Whoa Baby
Chapter 15- A is for...
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."- Art Williams
*WARNING! Strong conservative issues will be address in this chapter. Please refrain from making any comments and or negative ones and respect the authors and people's opinion. Thank you and enjoy :) *
After eating a few bowls of cereal and then eating the food my friends brought from the restaurant, I took a nice comfortable seat on the padded lounge chair outside on the back deck, overlooking the ocean and the beach. It felt like a perfect day, mid-eighty degrees, and a slight breeze due to being next to the ocean. The sun felt warm against my skin which made me happy because I want a tan. The sound of the ocean was relaxing and mellow. It was worth every penny renting this place on the beach.
My friends had come home shortly after I had woken up, showered, and ate. Miles asked a few times how I was feeling. I told him it was nothing to do to massively drinking at last night's party like he believed. Frankly I didn't drink a sip of anything but water from a bottle. My People's Magazine entertained me for the time being as Miles, Emma, and Alice all sat around the deck talking plans. I was all up for another chill day at the beach and maybe some beach volleyball or badminton. But since this was Miles first day, Emma thought he should be able to pick what he wants to do.
Alice needed a break from Miles or so she said. So when Emma announced she was going to bring Miles down to the local shops Alice decided to stick around with me since I didn't want to be tempted to buy things. But as soon as Emma and Miles left, Alice disappeared after changing into some running shorts and sneakers. Something must have been really bugging her if she's going out for a run. That's what she usually does to clear her head or to get away from something.
After checking my Twitter and posting an envious picture of my view of the beach from the porch to Instagram, I continued to read the People's Magazine that was left behind by the last guests living here. It wasn't an old issue but it was nice to know for the zillionth time that Jessica Simpson is having yet another baby just after having her first one and getting sponsored from Jenny Craig. Then of course, it's always adorable to see the royal couple and their baby boy. That's a rare photo.
As I was trying to spot the ten differences of Kim Kardashian's picture I heard footsteps ascending the stairs to the porch. I figured it was Alice coming home and how she had a quick run, but I was mistaken. Surprisingly, JC stood in front of me. Red swim shorts, a white tee shirt with flip flops and shades. I didn't expect him to be here. And like every time I was in his presence I became queasy, uncomfortable and nervous.
"I thought I'd find you around here." He greeted standing on the top of the stair case and admiring the ocean. "Nice view you got here." He compliments, leaning his back against the railing.
"Nice to see you too." I said a bit sarcastically, looking up from my magazine. I suppose he too has a nice view. Emma did mention how much she loved the pier house.
"I've been seeing you around the parties lately. Experiencing that spontaneous wild life you dream of?" He asked, a small smile pulling at his lips.
Wow, I couldn't believe he actually remembered our first conversation. This whole trip I had intended to fulfill that part of me that wanted to live a little differently. Then, ideas changed. "Yeah, I guess so." I mumbled amazed. He nodded his head, looking over his shoulder to the ocean. As if he remembered something he turned his head quickly in my direction, "Is your friend's home?" He asked.
"No." I respond simply, flipping through the magazine once I figure out all ten difference. Some little light dawned on me realizing what sort of question that would mean to him. "Just because we did it once doesn't mean I'm some sort of booty call." I clarify to him, slapping the magazine down on the side table.
JC chuckled and shook his head, "Yeah, that's not ever happening again." He mumbled under his breath. I don't know if that wasn't meant for me to hear or not and I didn't know if I should have taken that as an insult. "That wasn't an insult it was just... A fact." He rambled, "Not that you did anything wrong, but I mean-"
"I don't want to know what you really meant." I determined shaking my head as I grabbed another magazine off the table. This one was a food magazine and there was all kinds of chocolaty desserts on the cover. He nodded his head, rocking slightly on his heels as he looked around everywhere. A few minutes went by and we said nothing. It really started to worry me. Why is he here and why is he talking to me? "So can I like, help you with something, or...?"
"Yeah you can." He sighed looking around. If this kid wanted drugs that's the last thing I would be doing, ever. My wild and spontaneous imaginary life has a limit. "I don't want to keep beating around the bush but... I really don't know how to say this..."
Oh dear God no... This can't be happening. How the fu-
"Can I use your bathroom?" He asked quickly. I rose a single eye brow at him and calmed my nerves down a bit before I answer.
"Um, straight across, first door on your left." I directed him pointing to the open door behind me. So much for beating around the bush I suppose. He ducked away rushing to the bathroom. I didn't really understand what the big deal was about asking me to use our bathroom. If that's truly the case here.
After shaking my head and taking a deep breath, I grabbed my glass of lemonade off the table and took a long lasting sip. Folding the corner of the page to keep tabs on how to make chocolate mousse, I lifted my head up when JC walked back to the porch. He sighed rubbing his face before putting on his sun glasses and messing up his hair. Either way no matter what he did to his hair it looked hot; I will admit.
He descended a few steps without a word and I couldn't have been more annoyed. "You're welcome." I commented, rolling my eyes and flipping the page. Jerk.
"Yeah, thanks." He said waving his hand over his shoulder as he rushed back down the steps. I guess I freaked out over nothing because apparently he only needed to use my toilet. That couldn't have been a more useless pre-conversation.
Not even a minute later footsteps again climbed the stairs and I could tell they weren't Alice's light slow steps. I rolled my eyes seeing JC's head. He could just pee in the ocean you know. "Actually, no, that's not what I needed to ask you." He criticized himself shaking his head.
"Then do you want to tell me what's going on?" I asked questionably, peeking a secretive look behind my sunglasses.
The struggle is real for JC because no words were able to spill from his lips. His mouth opened and closed like a fish but no sounds came out. He struggled. And struggled. Until I became a nervous wreck contemplating situations in my mind how he could have figured out I'm pregnant. If JC does know, I have no idea what we'd say. I'm not ready to have a conversation about this because to be honest, I still can't handle the news and it's only been nine weeks.
Moments went by where JC stopped moving his mouth and just leaned back against the railing. He stared at me, mouth parted, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I needed to know now if he knew. What it would come down to would be both of us not knowing how to tell our parents or when to tell our parents. No I didn't expect to run off with JC and live happily-messed-up-ever-after. I just thought maybe JC would see this in a different light than me. Something I haven't thought of before.
I grew intensely fidgety and antsy. Maybe this would be a good time to tell him. Maybe he already knew but I couldn't figure out how. But whatever he wanted to say to me, didn't seem like it would come out without a little force. "Can you just spit it out-"
"You're pregnant." JC stated rapidly, throwing his hand up to his face and slowly, slipping his hand through his hair.
Because I built myself up for this, to say I was completely shocked is incorrect. I was just curious though how he figured out. I mean, I guess, he must have remembered there was no condom. Like me, it took some time to realize. I didn't know what to say now. What am I supposed to say or if I'm supposed to say anything? I was back to stage one, total silence, mentally trapped, and in shocking denial. For JC, it's just the start.
I'm not lying when I say, JC and I stayed there, for longer than ten minutes, in silence. It was like when I told the girls, but there were no tears. I don't think neither one of us was ready to say or do anything. All I was worried about was when Alice would be back. She'd definitely suspect something between us; and out of all people, I didn't want Alice to be the first to know that JC is the one that got me pregnant. Saint Alice would be even more judgmental than normal.
"Were you ever going to tell me?" JC asks, hanging his head in shame.
"I don't know." I whisper, staring down at my magazine but not even knowing what I was really staring at.
In health class sophomore year we learned twelve different types of anger and where anger comes from. JC applied to three different types of anger in the matter of our whole conversation. Behavioral, judgmental, and overwhelming anger. JC has always been in the category of behavioral anger. But this time, towards me, he blamed me for things that didn't make me responsible for the whole situation, like I was the only one who took part in this act; as if he weren't at fault. And because JC lost all the control in the situation he lashed out. The overwhelming anger of not being able to do anything about it and not knowing what to do about it.
My anger type? Retaliatory anger, because JC was yelling at me; I yelled back. He didn't understand that I too am stuck in a situation that I don't know how to handle or process correctly. What he didn't figure out is that I'm in the same boat as he is; and maybe my boat is a little harder to float than his.
"How could you let this happen?" He whisper spoke, running his hands through his hair. Blame. He's blaming me for everything.
"Me?" I responded puzzled. "It takes two to make a baby JC. Not just me. I can't not just grow sperm and I certainty didn't steal it from you." He needed to accept that I wasn't the only one at fault in the time.
He paced the deck a few times, then turned to me throwing his hands in the air, "How the fuck can something like this happen? Why does it have to happen to me, huh? The universe just can't seem to get enough to see how miserable my life can be. How did this even happen?! Why did it even need to happen, for Christ sakes?" JC mentions pointed between the two of us with a sour look, "With you! Out of all people! A billion people in the world and I get you, a preachers, goody-to-shoes, daughter pregnant." He insulted.
"You are such a jerk! Are you that brain dead that you don't know how it works to get someone pregnant?!" I snapped bitterly at him. I bit down on my tongue stopping the tears that were collecting in the brims of my eyes.
"Sperm meets egg equals baby. It's not rocket science." JC grumbles, leaning back and running his hands through his hair frustrated, "Either a girl is on birth control or the guy puts on a condom. Clearly you weren't on the birth control." He argues back looking harshly at me; like the whole thing is my fault.
"Excuse me but you didn't use a condom either so this is not entirely my fault here." I counter with an angry look back to him.
"Condoms don't magically grow during sex! Please don't tell me you're that naïve!" He scoffs, getting up and pacing the back porch.
"I know how that works. We were in the same health class sophomore year, you don't have to remind me." I respond, putting my hair up in a ponytail because I was getting heated up. "And FYI birth control doesn't randomly start popping through a girl's system either when having sex." I took the magazine off the table and started fanning myself, damn it just got ten degrees hotter.
"No fucking shit. If either of those things happened we wouldn't be having this conversation!" JC seethed. He turned away, balling and unballing his fists. He faced the ocean, hands in his hair and I could tell by his shoulders rising and lowering he was taking deep breath to relax.
We stayed silent in those moments. Neither one of us spoke nor didn't I know what to say anymore. We got most of our anger out. We went directly to blaming one another and I guess that's nature's instinct. I tried controlling my breathing, tried cooling down because getting worked up really got me heated. The only thing I wanted to happen now was for him to leave. I didn't want to look as his face anymore, I didn't want him to be in my presence any longer. He was doing nothing but I just wanted him gone.
When he turned around he leaned against the railing of the deck, arms crossing his chest, his looking down to his feet. I did the same, completely done with this conversation and never wanting to bring it up again, but it wasn't that simple. Nothing ever is.
"So, what now?" He mumbled, his tone seemed a bit calmer than earlier. I shrugged my shoulders. I've been asking myself the same question. "Are you going to keep it?" He asked in a delicate soft whisper.
I looked up at him startled. Did he dare ask me what I think he just asked me? "Are you indicating I'm going to go through with abortion?" I asked in confirmation, my voice came over very protective and deadly.
"Yes I'm asking. Is that a problem? I figured this is a decision we have to make. I vote yes." He said, his voice growing irritated.
If I had enough courage this guy would have been thrown over the deck! "I am not going through with abortion." I said sternly and dangerously. If I wasn't angry before I surely am now. I could literally feel my blood boil. "You think I'm going to go through abortion?! You should know better than to ask me that!" I screech, balling my fists by my sides. Oh Lord, if murder was ok in this world...
"Not like you've been obeying the Christian Law." He reminded me bitterly, "Broke one why not just break them all. I think we-"
*"There is no we, us, ours, nothing. I'm not the one who puckered my lips first or had a huge sign that said 'please insert your dick into my vagina'. You have no right coming here, asking me personal questions. We didn't even know each other, we never talked, and we were never friends. I know what I did was wrong and I will never forgive you or myself, but my line is drawn. Christian or not this is a baby, it has a heart and there is no way on planet Earth that I will terminate my child. You are asking me to commit murder! It has a beating heart, it may not be born yet but it has a heart which means he or she is still living and if he or she is living with a beating heart and you go through abortion you are committing murder. You are asking to stop my baby's heart. That's murder. Abortion is murder. And I can't believe you have a nerve to come here and ask me that."
"I know what abortion is you don't have to give me a lecture! Neither one of us are ready to be parents! We're damn teenagers! There is no way in heaven or hell that I'm going to be one of those teen dad's on that stupid MTV show where everyone's life is a shit hole, my life is already a shit hole!" He tells me right off the bat. That was the last straw. I now officially knew where he stood on the matter and I now knew how life would continue in the future.
"Well no one is fucking asking you to stay." I hiss between my teeth. I get up from my chair, gripping the magazine in my hands, "Now get the hell out of my house and out of my life! I don't want to ever see you or talk to you again." I state to him sternly in a loud voice, "Bastard!" I scream throwing the magazine at him before running back into the house. Hot wet tears streamed down my face involuntarily. It was only a matter of time before I locked myself in my room until I was calm enough to face the world and the people in it.
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