After hearing what most of them had to say, Mara had harbored a slight resentment for the leader. Namjoon's decision was bound to be against her staying, but it didn't deter any bitterness.
Jimin's promise slowly became harder and harder to fulfill, and with that dwindling hope came the subconscious mistrust of Jimin's word. However, Mara tried to enjoy every second of his company until her imminent departure. Truly, things could have gone so much worse, and Mara didn't want to push the limits of Namjoon's mercy despite her desire to stay. She came to the conclusion that regardless of their efforts, the outcome would've been the same either way.
Namjoon lacked sympathy for her, sure, but it was his camp that he and his group had built, and Mara felt in no way entitled to any part of it, not even a square foot of space. She could feel bitter, and she could mentally curse at the leader all she wanted, but her fate was set. At the very least, she would get a few resources to steady her for a bit until she eventually found her way. He was also allowing her to recover for a week before having to leave, which was also a plus.
Taehyung's conclusive words echoed in her head—
"Maybe it's for the best."
She was far from believing that to be the "best" considering she had previously been cornered into starvation by a cult that had odd eating habits. She didn't want to think too much about it, but the next day came and she inched closer and closer to being back to solitude. She would become more susceptible to being abducted—to dying at the hands of lunatics. Mara didn't want to be scared. She wanted to be brave and fearless and a force to be reckoned with, but she was just Mara. She was the girl who sought protection from the evil world but who had been stuck with bearing only her machete and her wits with her.
Speaking of which, the girl gave up on ever seeing that thing again (her machete, not her wits, although that could also apply). There was no mention of a gun either, and Mara wondered what had happened to her weapon. She'd only been given her bag in return, from which she gathered nothing too useful. A lot of her things had been left in the old lodge. She'd only had time to gather her main items —not much else. Mara considered going back to the lodge as it loomed over her with ambiguity. The lodge held sentimental value and trauma, but once again, necessity played a major role in deciding which emotion to ignore. She wanted to stay close enough to visit Jimin every now and then, but that meant dealing with the loitering threat. She was torn in half, but she had a week to decide so the girl placed the ultimatum last on her list of priorities.
Thinking back to the gun, Mara decided to ask about it the next time she saw Jimin. Oddly enough, the lad was busy doing chores around the camp, instead leaving Mara with Jin, who had welcomed her warmly into the greenhouse.
Constraints in regards to her staying for the remainder of the week were set for the safety of everyone else. One of those was for her to not be left unattended. She lacked a weapon for defense, access to certain areas of the house and everywhere she went (except for the restroom, of course), there came the chaperone following closely.
Namjoon did not trust her at all—not one bit.
"This is the squash I use to make vegetable soup with and that's Jimin's favorite. He's always been a healthy kid," Jin fondly explained, slowly walking as he gave a tour of the produce.
"We've also got strawberries and cantaloupe, limes and bananas, we've got aloe vera, tomatoes, potatoes, chamomile and mint leaves. I recently started planting ginger," Jin approached the plot in which small bulks breached the soil, distractedly muttering to himself, "And it looks to be...growing quite nicely."
An astonished Mara gaped at the variety of fruits and vegetables that Jin had been successfully growing. The herbs added the finishing touch to Jin's attentiveness and prioritizations. He seemed to be knowledgeable on the basic and even the complicated essentials. Mara admired his work, and she now fully understood why the greenhouse was his pride and joy.
"I've always wanted a bee colony but I have no idea how or where I would get one," Jin sighed, "But I digress. I guess I'm just a bit too ambitious," he smiled.
"I have a lot of respect for you," Mara commented, "It must've been long and hard work."
Jin shrugged sheepishly, "It was, but I loved the anticipation. It was the process of seeing something I gave love to grow and return the favor."
Very sweet way of seeing it, Mara thought.
"I lived off of mango trees for a bit. I kept the centers with the naive hope of planting the seeds someday," Mara airily reminisced.
"A mango tree? That sounds delicious," Jin sighed dreamily.
"It really was..." Mara mumbled.
"Was?"
Mara nodded, growing a bit somber, "Yeah...all of my efforts to preserve the tree went out the window."
"Oh..." Jin studied Mara's far away gaze, "I see."
Mara watched as Jin proceeded to tend to the budding strawberry flowers distractedly. She thought back to how much she had admired and relied on that tree, and how horrified she was to find it destroyed into an unrecognizable mess. The girl wondered why other people were gifted more luck than others, and why life was so opposed to her happiness.
Was Jin a better person than her?
Was Namjoon a better person than her?
Jin glanced at Mara, doing a double take when catching her staring. He offered a kind smile, and Mara caught the twinkle in his eyes that made the gesture all the more genuine. She couldn't believe she'd just questioned his intentions. However, she was an envious girl.
Maybe it's because I crave something they abundantly have.
Company.
Safety.
Friendship.
She replayed the words spoken during the meeting, questioning if they were truly friends or people willing to coexist to save themselves.
"With every battle comes relief. It's a package deal. You don't get one without the other," Jin softly spoke.
Mara did not feel reassured after her previous conflict— she received not a single drop peace. The only reassurance she got was from seeing Jimin alive and thriving. The girl grew frustrated, wondering when she would find that light at the end of the tunnel for her—and her only.
"Yeah," she whispered, "I hope things work themselves out. I'm really tired."
"You're still a kid, and I don't blame you for wanting a break from all the stress of fending for yourself," Jin reassured, beginning to trim and cut leaves from his herbs.
"I don't feel like a kid. I feel old," Mara sadly laughed, her eyes meeting Jin's warm gaze. He blinked at her, staring from each of her eyes as if to try and find something. The timid girl looked away, finding it to feel intense. She was an open book, perhaps too open for her own good. Everything could come back and stab her in the back and she wouldn't quite care.
"I'm sorry you had to cut your childhood short. No child should have to go through any of this, especially not alone," Jin compassionately spoke, his hand coming to squeeze her shoulder comfortingly. The girl immediately clasped her hand atop of his, seeking for validation of her most repressed feelings and thoughts that haunted her every waking moment.
"You're not alone," Jin consoled, "Not as long as I'm here."
Mara accepted his reassurance with only mild skepticism and turned away, stifling a frown.
Time suddenly felt as real as ever.
With another day going by being babysat by the people willing enough to tolerate her for an entire day, Mara was growing antsy. Her desire to prove herself to everyone was getting stronger, and the anxiety from an impending loneliness was looming over here like a skyscraper. She couldn't just sit there and let a week go by without her attempting to convince them (or rather Namjoon) to let her stay indefinitely.
Something that bothered her was Jimin's lack of resolution. Their plans sat inert, collecting dust as time flew by faster than they could realize. Not only had Jimin refrained from reiterating the narrative of the meeting; he hadn't relayed her the outcome, either. Though Mara heard every single word spoken, she had expected the courtesy of an honest and realistic delivery of bad news. She guessed that Jimin felt guilt, and keeping the news from her would spare her feelings or maybe keep her hopes up. It didn't do either, though. Instead, it made her feel hopeless. If Jimin didn't know what to do next, what made Mara think she could make a single difference?
She'd bumped into Hoseok later in the day while fetching something from the kitchen per Jin's request. She was met with a stone-faced man filled with something she could only describe as bitterness. She wondered why, considering she was leaving soon and wouldn't be a bother for too long.
"I don't trust you. Just because they let you stay for a bit, that doesn't mean you're instantly off the hook. Don't get too comfortable, is what I'm trying to say," Hoseok muttered curtly, eyes devoid of any sympathy, "Try not to be too much of a nuisance for however long you're here. We have plenty of those already."
Mara stood quietly in place, a tinge of disdain making her face twist up. Hearing Hoseok call his brothers nuisances didn't bode well with her. She expected respect, but even that seemed too much to ask for.
Yoongi was different, but not too much.
He offered only a mere glance, his eyes dark and blank. He silently brushed by her, steps light and almost inaudible. His pale skin was at contrast with his jet black hair and black clothes. He looked like a ghost with the way he simply hovered and watched without speaking a single word.
Resentment towards Yoongi simply hit him like a gust of wind, but scorn from him was akin to a tsunami wave, and Mara was caught in the tide.
"When I see you, I think a lot about my Bongsoon."
The statement had come out of the blue, eliciting an apprehensive curiosity in Mara. Jin, Jimin and Mara sat in the infirmary, eating together after Namjoon boldly stated that Mara made everyone uncomfortable. A very timid, yet offended, Mara opted to eat elsewhere, lead by a peeved Jin and followed by an upset Jimin into the room they now sat in. They calmly ate despite the unpleasantries, enjoying each other's company and conversing amongst themselves.
The disgruntled leader would ostracize the girl, offering little to no eye contact and refraining from speaking directly to her. She would divert her attention to him, but he seemed to not even want to be near her. What she did to earn this treatment was unknown, and she felt like the ugly duckling amongst all the begrudging members.
Jimin grew somber, seeming to know exactly what Jin was talking about. He quietly ate, and Mara caught on to his look with a quick glance.
"Is it okay if I ask who that is?" Mara cautiously asked.
Jin smiled to himself, lightly chuckling through his nose and stirring his soup thoughtfully.
"My daughter Bongsoon," he said, so lightly yet enough for the other two to hear clearly. There was an emanating sadness upon hearing the words leave his lips, one that had Mara regretting to ask. Fatherhood fit Jin so well, and she saw why he was so well versed and skilled—he had to be for his kid. Imagining a small girl in his arms, smiling and laughing alongside her father and enjoying life was enough to make what he said next break her heart entirely.
"She was such a brave child," Jin began, the smile never leaving his face.
Was...
"I imagine she would've grown up to be just like you," Jin smiled warmly at Mara, naturally bringing out a smile from her.
"I'm glad she's not with us right now, though. I don't think I'd want my child growing up in this hell," Jin chuckled, but it sounded forced. Mara's smile gradually fell, and feeling empathetic she reached out to hold his hand, which he too held tightly.
Another hand sat right on the both of theirs, Jimin's reassuring gaze intent on Jin's. Jin seemed to appreciate their gesture, and he gave them both a smile. Mara could sense a strong bond between Jin and Jimin. In such a tender moment with such a sensitive topic, Jin seemed to trust in Jimin's compassion. By the knowing look on his face, the girl could tell he knew more than Jin led on. However, not wanting to pry and bring up something that delicate that could possibly make Jin upset, the girl simply offered him comfort in return.
With tensions rising between Jin and Namjoon, Mara began to rethink what she hoped to achieve. The last thing she wanted was to come between two brothers and potentially cause a rift to form amongst the group. She was thankful to have people on her side who sympathized with her struggle, but if that meant jeopardizing relationships, she would rather leave. It came down to it, the girl would acquiesce and not put up a fight.
Maybe it's for the best.
Speaking of, a very dismissive Taehyung would hover about, speaking casually to Jimin and Jin and only offering a brief, but unapologetic rundown of her with his ever so blank stare. Though he didn't make an effort to shun the girl from group activities, tasks, or conversations, he also did not attempt to speak to her too much. The bond between Jin and Jimin was brotherly, but somehow Jin and Taehyung's was only friendly—or as friendly as Taehyung could get. Mara couldn't help but feel a tad bit jealous when Jimin spent more time with him everyday instead of with her. Not that she wanted to receive his undivided attention 24/7, but she was hoping to have some time alone with him before she left, just so she could leave satisfied with the memories they'd made.
Mara watched from afar as they worked together meanwhile she joined Jin at the greenhouse. They would talk and work simultaneously, a kind of flow to their movements that told of their experience. They seemed to go really well together, and she was left in awe at how tame Taehyung looked. He almost seemed like a pleasant person—almost—and she wondered why he so suddenly changed demeanors when near her.
"I know he seems cold," Jin piped, gloved hands digging near the ginger he had planted. He looked up at her from where he kneeled, then in the direction she had earlier been staring at, "But he's generally harmless."
Mara hummed.
"He just has a hard time expressing his emotions," Jin muttered distractedly, "Pass me the trowel please."
Mara did so in a daze, and guiltily so. Jin had spent time with her to teach her a few things about gardening, hoping that it would stick with her even after she left. Mara was grateful to be learning a few things from him, especially since he was knowledgeable in that area. He offered to spare her some seeds for her to grow them herself once she was in a safe place she could settle down in. Mara wondered if it would be far from them or relatively close. Considering the circumstances, the girl guessed she would have to move far. It hurt to think so.
"You okay?"
Mara shrugged, not really knowing what to think of the plethora of emotions swirling inside. She wanted to be honest and talk about what bothered her, but that in itself made her believe she was a bother. She didn't want to be an inconvenience, a burden.
"I'm just thinking," she dismissed, playing off the troubling thoughts with a smile. Jin seemed unconvinced, but with nothing to really scratch off the surface, he sighed, "Just know that you can always talk to me or Jimin. Hell, maybe even Taehyung can lend an ear. I can't promise he'll give you any advice or even talk at all, but he could probably just listen.
I highly doubt that.
Was Jin blind to Taehyung's cold attitude? She wasn't too sure.
I don't have to be liked by everyone, but I expected just a bit of kindness when that's all I've shown.
"Do me a favor, please," Jin shook his head with a frustrated sigh, to which Mara quickly nodded, "Of course, what's up?"
Jin clenched his jaw, and he seemed upset, "Go get Jimin. Now, please."
His stern attitude was drastically different than his charming side, and Mara knew he was a force to be reckoned with when upset. Though he didn't appear to be close to furious, Mara still felt slightly intimidated. She wouldn't want to be on the receiving side of his wrath—ever. Without further wait the girl scurried out of the greenhouse, spotting the two conversing boys at the far end towards the scrapyard. She walked passed the chickens, smiling at their blithe clucking, and then by the stables where the horses were sheltered. Mara's fast steps slowed at the sight of Jungkook. He delicately pet the horses, adoration adorning his soft features. He looked to be engrossed, and the girl avoided drawing his attention as she swept by.
Her footsteps were heard from a distance, and the boy who had early been freely conversing had grown dead silent, expression pulled down cryptically. Jimin, however, greeted her brightly, previous frown erased from his face at the sight of her. Taehyung glanced at Jimin, then at Mara, holding his gaze on her until she spoke. There was pressure now that they were both looking at her, and it was enough to make her stutter.
"H-Hey, um, uh Jin needs you," Mara threw a thumb over her shoulder, turning and seeing a comically annoyed Jin glaring at Jimin through the transparent tent. The girl faced the two men again, met once more by the scrutiny of Taehyung. The smile fell from Jimin's face, and he sighed, "What did I do now?"
Mara shook her head and shrugged.
Jimin glanced at Taehyung, "I'll be back in a bit, unless I get murdered, then don't expect me back."
Mara wanted to laugh at the slight fear in his eyes, but the presence mere feet away was a deterrent. Jimin stepped forward, shoving what appeared like bolts in Mara's hands. He gave a tight lipped smile and raised his brows, "Do me a favor and look for about six of these. It's really important you find these for Yoongi," Jimin emphasized, giving the girl a pointed look, then gesturing to the lad behind him, "Taehyung will help you."
He patted her shoulder and offered Taehyung a smile, "Good luck."
Fuck.
Mara couldn't think of ways to say no, and even if she could, she wouldn't. How could she deny a task when that was the point of her staying—to be of use to the group. She could think of one reason, and it was because of the man stiffly standing there, staring at her.
She didn't fear Hoseok.
Nor Yoongi.
Or Namjoon.
But for some reason Taehyung set off her fight or flight instincts.
Mara refrained from making eye contact and she stepped into the junk, over wobbly pieces of metal and creaking chassis of irreparable cars. She could hardly tell the model of the cars, not that she was car savvy. There was a lot of rusting metal, most likely exposed to rain and harsh weather, all in an unrecognizable mound that was hard to look over and under. She was still weak, so lifting anything was not a good idea. All of these thoughts about metal and cars and junk...it wasn't enough to distract her from the piercing glare she felt on the back of her head. The hairs on her arms stood up and she felt goosebumps everywhere. It wasn't long before the overbearing silence was filled with creaking metal and a slight crunch of broken glass under boots. Taehyung had begun his search once more, a couple feet to her right.
She had to do this if she hoped to establish a good rapport with everyone. She had to make herself useful if she wanted to change their minds even a little bit.
Taehyung approached, beginning to search closer to Mara, catching the girls attention as she looked through the scraps, trying to find the small bolts that she had probably looked over yet hadn't registered in her preoccupied mind.
"Does Jimin know about you going to the warehouse?"
The wave of guilt she had formerly forgotten caused her heart to drop. She gave him a discreet glance, and the boy seemed nonchalant.
She nervously shook her head, "No...I was planning to tell him before I leave."
"You know, there's something I just despise about liars," Taehyung commented, voice icy cold. His face was expressionless. Mara gulped, attempting to calm her nerves and hoping for Jimin to come back sooner to save her from this incredibly uncomfortable conversation.
Even though she did lie, it wasn't supposed to turn out to be crucial to Jimin getting back to his group.
"Why not take Jimin?" He prodded.
"At that time, Jimin was still injured. I wouldn't have made him walk and risk hurting himself on the way there. Plus, I didn't want to give him false hope," Mara explained. Despite her reasoning being genuine, she couldn't help the remorse that cause an ache. Knowing now that he had been so close, yet so far, was eating her up inside. Regardless that it turned out okay in the end, she still regretted hiding something from Jimin.
"To me it seems like you were trying to keep him away from us...from me," Taehyung muttered, and it was the first time she'd ever heard disdain in his voice, "Just to keep yourself company, or to do who-knows-what with him," he accused. Mara felt a deep sensation of utter disgust at his blunt and ill-founded insinuations, at the unfathomable ideas running through his head at that very moment.
"And then you acted as if you hadn't seen me before," Taehyung scoffed, finally fully turning towards Mara with apathetic eyes, "Just to play the victim."
"How am doing that?" Mara made a face, annoyance visible. Her intentions were being doubted, and there was nothing more frustrating than being made out to be a villain, when all you wanted to do was help.
Did Hoseok and Taehyung team up to make my life impossible today?
"This act you're playing. Hoping that we see you as some kid who needs to be protected. You've got Jimin and Jin eating it up. You're taking advantage of their sympathy. We can all see it," he brusquely said, now staring daggers into Mara.
"Being weak and unable to fend for myself at that moment because I was severely malnourished and dehydrated...that means I'm victimizing myself?" Mara incredulously repeated. Taehyung remained silent.
"You're reaching far and wide," Mara chuckled, shaking her head, "And for what reason? What've I done to you?"
"You're forcing Jimin to defend you simply because you 'took care of him'. You held him against his will, which is different," Taehyung accused, scanning her from head to toe, "I'm surprised you're still alive after we left you for dead on that bus," he spoke, voice devoid of emotion,
"You should've stayed dead."
————
Dayum.
-wethenaive