the door to johnny's pitch black room creaked open and meredith popped her head in, surveying his room with a sad smile.
"hey, soldier." she said, stepping into the room and lightly closing the door behind her.
"hey." johnny's voice came out quiet and mumbly from under his covers. he looked up at his ceiling and willed his sadness to go away.
to his immense surprise, mer sat down on his bed and pushed back the all-white covers. "shove over." she said gently, sliding her legs into the covers as johnny shuffled to the left.
johnny's heart swelled unexpectedly. his dad didn't seem to understand what he was going through, but his mom was the opposite. he knew she would understand, and empathise with him, for she knew him like the back of her own hand.
"the last time we shared a bed together would have been when you were a boy." mer said sadly, turning her head to look at him.
he sniffed, blinking back tears. his mouth started twitching and he knew, that finally, he was going to cry.
"oh, john. my boy." meredith sounded sad. "c'mere."
without a word, johnny lay his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes as his chest started to get tight. he then squeezed his eyes, trying and trying and trying not to cry, not to let out his sadness and emotion. meredith stroked the unruly curls he had off his forehead, a kind, motherly gesture that made him want to cry even more.
"you miss her?" meredith prompted quietly.
"so much." johnny sniffled, opening his eyes and letting the tears drip down his cheeks. "it hurts, mom."
he hadn't said the word mom since he was at elementary school. she was always meredith to him; they were always equal, they always used their given names. the way she referred to him as her son and the way he referred her as his mom spoke volumes. he was upset, which was childlike for him, because he never showed emotion, therefore she knew what to call him.
their bond was so special meredith was able to understand when he was upset and deal with it in the nicest way; physical touch and kind words.
"did you send the flowers?" meredith swallowed.
johnny nodded, breathing out as heavily as he could. "everyday."
"it's okay, you'll be okay, i promise." meredith stroked his forehead again, which only made him want to cry harder. mackenzie always played with his hair in the way that his mom was doing. it was comforting and distressing to him all at the same time; comforting because he knew that at least she loved him, but distressing because of the fond memories he had with his ex.
"i love her so much, mom. she's like... my everything. how could she just not even call?"
"girls are silly sometimes." meredith whispered back. "she'll come around. but i want to talk to you about something, something you need to think about."
"what?" johnny asked, looking up at his mom.
"when you were with mackenzie, do you think your relationship was healthy?"
johnny blinked. "what?"
meredith smiled sadly. "do you think it was healthy for you, yes or no?"
"i don't see why it wasn't healthy. it is- i mean was, my first relationship. i don't even know what's healthy or not, i was just having fun."
"i know baby, i know. and that must hurt, for your first relationship to end so badly. but i think we should talk about this. would that be okay with you?"
johnny furrowed his eyebrows. "yeah? okay?"
meredith managed another small smile. "i was hoping you'd say yes."
"what do you mean about this healthy, unhealthy stuff?"
merediths smile vanished. "i've been in contact with a few of your coaches, and a few of your friends. obviously not that summerall dick, hut some of your teammates."
"and?" johnny asked, confused. his heart panged at the mention of hayden.
"they told me a few things that indicate your relationship wasn't healthy. and i wanted to talk with you about it, because i noticed it too."
johnny genuinely didn't understand. "what– what do you mean?"
"i know you love mackenzie, and i know she loves you, no matter if you broke up or not. i think one of the things that makes this breakup so hard on you two, is that you depended too much on each other. you were always always always with each other, and while that was great, you forgot to invest in others in your lives." meredith sighed. "we really missed you around home john, and it was silly for not telling you that sooner."
johnny was putting the pieces together in his head. it took him a long time to reply. "i... i get it. the past few days have been so weird, because she's not there, and she used to be there all the time."
"right." meredith smiled, grateful that her boy wasn't taking anything to heart. "that's why this breakup has been so hard on you– you went from everything to... nothing."
"so– so that makes a relationship unhealthy?" johnny wanted to understand.
"that, among other things. in a couple, john, you need to be able to function away from each other as well as near each other. there's got to be a balance. you get me?"
johnny bit his lip and nodded. meredith carried on.
"do you think you being with kenzie hurt other people? do you think it made them upset that you were with her?"
johnny thought about it. the tears were going and his mind was clearing. "nadia... and devinity. the cheerleaders. hayden."
"mhmm." meredith hummed. "anyone else?"
"i... i don't think so."
"wrong." meredith spoke softly in his ear, and resumed using a hand to play with his curls. "me."
johnny turned his head up, horrified, and frankly quite shocked.
meredith swallowed. "we missed you. darian, maddie, lauren, and dale. we didn't show it, but we missed our boy. it wasn't the same without you here."
johnny was mortified, his mind whirling. he genuinely had no idea how to reply.
"it's a lot, i know." meredith shuffled around a bit in the bed. you wanna know who else was upset? your coaches, j. they missed their star player." she then smiled. "your teachers didn't miss much because you don't do much work in class anyway, but when your principal rang me she said the staff would be relieved that they wouldn't have to stop in the halls to tell you two to stop kissing and go to class."
"oh, man." johnny slightly smiled as he wiped his eyes. "that's so embarrassing that you know that."
meredith laughed. "it's okay, i don't mind so much. there's worse things you could have been doing. you've never been academic anyway."
johnny smiled, feeling uplifted by the conversation. "so it wasn't healthy because we spent to much time together and we made everyone sad because of that. right?"
"right." meredith confirmed. "do you think that information might help you make some better decisions in the future?"
johnny rolled his eyes playfully. "lets hope so."
meredith elbowed him good-naturedly and sat up. "do you wanna think about that for a bit?"
johnny thought about his reply, eventually settling with "yeah, yeah i do."
"okay." meredith smiled, pushing the covers back and getting out of his bed. she reached over and ruffled his hair, before she saluted and walked out the door.
johnny heard her walking down the hall, but called her back after a few seconds. "mom!" he yelled.
her head peeked around the edge of the door. johnny became suddenly shy.
"yeah?" she asked curiously.
"thanks. i– i'm lucky to have you."
meredith positively glowed at his words. "that's okay. i got your back." she smiled widely, and he smiled back before she walked out the door for the second time.
AUTHORS NOTE
this is unedited srry, anyways tho, how do we like??