Georgia’s POV:
I have now been living with Hayley for a few months, we have come out to the public as a couple, and Hayley has had a hard time adjusting to having a new look on her. But since moving out here, it has been the best time of my life, not only have I got to spend time with the person I love, I have been able to travel with my most favourite band. I have been getting upset more frequently lately, because it’s coming up to the time of year when my Dad died. It’s the most horrible time of the year aside from his Birthday. He died on the 14th April and I am currently about a week away from it. I try and cry when Hayley is out, because I don’t want to bother her with all of my problems and weigh her down, when she has enough to deal with herself. But sometimes I can’t help but cry and get upset when she is here, she comforts me and asks me what’s wrong, but I can never bring myself to tell her, I always make up an excuse such as, I’ve had a bad day or I’ve seen some comments about me being with her.
“Babe? Are you in?” I hear Hayley call from downstairs, I wipe my eyes and try to compose myself from crying.
“Yeah, I’m upstairs.” I call back to her. I hear her running up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and she bursts into our bedroom, the grin on her face, falling into a sad frown, when she sees that I have been crying.
“What’s happened babe?” She asks me, looking deep into my eyes. I long to tell her but I know I can’t.
“Nothing. I’m fine honestly!” I try and persuade her, but failing.
“No you’re not fine! Don’t lie to me. I want to be able to help you!” Hayley replies, moving over to me and wrapping her arms around me. All I can do is just sob into her shoulder as I hug her tightly. “Shhh, it’s okay, everything is going to be okay.”
I pull away, trying to close myself off from her, as I know that if I leave down my barriers it will all come spewing out. I move away from her. “Sorry about that.” I sniffle and grab a tissue from the en-suite to wipe my eyes and blow my nose. Hayley follows me into the bathroom, blocking the door so I can’t get out.
“Are you going to tell me what that was about?” She questions me. I could just tell her and let her help me. It would make things so much easier for me. But it could break her down, don’t tell her. You don’t need to burden your problems on her. My subconscious sneers at me, and it’s right. I’m nothing but a burden,
“Er hello? Georgia! Are you going to tell me?” Hayley asks again.
I shake my head at her, I can’t afford to let her in, she will only get swallowed into my emotions.
“This is a two way relationship Georgia, how can I expect you to help me with my problems when you won’t tell me yours!” Hayley replies, damn she’s getting angry. I don’t blame her though.
“I’m sorry Hayles, I can’t tell you, and I can’t be a burden to you.” I say emotionless, but tears are threatening to fall.
“Why won’t you tell me? You are getting more and more upset recently. Have I done something wrong? Are you not happy here? Because if you aren’t we can work something out. You can go back to England if you wanted, I can come and visit every weekend. We can work it out!” Hayley pleads, she’s still pretty pissed at me though.
“I can’t burden you with my problems. You haven’t done anything wrong I promise. I am happy here with you, I would be like this whether I was at home or here. I can’t help being like this. I’m sorry” I try and explain myself, without saying too much.
“Well then what is it? Why can’t you tell me? Are you afraid about what I will think of you? I can help you if you tell me, I can support you.”
“I am beyond help. Nobody can help me anymore.” I murmur under my breath. But Hayley hears me.
“You’re beyond help? What do you mean? You’re scaring me Gee. I can help you if you let me. I promise. I can get you all the help you need. I’ll get you anything. Just please let me help you.” Hayley begs me, I can tell that she is nearly crying, I don’t make eye contact because I know that I will surrender. I can’t back down now.
“What a shame we all remain such fragile broken things.” I sing to myself.
“GEORGIA, PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU.” Hayley yells at me. I snap my head up and look her in the eyes. All I can see in them are pain and sorrow.
“A beauty half betrayed,
Butterflies with punctured wings,
Still there are darkened places deep in my heart,
Where once was blazing light.” I keep singing, our eyes connected.
“Now, a tiny spark,
Oh glory,
Come and find me,
Oh glory.” Hayley carries on, tears now falling from her eyes.
“Come and find me dancing all alone,
To the sound of an enemy’s song,
I’ll be lost till you find me.
Fighting on my own,
In a war that has already been won.” I sing the next part.
“Georgia you don’t have to fight whatever this is alone. I can help you.” Hayley is still crying, she’s pleading me to tell her. I start making movement towards her and she opens her arms wide thinking that I will go into them, instead I walk through them moving them out of the way and go back into our room. I grab one of my suitcases from on top of the wardrobe and start putting clothes in there messily. I quickly glance at Hayley who is hysterically crying.
“Don’t you love me anymore? Because if you don’t I’d rather know then never know.” She asks me shakily.
“Of course I still love you, I can’t do anything but love you. But I can’t do this right now. I’m so sorry.” I reply back, still packing my suitcase.
“I don’t understand, we should be here for each other through everything right? Isn’t that what a relationship is about?”
“Yeah it is, but I can’t be a burden on you, you won’t understand it. You don’t understand.” I say trying to fend her off from getting through my now weakened barriers.
“Try me. I’ll try and understand, if you tell me, then I can get you help from somebody who will understand.” Hayley begs me. She is so close to getting in, but I refuse to let it happen.
“Hayley, please just drop it. You won’t understand and you never will until it happens to you, and even then you won’t fully understand it.” I try and explain as I am zipping up my suitcase.
Hayley looks truly heartbroken, she looks like as if I have torn out her heart, ripped it up right in front of her and stomped all over it. I walk over to her and she tries not to make eye contact, until I tilt her chin up to me, I give her a sorrowful kiss on the lips, I then pick up my suitcase and walk down the stairs and head to the front door, when Hayley grabs my wrist and spins me around.
“Where are you going?” She asks me.
“I’m not sure.”
“Can I come with you?”
“No I need to be alone.”
“How are you getting to wherever you are going and do you have money?”
“I’m not sure, either taxi or driving.”
“When will you be back?”
“I'm going away for a while
But I'll be back
Don't try to follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible” I sing to her.
“Babe please stop singing my lyrics to me, it’s killing me.”
“I’m so sorry Hayles…” and with that I walk out the door, grabbing the car keys on the way and putting my suitcase in the boot and going around to the drivers’ side and climbing in. I put the key into the ignition and look up to see Hayley on the floor fiercely crying in the front door. It takes all of my strength not to get out of this car and comfort my crying girlfriend or to even take her with me. Instead I put on Brand New Eyes and blast it out of the speakers in the car and drive off speedily down the road.
A/N:
This part means so much to me, as I did lose my Dad, and I felt similar to Character Georgia, but not as bad. So yeah, when I was writing this, it pretty much ripped out my heart.
Hope you enjoy it! Please vote, comment or message me.
Thanks Georgia!x