Even with the air conditioning on, it was still a hot day in the capital city on the day of the One Direction concert. Of course everyone in the city had heard about it, or at least everyone I had talked to. A lot of my closer coworkers knew that I knew the One Direction boys, so they didn't fail to bring them up once in a while. I didn't tell them anything further than that I had met them while in Hawaii in hopes of keeping my cover a little longer. Honestly, I wasn't prepared for this crazy world that Louis had to face everyday. And today, I would have to at least pretend like I was.
Marlee had stayed with me at my parents house up until today. It was definitely a relief in the household given that I had someone else to talk to besides my parents, whom I was still pretty upset with. We'd managed to have lots of fun, and tonight we would allow that to continue when we were finally reunited with the boys of One Direction.
I had missed Louis a lot, obviously. We talked on the phone pretty much everyday, which was nice. I loved his voice, but that didn't mean that I didn't miss his touch. Even with Marlee here, I still feel like I need him. So, I'm glad we'll be together again for at least a few days. And then, after his tour is over, a lot more.
It was a challenge telling my parents that I wanted to move out. I mean, I had moved out before, but that was only a twenty minute difference. This was a six hour flight; an ocean between us. I loved them, and even if what they did prompted me to make this decision, I would miss them terribly.
When I told them, they were upset. We started off yelling, as we normally do. But at some point during the conversation my mother seemed to break down and my father soon after. It was strange, but they suddenly became incredibly sad rather than angry. They told me that they understood my decision and would support me in it, knowing that it would help. Of course I did too apologize for all the trouble we had been dealing with for the last few days; they returned the apology as well which made things feel a little better. But as I told them, it would be a long time until things were back to normal.
We also discussed what I would do about work. My current job didn't seem to have any connections to London, but as we looked online, we saw some openings at some local London papers. I told them I would apply for every one, and I will most likely keep to that promise. I'd rather not have to rely on them and Louis, I want to do this for myself. I think that's the big thing about this move: it's for myself and no one else; that's something I've never done.
It was about noon when Marlee came back over to my place. She had gone to see Niall this morning for breakfast and moved all her belongings into their hotel room together. But for now, the boys had to go do some work things before the concert and we had to get ready. It had been a long time since I'd been to a concert, and given that today would be extremely interesting, I needed to start preparing myself as soon as possible.
"So are you excited?" Marlee asked as we sat around in my room, listening to music and just hanging out. "Yeah, I am actually. I haven't been to a concert in ages, so this should be really fun." I smiled, thinking about how much fun we would have. I didn't really know that many One Direction songs, but I had been learning some of their new ones. Hopefully they will sing those tonight so I can impress Louis with my lyric knowledge from the side of the stage or wherever we stand to watch the show.
"And of course, you get to see your smoking hot boyfriend. But you know, that's just a plus." Marlee joked and I laughed. "Yeah, I'm excited to see him too. And all the guys. It'll be fun. I'm just worried about the fans and stuff, apparently they can get pretty crazy." I sigh, thinking about some of the things I've read or heard about from multiple sources.
"Yeah, they really love the guys. Most of them are great, really sweet and awesome. But some are just flat out crazy, and may try to hurt you somehow. I wouldn't freak out about it though, because that's what all the security is for. It just may be a little overwhelming at first. If you're around it for a while, you eventually get used to it." she advised me and I was able to breathe a quick sigh of relief. I was pretty worried about the fan situation, and now I could be at least a little at ease. With Marlee at my side, I felt a little more confident.
"Hopefully I will get used to them soon, or else living in London will get pretty complicated." I laughed half-heartedly, thinking about how much time I'd spend with Louis once I moved there. "Yeah, that's true. But really Jane, there's nothing to worry about. You have an entire month before that anyway! By then, people will know who you are and you'll understand what they're all doing. The world will harmonize, if I may say it poetically." Marlee giggled and I smiled, hoping she was right. She's gone through this though, so I definitely trust her.
The time came when we were supposed to leave for the stadium. Niall had told Marlee to come pretty early in the afternoon so we'd all have time to hang out together and avoid the main crowd of fans. I was definitely in favor of that. So, we gathered our things and said goodbye to my parents before getting in the car and driving to the stadium.
In all my years of living in D.C., I had been to National's Park three times. Once was a sixth grade field trip, once a Backstreet Boys concert, and once a baseball game with John. I barely even remembered it, but I knew that this would be a whole new experience anyway.
I got off the highway pretty quickly and found myself heading right towards the stadium, seeing it's tall sign towering above all the other government buildings beside it. Marlee directed me to the back entrance as according to Niall this was the quickest and safest way into the stadium. Of course, Niall also has cars with tinted windows and big, strong bodyguards. Now, the entrance was mobbed with fans, and Marlee and I were stuck right outside of it.
People automatically recognized Marlee and the screams began to get louder as we attempted to drive on. Of course no one knew who I was, but people were asking and I definitely felt uncomfortable with the amount of pictures they were taking. If I had known I was to be playing celebrity today, maybe I would have put on a little makeup.
As we get closer to the gates, fans start banging on the car. At this point I'm absolutely petrified. I can barely drive and I'm scared to death that I'll hit someone. Even within the roomy car, I feel the space tightening around us and for a second I am actually afraid that we will get hurt. At this point, I question if we'll even get in to the stadium, let alone out.
However, the fear disappears as I hear loud voices faintly mixing in with the screams; these voices not of teenage girls but of men. I turn my head and see some of what I assume to be security pushing through the crowds of girls. Once they get through, a few concentrate on pushing the crowd back while some others move up towards our car. I almost laugh at how the screaming fans seem to be freaking out over the security teams of One Direction, just because they have a connection to their 'five true loves'.
One of the men comes right up to my window and I quickly roll it down so he can talk. I don't know who he is, but he greets both Marlee and I warmly. He introduces himself as Paul to me, and tells us that he'll open the gates up for us and then take us to the guys backstage.
Once the crowd is somewhat under control, one of the other security men open the metal gate for us, allowing us to quickly drive into the stadium and keep the girls outside until the show starts. I am able to quickly park the car then and as soon as I turn the engine off, I breathe a loud sigh of relief.
"So what'd you think of your first fan encounter?" Marlee smiled, as I gave her a look and slumped out of the car, finding Paul coming towards us from the walking entrance of the metal gate. I thank him for pretty much rescuing us, and he gladly accepts it. He seems like a really nice man, and Marlee says that he's known the boys for almost as long as they've all known each other. That makes me wonder if Paul knows who I am, or really anyone involved in the tour. Does Louis openly share these things, or does he like to keep his private life as private as possible?
We make it to the official backstage entrance and Paul gives us each a pass to put around our necks. On the laminated pass is a picture of the boys. I stare at it for a moment, still trying to process everything that's happening and the fact that this is the life I'm involving myself in by moving away and being with Louis. It's overwhelming right now, and I'm just hoping that by the end of the night it will all make a little more sense in my head.
As we walk around backstage, Paul shows us all the important spots for the night, which is mainly bathrooms and places to get food. Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of the stage and stare at it in aw, realizing that this is real and more spectacular than anything I've ever seen. Seriously, I feel like I'm behind the scenes at Disney World or something.
We get to an area where there seems to be a large amount of people, all looking to be doing something different. I guess when you have a tour this huge you need this many people working nonstop. Paul stopped a few times to talk to some people, as well as Marlee, leaving me awkwardly waiting as I didn't seem to know anyone. Eventually we did get on our way, and I smiled when Paul said the boys were just a little further. I was more than excited to see them all now.
Paul slowly opened a door to a room and instantly the sound of five voices harmonizing in song surrounded us. We each slowly stepped into the room, I went in last. They seemed to be warming up for their show tonight, singing what I was pretty sure was one of their songs. As soon as I was fully in the room, Louis looked up and saw that I was here. Just looking at him, I instantly smiled. He mirrored the expression, but continued to sing with the rest of the boys while the Marlee and I sat in the corner of the room watching.
I had heard Louis sing before, but I had never heard the rest of the guys. Together, they sounded wonderful and I could understand why all those girls loved these guys. Not only were they attractive and great people, but they had true talent: a rarity in show business today. The guys continued the song until the lady sitting in front of them, who seemed to be a coach or something like that, told them to stop. As soon as she did, Louis rushed over to me and pulled me into his chest for a warm and long-awaited hug.
At that moment I felt all my problems and pain come rushing back to me. It was probably because I trusted Louis, and I easily let my guard down when he was around. Of course we weren't alone so I couldn't physically express myself like I felt the need to, but I did feel the emotions inside stirring up. I might have also been overwhelmed as well. I mean, this is the first time I've been with Louis when he is a celebrity. And it's never really hit me until now who he really is. I know Louis, but I don't know the Louis that all of his fans know. I wonder if that is a good or a bad thing right now.
"Hi" he smiled down at me and for the first time I noticed the three to four inch height difference between us. But personally, I like being this height when standing next to him: I see the perfect blue of his eyes clearly from there. Of course I smiled back, just because he naturally had that effect on me. I wanted to talk to him about everything now that he was here. On the phone, we talked about little things but never really the big picture. Now that he was here, I just wanted to rant and I was sure he'd at least pretend to listen.
I was about to ask if we could go somewhere private but before I could even get a word in, Louis told me that he had to go hurry and get dressed for the show. I let him go, obviously, but I did make him promise to find me after so we could talk. He seemed to know what that meant, and although he knew it would be awkward and probably hard for both of us, it was something that we simply needed to discuss.
Along with Louis, all the other One Direction boys leave the room and head to get change. I wave to them as they run past, but I don't get to say anything. I look to Marlee and she smiles, making me realize that this must be a normal thing. But then again, how should I know I've never been on tour. Hell, I've been to a total of three concerts in my lifetime.
From there, Marlee and I went back to the crowded "meeting" room. It was still pretty full of people, and like before everyone seemed to be doing something productive except the two of us. Before I could fully analyze the situation, Marlee whisked me off to a corner of the room where I group of guys I did not recognize sat. The four guys, who appeared to be musicians of some sort, greeted her warmly and listened with full interest as she introduced them to me.
"Guys this is Jane. Jane this is 5 Seconds of Summer: Luke, Ashton, Michael, and Calum. They're the opening act and good friends of ours." She said and I smiled at the guys, happy to make new friends. We talked with them for a little bit and ended up having a lot of fun. They were all really funny, and their Australian accents were just beautiful to listen to. I couldn't wait to watch them perform.
Just as we finish talking to them the five guys return in outfits that seem pretty much identical to what they were wearing before, but apparently make much of a difference when on stage. They don't look silly though, so thats good. Louis comes right over to me and takes my hand, making me tense up a little but quickly relax as I realize that it's him and he's showing that he's ready to talk. We slowly leave the group when they all seem to be pretty involved in a conversation, hoping to go unnoticed for at least a little bit.
I didn't know where he was taking me, and I doubt he knew either. But all of a sudden we ended up on top of the boxes of the stadium, overlooking the stage and all the seats that were soon to be filled with fans. It was an exciting view and I'm sure it put Louis into perspective. Maybe that's why he liked it and decided to bring me up here.
"So how's the tour?" I asked him, even though I had only asked him two days ago and was sure his answer would be the same fine as it was before. I knew this wasn't the conversation he wanted to have, but I'd rather ease into it than just have to let it all out at once. I mean, he already knows most of the problem, but only to a certain extent. Besides Marlee, no one really knows how I feel about the whole thing. And even I haven't told her everything. Am I ready and willing to spill it all to Louis? Will he be able to take it all in and accept it?
"It's good. How are you and your parents?" He asks me, and I can tell by his tone that he's not wanting me to respond with fine. This is his way of easing into it, however for me it is just as abrupt as I feared. But, that's how Louis always is with me, and honestly, it's quite refreshing these days. Rarely do you find someone so to the point and lately, I like that. Except for right now when it's directed at me.
"We're getting along... Kind of. I mean, we argue, but not as much as we did when everything first started. I'm still mad at them, but I manage to keep it down and so do they." I say, sounding a little nervous as I speak slowly and quietly. This prompts Louis to place his hand on my back and rub soft circles into it, which I like.
"I'm okay though. I've had time to process it all and, I'm just okay. Okay, Louis?" I say, already knowing that Louis won't buy it. I just have to accept the fact that even though we've only known each other for a number of months, he can still read me like a book. Just like I thought, Louis gives me an annoyed look as he rolls his eyes and moves his hands to encircle mine, intertwining our fingers together as my stomach fills up with butterflies.
"Cut the crap, Jane. I want to know how you're really feeling." He spoke to me, looking straight at me with those dazzling blue eyes. I could almost melt at the sight of him, actually. He was beautiful, if I can describe him like that. Of course if he ever knew I said that he'd punch me, but it was so true in my mind. Although I was scared of telling Louis before, I suddenly wasn't then. I remembered when he first caught me crying and how he had seen my at my worst. He had seen me at the breaking point and accepted me, even with that. So, I knew then that he would accept me even now, and I did not have anything to fear when confronting him. He is the first person I think I have ever found that trait in.
"You know I love John. I always will, but with this whole thing, I don't want to anymore. Like, for some reason, I just suddenly hate the fact that I still have feelings for him. That's probably because of my morals, but I don't feel like I should love him anymore. Everything is so conflicted, and it probably doesn't make sense. But I'm doing the one thing I have feared since losing John. I'm really afraid of how that's going to effect me. I don't like change, Louis. Marlee told me to embrace it, but it's so hard with something like this." My emotions changed from sad to angry all over my little monologue. I'm sure I sounded like an emotional wreck, which is good because that is what I was. The whole time, Louis listened, and that made me feel even just the slightest bit better.
"I know how extremely hard this is for you. I mean, I may not feel it the same emotionally, but I comprehend it. And I think Marlee is right about change, but we all need to give you the space and time you need to think. I am always here for you, I promise that, love. You're friends, and even you're parents will be too. You just have to live with the fact that your life is changing, because the truth is babe, no matter how much you try to keep your life the same, it never will be. Personally, I don't want your life to be the same as it was before, because I believe you can be so much happier. Just tell me when you need your space or whatever else will help." Louis spoke with such elegancy you would think it was the script of a movie, but in fact it was just the tongue and mind of a writer. I definitely loved the fact that we were both writers, he in music and I in literature. I think it definitely helped us understand each other.
"Trust me, Lou, space is the last thing I need right now. At least from you. I actually really just want to get out of this whole city; it has too many memories within it. That's why when Marlee moves into her new apartment in London, I am too." I slowly changed the subject, knowing that I had to tell him about this sooner or later and now seemed to be the perfect time too. I knew there was more to be said about the issue, but it could wait. That was another lovely thing about Louis, he never pushed me.
His eyes widened when I first announced the move. For a second I thought he would want me to reconsider the decision, but that idea was quickly washed away by his bright smile and the way he pulled me into one of his big, warm, and cuddly hugs. I laughed as he hugged me tightly, feeling quite relieved about his reaction. "That is so great Jane!" He exclaimed, "We'll get to see each other a lot more often now! And we can go on dates, and I can take you home to Doncaster, and you can watch me play footie with some great players back home. It'll be great, but only if you're absolutely sure about it."
I laughed as his sudden transition to a serious tone, quickly nodding my head before I leaned in and quickly kissed his reddening cheek. "I'm glad you're excited, I am too. It's my first step in embracing change." I said proudly and Louis giggled, making me laugh as well. "You know I've missed you terribly, so this is great news." Louis said as we slowly left the roof of the boxes, hand in hand. It was just about time for the guys to get really ready for the show, so I was glad we had wrapped up our conversation. And Louis missing me just made me want to melt, but I played it cool and said I missed him to because truthfully, it was terrible without him. It's only been a couple hours and life is already better with him around. I didn't think a single person could do that to me, even John.
Marlee and I got to watch the entire show from the side of the stage. The view wasn't the best, but we were closer than all the fans so that was pretty cool. If i could describe the experience in one word, it would be loud. The screams from earlier couldn't even compare to what went on all three hours of the show. It amazed me honestly, but I was singing along with them at some parts.
All the guys came over to wave to us at least once through the show, Louis and Niall each coming over a little more often than the others. Because of that, I worried fans might start figuring out who I was, which definitely worried me. But, I was more involved in watching the guys and simply having a good time then to worry about the future. I decided to live for the moment for once and it felt really good, especially when Louis and Niall hit a hip thrust in our direction.
It was a great night. I was so proud of Louis, and I just loved how happy he looked on stage. He obviously belonged there, and I was glad that he knew that. I was also perfectly content with dancing the night away beside Marlee, who really has become what I think is a best friend. The intensity of "One Direction"'s fame is still a little much for me, but it's only been one day in the limelight, so I'm sure I'll understand it soon. I just hope that once I'm in London with my friends and boyfriend, things will be as great as they were tonight.
*~:*~:*~:
Sorry for the wait, my life has been a little hectic lately guys. Lots of stuff going around at school during homecoming season, and I chose to involve myself in all of it this year.
Anyways, I liked this chapter. It reminded me of my concert experience, so it was happy and sad. It took a while to write, so I hope it's okay. But I like seeing Jane make progress (although there hasn't been a kissing scene in a while ;)...)
So I'm going to work at a church retreat this weekend where there really isn't any internet or anything, so I doubt I'll write anything. Then once I get back I have finals week at school, which if you don't know is basically like midterms.
Pretty much I won't be able to write until the end of next week. Sorry about that. Until then, please vote and comment! Thanks for reading!!!! Xoxo
Katie