Song: I Don't Want to Know by Sigrid
Alexander:
After Willa's house, I headed towards her parent's house, a few boxes of her things in my car. I kept thinking about the whole thing. About the whole baby thing. Jessica did tell me a bit about how Willa dealt with the pregnancy after since they did move in together after the miscarriage. She did tell me a bit about how Willa would take care of everyone and how she had done a lot to get over the whole baby thing. It was interesting getting to know Willa more and how her life was after everything that happened. Willa dealt with everything all almost on her own. I just can't believe that she didn't give up after the baby. She still was able to still find a job and go to her job. She was still able to get up and keep doing everything even after everything she went through. And I know it is my fault that she went through what she went through.
Getting to Willa's parent's house, I saw that their car is already there and the lights on in the house. I parked and started to get everything out of the car that I could carry. I could hear a bit of talking through the front door as I knocked on it. The outside of the house looked very nice and very...homey. It's white with flower bushes in the front of the yard, the grass cut and the trees in the front also very beautiful. I can imagine Willa living here and enjoying being around her family in this type of environment compared to the city and the apartment she lives in. It's different. The door opened, Willa's mom standing there.
"Alexander. Hi. Come in. Willa and her dad are in the living room. Do you need help with the boxes?" She asks. I shake my head, taking a look at the inside of the house, everything being so bright and so neat. It all looks very beautiful. It's different from my decor at my house where everything is very modern yet this place is modern but still old school. "No. It's fine. Where can I put these for now?" I ask her. Willa's mom just told me to put them beside the door for now and then Willa and her parents will help her unpack. I nodded and then walked to the living room, looking at the walls and decor of the house, seeing a lot of photos of Willa and her family.
Walking into the living room, I saw Willa and her dad sitting next to each other with a photo album between them. Willa was smiling as she looked down at the photos in front of her. Willa's dad looked up at me and then got up. "Alexander, you're here. Did you manage to get everything Willa is gonna need?" He asks. I nod, looking at Willa who finally looked at me. "There's just a few more boxes in my car which I am going to finish getting," I said.
"Are you going to need help with that?" He asks. I shake my head. "Nah. It's all good. Nothing I can't handle. But thanks." He nods, sitting back down. I went back to my car to get the rest of the boxes, putting them next to the door. Looking back at Willa, I saw that she was just flipping through the photos on her own now, her dad now in the kitchen with her mom.
"How are you doing?" I ask as I walk slowly into the living room. She glances at me and shrugs. "I'm fine." She says. I nod. "I can remember when all these photos were taken. I can remember these moments and these memories. But I can't remember what happened to me all those years. I can't remember what happened to me. I don't want it to be like this forever." She says.
Looking at her, I can see the struggle she is going through and the pain and the frustration. I frown, having the need to take her hand and tell her that everything will be okay but I know I can't. I don't know if she wants me to. And I don't want to scare her off either. And so I don't. "I'm sorry, Willa. I am sorry that you are going through this. I know it's hard but you just have to believe that it won't be like this forever. Things will get better." She looks at me, her head nodding slowly. She gets up and then heads upstairs. I get up and walk into the kitchen. Her parents were cooking dinner and I knew that I couldn't stay any longer and cut into their personal time.
"I will be heading out. If you need me or something, just call me. I will probably come by again in a few days if that's fine." I say. Willa's mom nods. "Thank you for everything, Alexander. We appreciate your help." She says. I nod. "Alexander, let me actually walk you out." Willa's dad says. We both then walk to the front door, me being just a bit nervous because I know that he wants to talk to me. We then step out of the house and I look at him, waiting for him to talk.
"Look, Alexander. I know that you are going through a lot with this whole thing that happened to Willa but you do need to give her a bit of space. She isn't used to you. You are still a stranger to her and we just need her to adjust to everything first before we start working on everything regarding her memory. But you have to understand also that it really isn't your spot to be here all the time either. You broke off your wedding and I am sure that your job needs you. Willa needs time to heal and we want what's best for her." He says.
I can understand why he doesn't want me around his daughter. I did break her heart and I am the reason why he doesn't have a grandchild. I did cause a lot of pain and I understand that I do need to give Willa a break so that she can adjust to everything. I just don't want to be far from her. She is my everything. But I have to. Plus my job really does need me. I nod. "I understand. I will take advise. But please call if something does happen to her. I know I can't erase or rewrite the past. But I do want what's best for her also." I say goodbye to him, driving off to my place finally. It was starting to get a bit dark. I decided to stop by at the coffee shop where I used to bump into Willa. I wish that I would bump into her again and that she would still give me that same look whenever she would see me. But no. She isn't here.
It was a bit quiet in the coffee shop but still busy as usual. I ordered my usual and started to look for a spot to sit down and do some of my work just to catch up a bit with everything. As I looking for my seat though, I spotted a familiar face. It was Ethan. He was sitting down, phone in hand and a cup of coffee in front of him. I haven't seen him around and I haven't had any meetings with anyone so I haven't had any need to see him. I just wonder why hasn't called or anything asking about Willa. He was there when Willa did...he still should've at least called. I walked towards him, clearing my throat to get his attention.
He looked up, his eyes widening a bit at the sight of me. "It's been a while, Ethan," I say. He puts his phone down, straightening out a bit. "Yeah. Sorry. Just been very busy with work." I could tell he was a bit nervous. He is still a newbie to the whole business department. I sat down across him, just a tad bit angry at him. "You haven't called or haven't asked about Willa," I say. Everyone around us ignored us. He looked down. "Yeah. The job you know." Why was he trying to cover up his quilt? "Cut the crap, Ethan. I know that you knew Willa before everything happened. I know what Willa told you. So tell me. Why haven't you asked about Willa." He shakes his head, his messy hair flopping around. "It's just been hard, Alexander. You don't understand how I felt about the whole situation. She told me those things and then everything else just happened. I couldn't handle it. I was just too afraid." At least he had admitted to his weakness.
I sigh, leaning back a bit. "How is she anyway?" He asks, looking at me. I debated to tell him the truth or just tell him to go to hell. But I know that he does at least deserve to know what did happen to her. "She is okay. But she had a bad head injury from the accident. She can't remember a lot that happened to her these past few years. So she doesn't remember me or Jessica or anything that happened to her. She's going to be living her parents for now until she does regain her memory but for now, we can't do anything or force her to remember or else it will just overwhelm her and probably make it worse. Doctors just recommend taking everything slow." His eyes widen, shock filling his face. It's what happens when you don't check up on her.
"What the fuck? So what does she remember?" I bet he worried that she doesn't remember him. Lucky bastard. "Don't worry. She remembers everything before her college days. She just can't remember anything from like her sophomore or senior years and forward. So she does remember you. Just not meeting you again." I tell him. He sighs in relief. I wish I was in his spot. At least she would remember me. But she doesn't. "Do you think I can go visit her?" I shake my head. "No. It's just better for her to adjust for now and get used to everything first before we start introducing more people into her life." He nods. I then get up and adjust my clothes.
"I am going to head out. And Ethan. Don't tell anyone about what Willa told you. No knows about what happened and I don't need the press to find out about this. Willa is going through a lot and I don't anyone to get into our business. She means a lot to me and I don't want anything to happen to her."
Ethan agreed. She does mean a lot to me and I know what if any info does snake into the press, all hell will break loose. And I know that Willa will be confused about it too because she doesn't remember anything. It will probably freak her out. I don't want to hurt her again either. I left the coffee shop, trusting Ethan to keep his mouth shut before going home. It was finally dark and I was starting to get a bit tired. I at least got to saw Willa though. She seems okay today. I know that I won't be seeing her for a while. I can't keep running to her and making sure she is okay. I do have a job and I do know that it also needs me too.
I got home, putting my keys down, deciding to get a drink from the kitchen. The house is very quiet. I remember when I used to get home and Willa would be listening to music while cooking or watching the TV. I used to enjoy walking in on her and just watching her. Being away from her though, I did start forgetting about her and just got so into the work that I just needed...a release. I was so blind back then. I pulled out a small glass and a bottle of whiskey out, pouring it into the glass before taking a large gulp of it, wincing at the slight string from the liquid as it went down my throat. I have been drinking just a bit more ever since finding out about Willa and her memory. It's just been hard. I just want to be able to tell her how sorry I am and how much I want to take everything back but I know I can't. It will just probably freak her out.
I took a few more gulps from the whiskey before going up and taking a shower, trying to relax a bit. I know that tomorrow will just get busy now that I will have to go back to work and actually work. Plus I need all the sleep I can get. I got ready for bed, the silence filling my house and room. I never felt this lonely. I miss Willa. And I miss her laying next to me, telling me about her love towards me and how much she is happy to be sleeping next to me. But right now. I am sleeping in an empty bed. I guess I deserve that.