Olivia exhaled for the hundredth time.
She was so restless and she couldn't help herself. Standing there, looking outside through that window, she suddenly had a lot to think about.
Like ... how he was, What he was doing? Where he was? If he was healing just fine?
Darn it Olivia, you're such a bad person.
Maybe that was why he hadn't returned her texts in two days.
She exhaled again.
Benita noticed just how distressed she was from where she stood, tucking Grace in bed. It wasn't just her, Amy too. They both exchanged pitiful glances.
Benita nodded at Amy, she knew it was a sign for her to take over while she went over to Olivia to talk.
Olivia rubbed her arms together the moment she felt a cool breeze pass through her.
"Nwam," she slowly turned to Benita as she watched the old lady walk towards her with a lot of concern on her face. "What's wrong? Don't tell me you're worrying about Grace again."
Olivia shook her head slowly.
"It's not Grace nanny,"
Benita frowned.
"It isn't?" She walked closer to her just as Amy turned to listen too. Benita narrowed her gaze on Olivia "What is it then?" She asked
"It's Mr Rafael, nanny Benita," Amy said from where she sat on the bed. "She has been like that since she sent him that text and he didn't reply two days ago."
Benita slowly turned back to Olivia.
"Is this true?"
Olivia exhaled.
"I feel like a very horrible person Nanny," she pouted "For once I feel what Rafael said to me is true. He's done so much for me and I can't do anything for him. I couldn't even text him or call him to see if he was fine or if he arrived safely. He must really think I'm ungrateful, he must be really disgusted. I'm scared that he hates me so much already nanny."
Olivia had a great tone of worry in her voice.
"I've been so busy thinking about Grace and hoping she gets better that I completely forgot none of this would have been possible without him, I wouldn't even be here if he had not jumped into that bullet to save me."
"Hmm." Benita thought for a while.
"I sent him a text two days ago and then another yesterday, I also texted him this morning nanny and he hasn't even bothered to text back. It means something doesn't it?" She slowly reached for Benita's hands. "It means he's really upset with me. It means he doesn't want to talk to me." She looked into Benita's eyes
"Or maybe he's just too busy trying to find the evidence that took him to Washington in the first place. Maybe he hasn't been through his phone yet. Why are you being so paranoid now?" Amy said tucking in the sheets. "Wait a while, I'm sure he's going to text you back. He just needs some time. Keep on bothering him with all those texts and you'd only provoke him and make him get tired of your case. What if he decides not to take this case anymore huh? What are you going to do?"
Olivia exhaled and turned to the window, her frown worsening.
"Honestly Amy," She continued "I don't really care about the case right now. I'm really worried about him." She folded the neck of her dress, holding on to it firmly "I'm scared something bad might have happened to him and we don't know about it. He was supposed to reach out to nanny Benita at least, as soon as he got there but no one has heard anything from him. What if he has gotten into some kind of danger while trying to get evidence?"
she gasped, quickly turning to Benita. She gently reached for her hands again.
"I know the kind of people the Silvers are nanny, if Rafael is right and Victoria is hiding something, then she's going to do everything in her power to try and stop him from revealing the truth."
Benita chuckled lightly.
It made Olivia really surprised and uncomfortable. How could she be laughing at something so sensitive and serious? Olivia pursed her lips.
"Look at you," Benita smiled at her "You remind me of how I used to wait like this, close to the window every time my husband was supposed to come home from the civil war" she chuckled "How I miss those days ." Olivia frowned "I was so young and madly in love."
"In love?" Olivia asked her
"Nanny, you think Olivia is in love with the Barrister?" Amy gasped. Benita slowly turned to her, the smile on her face not wearing off. "Don't you see it?" She asked her. Amy slowly turned to Olivia.
She looked at her like she was trying to see "it"
Olivia was really confused. She wasn't sure she understood what any of them were saying. She watched Benita turn back to her.
"It's all over you. Your face gets brightened whenever you see him or hear his name. You never want to leave his side and when he's gone like this, you get extremely worried."
"Woahhhh." Amy exclaimed, taking her time to stare at Olivia "I do see it."
Olivia's shook her head quickly and then walked away from the window. They were talking nonsense. She couldn't believe it. How could these people know how she felt even more than her?
"That's just ridiculous nanny," She walked to the corner of the room "I don't think things like love and true happiness exist for me anymore. That ship sailed a long time ago." She relaxed on the wall
"Besides, don't you guys see how irritated I make him? Don't you see how much he tries to avoid me? Let's not forget how terrified I am of him, I mean how could you call that love?"
"Just because you had it rough in your past, doesn't mean you don't get to be happy again in your future my child ." Benita leaned closer to her
"Olivia, I think Nanny Benita is right. You can't deprive yourself of being happy and in love just because your past relationship was hell. You've been through a lot. That's not fair for anyone. If there's anyone that deserves real happiness, true happiness, it's you sister. Remember what mum always says, Love no de look face."
Olivia let out a slight chuckle right after Amarachi. She rolled her eyes. She tried so much to not think about it but somehow what they said was making a lot of sense.
Was it true?
Did she really have feelings for this man?
Could that explain why she always felt so terrified and yet safe and protected around him? Why her heart skipped many beats whenever he was so close to her? Why her heart and head felt heavy when he wasn't? Why she had a great urge to stick with him and not leave his side? She exhaled
"Even if what you're saying is true," she turned to them "For love to be truly enjoyed, it has to be felt by two people." She told them "There's no way Rafael could ever feel the same way about me. Especially since he's still madly in love with his dead wife. He even calls out her name in his sleep."
"My child," Benita slowly reached for Olivia's hands. She squeezed them "There's absolutely no one incapable of feeling love, no matter what the person has been through. Four years seems like enough time for a wound to heal, and even if it hasn't, you both still have all the time in the world to make it work."
"Plus," Amy continued "You can never really tell what someone really feels until you ask them. Some people are really bad at showing people how they feel. They just wait and see how it plays out. It might just be this case."
Olivia scoffed. She couldn't believe she was listening to all this.
"So you're saying I should tell him how I really feel about him?"
"Is it a bad idea?" Benita asked her
"Nanny, it's really scary, funny and a lot of people would think it's inappropriate."
"But I think it's brave." Benita squeezed her hands again "I think it's wisdom. I think if you really love someone, you'd do anything to be with that person. Anything at all."
Olivia exhaled
"It's really up to you Olivia." Amy told her "You just have to do this on your own. You have to think about how you really feel and what you want to do about it. No one can make that choice for you."
Olivia turned again to Benita. She forced a smile.
Think about how she felt.
How did she really feel? And what did she really want to do about it?
Now she had a lot to think about. She exhaled and then turned back to the old woman who kept smiling at her warmly.
She pursed her lips.
What did she really want?
༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛
"Thank you so much for coming." Olivia smiled the moment she walked out of the room with Austin behind her. They stopped right outside as he walked in front of her just so he could take a good look at her .
"I can't thank you enough for how much you've looked after Grace and I these past few days, it really means a lot Austin, especially coming from you, considering how much you've put on the line to be here."
Austin exhaled and slowly reached for her hands. He squeezed them.
"You have nothing to thank me for." He said looking into her eyes "You know just how much you and Grace mean to me. If I had fought for you better years ago, harder, and we had eventually gotten married, we'd have had a beautiful daughter just like Grace don't you think? "
Olivia frowned a bit. Now she was feeling really awkward. He was starting that talk again, she slowly pulled her hands away from his, smiling nervously.
"Uh," Austin scoffed, realizing how straight to the point he had been at that moment. It was really scary and embarrassing. Olivia quickly folded her arms on her breasts.
"I uh," Austin slapped his forehead "I'm sorry, I have no idea why I said that."
Olivia smiled
"No, it's fine. I didn't -I wasn't —"
"No it wasn't fine." Austin chuckled slightly "It was really corny and weird."
Olivia chuckled. She was trying so hard now not to hurt his feelings and make the whole thing between them more awkward than it already was.
"Would I uh, would I see you at the anniversary party tonight?" He pointed at her
"Anniversary party?" Olivia narrowed her gaze on him, was there a party she was invited to that she had forgotten about?
"Yeah," Austin had to remind her, "Silver group's twenty fifth anniversary. I thought I told you about it-"
"Oh." Olivia snapped her fingers, how could she forget? "You totally did." She told him "You're going to be crowned CEO today too isn't it?"
Austin let out a tiny chuckle
"Yes, that's the one."
"Oh my Gosh, that's so amazing. It's about time, it took so so long."
"Yeah it did." Austin blushed. "But I guess the wait was worth it."
"I'm really happy for you Austin." Olivia couldn't help herself but smile uncontrollably, she really was happy.
"Me too, but you'd know what would make me even happier?" he took a step closer to her. Olivia looked at him, the smile on her face shaky as she wondered what it was that he was talking about . "If you could do me the honor of being my date."
Olivia's eyes widened in surprise
"Me?" She said almost in a scream, a huge frown covering her face immediately.
"Why? D-don't you want to?"
Olivia scoffed
"O-of course I'd be honored to, but I don't think now is the right time. I- I-"
Olivia stammered. She didn't know how to say the next words she wanted to say especially since he was looking earnestly at her like that.
"I uh-"
God, she was so nervous. What was the nicest way to decline someone's offer without breaking his heart? Olivia took a deep breath quickly hoping her ability to think didn't fail her now.
"I-"
"She already has a date."
They heard a loud voice from a few paces behind them say. Olivia paused. Her heart beat began to beat slowly the moment she recognized that voice. They both turned as Rafael started to walk towards them, holding on tight to a shopping bag in his hand.
"Rafael?" Olivia called out his name in a whisper as soon as he got close enough.
"Hey," he forced a smile looking at her right before he placed an arm over her shoulder and pulled her away from Austin .
What had come over him?
Olivia stared at him, trying to pull herself away from him but he pulled her right back and tightened his grip on her shoulders.
He looked at Austin who just looked at the both of them, trying to figure out what was going on. Rafael forced a sarcastic chuckle.
"Looks like you'd have to find yourself another date." Rafael said pretending to chew gum jovially. Austin turned to Olivia hoping she could explain the situation better but she barely understood it herself. He hoped she could, he needed her to deny it at least.
She was hesitating.
Why was she hesitating?
"I see." He narrowed his gaze back to Olivia. Maybe Rafael wasn't just trying to step on his toes after all. Maybe he did ask her to accompany him first.
"I'd just see you at the party then?" Austin forced a smile.
"Austin," Olivia started, trying to go to him but Rafael pulled her back quickly. Olivia exhaled as she watched him walk down the hallway with his head down. She could tell how sad and extremely unsatisfied he must have been. She slowly reached for Rafael's hand, picked it up from her shoulders and pushed it off.
He cleared his throat just as she turned to face him.
"Why did you have to do that to him?" She had to ask. "Do you know how extremely embarrassed he must feel right now?"
"Is this how you hold hands and smile with all the men that somehow find their way in your life?" Rafael asked her right back "How can you be so comfortable with him?"
"Why not? He's my friend."
Rafael scoffed in disbelief
"He has been a strong pillar for me when I needed him to, when I needed someone to. Why can't I hold his hands and be comfortable with him?"
"This is the reason you went to jail."
"What?"
"Do you just give away your trust so easily to every man or woman that smile at you?!" He asked, raising his voice "Your case is one of the easiest I've ever solved but even when the answers are looking at you right in the eyes, you don't see it because you're too blinded with trying to be cool with everybody, so much so that you end up making everything so complicated for me."
"That's not true."
"That's why they keep taking you for granted and then they'd come back later on because they know you're scared to be alone. They know you'd have to accept and forgive them eventually."
Olivia scoffed
"Why?!" He yelled at her "Why do you keep letting people push you around like a bloody fool? Why do you let them do what they like and get away with it? Why are you too weak to fight back? Do you enjoy it when people take your ignorance for granted? When they step on you?"
"No,"
"So why? Answer me!"
"Because I have nothing left!" She yelled back at him.
There was silence in the hallway for a short while just as Benita, Amy and a whole lot of other visitors and patients began to open their doors to peep at what was going on. They were yelling too much now. Olivia took deep breaths. He had pushed her a lot and now she was just going to let it all out.
"You think this is easy for me? You think I enjoy being stepped on by the exact same people I give my heart to? I've lost everything. Those same people that have turned their backs on me were my family at a point when the world turned it's back on me. They were my life, they meant everything to me and somehow across the line, I lost them too. I'm tired of losing people. I don't want to lose anyone else anymore. Call it stupidity or weakness, I can't do anything about it, because I can't, because I'm weak and powerless when it comes to all of them." She yelled at the top of her lungs And then paused for a a second, trying to control her breathing with tears almost visible in her eyes.
Rafael froze. He didn't know what to say. He looked around. He wasn't comfortable with the many eyes that were in their business now. He was so furious and he didn't know why but something in his head just kept asking him to let it out.
He drew a deep breath and stretched the bag to her . He placed it in her hands and Olivia caught it right in time before it fell.
"We have a party tonight." He told her "I'd ask my driver to pick you up by seven thirty. You have to be there, don't be late."
Rafael turned and then stormed away just as Benita and Amarachi rushed to Olivia. She had her eyes glued to the red dress inside the bag. Olivia exhaled
And hurriedly turned to Rafael but he was long gone.
She bit on her lip hard.
He didn't' even say anything. Olivia turned to the crowd that were beginning to dispatch back into their rooms.
She turned back to the bag as she felt Amy's hand, gently rubbing her back to comfort her. She drew a deep breath and exhaled.
It looked like she was going for a party after all.