hello beautiful babies. Use this message as preparation for the chapter you are about to read🥺 ily all!!!
Autumn rolls around rather suddenly in Derry. Each day fall by as fast as the yellow leaves from the trees. The sun rises and sets as if on fast-forward now, though the sun is still bright, still brilliant in the sky. The days are cooler even when the sky lacks clouds. Upon the newly softened mud were the acorns, green to pale brown, along with fresh boot prints from the people of Derry that decide to take early morning walks.
Through the mist of the fall morning, Eddie breathes out into the atmosphere with rosy cheeks from the cool breeze, body covered by a cosy bomber-jacket and ears protected by a beanie that Bev had lent him. He can still remember the squeal she let out the first time he tried it on, repeatedly telling him how adorable he looked before forcing him to keep it. He had to admit, it did suit him, and with the outline of brown curls escaping the rim of the material, he couldn't look cuter if he tried.
"So, are you excited for school?" Stanley asks, scuffing his boots along the dirt track with his head turned towards Eddie. The two decided that taking a walk through Derry's local park would be nice to clear their minds. Eddie was surprised at first when the Jewish boy had asked if he wanted to hang out for a few hours, but definitely didn't hesitate to say yes. He likes Stanley; the sassy yet very intelligent one of the group.
"Not really. Bower's said he was going to show up at my house." Eddie mumbles back in response, sighing a little.
"Show up?" Stanley frowns. "Show up and do what exactly?"
Eddie just looks towards him, as if it's a little obvious. "He wants to kill me."
Stanley pauses in his tracks, making Eddie do the same. He searches the smaller boy's eyes before sighing. "Dude, he's not going to kill you. If anything, I might kill him before he even gets the chance to 'show up' at your house." He uses air quotes with a sarcastic chuckle, nudging Eddie's shoulder in a friendly manner. "So don't worry about it."
"Thanks." Eddie smiles as the two resume walking along the crunching pathway. He couldn't be more thankful for the fact that his friends actually care about him. If it wasn't for them, his body would probably be found decomposed underneath Henry Bower's bed already. Eddie forces the thought from his mind and swiftly changes the subject. "How's you and Bill?"
"What?" Stanley frowns. Only then does Eddie realise what he just asked and mentally face-palms, his cheeks glowing with embarrassment.
"O-Oh, um, nothing. Never mind." He shakes his head, but to his surprise Stanley lets out a large sigh and answers his question.
"I know you saw us, Eddie." The blonde curly haired boy looks down at the smaller teen beside him. "Thanks for not spreading it around, you're amazing for that." He smiles, and Eddie nods understandably.
"It wasn't my news to spread."
"I know. Bill freaked out once we saw you run away, he kept saying that everyone will find out and we'd be the laughing stock of the school. I tried to convince him that you wouldn't do that, but he still didn't believe me." Stanley looks down at his feet.
"W-What happened?" Eddie asks quietly, eyes glued to the other boy's lips. He wants to make sure that he didn't potentially ruin their relationship right off the bat. He'd feel terrible.
"We've decided to take things slow for now, I'm pretty sure we won't tell anyone for a little while yet."
Eddie lets out a sigh of relief. "That's good."
"Yeah," Stanley nods. "We've got a date on Friday and it's been so hard to keep it in." He lets out a small chuckle, warm breath smoking in the cold air. The smaller just nods, newly jealous eyes casting down at the crushed leaves below them.
"At least you go on dates. I've never been on a date with Richie..." Eddie's voice trails off slightly. He realises that he probably shouldn't of said that, but is quickly comforted by the boy walking along beside him.
"I'm sure he will, Eddie. He's fucking crazy about you." Stanley smiles. "And that's a fact."
Eddie chuckles, leaning closer to Stanley as he rests his arm over his shoulders in a friendly way. "I hope so."
The two continue to stroll along the damp paths and chat about everything and anything in their lives. Eddie didn't realise how much the two have in common. He also didn't know that Stanley is utterly obsessed with bird-watching, and would stop every ten minutes to show Eddie a rare bird perched in the treetops around them. Each time Eddie couldn't help but giggle at Stanley's enthusiasm, which would then scare the bird off, making both of them burst out with laughter. Even though Eddie feels like a burden with most people, Stanley makes him feel normal. He doesn't treat him any differently to their other friends, and Eddie loves him for that.
They both decide to leave the park and wonder the Derry streets, picking out scented candles at the nearest shops and sniffing each one to decide which ones smell best. They both end up buying one each and having them personalised with matching blue and red ribbons, each of their favourite colours. The bell of the shop door rings as they make an exit, both laughing and admiring their candles like a pair of giddy best-friends. Only then do they spot Mike across the street delivering meat to the local butchers.
"Look, there's Hanlon!" Stanley shouts across the street, catching the teenager's attention. Mike turns to face the two boys and waves a parcel of meat in the air towards them.
"Hey, losers!" He calls back. The two boys laugh and begin to cross the street towards him, however Eddie is quickly distracted as he spots a familiar truck parked up along the curb a little further down. He pauses in his tracks and squints to read the number plate. Richie?
"You coming, Eddie?" Stanley puts a hand on his shoulder, and the smaller quickly looks back at him.
"Yeah, um. I'll be back in a sec." He says and the Jew nods understandably, leaving Eddie to make his way towards the truck. As he gets closer, he realises that it is in fact Richie's truck parked there, which means he must be inside the green-grocers.
Eddie frowns and slowly pushes open the door to the grocers, instantly the smell of vegetables overflows his senses. It's rather empty inside, only a few elderly people picking out the newest veg for their soups. Eddie tampers with his beanie and pokes his head around each isle, not being successful in finding his boyfriend until reaching the final isle. Only then does he see a tall figure and pick up his pace towards them, a smile forming of his lips. Once behind them, Eddie rises to his tiptoes and pokes their shoulder.
"Hey, bubby." He bites his lip, smiling beneath it cheekily. The figure quickly turns around, a deep frown setting on their face as their eyes meet Eddie's. Not Richie. That's not Richie. Eddie's eyes grow wide with embarrassment and shock whilst the tall boy looks down at him with a confused expression.
"Fucking shit, Mike. They don't have any fucking good vegetables in this place!" Richie then appears holding a cluster of potatoes in his arms, stopping in his tracks when he spots Eddie looking rather sheepish beside his brother. "Hey, Spaghetti! What're you doing here?" He throws the potatoes into the basket on the floor, approaching them both.
"He thought I was you." Mike explains simply and gestures towards Eddie – who's cheeks are still glowing crimson red from humiliation.
"Oh fuck. You didn't kiss him, did you?" Richie asks, half joking. Eddie shakes his head and Richie lets out a dramatic sigh of relief. "Thank fuck."
"He called me 'bubby' though." Mike teases, grinning towards his brother. "Sound familiar to you?"
"You lucky fucker, I've not been called that one before." Richie punches his brother's arm lightly before shooing him off with the flick of his wrist. Mike just waves Eddie off and disappears down another isle, leaving Richie to wrap his arms around Eddie waist. "Hi." He grins.
"I didn't realise he'd look like that." Eddie looks over Richie's shoulder to get a final glance at Mike. "You're identical."
"Trust me, we're not." Richie chuckles, leaning down to peck Eddie's soft cold lips. "You're cold, where have you been?" He frowns.
"Out with Stan." Eddie says simply, shrugging.
"Oh right..." Richie's eyes cast over the smaller's face, and a sly smile forms on his chapped lips. "I like your beanie."
"Thanks, it's the one Bev gave me." Eddie smiles up at him, eyeing the constellation of freckles on Richie's face and admiring his handsome high cheekbones. His dark curly bangs hang down across his forehead and almost fall into his glowing eyes, which surprisingly aren't covered by thick framed glasses today. No doubt every girl in Derry will hit on him today. He looks like a dream, not to mention his leather jacket and ripped jean attire. "Did you get sent out shopping?" Eddie giggles lightly.
"Ugh, yeah." Richie rolls his eyes. "I visited mom earlier though and she's doing okay. Can't help but feel bad that I'm not with her, you know?"
"I know." Eddie reaches his small hands up to generously fix the collar of Richie's jacket. "She'll be okay, don't worry."
Richie hums as Eddie runs his hands down the sides of his arms to smooth out his jacket, watching him lovingly. "Do you wanna sleep over tonight?" He asks, hope laced in his voice.
"I'll have to ask." Eddie looks back up at him, interlocking the eyes. "I'll let you know."
"Okay, cutie." Richie grins teasingly, meeting his lips with Eddie's before he can pull a face of disgust. "See ya laters, Mike is gonna get mad if I don't help him out."
"Okay. Bye, bubby." Eddie giggles, receiving a large kiss to the cheek before Richie runs away to go and find his brother again.
****
"Mommy, please. I'll be back early." Eddie pleads with his mother who shakes her head with no remorse.
"I said no, Eddie. Late nights aren't good for you." Sonia makes up yet another excuse to stop her baby from leaving her again. He's gone more these days than ever before, and deep down she can't bare to see him leave everyday.
"I'm seventeen! Just let me go!" Eddie raises his voice for the first time in a while. He's not sure exactly how loud he's being, he can't calculate that, but in reality it's only just above average volume. Sonia widens her eyes despite this, anger beginning to rise within her.
"I am your mother, Eddie. No means no!" She emphasises with her finger pointing towards the small teenager. "How can you trust this boy anyway?" She crosses her arms, frustrated.
Eddie feels his cheeks heat up with anger, the urge to blurt everything rising in his throat. He wants to scream it in her face. Everything, to finally let her know all that he's been hiding in his powerful mind. But he quickly stops himself, inhaling a deep breath. "He's a good person."
"How do you know? The Tozier family is the talk of the town! I want you nowhere near him after what happened–"
"No!" Eddie cuts her off, shouting much louder than before. His blood boils now, fingers digging into the beanie that was once covering his neat curls. "I love him!" He blurts suddenly, and Sonia gasps with surprise at the statement.
"Are you sure?" She asks, genuine.
"I do, Mom! I love him!" Eddie feels his eyes beginning to overflow with tears, watching his mother stare at him with utter shock. "He was the one that I was crying about before! You knew about him this whole time!"
"If I knew you were in love with the Tozier boy I would've never let you see him again after how upset he made you!" Sonia still shakes her head with denial at the news, chest tight with anger. "He broke your heart, Eddie. His family is dangerous, they don't know how to love!"
"He does love me." Eddie says slowly through gritted teeth, hands balled into tiny fists. Then he feels it. This is the last straw, he has to show her that he's not just a little boy anymore. He lets the unpleasant air fill his lungs before finally snapping. "I had sex with him."
Sonia freezes. Her eyes grow huge and mortified, mouth opening with utter shock. Not only that, she feels terrified that someone from such a terrible family reputation touched her baby. She feels sick with worry.
"Go to your room." Sonia's eyes blaze though Eddie's soul, and suddenly the small boy feels somewhat terrified. The looks she serves him is one that could kill, and quickly Eddie's anger is replaced with complete panic and anxiety. "You are not to speak to this boy ever again."
"Mom–"
"Go upstairs!" She screams. Eddie jumps slightly at the look on her face and drops his beanie to the floor, bolting past her and up the stairs. He runs into his bedroom and slams the door behind himself, leaning up against it and sliding onto the floor in a pool of tears.
Eddie cries as if his brain is being shredded from the inside. He grips tight onto his knees so his violent shaking won't cause him to pass out. His eyes release a thicker flow of tears than he had cried for a while, this only reminds him of the times he's cried over Richie – which causes more sobs to rack from his trembling lips. The world turns into a blur, and so does the taste. The smell. Everything was just gone. Eddie pauses trying to hold back the uncontrollable sobs and lets more tears flood like water from a dam, spilling down his distraught face. His chin trembles as if he is a small child, breathing heavier than he ever had before. He gasps for air that simply isn't there and reaches out for his blue inhaler, puffing on the medication as if it's a lifeline.
Only then does he look towards the window, noticing the familiar tree branches brush up against the glass. It reminds him of the time Richie climbed through his window that one night. It's a risky way out, so Eddie moves the thought from his mind and inhales shakily.
How will he live without Richie? How will he tell him that they can't see each other anymore? That it's all over?
He'll never be able to convince his mother to let him see Richie after that. Everything's ruined. It's over.
And it's all Eddie fault.