December 31st, 2012
The Last Day of 2012, huh? I didn’t expect it to come so quickly like this. So many things have changed this year. Demetrius and Ariel moved across the street, they became my friends; I had my first kiss, I came out of the closet, Finn became my friend, I had my first date, and now everything is...different. The thought of coming so close to my year goal is frightening. I mean, what if things are different? Well, I know things are gonna be different because my “friends” are no longer by my side, people are probably gonna bully me, and I’ve just come out of the closet. I know things are going to be different but in what sense? School life. Definitely. Home Life. No. Friendships. Maybe. I don’t even know why I’m so worried about telling Demetrius that I’m gay. He’s gay too so he would be okay with it, right? But I’m still kind of worried. Like, butterflies in my stomach. It wouldn’t be a big problem blown out of proportion if I was a normal guy; but I’m not because I suck eggs. Maybe I’m just nervous about telling him last. He might already know for all I know…those douches who used to be my friends might’ve told everyone in town or Mom…That’s not the point. Basically everyone who currently is in my life knows I’m gay…except Demetrius. This shit is so weird I can’t even describe it. After watching Doctor Who until fucking like 6’oclock in the morning I’m all screwed up. I don’t think I can make it to the New Year’s Eve party the Henderson’s are so kindly having. This whole situation is so unreal. Like, why the hell is this happening to me? Why am I even making this into a big deal? Why am I even gay if I have to go through all of this shit to be accepted and feel comfortable in my own skin? Why can’t the world just be joy ride instead of so hard? I mean I know life isn’t fair but why is this pressure of me? This shouldn’t happen to people like me. Why is it only hard for us? Why can’t the world just accept us without all of this bullshit? God…I’m really overthinking this whole situation. I think I’ll tell Demetrius during the New Year’s Eve party so at least I can calm down a little before taking this big friggin step that shouldn’t be this big step.
9:00
Oh jeez! I’m hyperventilating! I made it to the party but I’m not sure I’m feeling any better. The feeling of butterflies in my stomach is still there and going strong. I’m hiding in Ariel’s closet…OH THE IRONY! I refuse to come out until I’m at least calm and comfortable about this.
10:49
I have to hurry up before 12 hits!
10:50
Forgot to mention that I feel like I’m about to throw up!
11:58
I’ve done it! I did it! I told Demetrius! Even if I did kind of throw up before telling him. Even if Ariel did force me out of the closet. I did it! I can’t believe I fucking did it with only about 2 minutes left until the New Year. It felt like a dream when I did it. So, this is what happened. After Ariel had notified me I didn’t have much time to just sit my ass in her closet all night because if I didn’t complete my goal right now she would kick my ass. So I sucked up and went to Demetrius…
I walked downstairs in search of Demetrius; music was playing and everyone looked like they were having a good time. Except me. The feeling of butterflies in my stomach was still strong and I was beginning to feel queasy but I didn’t stop searching. I was determined to find Demetrius with only 10 minutes until the New Year. I could do this! I spotted Demetrius outside sitting on the grass; someone grabbed me. I turned around to see who pulled me. None other than Grandma Henderson herself. I smiled, she grinned back giving me a big bear hug back. She’s really strong for a woman in her 80’s.
“GRANDMA HENDERSON! You’re crushing me….” I gasped for air. She let go of me still grinning g. “I didn’t know you were gonna be here.”
“Duh. It’s my family, Ty. I was just at a hotel. So how have you been? Did you take my advice? Or are still having adventures in Narnia?”
“I have been following you’re advice.”
“Really? Good! How has that been goin’?
“Good, I guess. I kind of lost my friends but I made a new one. But my parents accepted me.”
“I told you this wouldn’t be easy; well, at least your parents will love you no matter what and those dicks who were supposed to be your friends were never really your friends to begin with. Oh! Did you tell my grandson yet?”
“No I was just on my way to do that.”
“OH! Don’t let me keep you!” she hugged me again but quickly let go. “Good luck. You’ll need it.”
I gulped but nodded and continued to walk to where Demetrius was. What did she mean I was gonna need luck? Would he be mad at me because he was the last to find out? Chills are going up and down my spine. Tyler, just calm down! He’s not gonna be mad, if you know Demetrius he’ll probably continue eating whatever it is he has with him. That’s not bad, right? I took one last breath and went outside, walking up to Demetrius. He looked at me then started eating skittles. Oh god! This is going to be hard…shit! I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!
Demetrius looked at me, cocking his head to the side while chewing. “Tyler, are you okay? You look like you need to throw up.”
I gulped, “Yeah.”
“Good. Are you enjoying the party?”
“Yeah. There’s a lot of people inside of there….why aren’t you in there?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It was getting a little stuffy in th—“
“Demetrius I have to tell you something very important and it can’t wait. This isn’t easy for me to tell you this because I don’t know the outcome and I very much want us to remain friends. I don’t know why we wouldn’t be friends after this…what I’m trying to say is that….I-I-I-I….” I trailed off letting unnecessary tears stream down my face. I quickly tried wiping them away so I wouldn’t seem like a punk. I don’t even know why I’m tongue tied! It’s not that hard! “Dammit! This is just so hard for no reason; I can’t even get the right words out to tell you what I’m crying about. It’s just that you’re so perfect it’s ridiculous. You don’t do anything to hurt anyone, you have awesome red hair and red eyes, and you’re always quite, the perfect person. Where I’m just….I’m just….the friggin faggot nobody wants to be around….”I let more tears flow.
Demetrius had no expression on his face. Just looking at me up and down. “Tyler….”
“I’m gay! I’m friggin gay, Demetrius! That’s what I’m trying to say! I don’t know why it was so hard! But I’m telling you this because you’re my best friend. And I don’t even know why I’m crying…what am I doing? This is so dumb….” I sat down on the grass with Demetrius.
Now, he had an expression on his face. It was a smile; happiness. What was he happy about? I’m over here a dramatic mess with snot bubbles probably coming out of my nose. Seeing your friend a hysterical mess isn’t fucking a happy time! “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to tell me you were gay.”
I wiped my nose on my already snotty sleeve. YUCK! “Y-y-y-you knew I was gay?”
“Of course I knew. I’m not stupid. I knew you were gay the moment we met…by the way you aren’t a very good actor. Very rubbish.”
I snorted. “Gee, thanks….but what about those kisses? What were those about?”
“Let’s see…the first was my first kiss, second to see if you were actually gay, third was hormones and the rest were confirmation that you were in fact gay. The tests have never failed me before.”
“Oh my gosh! So you had me worried for nothing…YOU JERK!”
“I didn’t make you worry for nothing because I wanted you to tell me that you were gay. I didn’t want anyone to tell me but you, and now you just did. Congrats to you.”
“So you aren’t mad?”
“Of course not. Why would I be? I’m gay myself.”
“I don’t know. You’re just so perfect—“
“I’m not perfect, Tyler.” He grabbed some more skittles, nodding. “Why would you think I was perfect? If anything I’m not perfect. If it’s about the whole red hair and red eyes thing then I’ll tell you something. My eyes aren’t actually red.”
My eyes widened. Demetrius’ beautiful red eyes aren’t actually red? “Really?”
“Yeah. I’ll show you,” he started to put his fingers in his eyes pulling out two clear things, “I wear colored contacts. I used to actually wear glasses but I hated them so I got contacts thinking red was a cool color because I hate how my natural eye color clashes with my hair.”
I looked up at his eyes. They’re so beautiful, like a crystal clean ocean water color; shinning under the moonlight. I gasped. “They’re so beautiful…”
He shrugged “That’s what Dad says but I still don’t like the difference because of my hair…where’s Ariel so we can watch the fireworks?”
“Fireworks?”
“Yes. My parents and some other guys rigged some fireworks up for when it hits midnight. It’s gonna be awesome. “
I smiled. “I’ll get her.”
To sum it up it was just that I was nervous. And Demetrius looks sooo cute with blue eyes! HE even put his cute lil’ nerd glasses on so I could see! Aw, it was so adorable. (Cough cough) Anyway, I think it couldn’t have gone any better. Oh shit! The ball’s dropping in New York! 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2 1…