I loved my Father, really, I did. But being around him gave me headaches.
It was all that magic just oozing out of him always. For most, it made them swoon, quite violently, pulled toward my father like moths to a flame, made everything he said sound like love songs.
But I wasn't most. I was an enchantress, the Enchantress, at that. And for people like me, all that magic made our heads buzz, our fingers shake, our stomachs sink like stones and flip like pancakes. I'd always envied humans for their ability to let magic pass through them like air, holding their breath when they needed to, being able to blow it out in one big puff. But it clung to me, built up inside of me until there was nothing left but highly pressurized energy, ready to blow at any moment.
So needless to say, these Seventh Day dinners with father were less than pleasant.
Darby, the highest of our palace servants, led me to where my father waited at the head of the dinner table—Aeska, my sort-of step father behind him slightly. They smiled as I approached.
My father spoke first. "Good evening, Ifera." A knife in my brain. "You cut your hair."
Subconsciously, I moved my hand to my chest where my hair once fell and felt it brush my shoulders as my head shifted. "Yes." It was always something like this when I saw him. "The dress I bought you" or "You look different." Obvious statements that I couldn't tell whether or not were compliments. He was a weird guy, my Father.
He was also not a guy at all. As much as he liked to remind me of this fact, as much as he went around saying that he was Heillar, God of Charms, First Born of the Divine, I always seemed to forget.
Aeska leaned forward slightly at his waist, his green eyes just a little bit too wide, his smile just a tad too bright. It had scared me at first, how he managed to look thirty-five and nine at the same time. It was a God flavored impossibility that hadn't taken me too long to get used to. "Well, I like it. It's very pretty, Ifera." He straightened and dug in his suit pocket, the buttons not done right, and pulled out a handful of candy. "Would you like a treat?"
Hm. Gods-know-how-old pocket candy. I opened my mouth, not sure how to answer.
Father smiled at him and shook his head. "Please, my love. Don't spoil the poor girl's dinner."
Aeska pouted. "You're no fun."
I couldn't help but smile. Aeska's magical aura was much more enjoyable than my father's.
Darby walked ahead of me to my seat at the table and pulled out my chair. I frowned as I went to sit down, my Father and Aeska already seated. "Is there no one joining us tonight?"
Father shook his head. "No. I'm afraid I won't be able to stay too long. I have some other business to attend to, and I wouldn't want to walk out on any guests."
But it was okay to walk out on me? I didn't question him about it, though. My head was throbbing and his talking only made it worse.
Darby cleared their throat behind me, and I turned around to see them offer me a spoon. I smiled in gratitude and took it, releasing some of the magic welling up inside of me into the secret talisman. It grew warm under my touch, but it wasn't yet unbearable, and it made it possible to look at my father without flinching.
It was a familiar dance of ours, Darby and I, done in secret. Knowing that I needed this to be in his presence would only anger him. He would give me one of his cutting lectures, probably along the lines of how I wasn't trying hard enough.
But of course, what else was new?
"So." Father started as the meals were brought to us. "How have your studies been going?"
"Well." I said. "Now, I'm learning musical enchantments. They are... more difficult than I thought they'd be."
"Perfectly wonderful, darling, but I meant your dokkt stjorn. Have you unlocked it yet?"
That was the question I'd been dreading. I smiled and gripped my spoon tighter. "No."
Annoyance flashed across his features, but his smile did not move. "Well. I'm sure you'll get it eventually. You must. You can't take the crown without it, and without someone on the throne, Musteri will be an easy target for—"
"I know, Father." I let out a breath. Composure, Ifera. "I'm trying my best."
"Your best." My Father tried out the words on his tongue. He tilted his head. "I can't remember the last time anyone's best won a war." He looked to his side. "Can you, Aeska?"
Aeska frowned. "I don't like it when you act this way, Heillar." He wrapped his arms around himself. "It's confusing. I can't tell if you're being mean or nice."
Father's eyes narrowed. "What are—"
"You should be nice to her. Ifera is a good girl. She doesn't play with me any more but..." His eyes brightened. "That's it! We should play a game."
Father's features relaxed. "You always know how to keep me honest, don't you?"
"You should always be honest." Aeska directed his gaze back to me and repeated it. "You should always be honest."
I silently thanked Aeska. "I know." I remembered suddenly a time when he was my only friend, and honesty wasn't pressed so heavily back then. I longed for that time again, when things were simple. When I had a family, a place in this world, someone to tell me that I mattered at last. I wish that I could go back to playing with him once more, but he was the God of Children and I was no longer a child, it seemed.
Still, when he was close like this, I felt like a little kid again, rather than a girl playing dress up as a soon to be Queen.
I cringed at the word. Queen. I couldn't imagine it, being in charge like that. Sitting on a throne and looking severe. Maybe that's why I couldn't get this damned necklace to work.
"What business do you have, Father?"
His face was all mischievousness. "A student."
I looked down, feeling sick, and not because of his magic this time.
Heillar had many "students", girls not too much older than me. Girls who smiled stupidly at him and followed him to his quarters late at night. Girls who took pride in their incubating wombs. Girls whose lives got cut short whenever Father saw fit. I couldn't look at them, knowing how they would end up. It made me want to throw up. I could warn them, but what good would that do? They were human, and in no position to overcome my Father's charm.
One of those girls had been my mother, hadn't it? It was a thought I tried my best not to dwell on. There wasn't a point. There was no universe in which a child of Heillar had a mother.
Aeska didn't like to talk about that stuff. He loved my Father, but he had raised those girls. "I wish Syna was here. She'd want to play a game with me."
Father sat back in his chair. "If Syna was here," he said dryly, "half of our wine storage would be depleted."
They talked of my aunt, The Goddess of Parties. I laughed. Auntie Syna was a good time, but she was also a terrible drunk.
"Well, I'm afraid it's time I went to prepare for my newest pupil." Father slid his back his chair from the table and stood.
Aeska stared at his plate, fiddling with his fingers.
Father looked down at him and grabbed his chin gently, turning it up to face him and planting a kiss on his lips. "I'll see you tonight."
"Will you."
Father frowned, surprised. A moment passed between them. Aeska didn't usually talk like this. You could usually tell what he was thinking just by a glance at his face. But he stared blankly up at Father now, his chin resting in the palm of his partner's hand.
Father kissed him again. "I will." And he was gone.
He didn't say goodbye to me. Anger welted up inside of me. I shouldn't have been surprised. I think the only one he was capable of showing affection to was Aeska. Him, and the current favored girl in his harem. He would invite them to eat with us sometimes, wouldn't flinch as Aeska stared at them dejectedly.
I loved my Father, really, I did. But sometimes, he was too ugly to even think about.
I released the spoon that I clutched tightly in my hand, frowning down at the red mark left there and the blisters that formed along it.
"Your hand."
I jumped, looking over my shoulder to see Aeska standing there, his wide eyes watching.
"Gods, you scared me."
He gave me a small smile, the one he reserved for secret jokes he didn't think you were in on. "Silly Ifera. I am a god."
"Yes, I know that." I hesitated. "Do you know anything about the girl?"
His smile faded. "She's going to be the last one," when I didn't say anything, "and he will treat her well."
Likely story.
"And how do you know that?"
He tilted his head. "Because he promised."
I smiled at him. "Well, it must be true, then," I spoke softly.
"Yes. It must be." He smiled widely and nodded. "Your smiles are always sad now. Should I be worried?"
I sighed. A lot went over his head, but nothing got past him. "It's just the dokkt stjorn." I grabed it, the metal star cool to the touch.
"You'll figure it out," he said, "you were always one of the smart ones."
I snorted. "One of the smart ones... you should see how I'm doing in my studies."
He frowned tepidly. "Failing?"
I groaned and buried my face in my arms on the table. "Every. Single. One."
"Even mystometrics?"
I groaned again. "Especially that."
He laughed. "But you loved mysto. You knew your Amplification Tables forwards and backwards."
"I know." I peaked at him from the crook of my elbow. "I think I'm devolving."
He was very amused by this. "You're devolving! You're so funny. Devolving! Soon you'll be a goldfish, huh?" He giggled to himself, very impressed by this joke.
It cheered me up slightly, but it wouldn't be my brain if it didn't bombard me with depressing thoughts. "What if... what if Father chose wrong when he chose me? I mean, he had so many other children to choose from, most of them far better at enchanting than me." I took a breath before continuing. "Plus... no one else has ever taken this long to unlock the dokkt stjorn. And if I don't learn to use it soon what will happen?" I was spiraling now. "What if I wake up some day and—bam!—I'm forty, and still the crown princess who can't use magic of her own? And then those... heathens from Vigi think it's high time to invade Musteri and we're stuck here with our fingers up our—"
"—Do you want a hug?"
I looked up at him. "Please?" He always knew the right thing to say.
He bent down and wrapped me up in his embrace. He was warm, and he smelled like licorice. I sniffed and pulled back. "That offer for candy still on the table?"
He smiled and handed me a piece of taffy. "I thought you'd never ask."