Canyon/Blue Base
Tucker, Wade, Zeta and Wash are inside blue base, standing in front of Caboose and his giant robot killing machine pet... Freckles.
Wade: ...This is awkw-
Freckles turns towards Wade.
Wade: Nevermind!
Wash: Caboose...
Freckles turns towards Wash.
Wash: Tell me again, where did you find this... robot?
Caboose: His name is Freckles.
Tucker: That's a stupid name.
Freckles turns his guns at Tucker.
Tucker: Stupid-cool I mean! Great name, I mean, I wish that were my name. Yeah, Freckles is the best name ever that there ever was.
Zeta: Technically it's a Mantis class military assault droid. I've read about these through some data logs, but it's definitely... frightening to see on up close.
Tucker: Wait, why Mantis?
Zeta: Well, see those legs right there?
Zeta points at Freckles legs.
Zeta: They kinda look similar to the legs of a praying mantis.
Wade: Really? I don't see the resemblance.
Zeta: Uh maybe it's the head shape then?
Caboose: Yeah, maybe its because during the act of procreation they rip off the head of their mates body and devour it. It's like an act of sexual cannibalism.
Wade: Eww...What that's disgusting!?
Tucker: Eh, I've dated worse.
Wade: Worst? What could of possibly been worser!?
Tucker: Dude, you don't even want to know the half of it. Scratch that, a quarter of it I should say.
Caboose: Yeah, I call him Freckles because of the spots on his nose.
They all stare at the 'spots' on Freckles.
Tucker: Well shit, I actually have to give it to Caboose on this one. Robot definitely looks more like a 'Freckles' than a 'Mantis'.
Wash: Fine. Where did you find... Freckles?
Caboose: Well I was walking and I was sad and I missed Church-
Tucker: This is the greatest story of our generation.
Wash: Quiet.
Caboose: And then I heard a noise-
Tucker: Seriously, It's like I was there.
Zeta: Tucker, cut it out.
Caboose: Yeah and then I saw the little guy under like pieces of rock and space ship and body parts, but I just moved them out of the way and then there he was and now we're best friends forever! Right Freckles?
Freckles: {Affirmative, Caboose.}
Tucker: Great. Boy meets dog. Dog turns out to be a military-grade killing machine from a crashed spaceship.
Wade: Now I wished I had one.
Wash: Absolutely not.
Wade: But-
Zeta: Wade don't make me take away your tank privileges.
Wade: Wha!?
All he receives is a stern look from Zeta.
Wade: Ugh fine! (Mutters) Didn't want a awesome killing robot anyway.
Wade looks down and grumbles to himself as Zeta sweetly pats him on the head.
Wash: Caboose... Um, you know, a pet is a lot of responsiblitlity.
Caboose: That is why I will water him and I will feed him every day.
Tucker: Water and feed? What the hell does this thing run on?!
Caboose: It runs on the power of the friendship of our love!
Tucker: This is so fucked up!
Zeta: Tucker, didn't you give birth to an alien baby a few years ago?
Tucker: Whoa, let's not bring family into this.
Caboose: So, what fun adventures are we going to go on today, Freckles?
Tucker: Ha I'm not doing shit! We're getting rescued soon, remember?
Wash: Actually, I think it would be smart if we continued with our training routine.
Wade: What?! Why?
Tucker: Yeah, there's literally no point!
Wash: Training is an ongoing process, you two, and as the leader of this team, I want to make sure that we're ready for anything.
Tucker: This is fucking stupid.
Wade: Nothing has happened since we've crashed here!
Zeta: He's not entirely wrong you know. We've got no clue, if someone or-
Zeta stares at Freckles for a moment.
Zeta: -something might attack us at any moment.
Wash: Exactly, so stop complaining and start jogging.
Wash starts to walk off.
Tucker: And where are you going?
Wash stops and looks over his shoulder at Tucker.
Wash: I'm heading up to the ship. Someone needs to do an inventory of our food supplies. I prefer it be someone who can count.
Caboose: I only screwed up twice.
Wash turns his attention to Caboose.
Wash: You screwed up once.
Caboose: Yeah, I don't see your point.
Wash just shakes his head and walks off again.
Wade: So you're just gonna leave us with the large killer robot?
Wash: Five laps gentlemen. Tucker, make sure you count for Caboose.
Wash says as he walks out of sight, leaving Tucker, Wade and Zeta with Caboose and Freckles.
Zeta: So, you two jogging or what?
Tucker: Pff, yeah right.
Wade: My legs are still aching from last time.
Freckles: {Disregarding a direct order from a commanding officer is punishable by death.}
They all stare at Freckles worriedly as it aims it's weapons at them.
Tucker: What? Since when?
Freckles: Target locked.
Wade: You know what, aching legs don't sound that bad right now.
Wade runs off.
Tucker: God damn it. Wait for me!
Tucker follows after him.
Zeta: That certainly changed their minds.
Freckles turns to look at Zeta.
Freckles: {All soldiers are required to follow a commanding officers order.}
Zeta: Huh? But I've never had to run with them before!
Freckles weapons start warming up.
Zeta: Nevermind! I'm going, I'm going!
As Zeta runs off after Wade and Tucker, Caboose looks up at Freckles.
Caboose: And who wants to go outside?! Who wants to go outside?!
Caboose jumps up in down excitedly, while Freckles simply stares at him.
Caboose: Who wants to go outside?! Freckles, do you want to go outside?! Outside! Who wants to go outside?! Do I want to go outside? Why do I want to go outside? Lets all go outside!
With the magical powers Caboose posses... they appear outside of Blue Base.
Caboose: Oh my god we're here! I'm really good at this game!
Caboose runs off as Freckles follows after him.
Red Base
Unaware to Caboose is Sarge watching him and Freckles from on top of Red Base with a sniper rifle. He lowers the gun, while muttering some words.
Sarge: Heh.. Those backstabbers...
With that he runs off somewhere. Over to Grif, who's standing alone outside the base with Simmons and Leo approaching him.
Leo: Hey Grif, would it kill you to take out the trash just for once? It's starting to reek in there.
Grif looks at Leo and Simmons.
Grif: Hey you two, I've been thinking.
Simmons: I don't care! Take out the fucking trash!
Grif: Why do we carry our guns?
Simmons: What?!
Grif: Our guns. Why do we carry them?
Leo: Because we're soldiers, we're suppose to be holding our guns.
Grif: Yeah, but we're not really fighting anybody, are we?
Leo: Well yeah, but we could be attacked at any moment!
Grif: Attacked by who? The Blues?
Leo: When you put it like that...
Grif: We haven't fought a single god damn enemy since arriving in this canyon, and yet here we are walking around in full body armor with a rifle in our hands like the fucking galaxy is about to attack us any second.
Simmons: What's your point?
Grif: My point is, why don't we ever just walk around without our guns?
All three of them, silently stare at each other.
Grif: Do it!
Simmons: What?
Grif: Drop your gun!
Simmons: No!
Grif: Drop yours then, Leo!
Leo: I... I don't wanna do that!
Grif: Why won't you guys drop your guns?
Simmons: I don't want to!
Grif: You don't want to? Or you can't?
Simmons: Um...um...I'm going back inside.
Simmons runs off into the base as Grif quietly laughing to himself with Leo looking at with a knowing look.
Leo: ...You just didn't want to do trash duty, did you.
Grif: (Fake Gasp) How dare you accuse me, of such treacherous actions. I would never do something like that!
Leo: Dexter Grif, I've known you for six years and I can say that's bullshit.
Grif: Ehh, whatever. At least I've avoided taken out the trash for a second day in a row. Hoo-rah.
Leo: And that's were your wrong. Your cleaning that trash willing or through 'persuading' methods.
Leo cracks his knuckles to prove his point.
Grif: (Gulp) Uhh, you know what
Leo: (Smiles) Good to hear.
Grif: Your starting to remind me of Tex.
Leo: I am her son after all. Guess I just rub off on her a bit.
Leo proudly states, while Grif shivers at the thought.
Grif: Yeah, I can tell. Just try not to get her obsession with my balls, ok?
Sarge (Distance): Men! Fall in! Double time! This is not a drill!
Grif: What the hell?
Leo: Better go see what he wants.
Leo and Grif head off towards Sarge.
Simmons (Distance): I knew there was a reason why we were armed!
Leo, Grif and Simmons arrive over to where Sarge is standing.
Simmons: Sarge, what's wrong?
Sarge: What's wrong? What's wrong?! How bout' scheming, training, canarving, commiserating, colluding. Take your pick! Also, building a giant robot. Those Blues are up to no-good!
Grif: And here I was thinking something important was about to happen.
Leo: Let's just hear him out first.
Simmons: But sir, didn't we build a robot first?
Lopez 2.0 walks up behind Leo, Grif and Simmons.
Lopez 2.0: >You guys talking about me?<
Sarge: Lopez 2.0 doesn't count. He's about as useful as a box full of Grifs.
Grif: Hey! I'm offended.
Lopez 2.0: >Oh... Okay.<
Lopez 2.0 sadly runs off.
Sarge: Men, I know we have considered the Blues to be our quote "allies" unquote for some time now, but we have to look at the facts.
Leo: What facts?
Sarge: Number one: they now possess a tank on legs that's capable of killing us all.
Leo: Okay...
Sarge: And number two is that we didn't have our own Number one first! Clearly this is a conspiracy.
Grif: So, what do you expect us to do about it?
Sarge: I need you boys to conduct some reconnaissance. Secure intel. Get deep in Charlie's bush. Initiate Delta force! Tango and Cash!
Grif: Are these orders or 80's action movies?
Sarge: Find out exactly what those pesky blues are up to.
Simmons: You mean go over there? Near that monster?
Grif: See! This is exactly the robot overlord shit I was talking about! If only someone had listened!
Leo: Was he mentioning that again?
Simmons: (Sighs) Unfortunately yes.
Sarge: It will be dangerous, but I have confidence that at least one of you will survive!
Sarge looks at his son.
Sarge: ...Leo.
Grif: Why aren't you coming?
Sarge: We have a major breach in security! One of the bags in my wall tore open and now there's sand all over the place.
Grif: I can see how that might take priority.
Sarge: (Sighs) It is likely that we will never recover, there are just so many tiny crevasses!
Simmons: Sarge, please! I don't wanna upset the Mantis!
Grif: What's a Mantis?
Leo: He's talking about the giant robot.
Grif: Ah... Why is it called that?
Leo: I don't know, because of it's green?
Sarge: Well that's not a very good reason to call it a Mantis.
Simmons: You guys are missing the point!
Lopez 2.0 appears back behind the group again.
Lopez 2.0: >Perhaps they call it Mantis because it has an advanced camouflage system that it uses to ensnare enemies.<
Leo: Camouflage? It has that!?
Lopez 2.0: >Wait, you can understand me?<
Sarge: Whatever dum-dum. Can't you see we are talking strategy!
Grif: Stupid new Lopez!
Simmons: Look the Blues are no more dangerous than this idiot.
Leo: Guys... cut it out, will yeah.
Grif: We're just stating facts man.
Leo: We'll, you can keep them to yourself's.
Simmons: Were getting side track, but guys that robot could flatten us in an instant.
Sarge: You raise an excellent point Simmons.
Simmons: I do?
Sarge: Yep, so you better not get spotted while you're out there.
Grif: Uhh... let's just get this over with.
Leo, Grif and Simmons start making their way to Blue base.
Simmons: But I'm telling you the Blues aren't up to anything.
Leo: Guess, will just have to see and find out.
Crashed Ship
Inside the crashed space ship, Wash is walking through a corridor.
Wash: Alright... change of plans.
The End
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