My first performance for the Purpose Tour was about to start.
You could feel the electricity in the air.
My family and friends were all here.
I could see the excitement on everyone's faces.
Everyone kept coming up to me, giving me words of encouragement.
My Mom never drifted to far from my view.
She kept pulling me in for her famous bear hugs.
Not gonna lie, I had a great mama. Her words of encouragement meant more to me than she would ever know.
"Justin, you have been through so much and at one point...I thought we were gonna lose you. I prayed daily for God to lift you up and keep you safe. I tried to save you myself, but I kept failing. I had to put my faith in God to protect you. And somehow he did. Your standing here,about to show the world who you really are. And I'm so proud of you son. I love you baby boy."
Her words brought tears to my eyes. All I've ever wanted was to make her proud. She saw me as something more than I was. And I sooo wanted to be that man for her. I did,but I knew I wasn't.
My father Jeremy and my little brother and sister, Jax and Jazzy were also here.
I could see how hyped and proud my dad was. Our relationship was hard to explain.
I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loved me. But I also felt disconnected from a true connection to him. I wanted to have a real father and son relationship with him.
No matter how hard I tried, it just always felt off somehow.
As for Jax and Jazzy....those two were my heart. I knew what a true and pure love was,because of them.
They just loved me for me.
I spent some time with them earlier before the show playing tag throughout the arena.
Little things like that kept me hopeful.
Scooter and Allison were like my second family.
Allison was making sure I ate something earlier. She basically resorted to force feeding me protein and fruit and throwing away every damn bag of hot cheetos I had stashed. Even now she was following me around with water.
"Justin, you need to hydrate. You've got to be on your game tonight. Just take another sip. Stop walking away from me!"
The woman was trying to fluid overload me!
If she had her way, I'd be taking a piss break before my first set was over.
And Scoots my manager was the ultimate mother hen.
He was a second dad to me, he never let me get away with too much. I would always test his limits. Tonight though he seemed extra frantic. His pacing and constant rechecking of the performance rundown was irritating as fuck. I knew he just wanted everything to be perfect. I knew he wanted the world to believe in me again.
They all did.
The problem was, I didn't.
40 minutes before I was set to take the stage, I asked everyone to leave my dressing room. I needed a minute to focus.
To get my shit together.
As I stood there looking at myself in the mirror, trying to hype myself up...
I thought about the one person who wasn't there.
Twinkles
My own fault.
I stared at my reflection.
My hair was long on top and slicked back. Tight on the sides and bleach blonde.
(Hales had helped come up with that look one night when we were trying out new hairstyle ideas.)
Some of the strands weren't quite long enough and kept falling in my eyes.
I looked at my outfit.
We were finally going for comfort.
I had on a white tee, a cut off flannel tank,a cream colored trench coat,and ripped jeans.
And some white vans.
I looked fresh and ready.
My brown eyes were clear.
It was all a fucking facade.
My anxiety and depression were in full motion.
All these people around supporting me and rooting for me, and I was standing here looking at myself have a panic attack.
My knuckles were gripped so tight on the chair in front of me,they were turning white.
I thought about just running.
Sneaking out and never looking back.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't let all of my Beliebers down.
They believed in me too.
Why couldn't anyone see the real me?
I was worthless.
I knew what I did next was wrong, but in that moment I couldn't see any other way.
I popped some xanax, hoping it would calm my fucking nerves.
But then I freaked out thinking it might make me drowsy.
So I searched and found my secret stache of coke. I needed an upper to keep me going through the show.
As I sniffed the white powder through a straw, I knew I was a lost cause.
Who fucking mixes uppers and downers right before their first comeback concert?
Fucking Justin Bieber, that's who.
At least I knew my body could handle it, I've done and mixed more drugs than this and lived another day.
I just wished I wasn't so weak.
If Hailey was here, she would've slapped me straight. She was like a compass to me, always guiding me to better choices. Without her by my side, I was a lost cause.
Once the drugs were taking effect, I felt ready to give everyone the show they came to see.
I wouldn't disappoint.
I was actually feeling amazing by the time the glass box started lifting me up in the sky.
Seeing all of my Beliebers as I was rising in the air made my heart pump triple time.
I was ready.
Mark My Words came out of me like fire.
I could feel my anxiety slowly dissipating.
As the glass box was starting to descend, I took the time to look at all the people in the pit. My eyes were instantly drawn to one set of hazel eyes.
My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest.
She came.
She didn't give up on me.
I never felt so alive as I did in that moment.
It was like everyone else disappeared, and this concert was just her and I.
My apology letter in action.
I couldn't take my eyes off of her for to long.
Every couple of minutes, I would connect our eyes.
It was something that I can't explain.
During a quick outfit change backstage, I was in panic mode.
Afraid that she'd disappear when I got back on stage.
"Scooter,get my Mom now! I need her quick!"
He could see I was in full panic mode and ran like hell to find her.
I swear my Mom was there within a minute. I didn't even give her a chance to talk.
"Mom, Hailey is here. She's here Mom. In the pit. She freaking came and I need you to make sure she doesn't leave. Mom please make sure. I need to see her. I messed up and I need to make it right. I'm begging you mama!"
My Mom was in motion before I could blink.
"Justin, she came on her own. I'm sure she's not going anywhere. But I got you. I'll get her backstage after the show. Promise."
I knew she would to. My mama didn't play.
Seeing Hales still there when I got back on stage gave me the courage to kick some ass.
As I sat down on the catwalk to sing Life is Worth Living, I reached out for her.
She slowly got close enough for our hands to touch.
The connection was so intense it took my breath away.
I made it through the show in one piece but lost sight of her at the end.
I panicked once I got off stage.
Everyone was trying to stop me,to congratulate me. I was just searching for Twinkles.
I literally almost ran my dancers over, pushing through a crowd of family and friends.
My mama grabbed my hand and whispered 2 words.
"Dressing Room"
I kissed her cheek and ran like hell.
I swung the door open so fast and finally laid eyes on my girl.
She was standing there alone in the middle of the room.
She looked unsure of her decision to be there.
I told her everything I said was a lie as I slowly walked towards her.
She whispered that she never believed me.
That best friends don't give up on each other.
Our hands connected as our foreheads leaned in to touch.
Even in this moment, I couldn't define what we were to each other.
I just had to show her.
I leaned in and touched my lips to hers.
She deepened the kiss and I wrapped myself around her.
Our tongues collided as our bodies became pressed together.
This kiss was unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
Like coming home after a long journey.
When we finally stopped for air, I took her hand and led her to the sofa.
"Twinkles, I needed you tonight more than you could ever imagine.
When I saw you in the pit, and I realized that you came for me. You just don't know how much that means.
I hurt you so badly. I lied to push you away. But I've been barley holding on without you. Your my person too.
I have so much I want to say to you."
Hailey: "It's ok Justin, just slow down. I'm here. We can work out this friendship. The last thing I want is for you to feel pressured. We can take it slow and figure it out."
She obviously didn't understand what I meant by that kiss, so I kissed her again.
For education purposes obviously.
She had me intoxicated and I didn't want to stop. But I knew we needed to really talk.
"Hales, please stay with me. Come back to my hotel and let me put it all out there for you. Let me explain everything. I can't lose you. I just can't."
Hailey: " You couldn't lose me if you tried,Ogre. I was coming with you whether you wanted me to or not."
I never let go of her hand that night. I led her through the crowded backstage halls.
Everyone was watching and I couldn't have cared less. I had a Purpose. Get Hales out of here. I needed to be alone with her.
I scooped her up into the blacked out SUV and we ducked as the driver sped out of the arena parking tunnel. I could see the lights flashing and just squeezed her hand tighter.
We somehow managed to get into the hotel without being spotted and I led her straight to my room.
Once we were inside and the door was locked, I was finally able to breathe.
Just Twinkles and Ogre.
Alone.
But this was different.
I knew I was falling for her.
We ordered room service and couldn't stop touching each other.
I gave her some sweats to put on and a t-shirt, while I went to shower.
As I slowly washed my body clean, I knew that everything was about to change.
That once I walked out of the bathroom, we couldn't go back to just Twinkles and Ogre.
I, Justin Bieber, was going to lay it all out there. My heart,My mind, and My body.
Hopefully Hailey Baldwin would take me as I am.
A/N: Ok so hold on tight folks,because these two are just getting started.
What they have is undeniable. They can't stop it if they tried.
Song inspiration for this chapter:
"Give In To Me" by Leighton Meester & Garrett Hedlund from the movie "Country Strong"
Please comment and let me know if you like this lil story.
I appreciate your feedback ❤😍❤