pix of Ruari's special place ----->
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Rothe is upset. He's trying not show it but I could feel it just the same.
Calm down. I said gently.
It was my idea to go back but now that my head's clear I don't think this situation would be good for you.
Why?
He affected me. Him and his wolf, having them close clouded my judgment. What if they plan to hurt you again? What was I thinking telling you to go back? I'm sorry Ruari. I was weak and...
Don't worry they affected me too. I confessed. Nothing bad will happen. I'll protect you, I promise.
That's exactly what I'm worried about! He growled angrily. You spent 16 years of your life alone, keeping me safely hidden. I don't like going back to the place where they tortured you while I was kept safe, protected from the knowledge of it!
I know he hasn't forgiven me for keeping him dormant for years, not for dominating the 'space' we share but because I never asked for his help and he hasn't forgiven himself for allowing it to happen.
We got to know each other thoroughly through the years. It was like having a long lost friend and we talked about anything, to catch up as much as possible. I keep no secrets from him. When Rothe asked me about what happened while he was sleeping I held nothing back. I told him everything.
After he learned the truth about our past, Rothe kept me tucked on the side for days while he stayed on the surface, on guard and suspicious of everything and everyone. It was the only time he pushed me aside and consciously took over my body without my consent.
Rothe is more lenient than other wolves. He doesn't claw at me when he wants something. He doesn't demand, he asks. Aside from the occasional scratch when he gets too annoyed, we always talk about what we need and often agree on what's best for both of us.
I'm sorry Rothe.
What for?
For keeping things from you, for denying your existence, for being weak willed... take your pick, I don't mind.
He chuckled and I felt him settle down, finally calm.
It wasn't your fault. And you are not weak! You wanted to keep me safe, untouched and unspoiled by them. I'm only sorry I wasn't there for you while you endured it all. But I'm here now and I'd kill anyone who tries to hurt you. I mean anyone!
I felt a tug in my heart and glanced at Ciaran who was casually seated beside me. I know I hate him for what he said to me five years ago but do I really want Rothe to kill him if he steps out of line? The answer is no. I might not like being mated to him but Ciaran has hundreds of wolves that look to him for guidance and support. It would be cruel to relieve them of his presence just because I was cruelly rejected.
I stiffened when I noticed we've entered the Moonscape's pack lands. Visions of my childhood flashed on my mind. I had to violently shake my head to clear the unwelcome thoughts. I took deep calming breaths and focused on the things that made me happy on this place rather than what had traumatized me.
"Stop the car," I told Ciaran. He turned to glare at me but I ignored him. "I won't run. I just want to see something."
He looked unconvinced but ordered the driver to pull over. I stepped out of the vehicle and started for the woods. I could feel Ciaran following not far behind me, watching. I kept on walking and tried not to mind him.
Where are we going? Rothe asked.
I smirked. Somewhere special...
It took an hour to get to the place that I wanted to go. I took my sweet time walking in the forest, taking in everything I missed while I was away, noting all the details that transformed over time. Five years is a long time to stay away. But this place remained almost the same, not much has changed since the last time I've been here.
These woods have been my personal haven. When I was young I loved to run and I walked for miles at a time. I spent hours exploring these lands, looking for a special place no one had touched. Someplace I could call my own.
When the familiar sound of running water reached my ears, I shot forward ignoring Ciaran's muffled curses behind me. I wasn't trying to escape. Well, maybe I was but not in the way he thinks. Unlike Rothe, I don't regret our decision to come back. It's time for me to stop running, time for me to face my past.
I skidded to a stop by the sight I thought I'd never be able to see again. Before me is clearing with a small waterfall. Fresh water runs cheerily through huge rocks and boulders, falling on a small pool deep and wide enough for a grown man to swim in. It was an enchanted place surrounded with trees, moss, grass and wildflowers.
Beautiful...
I know.
I didn't think twice about taking my shirt and shoes off. I left my jeans on knowing soon I wouldn't be alone. I walked towards the water and continued until I reach the middle of the pool where the water reached my chest. I bent my legs and dunked my head in, laughing at the feel of ice-cold water against my skin. I brushed my wet hair away from my face and floated on my back, closing my eyes, feeling the calm and peace this place grants me.
The waterfall and its pool were too secluded to draw much attention. It's hidden by huge and tall trees and a bit far from the pack house. You wouldn't notice it was there if you weren't specifically looking for it. Not to mention there's a huge sparkling lake not far from the house and the beach is just a few miles away.
I've always reveled on the fact that this place was mine and mine alone. It was my secret hideaway.
So this is it. Rothe smiled remembering my rants about this place.
Yes, our special place... He purred at that. Enjoying the reference that this place is ours.
I played in the water for half an hour before I remembered I wasn't alone. Curiously, Ciaran didn't say or do anything while I unabashedly enjoy myself. I spotted him sitting on the ground leaning on a huge tree, his eyes trained on me.
"I guess we have to go," I muttered as I start to wade towards the bank.
I was picking up my shirt when I felt his presence near me. I straightened and looked at him oddly. I was startled when he stopped me from pulling on my shirt. Then I noticed his eyes weren't focused on my face but at my chest and realizing the fact made me want to cover myself more. But Ciaran held my hands, his eyes still locked on my bare chest.
It's not as perverted as it sounds. He wasn't lusting after me, although there's a glint of heat in his gaze that I cannot explain. But more than that he just looked curious, his gaze focused on the ink I had on my body.
On the left side of my chest is a tribal tattoo of two wolves. At first glance it looks like a bunch of sharp lines and curves artfully arranged to form a circle but if you look closely you'd see the image of a wolf standing on its hind legs, displaying dominance, and another crouching in front of it, showing submission. It's a tattoo symbolizing mated wolves. I got it before I left the country five years ago.
Ciaran had a deep frown on his face when his hand reached out and lightly touched the other image inked on my skin. It's a Chinese character placed on the center of my chest just above my heart. I got it a year after I had the first tattoo, when I was sure Rothe and I wouldn't go insane.
It's not unnatural for pack members of Moonscape to have a tattoo on their body. Warrior wolves and of course Ciaran and his beta have theirs done as a rite of passage when they come of age. Over time their tattoos grow as their experience on the pack do. But theirs is a sign, a brand of their status and importance. Mine is more of a symbol, a reminder.
He softly brushed his index and middle finger over the ink on my skin. I held my breath trying not to shiver and moan at the feather like touch. Rothe was already whimpering inside me as Ciaran's wolf momentarily connected with him.
"What does it say?" He asked his eyes boring through the mark.
I didn't answer right away. I waited for him to look into my eyes before saying, "Reject."