The weeks following that earth-shattering Tuesday morning were hard. Harder than I ever anticipated.
There was a lot of crying. For days, we wept. Mom shed the most tears. She had already lost Raelyn. Now Benson was gone from her life, too.
She apologized to Bowie like a record on a loop. It was hard for her to fathom that he'd been suffering in silence for so long. As his mother, she thought it was her job to protect him from such ordeals. She felt like she failed him. I'm sure still feels the occasional pang of guilt.
As for Dad, he kept his cool. His number one priority was to ensure that none of us had to associate with Benson ever again. He made arrangements with his brother, my Uncle Duncan, for Benson to relocate to Manhattan. Apparently, Mom and Dad co-signed the mortgage for his condo. They paid off the rest of the loan and are planning to sell it. They told Benson he had until the second week of May to gather his things.
Not that he fought them. Had he not been exiled, he would have left voluntarily. He might be heartless, but he has a brain. He knows when he's unwelcome.
Out of all of us, Bowie is doing the best. He's thriving, actually. He's like a whole new person. Benson's secret was a weight on his shoulders. Now that it's out in the open, he's walking on air.
"I think I might go back to school," he informed me the other day.
"That's great!" I exclaimed. "I think that will be really good for you. You only need a few more credits to graduate, right?"
"Well, maybe more than a few. I'm thinking about changing my major."
"I thought you were set on marketing."
He shook his head, an uninterested expression on his face. "Marketing was just a way to make money one day. Now I'm more concerned about making a difference."
"Well, what are you switching to?" I pried. I was expecting him to say something like environmental studies or medicine. Those are the go-tos for ambitious millennials who want to save the world.
"Political science," he answered.
I couldn't mask my surprise. "Really? You're following in Uncle Duncan's footsteps?"
"It's not about him," he clarified. "It's about creating change. Guys like Benson get away with hurting women because our laws are outdated and ineffective. Women can face life in prison for killing their rapists. Meanwhile, a rapist can serve three months and then walk away like nothing happened. We need to fix that. I want to fix that. I owe it to Rae and every other girl who's been in her shoes."
My eyes brimmed with tears as I pulled my brother into a hug. He's an amazing boy with a heart of gold, and I'm so proud of him.
I've seen Alyx once since she and Benson called it quits. She confessed to me that she saw Benson rifling through my purse the night Carla crashed family dinner. She never told anyone, not even him. This confirmed a past theory: Benson took the original "veritas" drive. I don't know how he knew about its existence.
I suppose I never will.
Alyx moved back in with her parents, whom I guess she's trying to rebuild a relationship with. She seems happy, and I'm happy for her. After all the drama my brother put her through, she deserves to live an uncomplicated life.
When I asked about the life growing inside of her, she had a melancholy, far-removed look in her green eyes. For a moment, I thought she was going to tell me she terminated the pregnancy.
"I'm keeping the baby," she finally said, "but Benson won't be involved. I'm gonna do it on my own."
"You won't be on your own. My family will be there every step of the way," I assured her.
"I know, but he or she won't have a dad." She looked like she was going to cry. "I hate him so much. What he did to your friend... it makes me sick."
"Alyx, I have to ask...." I nibbled on my bottom lip to quell my nerves. The question had been eating at me for a while. "Did Benson... did he ever, you know, with you...?"
"No! I mean, not like that. There were nights, especially after finding out I was pregnant, that I just wanted to go to sleep, but he insisted that we have sex, anyway. At the time, I was flattered. I figured he just really wanted me."
I smiled sadly and placed my hand over hers. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that."
"I'm fine, really. It's nothing in comparison to what he did to Raelyn."
I shook my head and repeated, "I'm sorry you had to deal with that."
We hugged before I left. I promised we'd keep in touch, and I meant it. Alyx Houston will be a permanent part of my life, even if Benson is a fading memory. Plus, I look forward spoiling my future niece or nephew.
In regards to the niece I already have, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Evangeline is actual family. She's blood. We share DNA. How crazy is that?
When I told Mom and Dad about Marco's surprise Raelyn-and-I-never-had-sex announcement, they put two and two together and realized that the little girl they've been fostering for four months isn't just another motherless child.
She's their granddaughter.
And that brings us here. It's Vange's seventh birthday. It's also the day she graduates from the foster system and finds her forever home.
Except it isn't with me.
I'm okay with it, I swear. My parents and I had a long talk. This new revelation changed everything for them. They want to get to know Vange not just as their house guest, but as their grandchild. They want guardianship of the six-year-old. Who am I to say no?
"You'll always be a part of her life," my dad says as we enter the courthouse. "You're her aunt, after all."
"I know that," I reply, stepping through the metal detector. "I'm really happy for you and Mom. You guys are exactly what she needs."
I spot my mom, Vange, and Vange's social worker, Waverly Swift, standing in the lobby. All the papers are signed. Everything is in order and ready to go.
Evangeline flashes a fifty-watt smile when she sees me. My heart melts. My Evangeline. My angel.
My niece.
"Hey, you." I nudge her shoulder. "How ya feeling?"
"Okay," she responds. "Kind of hungry."
"Maybe we can go out for ice cream when all of this adult mumbo jumbo is over. It is your birthday, after all."
"You remembered!"
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, of course I remembered."
Still grinning from ear to ear, she interlocks her fingers through mine. Although my hands are almost twice the size of hers, we fit like pieces in a puzzle.
In a soft voice that only I can hear, she says, "I'm not sure what's happening today. Your Mom told me I'm still gonna be living with them, but I gotta call her 'grandma' now. Is that just because she's old?"
I press my lips together to keep from cackling. We are in a courthouse.
"Well...?" She taps her finger against mine. She inherited a lot from Raelyn—her curiosity, her imagination, her dazzling emerald eyes—but not her patience.
"Something like that," I reply, unsure if she could handle or even understand the dark truth of the situation. "Just know that my parents love you very, very much, okay? That's why they're doing this. They're going to give you an amazing life. I know from first-hand experience."
"I know they will." She loops her arms around my waist and looks up at me with her viridescent eyes. "I'm still gonna see you, though, right?"
"Um, of course!" I boop her nose with my index finger, making her giggle. "You can't get rid of me that easily, Vange."
"I hope not." She smiles, but there's a seriousness in her words that doesn't go unnoticed.
As Waverly announces that it's time to see the judge, Levi and Bowie come barreling toward us, both disheveled and out of breath.
"So sorry!" Levi pulls me into a side hug. "I forgot I was supposed to pick up Bowie from UIC."
Mom turns to Bowie. "Ooh, are you all set to start your classes in the fall?"
"Just about," my little brother replies. "I still have to meet with my advisor, but I think I have all my ducks in order."
My mom claps her hands together. "How wonderful!"
"Come on, fam. We have to move." My dad ushers us into the courtroom. By the look on Waverly's face, we're already running behind schedule.
Despite the delay, everything goes smoothly and successfully. When Judge Maynard strikes his gavel, my parents are given full custody of Evangeline, and we give a round of applause. I don't know if clapping is customary in real life, but it's what I've always witnessed on television.
"You know, Evangeline," Judge Maynard says, "you're a very lucky girl. This might be the best birthday present of your life."
She nods her head. I can see her hands trembling with unspoken nerves. "Y-yes, your honor."
When we exit the courtroom, it's almost noon. Mom suggests that we all go out for lunch to celebrate. Evangeline turns to me, a panicked look in her eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask, kneeling beside her.
"If we get lunch, can we still get ice cream? Just you and me?" she whispers.
"You bet," I respond with a chuckle. "Real food first, though."
"Okay!" Unfazed, she skips out the door and to my dad's BMW.
"You're so good with her, my little pencil sharpener." Levi drapes his arm over my shoulder and kisses my forehead. "Raelyn would be proud."
"God, I hope so."
"She would be. You're not the same girl you were five months ago. I've had the pleasure of watching you grow and change and find love in the eyes of a child. If she could see you now, she'd be amazed."
I hook my arm through his and step outside. It was raining this morning, but the clouds have parted like a curtain, giving way to the afternoon sunshine. Raelyn loved the sun. She could sit outside for hours and bathe in its warmth. Being of Irish descent, she burned like oil in a frying pan, but she never complained, not even when her crimson skin blistered and peeled.
I look at the sky. If she's up there, if she's looking down on us, I hope she's happy. Screw proud. Pride is meaningless if you're miserable. She spent the last seven years of her life drowning in misery until she could no longer come up for air. Now she deserves happiness, even if she's not around to share her bliss with the rest of us.
A cardinal flies past me. I know it's just a coincidence, but its feathers are almost the same shade as Raelyn's lion-like mane. I watch as it perches on a nearby branch, its beady eyes gazing into mine.
"Bye, Rae," I murmur, ready to put an end to this tragedy once and for all. I want a happy ending. I want to live my life again. I'm done focusing on what she left behind.
I climb into the backseat of my dad's car and buckle Evangeline into her booster seat. Maybe I'll take her to the park after we get ice cream. It's a perfect day for it.