SONG FOR THE CHAPTER: Care Less More by Olivia O'Brien
When I finished all my classes on Thursday, I forced myself to go home again. The thought of Savannah left in that house all alone with my family made my stomach churn. Savannah deserved so much better, but I had no idea how to make that happen. After all, I still technically lived with my family, too.
That afternoon, I was helping Savannah with her English homework when Mom walked through the door, a look of surprise on her face at seeing me there. She didn't speak to me, so I didn't speak to her, which was fine by me. Anger still swirled through my chest whenever I looked at her, anger I couldn't see myself getting over any time soon. The fact that we weren't on speaking terms didn't bother me one bit.
On Friday, I spent the entire day avoiding both Roman and my mom as much as I could. I even went for a hike for several hours in the freezing weather to make that happen. When I returned home after the walk, I was beyond exhausted and my entire body was frozen solid, but I didn't regret it one bit. At that stage, I convinced myself I'd rather die of hypothermia then be left in a room alone with either one of them.
Since Roman lost his driver's licence, my mom asked me to drive him to his group meeting after dinner. It was the first time she'd spoken to me in a month or so and it was a strange experience. Even though driving Roman was the last thing I wanted to do, I didn't have the energy to kick up a fuss and cause a fight with my mom. So, I sucked it up and suffered through the painful car rides alone with him.
When Saturday morning rolled around, I was extremely close to committing murder. Not only was the idea to slaughter almost my entire family beginning to look appealing, but I was willing to do the same to anyone who bothered me in the slightest way. After being away from home for so long, I forgot how exhausting my family was. And since I couldn't stand to be around anyone except for Savannah, the exhaustion increased tenfold.
Padding into the kitchen, I huffed out a sigh. It was just after 8:30 am and the house was fairly silent. The cupboard creaked as I pulled the door open and extracted a bowl. Milk sloshed against the porcelain as I poured it, followed by the sounds of cereal dropping into the liquid. Seconds later, my Mom entered the kitchen, her steps tentative, with Savannah was shuffling closely behind her. My sister's dark hair was pulled into a tight bun and she was wearing grey leggings and a patterned white t-shirt. The usual outfit she wore to her dance class.
"Isadora, would you please do me a favour?" my mom asked. Ever since our huge fight during the Christmas dinner at Julian's house, she'd been using my full name. She had also been walking on eggshells around me, which was something I was not used to. I was usually the one walking on eggshells around her.
I nodded for her to continue while I ate my cereal, even though I had a feeling I already knew what she was going to ask me.
"I have an appointment this morning and then a lunch I must attend at midday. Would you please take Savannah to dance class and then to her playdate afterwards?"
Playdate? How old did Mom think Savannah was, six?
I had no plans for today, so saying no wasn't an option unless I wanted to start World War III right there in my own kitchen. Once again, I did not want to cause a fight with my mom, so I found myself agreeing.
Mom thanked me, which threw me a little since she rarely thanked anyone unless she believed they truly deserved it. She disappeared not long after, heading off to her appointment.
"Are you ready?" Savannah asked me, a wide grin on her face. "We get to spend time together today. How cool!"
I placed my empty bowl by the sink, a small smile creeping onto my face. If Savannah was happy, then I was happy, too. "I just have to get dressed and then I'll be ready."
Racing upstairs, I hurriedly changed into a pair of denim jeans. I slipped on a black, long-sleeved turtle neck shirt. After I brushed my teeth, and then scooped my black coat into my arms. Savannah was waiting for me by the front door when I came down.
I opened the front door, jumping when I found someone standing on the welcome mat.
"Hey, Julian!" my sister chirped.
"Seriously?" I blurted. My eyebrows shot up as I stared at him. I really shouldn't have been surprised. It had become a habit of his to show up on my doorstep with no warning. I just hadn't expected it to be today. Or ever again.
"Hey, Savannah. How are you doing?" Julian asked, grinning down at her in that charming way of his.
"I'm good! What are you doing here?" Savannah questioned.
Julian glanced over at me. "I'm, uh, here to see Isa."
I felt my heart rate increase ever so slightly.
"Isa's taking me to my dance class," Savannah informed him. Her face turned serious. "We're going to be late if we keep talking, though."
"I'll drive you both," Julian said.
I went to protest, but Savannah cut me off.
"Okay, then. Let's go!" My sister squeezed past us and ran down to the street to where Julian's car was parked.
"What are you doing here?" I asked once she was out of earshot. "This is, like, the fifth time you've randomly shown up my house, West. It's getting creepy and repetitive."
"I had to check up on you in person. I didn't want you to lie to me over the phone again." Julian gave me a pointed look.
I rolled my eyes and didn't bother objecting.
Julian stepped away from the door so I could shut it. We walked over to his car.
"I'm fine, really," I told him. "I mean, it's weird being home, but I feel better being near Savannah."
Julian nodded and our conversation came to an end as we neared my sister. We all piled into his car and he took off after I gave him the general directions to the dance studio.
"I'm starting to think you have no life, West," I commented. "I could think of a gazillion things I'd rather do than take my friend's sister to her dance class."
Julian shrugged. "I get to spend more time with you. I can hardly complain about that."
I bit my lip as his words churned through my brain. I wasn't complaining, either. Over the past few days, I'd missed Julian and his company. He was a peaceful presence in my otherwise chaotic life.
That, and my feelings for him were still intent on rearing its ugly head whenever I was with him.
Which meant all I wanted to do was spend time with him.
What a disaster.
"Why do you call him 'West'?" Savannah asked, leaning forward from the back seat.
"Because it's his last name," I replied simply.
"Right. So, does that mean Julian should call me 'Kincaid'?" she pondered.
I laughed.
"I call Isa 'Kincaid' so it might get a bit confusing if I call you that, too," Julian said. I could see him smiling out the corner of my eye.
"Oh," Savannah said, disappointment evident on her face.
"Do you have any nicknames I can call you?"
"Isa and my friends call me 'Sav'."
Julian grinned. "Sav it is, then."
Savannah smiled contently at that, leaning back in her seat again.
A smile refused to stay off my lips as well.
We arrived at the dance studio just in time for Savannah's class. After reminding her that we were picking her up in an hour and a half, my sister exited the car and sprinted towards the entrance of the building.
Julian pulled out of the parking lot. I expected him to take us somewhere else to pass the time, but all he did was enter the next parking lot over and park the car again.
I looked over at him in curiosity.
"Do you have any idea how much I've missed you?" Julian said softly, reaching over and grazing my cheek with his fingertips.
I wanted to admit that I'd missed him, too, but I felt the words catch in my throat.
Julian's ice-cold fingers glided down my cheek, leaving a trail of warmth behind. His hand shifted around to the back of my neck and he guided me closer to him. After unbuckling his seatbelt, he reached over and unbuckled mine as well. Moments later, his lips captured mine, soft and sure. Warmth splintered throughout my entire body.
When Julian's hands slid down to my hips, he deftly tugged me across the centre console so I was straddling his waist. Raking a hand through my hair, I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to the side of his neck, slowly making my way down. I could feel his pulse thrumming beneath my lips, far more accelerated than usual.
Shifting closer to Julian so that my torso was touching his, I tangled my fingers into his hair and scraped my teeth lightly against the smooth skin of his neck.
"Isa," Julian moaned breathlessly, his eyelids fluttering shut.
After I reached the base of his neck, I moved my head back up so I was level with him again. Tucking my hair out of the way once more, crushed my lips against his, deepening the kiss. Julian's hands travelled from my waist and up across my ribcage. My stomach fluttered and a fire ignited within me, flames crawling across my skin.
Somewhere deep at the back of my head, a voice reminding me that we couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep doing this. Julian was starting to mean way too much to me and it was terrifying. We promised each other that there would be no strings, but I could feel them forming around my wrists, tethering me to him.
And with every string being tied around me, I felt the familiar tendrils of panic clawing at my insides.
At this rate, I was going to lose a lot more than the seduction game to Julian, and I couldn't let that happen.
I couldn't be just another one of his conquests, no matter how much I wanted to pretend it didn't bother me.
I broke away from Julian, placing a hand on his chest to keep my distance. Glancing away, I tried to catch my breath. My heart was beating wildly within my chest in the same way it always did when I was with Julian.
"Is everything okay?" Julian asked, sounding slightly out of breath.
I rose from Julian's lap and climbed back into the passenger seat. Opening the door, I scrambled out of the car. Though the air was chilly, it did nothing to lower the temperature Julian's touch had left my body at.
A door creaked open and Julian appeared beside me seconds later.
"Isa, are you okay?" Julian repeated, his voice full of concern. He reached forward and attempted to take my hand in his, but I shoved him away. All that seemed to do was heighten Julian's concern. "Isa, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?"
"We can't do this anymore," I said flatly, forcing myself to meet his gaze.
"What do you mean?" he asked slowly.
"This is all just a game, and I can't pretend otherwise anymore."
Understanding flashed across Julian's face. "You think I've been trying to seduce you." It was a statement, not a question.
My lack of response was answer enough for him.
Julian opened his mouth to speak but shut it straight after. He pressed his lips together as several emotions were warring inside his eyes. Several emotions I couldn't identify.
I took a deep breath and forced my next words out. "I care about you, Julian. You're a really great friend and I don't want anything to mess that up."
Julian's face shifted to a neutral expression. "Uh, yes. You're a great friend too, Isa."
"I mean, it's just a game, right?" My voice cracked on the last word and I desperately hoped he didn't notice.
It's just a game. It's just a game. It's just a game.
Maybe if I repeated the words enough times in my head, I'd come to believe them.
He nodded once. "Right. Just a game."
_
Hope you enjoyed this chapter! It wasn't easy to write, I'll tell you that. Isa and Julian are such idiots and they really need to sort their lives out ugh. Anyway, thank you for reading!!
-Adelle.