The next morning, Torrel was already up making breakfast when the dreams turned her loose. Clarke rose quickly and rinsed her face and mouth from the water bucket. She could see his hands shaking and the exhaustion on his face, so she immediately took over and sent him to sit. She finished cutting the bread and fowl from the night before then went to the fire and removed the pot of boiled eggs.
"Is Lena awake yet?"
He shook his head. "Not yet. I looked in on her when I got up and mixed up another mug of tea for when she does wake. She is going to hurt for a while, I suspect."
She nodded and swallowed down a lump of emotion before turning to peel the eggs. Once she had a morning meal put together, she took it and the tea to her room. Strange amber-coloured eyes looked to her with discomfort when she opened the door.
"You are awake, good! I brought you some food and more tea for your pain."
A thankful look crossed her face when she handed over the mug. She set the plate of meat, eggs, and bread on the bed. "Do you think you can eat something? The tea can be hard on your stomach if you do not eat."
"Thank you."
Lena set the tea aside and started on her breakfast. After a few bites she looked at Clarke seriously. "I shouldn't stay here. I'm going to bring trouble to you and your friend."
Clarke stopped her. "He...it is okay. I know he will do whatever he can to protect you. Just focus on healing right now."
The look of fear in her eyes softened and the lines between her brows smoothed a bit with relief.
"Thank you, Clarke, for everything." Clarke nodded and smiled.
When Lena was finished eating, Clarke took the plate and left the room again. Clarke could see her eyes drooping and knew she was headed for another round of healing sleep.
As Clarke was cleaning up from our meal, a sudden realization came over her. She went searching for Torrel in a panic. She found him in the workshop, mixing dye for the fletching.
"Torrel we are in more danger than I thought!"
He looked up in alarm. "What is it? Is Lena okay?"
She quickly shook her head. "Not Lena, us. I forgot everything you taught me about tracking. Our trail will lead them right to our steading. What are we going to do?"
She started pacing, wondering how long it would take to find them. Torrel set down the container of dye and grabbed her shoulders to stop the pacing.
"Clarke, settle down! I have already taken care of it."
That took her by surprise. "What?"
"I went out before dawn and covered your trail. None of the warriors sent to investigate will be able to track you."
Clarke took in his exhausted and pale face, his tremulous hands, and she knew what it had cost him to protect them a little longer.
"Oh, Torrel why did you not let me help you?"
He gave her a smile she failed to understand and sat back down on his stool. "It is fine, Clarke. You know I do not have long for this world but I would give every heartbeat I have left to protect you." He patted the other stool next to him. "Come over here for a moment, I want to ask you a favour."
Curious, Clarke made her way around the workbench and sat on the other stool. "What is it? You know I will do whatever you want."
Her hands were swallowed by his large calloused ones, and he looked at her with his serious blue eyes. "I want you to leave here."
"What?" Clarke tried to pull her hands away but he held on tight.
"Clarke, listen!" When she calmed down he continued. "You know I do not have long and when I die there will be nothing left here except trouble. Clarke, this land has nothing for you and I want you to be safe."
Dismayed, her voice was tinged with desperation. "But, Torrel, you need me here! I've found peace and quiet only here, everything I needed is here."
He shook his head sadly. "I know, Clarke. But all those things you have learned and achieved mean nothing if you are dead. I need you alive and happy more than I need you with me. I want you to take our memories here together and all your skills and start a new life somewhere else." He swallowed and looked around the small workshop. "This place...they will never understand you and never give you your freedom or respect. I want you happy, Clarke. I always knew you were special, that you had so much to give."
The tears fell again, knowing that he was serious about her leaving and that he would not change his mind. Clarke hated the tears and rubbed them angrily against the sleeve of her tunic. With her world falling out from under her, it seemed as though she had nothing more than the emotions of a naive child. But she was not a child any longer and knew that loss was something she would have to get used to once again. But she grieved, oh how she grieved. The blue eyes that almost is the same as hers pleaded with her, that begged her, were tired. She knew that once she was gone he would give in to the exhaustion that plagued his days.
"But what will I do, where will I go?"
He scratched the stubble on his chin before answering. "You can do whatever you like, Clarke. As for where to go, why not travel with Lena?"
She looked at him with bewilderment. "But why would I go to with her? I have nothing to offer them except trouble!"
Torrel looked at her with a twinkle in his eye that had long been missing. "Clarke, I think they would be honoured by everything you have to offer. Do not lower your own worth, I have taught you too well for that. Besides you are after all 'Wanheda'. Floukru is a peaceful clan and their city is isolated from the rest. They will never try to take your power but instead worship you for destroying their worst and strongest enemy single handed. You'll be safe there."
Clarke looked at him in surprise and gave a single nod of acknowledgement. "When do you think we should leave?"
The sparkle in his eyes left as quickly as it came. "Soon. As soon as Lena can ride without pain, you need to flee this place. You can start packing a kit now. You can take your mare, Hera, and let Lena ride Toby."
He stood from the stool and rummaged through shelves behind him. "I will put together a kit with arrow making tools and a few other things. You just worry about the rest."
"But what if she says no?"
He glanced over his shoulder at her. "You saved her life." He turned away once again. She knew she had been dismissed, so she went back to the cabin to check on Lena and start gathering her memories as best as she could.
****
That evening, Lena was able to come out and sit with them at their small table. Clarke introduced her to Torrel before setting the small table for their meal. They ate rabbit stew and the rest of the morning bread. Clarke was happy to see Lena had a good appetite and that she enjoyed the food. Her thoughts were only half in the present as she dragged the last bite of her bread around the bowl in front of her.
"This stew is amazing. I haven't had anything this good in a while."
Torrel responded proudly. "Clarke does most of the cooking and all the hunting. I have not been able to help as much as I would like since my weakness hit."
Lena looked at Torrel with sadness and understanding. "Do the healers know what is wrong?"
He shook his head. "No, just that I get weaker each day and it gets harder and harder to breathe."
He shoved his half-empty dish away with a shaking hand. Clarke knew he was going to ask Lena. Clarke sped her way through the last of her own dinner and grabbed their bowls. Sensing he had more to say, Lena sat back and waited.
"Lena, I know you are aware of the danger your presence places on our steading." When she started to interrupt, he held up his hand. "No, it is okay. I stand by every decision Clarke makes. I am glad she helped you and brought you back."
He sat forward in his chair and took a shaky sip from his mug. In a rare admission of the chest pain he was feeling, it was filled with a tea made from crataegus, basil, cinnamon, and honey. The healer recommended the drink for his worst days. Unfortunately cinnamon was rare and expensive, so he did not make the tea very often. He continued after a few heartbeats of silence. "But now that you are here, I was actually hoping you could help us in return. The thing is, Clarke is not save here anymore. People will always be after her, and when the war begins, she will not be able to remain here undetected and they will either kill her or used her. I do not wish to see what would become of her in either of those instances."
Lena sat up, catching an inkling of what Torrel was saying.
"What are you trying to tell me, Torrel?"
"You have to leave as soon as possible and I would like Clarke to go with you. She is in danger here and I want her to be safe." The great man Clarke had worshipped her entire life seemed to shrink before her eyes. He covered his face with a hand and tried to gather himself emotionally. When he looked up again, Clarke could see his blue eyes begging the Floukru warrior across from him. "Please...she deserves much better than what's been thrown upon her."
Lena looked at him and then turned to meet Clarke's gaze. "And what do you want, Clarke?"
Clarke watched both of them thinking about that very thing. Her heart was pounding and her mouth had suddenly gone dry. Reality and realization were colliding in her head.
"He...he is right. The only thing I have right now is Torrel. I owe it to him and I'll do anything to at least give him peace after everything he had done for me."
Lena looked at her with compassion and understanding. "I understand. Can you be ready to leave by tomorrow?"
Shocked, Clarke stared at her with dismay. "What? You cannot even ride yet. You are not nearly healed enough to travel."
She returned her look with an emotionless mask. "No, but I can walk just fine. I need to continue my journey as soon as possible. My queen is counting on me."
Torrel broke in. "She can be ready. Most of her things are already packed. She will have her horse and one for you too. Will that work?"
"But, Torrel!"
He interrupted her. "No, Clarke, it is time. You know every day you stay will be more dangerous and will be harder for you to leave. Please!"
Her eyes was tearing up, she took a deep breath, reining in her emotions. It was time to start being strong. She sighed. "You are right. I know you are right. I will be ready."
Lena watched her for a candle drop longer. "Okay, we'll leave at first light. But right now I think I need some more rest. Good night to you both."
Torrel smiled at her. "Goodnight Lena. And thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can never repay you for this."
Lena gave him a small smile in return and then glanced at her. "She already has."
Clarke left the cottage then. She had a place to visit before she could let sleep claim her. She went to sit for a while on her log. Sunset was not far off, so she knew she would be unable to stay long. But she wanted to say goodbye to the place that brought her so much calm over the year. There was a peace in sitting above the stream that she would sorely miss. There was a part of her that was excited to go on an adventure again, to begin another life. But the rest of her was broken-hearted. She knew that in order to find her true place, she had to leave all the rest behind. And she felt a great wrenching sadness at the thought that she would never see Torrel again. She would have to say goodbye to him just like she did when she left her people.
****
The next morning dawned clear. They were up and fed, and Torrel had the animals ready to go. There were tears in her eyes when he took her aside, but she kept them under control. He wrapped her in his strong arms and held her. He had become much like a father to her. She could feel how much he was struggling to breathe with her arms wrapped around him. Clarke wondered how much he had been hiding from her over the past few weeks. When he pulled back, she gazed into his blue eyes for the last time.
"I am going to miss you so much, Torrel!"
He smiled and almost seemed as if a weight were lifting from his shoulders. Perhaps it was.
"I will miss you too, Clarke, but I will die happy knowing you are safe."
"But, Torrel, how will you live? What happens if your store runs out and you cannot fletch anymore? You need me!"
He shook his head and cupped her cheek. "Clarke, we both know that my stock of arrows will last longer than I will. I can feel it. My time here is almost done."
"Oh, Torrel!" She threw herself into his arms and hugged him one last time.
He pulled back. "All I want you to do for me is to live. I want you to be free and follow your heart. And Clarke, never let anyone bring you down from the trees. You take your heart and your soul and live. Promise me."
"I will, Torrel...I will. I promise." Her silent tears continued long into their first day. Lena never mentioned them.
****
The first few days were a bit tense, with both of them learning the other's peculiarities. Clarke knew that Lena was still healing so she had no problem hunting and preparing the meals each day. They took a different way out of the forest and found a northerly road that would take them towards Floukru territory. It only took two days to leave the region completely and leave behind retribution for the men she had killed. Lena was well on her way to complete healing by the time they were four days out, at least physically. Emotionally, Clarke could tell she suffered each night. Clarke would wake to Lena's nightmares, of her whimpering and crying out in fear and pain. Clarke knew what she dreamed of because she had similar. Only hers always ended with either Lena, or Torrel, pierced by her arrows.
On the fifth day of their journey, Lena remarked that they were only a day from her lands. A couple candle marks after midday, they met a few clan less rough looking men on the road. They were walking to give their mare a break, simply enjoying comfortable silence. And while they were fairly laid back on the trip, they were not completely unwary. On Lena's suggestion, Clarke always kept her bow strung. The men slowed up as they passed them. A strange tingling ran up her spine and she quickly spun in place, arrow already nocked. Lena turned when she did, sword drawn. Eight mounted men stopped near us were dirty, their gear in disrepair. Clarke had a gut feeling on their approach, so she had an arrow nocked but kept it alongside her horse out of their view. The men had long knives with a curved cutting edge, and they clearly meant to do them harm.
Lena called out to them. "Put your weapons away and keep moving down the road. We want no trouble with you."
The one on the left laughed. "But what if we want trouble with you? Tell you what, you give us your gold and those animals and we promise not to kill you."
Lena shook her head. "I'm afraid that's not an option."
Just then, another man jumped out of the brush to the side of them. He had his bow raised as Clarke spun toward him. They fired at the same time, only her arrow slapped his projectile away. Then her second took him through the chest while he was busy reloading. She turned with another arrow nocked to see Lena kicking one man away from her while engaging the other with her sword. Clarke put an arrow through the neck of the man who had fallen as he rushed back into the fray. As fast as she could draw, Clarke fired arrow after arrow and men fell from their horses. Unfortunately, she only dropped four of them before her gentle mare became spooked by the noise and confusion. She spun her away from the action, so she leaped from the saddle and once again took aim. Lena was busy fighting the leader and another man from horseback while the other two aimed their horses in her direction. Clarke dropped one more before the last man was on her. She ducked the swing of his sword and moved under his horse's head to the other side, drawing an arrow. Before he could reorient, she fired and he was dumped on the ground. She then put an arrow in the brigand who was circling around behind Lena while she was engaging the other with her sword. Lena quickly dispatched the remaining thief. After cleaning her sword on his dirty clothes, she turned to Clarke.
"Are you okay?"
Clarke glanced at the seven men dead of her arrows and swallowed the burning liquid that had come up her throat. Nodding, she slung her bow across her shoulders and went to remove her arrows from the dead men. She could not help wondering if she really was nothing more than a killer. Was she truly a monster that everyone thought her to be? While she removed her arrows and wiped them down, Lena rifled through their meagre belongings. After dumping all the money into one pouch, she held it out to her.
"What?"
She looked her in the eye. "Take it, you earned it."
Clarke had no control over the look of disgust on her face. The idea of robbing dead men, men that she had killed, made her feel sick to her stomach again. She doesn't know why she felt that way considering she had done exactly that, many time when she had first arrived on earth.
"No! I do not want money for taking their lives!"
Lena slowly walked up to her. She grabbed her clenched hands, loosened the fingers of the left one, and wrapped them around the leather pouch.
"Clarke, I know you don't have a lot of experience out in our world but they never would have let us go. That is how men like this are. They would have killed us if we hadn't put them down first. When you take the life of a bad person, someone who takes the lives of good people, all you see is that you killed a person. But what you don't see is the countless other lives you saved hidden in that person's future." Lena continued. "Do you think that was the first time those men ever attacked someone?"
"No." Clarke then looked at the pouch in her hand. "But it hardly seems fair. They were just trying to survive."
Lena gently raised her chin until she could look Clarke in the eyes. "And what about the families who have come through here before us? Is it fair to them when these men rape, rob, and kill them? Is it fair to the children who lose their mothers and fathers?" Releasing her chin, she stepped back. "Clarke, you have a light and these men were nothing but darkness. If you have the ability and the will, it is your responsibility to protect others from that darkness. Wanheda is known to defend the weak and kill thousands to protect them. If you want to be in peace with yourself, you must learn this lesson well and learn to forgive yourself when you are honouring your creed. Only people who had done wrong sees Wanheda as a monster, but remember, all those people you bring justice to, worships you. Listen to those who cried for the justice you bring them, when even generations of Hedas couldn't. I myself will forever be grateful for what you did."
She then pulled one of her matching daggers and its sheath from her left boot and handed it to her. She told her she could wear it on her belt, thigh, or boot. Clarke simply took it in a daze and chose her boot, the same way Lena wore hers. She said that it's a gift from her for saving her and that she hope the dagger will keep her save in turn. Before they left that section of road behind, they pulled the dead men to the side out of respect for other travellers that would come along behind them. The rest of the trip was made in relative peace. There were no more encounters with thieves and their like.
After dinner Clarke sat on her bedroll inspecting her new knife. It was longer and wider than the dagger she own. Its total length was about that of her forearm, and it had a leather wrapped handle. The pommel was shaped like a circle but came to a slight point at the end. She assumed this was to do the most damage to the top of a man's head, but she did not ask. There was something quite appealing in its simplicity, and she could tell it was well made.
Lena watched her inspect the blade. "The pair was a gift from my second mother, when I was promoted into a full fledge warrior."
"What? I cannot take this if it was a gift to you!" Clarke tried to hand it back, only to have Lena push her hand down.
"No, it's okay. By giving you that blade, I'm honouring Wanheda you kept hidden. I truly feel like you are a sister and I know that it's the right thing to give you my second dagger." She paused for a heartbeat. "Less than a cycle after I took up my duties as a warrior, I lost my own parents. Our queen frequently sent patrols to our border on the side of Mount Weather." She paused to take a drink from her nearby water skin and stared into the fire while she continued. "Anyway, my mothers were sent on the same mission that resulted in the entire group being taken." She drew in a shuddering breath as she watched the flickering flames. "After my parents died with ten other warriors, I was lost in grieve and misery. The worst part of it is that I couldn't do anything about it. I don't know what I would have become if you haven't ended the mountain. It was because of you that I was able to finally breath freely again."
Clarke didn't know what to say, but she did understand her pain.
"I'm sorry for your loss."
Lena shrugged, but Clarke had come to recognize when she pushed difficult things away from her. "It was a year ago now, but I'm telling you because I want you to understand the justice you delivered to a countless number people."
Her words wrapped Clarke with respect and understanding. She finally nodded and swallowed the lump that had lodged in her throat. She looked at her deeply and for the first time. Clarke nodded and gave a small smile.
"Yes, I think I am starting to see that now. Thank you for reminding he that I am still a good person."
Lena then stepped near again and folded her into a strong hug. "You have no choice but to be good, Clarke. It is simply who you are. Never fear on that."
Clarke finally nodded and swallowed the lump that had lodged in her throat. After stowing the dagger into her right boot, she stared into the fire for a few candle drops. When she thought she was in control of her emotions, she turned her gaze back to Lena.
"Once I am settled into your clan, I would like to make some arrows for you in return."
She smiled and nodded. "It's a deal. Now, get some sleep."
****