't hear the clanging of glass bottles or the deathly moans coming from my mum. There was no sobbing to be heard. Something was up. I opened the door of my bedroom and walked accross the dimly lit hallway. To my right, there was the door to the living room and I opened it, with my backpack slouched accross my shoulder.
There, I saw my mum with her back towards me on the couch. She was completely still. I crept slowly around the sofa so I could get a clearer view of her and I saw her head was leaning against her left shoulder, her eyes were closed and her mouth half open. I feared for the worst as soon as I saw her like that and I quickly grabbed her wrist, checking for a pulse. I finally found it and noticed it was very faint and getting slower by the second.
She was dying.
My mum was dying.
Ok I know she wasn't the best mother possible but I didn't want her to die. I couldnt wish that upon anyone.
Then I felt no pulse. It was completely still. She was dead.
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Yippee I finally uploaded!!! :) hope u like it!!
Sammie xx
*Virtual hug*