(Friday, August 16)
Two weeks since my dad left. Two weeks since Darren threatened me and I am beyond my exhaustion limit. Every night of no sleep, overthinking. I couldn't help the stress building up. I went to the doctor for sleeping pills because closing an eye was by far impossible for me. Nobody knew. Not mom, not Felix and not even Chris.
I did try to take Darren's words serious, so I stayed away from Chris. Or at least I tried. I just didn't want him hurt so I had to do it within time. So that perhaps he would lose interest and we could part ways peacefully. Not that I was okey doing that. My life was falling into pieces and I wanted this to be over as fast as possible.
The dance classes started again but I was able to back off from them for two days now. Monday me and my mom went to do some paperwork about the divorce my mom was going through with dad so I was able to back off from that class. Today I just called sick. Because mentally I was. Mentally and physically I was exhausted. The bags under my eyes were visible but whenever someone asked me about it, I told them it was just a bad night for me.
I sat on the couch watching some random tv program while I had my head on Felix' lap. I lightly chuckled at what was being said on tv. I heard Felix mutter something but I didn't hear what exactly. "What did you say?"
"I said. Thank god, she's alive", Felix said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You have been dead for the past few days, maybe weeks. You don't laugh, don't interact with others and you rarely go out. Not even with Chris", he said. "And now you laughed."
"Wow, thanks Felix", I said trying to sound sarcastic. "what a compliment."
"Don't try to change the real subject. Something is bothering you but you're not talking about it", he said.
"I didn't sleep well last night that's why and you know- dad", I lied partially.
"Sure. Is that also the reason for the past few weeks?" he said.
I stood up and looked at him. "I'm not in the mood for this conversation. I'm going to bed", I said and stood up.
"If you're not in the mood now then when are you? Why do you keep running away from your problems? I am here, standing live in front of you. Talk to me!" Felix said, raising his voice.
"Don't yell at me", I said placing a hand on my head out of dizziness.
"Talk to me", Felix repeated again.
"I-I can't", I said as I walked to the door. I checked the time. It was almost 11 p.m. "I'm going to Tiffany."
"Luna" Felix said. I walked to the corridor and put on my shoes. "LUNA!"
I placed my hand on the doorknob but it was yanked away from there by Felix. "Mom is sleeping keep quiet", I said not looking up.
"Look at me." I raised my head. "Talk to me."
"I'm sorry Felix", I said and slowly slipped my hand out of his grip and unlocked the door. "Don't wait up for me."
Felix didn't follow me. The walk was lonely and kinda cold. But I had to leave my house for a bit. I was in front of Tiffany's house, knocking on her door.
She opened the door and her expression changed from confused to worried. "Hey, are you okey? Have you been crying?"
"I'm fine, I just needed to escape from home", I said as I walked in. We went to the living room and sat down on the couch.
"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" She said with sad eyes.
I just shook my head. Please let her be the one that understands. "I- I don't know what is wrong."
"Have you eaten?" She asked.
"I haven't", I whispered.
"And have you been eating good, the past few days or weeks", she asked me.
I just shook my head again. "I wasn't able to gulp down one bit without feeling nauseous."
She hugged me tightly. "You became thinner. You should eat something." I just nodded because tears left my eyes and dropped on her shoulder. "Don't cry, it's gonna be alright. Let's go to the kitchen."
She walked me to the kitchen and prepared something small. "It's what we ate at dinner today. I'm sorry I can't cook you anything special."
"It's alright. That'll be enough", I said.
She placed the plate with food in front of me and poured water in my glass. Her phone rang and she looked that way. "You can start already. Imma pick up", she said and walked out of the living room.
I just stared at my food, losing my appetite. Why was eating so hard now, as if not being able to sleep wasn't enough. I tried my best to take a few bites from it but pushed the plate away when I felt a lot more nauseous than before.
Tiffany came back to the kitchen and looked at me with sad eyes. "You're not gonna finish that?"
"I can't. I'm sorry", I said.
"You don't have to apologise. It's alright. But you have to talk to me", she added.
"It's nothing big. You know the stuff with my dad, it's probably that", I said.
"Luna, I know you. You're a strong person, your dad doing this shouldn't have had such an impact on your eating and sleeping habits. Something else is bothering you and you're trying to push that away and blame it on your dad leaving", she said.
"I didn't tell you anything about my sleeping habits", I said confused.
She breathed out. "Felix called."
"That explains all", I whispered. "I'm fine, just forget what Felix said. He's exaggerating the subject. Within a few days I'm myself again", I said trying to smile.
"No, you're not fine", she said holding my shoulders.
"I don't want this conversation", I said.
"Are you in a fight with Chris?" she said.
"Chris has nothing to do with it", I said.
"Then why does he keep on telling me and Felix that you are being so distant from him? Not only from him but from everyone. Even me. I have been your best friend for years now. We tell each other everything. What makes this so different?" she asked confused.
So Chris knew something was up. Even though I tried to do it as unnoticeably as possible. Well it shouldn't be hard to understand that the person you like is slowly letting go. But I didn't have a choice.
I can't tell you Tiff. I'm so sorry. "Because there is nothing. It's just that I felt sick afterwards and I haven't had the time to heal yet", I said, punching another lie in her face.
"I am just genuinely worried about you. If anything is wrong just tell me", she said searching my face.
"I am perfectly fine. I'm just tired and exhausted of being sick that's why I am so emotional", I said, trying to comfort her.
She didn't look convinced but as long as she didn't say anything about it I would say mission accomplished. "I'm tired. Can I stay the night. I can't go home now."
"Sure", she said and placed a hand on my back and we walked to her bedroom.
On normal occasions I would sleep on the ground but she forced me to sleep on the bed tonight while she slept on the ground.
I watched her as she slowly fell asleep while I just laid there not being able to. I forgot my pills at home so sleeping wasn't what I was doing tonight.
I took my phone and tried to wash away all my negative thoughts with that while I heard Tiff's heavy breath of sleeping.
Before I even realised it, it was already day and I heard Tiffany shuffle in her spot. I quickly locked my phone and closed my eyes pretending to be sleeping. I didn't want to hear the question 'did you sleep?'
I heard her walking closer to the bed and leaving afterwards. I opened my eyes again and sat upright only to be greeted with Tiffany looking at me with her arms crossed. "You didn't sleep did you?"
"I had hoped you were downstairs already", I said, pulling the blanket away and dragging my feet out of bed.
"I hoped that you were sleeping, but that would've put me in an awkward situation. Let's go downstairs, my mom made breakfast already", she said.
She left before me, I first walked to the bathroom and washed my face. I looked at my face. Bags under my eyes, cheekbones a bit more visible because even though I hadn't noticed, I lost a bit of weight. This is what stress did to me and not gonna lie, I didn't look good.
I went downstairs and ate with Tiffany's family. No questions, just a silence that was always there when we ate.
Me and Tiffany volunteered to do the dishes together and after the table was cleaned up we moved to the kitchen. She washed the dishes and I dried and placed them in the right spot.
After a long silence while working she spoke up. "You know that keeping your problems to yourself can lead to serious consequences. Anxiety, depression, too much stress", she said.
"Okey doctor Tiffany, what is it that I have to do?" I said trying to make everything sound less serious.
"Take things seriously. That is what you'll have to do", she said giving me a stern face.
"I'm fine Tiff, perfectly fine", I said.
"I'm not sure-"
"God Tiffany. Stop it, I can't keep on hearing people nagging that I should talk. I told you I'm fine", I said.
When I placed the plate on its place I turned and looked at a taken aback Tiffany. "Wow", she breathed out.
"Tiff I didn't mean it like that-"
"I understand", she said. "I'd like to be alone now. Do you have a ride back home."
"Tiffany-"
"My mom could bring you if you want". she said not giving me a glance.
"You have a driver's license-"
"Perhaps if Felix could-"
"Tiffany!" I raised my voice. "If you want me gone just tell me."
"I want to be left alone", she said with a blank face.
I took that as my sign and decided that it was best if I would just leave. "Then I guess I'll go."
"Maybe that's for the best", she said returning to the dishes.
Without another word I left the house. Why did everything have to be so god damn hard on me. On my way home I just sat down near a park and cleared my mind. I placed my arms on the table and laid my head on it.
I heard some sound around me and felt that someone sat in front of me. I looked up and my eyes met yet again with the one and only Darren.
"Hi", he said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"What do you want Darren?" I said not even shocked that he found me. He always did.
"I want an answer", he said.
"I still have two weeks", I commented.
"Well I assume that you have a plan because nothing works out if you do it a day before. So tell me, what's your plan", he said with a smirk.
"I'm trying my best okey", I sighed. "Stop ruining everything."
"Might want to watch that mouth", he said.
"No Darren, you watch your god damn mouth. I am doing everything you want from me and yet you're not grateful. Shut your fucking mouth and let me do my job. You'll get it your way just please, stay away for a while", I snapped back.
He started laughing and looked me dead in the eye afterwards. "Of course I'll get it my way. I always do."
"You're ruining my life", I sighed and placed my head in my arms again.
"Not that I really care", he said.
"What a way to treat your 'future girlfriend'" I hissed.
"So I guess you're breaking up with Christopher", he said and even though I didn't see him I could tell he had a smug smile on his face.
"Do I have a fucking choice", I replied.
"Nope", he said popping the P and left without another word.
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I am currently working on the last chapter of this story:(
The total will be 25 or 26 chapter because I'm thinking about adding maybe one more chapter but I'm still not all too sure<3