ryland's pov
"so garrett tells me you're secretly sleeping with some guy in school."
the red head across from me commented with a grin and i slapped the back of my best friend's head, looking at his newly-crowned boyfriend with pink cheeks. my sexuality had never really been discussed between garrett and i, but i had an inkling he knew i liked boys since he often referred to my 'secret' – garrett's fun way of describing whatever i was doing with my life – as a him.
"so garrett tells me his mom walked in on him fucking you." i mimicked, raising an eyebrow and watching as the boy's cheeks darkened until they matched the colour of his hair.
andrew and garrett have been dating for quite a few weeks now, their friends with benefit status that sparked over a maths project swiftly morphing into a heavy, fast paced relationship. i'd never seen garrett so happy, and after being introduced to andrew the two of us have become close. although younger than us, he seems mature for his age and a little shy, which suits me down to the ground since it was in my nature to be exactly the same.
yet, despite all this, a part of me is so ridiculously jealous of the pair's openness with not just each other but the whole entire world. the fact that they can so easily hold hands with each other in the hallways or post photos of themselves on instagram without a thousand judgemental looks was purely euphoric to me - i knew it would never happen between shane and i. this very fact sent envy coursing through my veins.
"shut up, ryland, you asshole." the blonde boy beside me playfully teased and nudged my shoulder.
i rolled my eyes in return, hoping that the matter of my implicit love life was staying well and truly quiet, and began to pick at my lettuce. we were sat in the canteen eating our lunches in a feeble attempt to grasp some warmth before heading to our next class, bodies gathered around a circular plastic table that had permanent marker scrawled across it. the crisp november air seemed to engulf our school, amplified by the fact that the boiler was constantly on the blink and provided little salvation from the freezing winter weather.
the three of us, huddled in oversized sweatshirts and skinny jeans, had been discussing the latest gossip at my school before the topic had drizzled into my love life. the grapevine was ripe with rumours about my brother and his girlfriend – katie – breaking up, to which i knew nothing of, since apparently he had slept with some senior volleyball player over thanksgiving weekend. i couldn't help but roll my eyes when i found out – in the last month austin has become this unapproachable wrecking ball that even i don't dare disturb – so this act of disloyalty only confirmed my suspicions of him going off the rails over the next few months.
"why don't you just tell us, ry." garrett pleaded, elongating the last syllable of my name and giving me wide puppy dog eyes. one hand of his was enlaced with andrew's atop of the canteen table whilst the other scrolled through his twitter home page.
i shot him a warning glance, not wanting to continue the conversation any further. "because it's none of your business, lover boys. leave my love life out of you gossip." my comment made andrew smile softly and look down shyly at the table, his dark brown eyes shining humorously.
"oh my god!" both mine and andrew's heads snapped up to the exclaiming boy with confusion. "katie just posted a picture of her and chad halton at starbucks saying lunch date. you know, the guy who played danny in grease? lunch date! your brother is going to fucking kill him, haven't they fought before? oh no! the last time your brother got into a fight he was nearly suspended." garrett rambled, his eyes wide and surprised that my brother's placid girlfriend could just as vindictive as her boyfriend.
"great." i mumbled under my breath in frustration, throwing the rest of my salad in the bin and swinging my backpack over my shoulder. "that's the guy whose nose austin broke at a party last year when the poor boy accidentally bumped into him."
"your brother's a douche." garrett replied and i sighed, nodding my head. i couldn't even deny it – his actions lately, and i suppose over the past year or so, were painting him as an egotistical asshole that didn't give a fuck about anybody. this impression he manifested upon the whole entire school embodied the dagger impaled in my stomach; harmful and obtaining this omnipotent ability to purely destroy our family name, yet the repercussions of confronting austin on his behaviour - of pulling out the dagger - were all too earth shattering.
the bell rang before we could expand any further on the topic, signalling that it was time for garrett and i to head to business class whilst andrew went to history. a swarm of teenagers began migrating in full force towards the doors and we snuck out the fire exit doors to avoid the traffic, which technically wasn't allowed but we've been doing it since freshmen year and have never been reprimanded. i shivered in the cold air and reached into my bag to grab the black woollen beanie shane had bought me as a thanksgiving present a few days ago, pulling it over my quickly numbing ears and shuffling awkwardly near the fading-peach coloured walls.
"see you later, okay?" garrett fondly spoke, his hands in the back pockets of andrew's jeans as he kissed the boy's forehead. "give me a ride?"
the red head stood up on his tiptoes and kissed the blonde's lips. "sure. see you later." andrew smirked, raking his ginger hair away from his eyes before turning away, glancing up at the clouds as he walked to the other side of the school.
"god, i'm so whipped." garrett muttered as we watched him walk away, shaking his head in amusement before pivoting on his heel to face the playing fields.
"i didn't know andrew had a car." i obliviously responded, adjusting my beanie and stuffing my hands into my pockets to prevent my fingers from earning frostbite.
he laughed loudly, a smug look on his face. "oh, ryland. little innocent ryland. he doesn't."
the euphemism soon became prominent and clear in my mind as i screwed my face up, glaring at my best friend. "you're actually disgusting. you both are. i feel physically sick." i babbled, shaking my head in distaste as my best friend exploded into giggles.
"thank you, i will take that as a compliment. c'mon, we'll be late." garrett teased, winking as he dragged me towards the door and bursting into business class.
seemingly we made it just in time, as a few moments after we took our seats in walked our teacher and i had to suppress the loudest sigh of relief. i liked business class, it was straight forward and simple and i got a view of shane looking sweaty as he played football for a whole hour, but mr mitchell was by far the worst teacher i'd come across in years. he lacked any sort of authority over the class to the extent where it was almost laughable.
resting my head against the window and trying block out the meaningless words surrounding marketing, i eyed the frosted over playing field as i eagerly awaited shane's arrival. my eyelids felt heavy from our walk through the deserted pier last night, which was shortly followed by him kissing me gently and brushing the hair away from my face before telling me i had beautiful eyes. i was completely, utterly, head-over-heels in love with the boy – i have been for two years, but now the emotion had surpassed all tangibility and grown uncontrollable.
a deep frown was strewn across my lips as the lesson finished and i realised that not a single player had set foot on the grass lawn. the final bell, signalling the end of the day, rang loud and clear in my ears as i walked over to garrett's table in confusion.
"no football." i stated confusedly.
the look on his face was one of surprise. "your brother must've seriously kicked off. maybe he didn't turn up?"
i shrugged and slipped my arms through the holes of my kanken bag, chewing my lip worriedly. practice was never cancelled; coach even insisted they play in snow and rain. we headed out the room with one last odd glance from mr mitchell – he gave us strange looks quite often, but we never really questioned it – and as we reached the hallway, our eyes simultaneously widened at the huge crowd that swarmed the office area.
we squeezed through the crowd, my ears ringing from the numerous chants along the lines of 'fight! fight!' until i finally could see the two at cause. as i'd suspected, austin was berating chad and the two stood nose to nose, the thick, tense atmosphere broken by my brother slamming his fist into the guy's face.
a hand grabbed my wrist and i looked up to see shane's wide and glossy eyes, his lip busted slightly and hair a mess. "we're going. come on, i don't want you around this." he stated, interlocking our hands and dragging me away from the crowd.
"i'll see you later garrett!" i yelled over my shoulder, feeling slightly bad for leaving him yet at the same time glad i was being taken away from the situation. my brother now had his fists clenched around the collar of chad's polo shirt as he head butted the messy haired boy, everyone erupting into screams as blood trickled down their faces.
garrett's expression contorted and his eyes fell to our fingers, which were quickly torn apart before he could think anything of it. "uhh... sure. see you later man."
i shot a warm, slightly guilty smile at the taller boy, before being pulled out of the building with an angered expression lying on shane's lips. the parking lot was pretty quiet since the majority of the school were either crowded around the fight or collecting belongings from their lockers; only a couple of teachers and several freshmen who'd ran out of class were walking out of school.
"i'm this close to being done with your brother." shane frustratedly muttered before i could even ask what had happened to his face, bringing his pointer finger and thumb together until there was only a millimetre of space between them. the left side of his lower lip had cut through the soft pink skin, his mouth slightly bruised.
"what happened to you?" i asked at the same time and stopped abruptly in the parking lot beside austin's bmw, practically forcing him to therefore do the same. i ran my fingertips up his forearm and he sighed heavily.
"jesus christ, ry, why am i even friends with him?" shane exclaimed, breathing heavily and raking his hands through his head. "i'm such a fucking idiot! i tried to stop your brother from attacking chad halton as everyone was coming out of the changing rooms since practice got cancelled – the coach cancelled practice all because austin threw a tantrum, can you believe that? so i got in between the two of them and your brother swung for chad, hitting me by accident. he didn't stop even when he saw my bleeding fucking lip and chad ran, hence their current status in front of the whole school, and i'm so sick of it ryland! fuck." his nostrils were flaring, his eyes alight with anger as he kicked my brother's car roughly.
we walked in silence for a few seconds until we finally reached the familiar black range rover. "i'm so sorry." was the only reply i could muster up. shane twitched the corner of his lip up into a small, sympathetic smile before opening the passenger door for me. the familiar leather was comforting as i slipped inside and he shut the door behind me, walking in front of the car and climbing in the drivers seat beside me. "god, shane, i'm so so sorry."
"you need to stop apologising for your brother, please, i'm serious. you shouldn't have to take responsibility for his actions." he quietly assured me, reaching over the gear stick to enlace his fingers with mine. quickly, when the both of us noticed garrett and andrew walking past the car, we yanked our hands away from each other and shane shifted awkwardly in his seat. my eyes drifted back up to his lip and i felt guilty – almost as though the damage to his beautiful face was all down to me.
we drove in silence for the next ten minutes, all of which was spent with my toes curled as i tried my hardest not to cry. i was angry – infuriated, even – that my brother was continuously tarnishing our family's name to the extent that even shane was receiving the brunt of it.
"hey," he spoke softly as we pulled up outside my house. by this point tears were dripping down my cheeks and my gaze was fixated on the powder blue sky behind the car window. tilting my chin towards him, shane quirked up the corner of his mouth into this gorgeous smile. "don't cry, sweetheart."
a lump formed in my throat and my lip began to wobble. "i just feel so... so out of control with everything. everyone's moving ahead, my brother's a fucking disaster, no one knows i'm gay, garrett has a boyfriend now and i'm just stood still! the only good thing right now is you! it's you, and- and i can't even tell anyone about you!"
"shh... it's all gonna be cool, i promise." he whispered, wiping his thumb under my eye. my stomach filled with butterflies as he spoke, and finally i looked up into his eyes, feeling as though i was drowning in them. "everything will be fine."
"i just..." i gulped as the back of his finger ran down my cheek, "everything is changing, i feel so out of my depth, and- and this isn't forever, is it? what even is this?" i rambled, running my hands through my hair and groaning.
shane smiled in this beautiful half-glass-full manner that made me realise it wasn't really about everyone else. it was about us, in this precise moment – me crying in the car with the windows rolled down with this absolutely flawless boy that just happened to be my brother's best friend.
"it's whatever you want it to be, babe. whatever you want it to be. i know you feel out of control but... but one thing you are in control of is us. and all us involves is you and me."
i smiled as shane cheekily bit his lip, raising an eyebrow as he ran his fingertip down my chest. "you, me and maybe my empty house?"
i shook my head in amusement as i looped my arms around his neck and pressing our mouths together. "you're such a fucking dork, shane dawson. seriously. you were doing really well." i muttered as i pulled away and quickly checked my watch. with a smile of disapproval, i stole a glance at the empty street, albeit my parents' cars on the driveways. "i'm meant to be home in five minutes."
"say you're at garrett's." he whispered, his lips leaving soft kisses down my neck as he leant over the gearstick. i shifted in my seat and swallowed a moan. "be bad for once, ryland adams."
"fuck it. just drive."
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this chapter was awful i'm sorry, oh well i'll try harder soon i've just been so busy with prom and summer!!! please comment and vote to let me know what i think, and follow my instagram @ambercorreia_ !!!