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She sat against the glass window as Willow lay in his bed. She ran her hand softly across his back and the cat purred in content. They'd come back to his place after the car ride to the beach.
Telling him about her past hadn't been easy, but it was cathartic. He listened without interrupting, without judging, without ridiculing her pain, and most of all he actually listened to her.
"What's this obsession with cats?" His voice interrupted her chain of thoughts. She looked up, across the living room. He was in the kitchen yet again, cooking something that smelled amazing so far. Hair tied back, sleeves rolled up his forearms as he focused on the task at hand. He was a damn beautiful sight for sore eyes.
"When Hassan was leaving for college, he got Akira for me. He said I needed someone to be with me. Someone I could take care of and have emotional support. So he adopted Akira from the shelter. She was so tiny and squishy. I was so scared to touch her, but Frosty, Sanaz and I watched so many youtube videos just to feed her. It was a mess." She laughed and he looked up, freezing for a second and then going back to stirring the pot. "We almost overfed her because whenever any of us saw her we gave her treats."
"Frosty? What's his real name?"
"William. I've just been calling him Frosty since childhood and it's stuck now."
"You guys grew up together?"
"Since diaper days." She snickered.
"You and him..." He seemed to want to say something but trailed off.
"Frosty and I what?" She absentmindedly scratched Willow's head, not paying much attention to the seriousness of his words.
"Nothing." He shook his head. "Dinner is ready."
After washing her hands, she sat on the four-chair dining table across from him. Her mouth watered at the sight of fettuccine in creamy alfredo.
"I could die after this and not regret it." She grated extra cheese on her plate.
He shook his head in amusement as he picked up the fork.
"This is the best fucking pasta I've ever tried." She closed her eyes as she tasted the pasta.
"Language." He raised his eyebrows as she opened an eye and just shrugged.
"Sorry." Giggling, she ate another spoonful.
"Why are you a professor? You should be a chef."
"I like cooking it's a stress reliever something I enjoy and have lots of memories associated with it. I don't think I could ever make it a career."
"So what made you want to be a professor?"
Swirling around the fork in his plate, he stared at it, getting lost there for a second.
"Never wanted to be a teacher. Hated them."
"What?" She chuckled. "And you became one." She tilted her head to the right slightly in amazement.
"That's life as you know it. You plan one thing and your destiny is written somewhere else. So one way or the other you get there."
"So what did you want to do then?"
"Hmmm." He leaned back in his chair. " It's been so long since I thought about it." Running the hand across his jaw, he sighed. " I wanted to be a scientist, maybe an astronaut. The sky was my escape from everything. Watching the stars flicker across the coal black sky then watching them splitting apart and disappearing within a second. Then there was the mystery of the black hole. How it swallowed everything even the glimmers of light. I connected to it somehow. Just the thought of this whole entire universe filled with different planets, galaxies, stars. Things we probably have no idea exist out there. There was something about all this that had me wondering, pushing me to reach out to it."
"So what happened?"
"Life. With that seventeen-year-old Asfandyar, all of his dreams and wishes got left behind when he buried his mother. It was too hard to go back. I wasn't the same person. I just couldn't be the same person. But I was lucky. I did find something I loved even more and surprisingly it was teaching."
She put her feet up on the edge of the chair and wrapped her arms around her legs, putting her chin on her knees. Listening to him with fascination. Captivated by the sudden turns of his life.
"When I was back home, Dada would go up to the mountain every morning, took him an hour to get there in his jeep. He'd take me along with him. He had a school there with just basic materials, nothing fancy, but these kids... These kids came there to learn. They were hungry for education, didn't matter what they were learning. They just wanted to learn"
"Siting with those kids on merely a plastic mat had been the most at peace I had been years. And it was the first time I spoke after he had picked me up that night three months ago. When he heard my voice, I saw tears in my Dada's eyes and I knew I had him in my corner no matter what life threw at me."
"Your grandfather, he seems so loving and amazing. I wish I could meet him."
"Someday, Rabi, Someday." Something intense crossed his eyes. "I want to take you back to the place where I found hope and myself, where my soul still lives. Someday if it's written for us."
Why did it feel like he was saying something else? He eyes were hooded as she stared into her confused eyes. Her heart did a flip as his gaze warmed her skin, blood rushing into her veins.
"I uh I should finish this and uh uhm get going." She broke her gaze away from him and stared at her plate, still feeling his eyes on her.
"Yeah," He straightened up in his seat. "yeah, sorry." He quietly took a bite of his pasta and then continued. "I did want to talk about something."
"hmmm." She was avoiding eye contact with him.
"Remember I'll always be here. Ready to listen to you any time, but you do need to talk to someone who is a professional. You need to get help for the cutting. I can only listen but they can help you heal."
She was about to pick up the glass of water when his words hit her. Her hand tightened around the glass. Trying to control herself. Her hand started shaking and jaw clenched. How dare he?
"I DO NOT FUCKING NEED HELP." She whispered through clenched teeth, staring straight in his earthy brown eyes.
"Really?" He raised his damn perfect eyebrows. "This is exactly what I'm talking about." Pointing at her tight grip on the glass, he said.
"I'm not crazy. I'm not going anywhere."
"Let the glass go." She refused. Refuting him with her own ego and anger. "Let the damn glass go, Rabail Noor, I don't need you bleeding again." His voice was deadly calm, making her push away the glass. "And open your ears and listen to me carefully. You're not crazy. Going to a therapist doesn't mean you're crazy. I've been to one all my life even went to a psychiatrist didn't mean I was crazy. I just needed help and they helped me, made my life easier, taught me to deal with my nightmares."
She rolled her eyes. Sure.
"Don't roll your eyes at me. You're not a kid so don't make me treat you like one." She squinted at him and he just shrugged. "What happens when you get hurt physically? or one of your body parts gets infected. You go to a doctor to fix it. You don't just leave it open or infected. If you do so it gets worse and worse, to the point that it stops functioning."
He'd gotten her attention and she was staring at him skeptically.
"When your arm was cut we went to a surgeon to get it stitched. Same way if you are emotionally hurt or there something bothering you psychologically, you got to a damn therapist to get it fixed and it does not make you crazy. It just means you need help dealing with whatever you're going through and they are just going to give you tools to help you just like a doctor gives you medicine to get better."
"Do you understand?" He asked as she stared away at the wall. "Rabail?"
"yeah." She barely got it out from her dry throat.
"So are you gonna try to at least go once."
"Yeah, yeah, fine." Never.
It seemed like he didn't believe her either, but he let it go. Her appetite long lost now. She thanked him for the food and got up.
"Think about it." He was leaning on the car door as she fastened the seat belt of her car. "For me."
She nodded without meeting his eyes. Her phone vibrated and she glanced at it.
Meet me at FroYo. Don't tell him. It's important. I need to talk to you. - Zach
She frowned at the screen. What?
"What happened?" His voice cut in.
"Huh?" She looked up into the dark eyes and blinked.
"Nothing." Why did he say don't tell him?
"Text me when you get home." He smiled. His lips curling up and the small smile playing on his lips. Oh, Lord. He looked fricking beautiful. "Willow and I are gonna miss you." He winked as he stepped back, biting his lip.
Oh, Fuck.
Why did she feel so guilty for not telling about Zach's text? I don't owe him anything so why do I feel like this is not right?
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Eid Mubarak my beautiful friends
it's been a while I hope you all are wonderful and had an amazing Eid.
Ayeeee What's cooking between Zach and Rabail?
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