I love my room, my single bed in one corner opposite a wall with a beautiful bay window, the bay window has blankets and cushions on it making me want to sit in it forever. There is a wooden desk against the back wall with a collage of family photos from when I was younger framing a mirror. On the opposite wall is my built in wardrobe, it's not a walk in it's just built into the wall, there is also a ginormous beanbag in the corner, and the door says my name on it along with a new hope club poster, along with a poster of the Matilda's, the best soccer team. My bed is against the wall opposite the bay window and it is covered in stuffed animals, yes that's right, I am 14 years old.
I would say my weekend of unpacking was well done, I mean there were a few boxes left over with my soccer stuff, I don't know where to put my soccer boots as I don't want them to stink out my room and I also have no where to put my soccer balls. But other than that I think my room has come along perfectly. But now it's Monday, and that means school. My old school had about 200 students in it. This school has about 1200 students. I wouldn't say I'm an introvert. Those that know me well know all of my quirks and how outgoing i actually am, however I'm not good at letting people in, so I guess what I'm trying to say is I am an introvert until you know me. So I am not looking forward to school. It stresses me out. Especially since I'm not very good at reading, if I muck up people laugh.
The only thing I am looking forward to is new teachers. I loved most of my teachers it's just they all knew me as Jonah's sister. No matter what I achieved in school Jonah had already done it better. Except soccer. Jonah did great in sport but he never was good at soccer. I'm not great at it but it's something that he can't do as well as me. And if I actually did music at school maybe I could get better at it than him too. It's just if he finds out I'm trying to do music he will laugh.
Jonah is on his p plates so he drove us to school. He didn't want to but dad made him. In the car we didn't talk much until he had to lay down some ground rules.
"Okay Kensilina,"
"It's Kenzie."
"Fine, Kenz. Look here are the rules. You don't mention that we are related. If someone asks you can say yes but don't bring it up. Don't come up to me when I'm with my friends if there is an emergency text me."
I started to roll my eyes, I guess he has completely stopped caring about me. But then the next rules sort of made me think maybe he does still care.
"No matter how shy you are you have to try out for the soccer team, it's your best bet for people to like you and you aren't terrible. Always answer in maths whether you are sure or not, you are usually right in maths. In English don't put your hand up and don't volunteer to read, make sure your teacher knows about your dyslexia. Oh and no boys." I slightly smiled by the end of the rules. But then composed my self as we got out of the car. We came early so we could get our lockers and our schedules. Mine didn't take long so I still had half an hour to explore. I walked into the auditorium, it was massive. No one was there but there was a keyboard on the stage. I walked up to it and started playing. After a few chords I started singing a song I wrote called broken home (I know this is by 5sos but for the sake of the story I'm gonna pretend she wrote it, sorry if that offends anyone)
They would yell, they would scream they were fighting it out
She would hope she would pray she was waiting it out
Holding on to a dream while she watches these walls fall down
Sharp words like knives they were cutting her down
Shattered glass like the past it's a memory now
Holding on to a dream while she watches these walls fall down
"Hey mum, hey dad, when did this end?
When did you loose your happiness,
I'm here alone inside of this broken home,
Who's right, who's wrong who really cares?
The fault, the blame, the pain's still there,
I'm here alone inside of this broken home."
Wrote it down on the walls she was screaming it out,
Made it clear she's still here are you listening now?
Just a ghost in the halls feeling empty they're vacant now.
All the battles all the wars all the times that you fought,
She's a scar she's the bruises she's the pain that you brought,
There was life there was love like a light and it's fading out
"Hey mum, hey dad, when did this end?
When did you loose your happiness,
I'm here alone inside of this broken home,
Who's right, who's wrong who really cares?
The fault, the blame, the pain's still there,
I'm here alone inside of this broken home."
You gotta let it go, your losing all your hope
Nothing left to hold, locked out in the cold,
You painted memories, then washed out all the scenes
I'm stuck in between, a nightmare and lost dreams
"Hey mum, hey dad, when did this end?
When did you loose your happiness,
I'm here alone inside of this broken home,"
"Hey mum, hey dad, when did this end?
When did you loose your happiness,
I'm here alone inside of this broken home,
Who's right, who's wrong who really cares?
The fault, the blame, the pain's still there,
I'm here alone inside of this broken home."
I stopped and heard a soft "wow". I stood up startled and saw a girl filming on her phone. No way did she film that, what if it gets to Jonah. That was about our parents he will thing I'm a nut job.
"Were you filming that?"
"Yeah sorry. Did you write that song? What's it about? I mean it's kinda obvious what it's about but like was it from personal experience or." She talked fast. But she seemed nice and I could really use a friend.
"Um, well it is a kinda personal song. I'll be honest I would love to have someone to talk to about it but if you don't mind, could I know you first. Oh and could you possibly delete the video?"
"Oh it's okay I'm not gonna put the video anywhere I was just kinda mesmerised by your voice. You are really good you know and that song was so well so emotional. Anyways sorry, sometimes I just don't have a filter. My name is Emily, my friends call me skippy, mostly because apparently my teeth look like kangaroo teeth, but also because I like skipping to my destination. It's like running but fun. Are you new, I haven't seen you here before, why are you at school early, what year are you in?" I chuckled slightly at Emily's energy levels.
"Hi Emily, my name is Kensilina. I know it's weird. I go by kenzie and my friends call me Kenz. I'm in year 9 and yeah I moved from Canberra, the reason behind the move is sort of also to do with the song I sang. Also I think your teeth look fine and I absolutely agree with you on the skipping. I'm here early because me and my br... sorry I'm here early because I had to get my schedule and locker, but I had extra time so I just sorta came here, why are you here early?" I almost broke rule one already, no mentioning I have a brother.
"Well Kenz, i am also in year 9. Hopefully we have some classes together. Also were you about to say brother? I'm here early because my mum's work starts early so she just drops me off early. I usually just play keyboard but it was kinda already taken."
Emily sat next to me and got up her timetable on her phone to compare to mine. We had English, sport and math together. I was very happy with that.
"So, if you don't mind me asking, can you tell me more about that song?" I started playing with my fingers.
"You have to promise me that what we talk about here doesn't leave this room." She stuck out her pinky and we promised. You can't break a pinky promise they are stronger than anything, then I continued.
"My parents have been fighting recently. It started off with just bickering but a few weeks ago it began to get violent. Not extremely violent just sort of like a school fight if that makes sense, but a really bad school fight. There is a lot of throwing things as they try to contain their anger. One day they started fighting in front of me and my brother and I started crying. Oh yeah. I have an older brother. His name is Jonah and he is in year 12, but he doesn't really want people to know we are related so if you could just pretend I didn't tell you that. Anyway. So they were fighting and then they started shoving and punching each other and I started crying more. They didn't realise I was there until they knocked over a vase and it shattered on my leg causing me to scream, it was a glass vase and a big slice of glass wedged it's way into my skin. I had to get stitches and there were also a few other small scratches." I pulled up the leg of my school pants and showed Emily the scar.
"They decided to try and work things out and thought that moving to a new city would help so here I am. I know the song seems more serious but sometimes when they are fighting I honestly think one of them is gonna kill the other. I feel trapped all the time. Like no one can hear me. Music is sort of my way of venting but I don't sing at home because they would just laugh at me. I am always scared that if I play in front of my brother he will say I'm no good. He is amazing and honestly my biggest inspiration but we aren't close anymore and I really miss that."
Emily hugged me from the side.
"You know I think me and you are gonna be great friends. And you can talk to me anytime you want," the bell rang, "come on we have English."
We walked side by side to English and I was actually feeling good about school until I entered the classroom and realised it was English. Now I was definitely going to make a fool of myself. I saw that everyone had a copy of Jane eyre in their hands. I sat down next to Emily and sort of just stared at the book dreading the next 100 minutes. I turned to Emily,
"Emily?"
"Yeah?"
"Um i have dyslexia so I am kinda terrified right now and I think if this goes bad I should probably warn you that I get panic attacks really easily." The words were rushed but Emily just looked at me calmly.
"It'll be alright just breathe and I will help you get through it."
"Thankyou."
I looked around the room, some people were already staring as I was the new girl. They will see me crumble then the whole school will know.
This sucks