Namjoon holds his favorite Ryan near to his chest and his other hand played with the hem of his blue Koya's blanket nervously. His sniffles can be heard occasionally in the room, as his dam continue to pour the white pearl – soaking wet his face.
Seokjin had been trying to coax the little for almost half an hour already. Everyone being so tense watching Namjoon keeps crying after they arrived at their dorm. He started to have a mental breakdown when Sejin entered the dorm together with the others and felt intimidated immediately. No words can persuade the little to stop his meltdown.
“Joonie…”
Namjoon sobs further and Seokjin grab the little into a tight hug. Namjoon then hides his wet face on Seokjin's broad shoulder. Seokjin’s eyes quiver around his bandmates with concern evidently shows on his face. He can't stop worrying when Namjoon continues to cry.
Seokjin eyes then halted on the silhouette at the corner of the room. Sejin. Their manager had been watching the commotion since in the beginning. But he remained silent for the whole time, causing some serious tension to all of them.
“Sejin-hyung…” Seokjin trying to say a word towards the manager but Namjoon’s small whimper makes Seokjin dismissed his intention at an instant. He can feel Namjoon been tugging on the back of his shirt as the little continue to sobs.
Sejin let out a soft and low guttural sigh. He moves forward and took a seat at the end of the bed. When the mattress dipped out of his action, Namjoon arms hooked on Seokjin's neck tightly, climbing the elder's lap causing Seokjin almost to fall backward. Lucky that he managed to lean on the headboards quickly.
“Ap-appa…scawed..” he whispered to Seokjin's ears with a shaking voice.
Seokjin hugged the little, caressed his back in a circle softly. “It’s okay baby…nothing to be scared of…”
Namjoon shook his head wildly, tighten his hug and making Seokjin groan at his rough action. His gripped hardened on Namjoon's thigh as the little wiggled on his laps. Seokjin puffed an air for the dead weight of Namjoon's body on his.
“Hey, Namjoon…”
Namjoon whimpers hearing Sejin's voice calling his name out of sudden. He shouldn’t be scared of that male after he happily ate the lollipop given by Sejin before. But after they were in the room, when all attention solely on him again, Namjoon feels suffocated and trapped in the small space.
If he wasn't in the little space, there was nothing wrong with Sejin's presence in their dorm. Namjoon had used to Sejin being in the dorm if he wanted to see him or any of the members. They used to have dinner together with the rest of the members - eating Seokjin's delicious meals. It was a common routine between them and the manager.
But. There's a but to the situation right now. This is the exception to the general rule. Hypothetically.
Little Namjoon didn’t like when Sejin had been gawking at him with his sharp eyes. He hates it when the manager had the unreadable expression on his face. Like he had been judging little Namjoon. Like Sejin detest him for showing his fragile and weak side as the leader of BTS.
“About this little space…” mentioned Sejin as his eyes on Seokjin that been holding Namjoon's body firmly. “For how long?” he further asked.
“We just know about this less than a month. But as far as I’m concerned, he had been a little for a while…” Seokjin answered on behalf of the others. The rest nodded their head as confirmation.
Sejin instantly frowned. “So he had been coping with the stress like this for a while?” his voice sounded surprised.
Seokjin sighed dejectedly before he nods his head. His hand was playing with Namjoon's hair as the little buried his face on his shoulder blade. He can hear the faint sound of Namjoon's sniffling and sobbing. It was heartbreaking and Seokjin barely holding his tears.
“No one ever knew or notice about this before?” Sejin asked again. Wondering.
Seokjin shook his head. “No…”
Sejin sighed at the answer. He strokes his hair to the back and throws a glance at the rest of BTS members that been scattered around in the room. Their expression didn’t look so good as they were consumed by the guilt. The guilt for being unaware of their leader's struggling all this while.
“We were shocked when we found out about this. We had been living together for years but never for once we ever notice that Namjoon has been dealing with his stress by this method. Not saying that we were handling the little space very well right now, but we were in the learning process and still adapting…”
Sejin turned his head to see Yoongi as he speaks. His face was sullen as he leaned on the wall with arm crossed to his small waist. But his expression shows his seriousness and determination.
“This little space was still foreign to all of us. But we are willing to go through it if it makes Namjoon feels better. We had agreed to be his caregivers and take good care of him when he is in a little space, ” said Yoongi further.
Sejin stares at Yoongi, quite shocked to hear his stern voice and his solemn face when he talks about Namjoon's little space. He had known the rapper for years, mainly for his passive nature. Yoongi is a man of a few words. He barely talks if nothing really concerned him. And for him to talk this much about Namjoon was really impressive.
“Since you already know about this, I expect the company to help us and Namjoon. I know the company had the capability to do this for us, for Namjoon…”
Sejin clears his throat at the unrelenting voice as his eyes on Yoongi's stoic expression. Sejin knows it is not a request but more to demand. A clear and specific demand from the rapper.
“I’ll talk about this with PD-nim. I can’t promise anything but you know how the company always give the best to all of you, ” says Sejin practically.
“Namjoon-hyung deserve this Sejin-hyung. He had done so much for BTS, for BigHit…” intercept Taehyung, voicing out his opinion after being a good listener to the conversation.
“I know and I do understand your concern. I’ll try my best…”
“Merely trying is not enough, Sejin-hyung…”
“Yoongi…”
Yoongi turned his head towards Seokjin and immediately shrugged when he saw the sharp eyes of the elder. Seokjin sighed at his bratty attitude before he mouthed a silent apology to Sejin.
Sejin raised his hand and waved it in front of Seokjin, indicating that he didn’t take Yoongi's word into his heart. He understands what was Yoongi trying to say. The words were comprehensible and the demand was not something unforeseen.
“I think I need to talk to Namjoon…” says Sejin and slowly his eyes darted on Namjoon. “Alone…” he continues.
Namjoon makes a protesting sound as he pressed his face further on Seokjin's nape. Seokjin can feel how he shakes his head wildly and continues to cry. Seokjin pats his back in order to comfort the distressed little.
“It's okay baby. Sejin-hyung is a nice person. He won’t do anything bad to you. He even gave you the candy, remember?” coaxed Seokjin, carefully.
His eyes were on Sejin that seems tense to see Namjoon acting like that. The other members look agitated too. They didn't like to see Namjoon in that state and feeling restless for unable to do anything to soothe him at this moment.
“Joo – joonie scawed appa!” Namjoon whispered to Seokjin's ears with a strained voice. Almost choking in between his sobs.
“Nothing to be scared of. Remember what daddy told you? Big Joonie needs to tell about little Joonie…”
Namjoon shook his head again. His crying becomes more audible and his body shaking like a leaf blows by the wind. Seokjin frowned and he can’t hide his worries seeing Namjoon like this.
Seokjin turned his head towards Yoongi, asking for his help in silence. Yoongi’s shoulder slumps at the pleading face by Seokjin. However, he didn’t have any intention to put the burden on Seokjin’s shoulder alone. He has to play his part as the main caregiver to Namjoon also.
Yoongi walked towards the two and crouched down beside the bed. He laid his hand on Namjoon's back as his heart agonizing the sound of Namjoon's crying.
“Joonie-darling…Listen to daddy okay?” he speaks in a soothing voice.
Namjoon flinched hearing the voice of his daddy but stay still without moving an inch to look at Yoongi. Continue to hide his face.
“You have to tell Sejin-hyung about little Joonie so he can protect you. It is important for him that you explained the whole thing by yourself. Only you have the right to do so….” Explained Yoongi as his hand moves up and down stroking the back of the little.
This time Namjoon didn’t shake his head. He remained silent, saying nothing. Yoongi exchanged a meaningful stare with Seokjin. Both curved into a small smile, feeling a little bit relieved that Namjoon didn’t react negatively over Yoongi's words.
“Can you do that angel? Can big Joonie talk to Sejin alone?” asked Yoongi.
Namjoon sniffles before he tilted his head to see his daddy. Yoongi holds his breath when he saw the red face and puffy eyes belong to Namjoon. It's hurt his heart to see Namjoon so vulnerable like that. But still, he flashed a genuine smile to Namjoon, in order to ease his distress.
“Daddy, appa, papa, dada, oppa, and hyungie will be out there and you can call us if you feel uncomfortable…” continue Yoongi as he pointed on each member.
Namjoon lips quiver as his eyes averted to his caregivers one by one. His heart squeezed to see the beautiful smiles on his caregiver's handsome face. His stormy heart slowly becoming serene and subtle. He believes that his caregivers won't leave him alone and he can depend on them anytime he wanted. He can feel the warmth of their loves seeping through his body.
“Can you do that baby?”
Yoongi's question cut through his trance and Namjoon took a deep and long breath before he nods his head. Namjoon flashed a weak smile when he saw the gummy smile of his daddy that resonated the proudness of his bravery.
“Good boy…” says Yoongi gleefully and he ruffled the hair of the little – making Namjoon let out a soft giggle. Everyone coos at the view.
Yoongi smiles in relieved. "Later, all of us will cuddle and sleep together, okay?" He said tenderly.
Namjoon nods his head in joy. "Emm, Wyan too?" He asked innocently with his big and round eyes.
Yoongi laughed at the mentioned of Namjoon's favorite plush toy. "Yes, Ryan too..."
"Pinky promise?" asked Namjoon as he shoved his pinky fingers. Namjoon giggles when Yoongi linked his tiny finger into Namjoon.
"Pinky promise..." Yoongi said sheepishly, showing his healthy gummy.
Namjoon feels nervous. No. It will be an understatement. He feels anxious. He feels trapped. He was on his bed, both legs straightened and buried under the duvet. His fingers played with the hem of it, eyes fixated on his laps - head dangled down.
“Namjoon…”
Namjoon flinched at the call of his name but still too afraid to look at the owner of the voice. His hand gripped on the duvet tightly as his breath starts to hitch. He wished his caregivers were here with him in the room. But none of them were present. He wasn’t in a little space but still, it makes him edgier on each second passed.
Namjoon's heart squeezed at the thought that he needs to deal with Sejin alone. While the manager sat on the end of the bed, nearby his feet – been gawking at him for the past fifteen minutes.
“You can take your time to tell me… I won’t force you or pressure you. You know that right?”
Namjoon takes a deep breath before timidly nods his head. He lifted his head and glanced at Sejin for a second before he darted back his eyes to his hands again. The struggle to slip and hide in his closet become prominent.
“Seokjin and Yoongi had briefed me about this whole situation…” Mentioned Sejin in a calm voice after Namjoon remained silence.
Namjoon bits his lips.
“It still confused me but I kind of understand…” Sejin continues, eyes still on Namjoon. He didn’t want Namjoon to think that he was lying in order to comfort him. Sejin just being honest.
Namjoon hummed weakly. “So – sorry hyung. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble but – but it just happens…” his voice shaking a little bit.
Sejin let out a soft breath. “Namjoon, I’ve been the manager for years. I’ve been watching all of you growing up throughout the years, during the up and down. I know how much pressure have all of you endured to be here today. Especially you…”
“Hyung…”
“You had the double and triple works, more than the other members. You had carried the burden on your shoulder as the leader. You were doing great Namjoon and you always be. It is understandable for you to feel stress with all the responsibilities…” Sejin says.
Namjoon darts his eyes on Sejin, feeling overwhelmed at the speech. “It's my duty as the leader hyung. I need to lead BTS and make sure that the trust given by PD-nim to me was not in vain.”
“Namjoon-ah you’ve been working so hard all this while… you are the reason where BTS stand today…”
Namjoon weakly shook his head. Lots of people were saying the same thing to him. That he is the pillar of BTS, the leader who lead BTS into the flowery path. He couldn’t agree with the statement. All the success and fame enjoyed by BTS today were the hard work of everyone.
No one is being the sole reason for their success. Everyone has been working so hard, giving all their heart and energy. He can’t say he is the one who had paved the way for BTS. No. It's the hard work of the members, the staff, and the company. They won't be standing tall in the eyes of the world without any of them. It is impossible.
“It's always been the biggest concern for me and Bang PD on how all of you handling the stress. We were afraid it will tear you down one day. We can see how much you had been holding yourself…”
“If – if you think it will affect the company, I – I will try not to regress and – and…”
Namjoon let out a small gasp when Sejin put his hand on his and pats on it fondly. “You know how much the company will do for you and the boys, right? We are going to protect all of you in whatever circumstances…” mentioned Sejin.
Namjoon bites his lips before he nods his head. He knew the fact very well. BigHit had been giving so much for BTS so that they can be where they were now. Nothing less and sometimes it is too much just for the sake of their comforts. Namjoon couldn’t feel more blessed and thankful for all the advantages and favors are given by the company.
“This time, we will protect you too Namjoon. The same thing we did as before…” said Sejin with a firm voice. He curved into a smile as his eyes fixated on Namjoon's shy face.
“Th-thank you hyung…”
Sejin let out a soft laugh and he squeezed Namjoon's hand lightly. “You deserved this, Namjoon…”
“Oh, I didn’t know that Namjoon can be that cute!”
Sejin squinted his eyes at Bang PD as he said that words when Sejin explains to him what had happened to the leader of BTS yesterday.
“It was hard for him at first. The rest also didn’t know about it. It’s happened at the fan meeting…”
“Ah, that’s why he said he didn’t feel well that day… I see…”
Sejin nods. “Do you have any problem with that? You know for him to regress like a child…”
Bang PD looks at Sejin momentarily before he shook his head. “If that’s his way to cope with the stress than I don’t have any problem to that. Not that he misuse any drugs or inflicting any self-harm. It is better that way rather than he hurt himself…”
“Yes, I agree with that…”
“We know it is hard for a young boy like him to be the leader of BTS. It is stressful for him to be the front man and absorb all the negatives things for his bandmates. I’m glad that he found a healthy way to deal with the stress though…”
“I had mentioned this to Namjoon and the members. I wanted to discuss this with you first before they come and meets you about this…”
Bang PD nods in agreement. "We shall take a cautious step as well as providing a safe environment for the boys. I want him to feel at ease to show his weak side."
"I think a few staffs need to be briefed about this but make it with a limited circle so that the news didn't leak out and cause the harm to Namjoon and the boys too..." suggest Sejin.
Bang PD nods again. "Well, we will fix a meeting with the staffs later..."
Sejin smiles and feels relieved that Bang PD took the news in a calm manner.
“It makes me so eager to see Namjoon in his little space…”
Sejin frowned at the statement and had his eyes on Bang PD smiling face. “Why?” he asked in confusion.
“Nothing, I just thought that he must be really cute that you instantly fall under his charm Sejin-ssi…”
Sejin chuckles awkwardly but he didn’t deny the allegation at all. He was swooning over little Namjoon and he agreed that Namjoon is really adorable. It is easy for anyone to love little Namjoon instantly. Especially when he was acting so cute.
“Should I call him Joonie too?” asked Bang PD with a grimace. A little bit excited.
Sejin scowls at the saying. “You sounded like an old pervert man, PD-nim!
“Yah Sejin!!”
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Hey guys, lol sorry for the long hiatus. My health wasn't so good for the past few weeks and honestly, I'm still sick right now. But it's getting better than before.
Most of you know that I never left out my books for so long and it really makes me upset that I'm unable to write in the past few weeks. I feel I need to start updating my books, trying to write at least one para per day.
Thanks for all the wishes and for being patient with me. I hope this chapter hasn't come out as disappointment after the long wait. Sorry for the mistakes, I'm trying my best to fix my grammar.
And thanks for the 55K reads. You are my ace!! Love you all!! 😘😘😘