Chapter Six
Orphic
(adj.) mysterious and entrancing; beyond ordinary understanding
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I used to believe that the moon and the stars chased after me, as if we were in a constant game of tag. No one would ever truly win though, it's impossible to actually win an imagined game against something that seems like a million miles away.
It was on my insomniac filled nights that I wished I could still have the imagination I had when I was a child. The idea of the moon and the stars chasing after me made me believe that I was extremely special. Of all things on the planet, of all people to chase after, the moon had chosen to run after me as more distance elapsed between us.
I grew out of my creativity, I can't remember exactly when, but it escaped me and I was left with just the small little pieces of my memory. The night sky now was only there to me, something that I watched come and go, something that had nothing special for me. Most things were like that now though, simply only existing not actually having meaning.
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Kali and her siblings walked down the aisle, heading straight to check out where I could hear Kali's bubbling voice greet whoever was working. She always had this way of seeming like she had everything together in her life, I envied her for that.
I sauntered my way to the back of the store where I knew that the pharmacy was, where I knew my next prescription was awaiting me. Nerves welled up inside of me, just like they did every time that I had to pick up my meds, I hated feeling like I was being judged for them.
The huge pharmacy sign came into my vision along with the rows upon rows of over-the-counter drugs. My hands, without thinking about it, held the fabric of my sleeve tightly in my palm.
I abandoned my empty cart as I walked up to the counter, direct eye contact from the pharmacist causing my fingertips to feel like they were about to shake.
"How can I help you today?" She asked me, her facial expression coming across as friendly and sort of causing my anxieties to flood to the back of my mind.
"I have a prescription." I say, handing her the note from my therapist. She glanced at the paper and immediately headed to the back, announcing that she'll be right back. I looked nervously at my surrounding, scared to be seen by someone who knew me, even though I only had met two people in town so far.
My foot taps lightly against the floor to the beat of the music being played in the speakers throughout the store, and I decide to count my breathes until she gets back. My therapist suggested to use these techniques in order to focus my brain on something else when I was feeling uncomfortable, and they had slowly become natural behaviours over a few months. I just wish that she would hurry up.
As soon as that thought comes to my mind, the pharmacist is rounding the corner and handing me my prescription. I thank her, a little guilty for having wished she would rush, before hurrying to the front of the store to escape.
My walk home, the pill bottle searing through my pocket, I think back to Kali and about how different she appeared outside of the bookstore. She seemed almost more grown up, way more serious, as she watched over her brother and sister. I couldn't help but be excited for tonight, spending time with Kali made everything seem light and I was able to escape from my reality, something not exactly common for me.
"Did you get your prescription?" My mom hollers at me as soon as I walk into the kitchen. I pull the bottle from my pocket, placing it in front of her so that she can inspect it if need be. She looks at it, nodding her head slightly, before continuing to stir the pot on the stove in front of her. Jeremiah looks at the orange item before quickly diverting his gaze completely, his face becoming a little pale.
"I'm going out for dinner." I tell her, both my brother's and my mom's faces looking at with shock.
"Where are you going?" My mom questions.
"A friend of mine that I met invited me over." I evasively told her, not wanting to have her wreck the one thing that so far was good in my life as of lately.
She looks as if she's about to say more, her mouth opening the smallest amount before it closes completely. Her head nods, her eyes looking down, and her body becomes rigid. I know this stance all too well, she's trying to understand and let me have space but also wishes to ask me more.
I internally sigh, wishing that things were as simple as they once were. "She works at the bookstore on Main. I met her when we first moved and we've become friends, okay?" I ask, hoping that it will be enough to give my mom some peace of mind.
"Okay." She says, her voice sounding clearer than before. "Thank you." She finishes, her eyes glances at me with a small amount of hope behind them.
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I receive a text from Kali, telling me to come over for six. I ask her if I should bring anything with me for dinner, to which she replies that it's all taken care of and that Courtney is excited to see me. I laugh when I read that before making my way out of the door, my feet wondering through the streets until I wind up in front of Kali's two story home.
The outside of the house looks a little worn down, lived in not abandoned. I felt my nerves spike as I climbed up the two stairs. I had sure that my sleeve was tucked protectively in my fist as I raised my hand to knock. I heard the sound of feet springing on the floor from the inside and soon, the door opened revealing Austin, an unimpressed look on his face.
"Hey, come in." He says, his voice as melancholy as ever.
"Hi Austin, thanks." I reply as I follow him into the house. I take note of the family pictures on the wall, four smiling faces in each picture. The kids all resemble their mom, I notice, and I then feel a tinge of sadness as I think about the recently taken forced smiles that lived on my walls at home. The fake smiles were a way of showing that we could be a normal family, I had just been trying to hide the fact that I resented having my photo be taken and then plastered on the wall as if to mock me.
"Damian!" Courtney cheers when Austin and I come into view of the kitchen. She has a humongous grin, missing teeth taking up the majority of her smile. I couldn't remember the last time I had lost a tooth, that seemed like such a long time ago.
"Courtney!" I shout back, glancing up to see Kali standing in the kitchen watching the two of us. "Hey Kali." I acknowledge.
"Hi Damian, thanks for coming over." She says, her voice sounding the slightest bit more nervous than how she normally does.
"Thanks for having me." I state, our eyes holding each other's gaze for a lingering moment before Courtney intervenes, asking if I want to draw.
Time passes with Austin and Courtney in what feels like minutes. Kali prepared dinner, which she insisted I didn't help with, as Courtney and Austin kept me busy. Austin excitedly told me about how he plays soccer, something that I just happened to know a lot about, and as we spoke, Courtney and I drew picture with pencil crayons and recycled paper that Kali had put out.
By the time we actually finished dinner, Kali suggested to her siblings that it was time for bed as they all had an early morning. With a few protests, the two bid us a goodnight and huffed their way upstairs as Kali and I begun to clean up.
The night sky had graced us with its presence, Kali's kitchen lights twinkling like the stars after we turned them on. Something about them made me believe that all lights should dance like that. The radio hummed softly from the corner of the kitchen, a simple melody that Kali hummed along to as she glided through her kitchen.
The night felt like I was living in a dream, a complete three-sixty to my reality and I couldn't help but get lost in everything about Kali's world. The two of us leaned against opposite counters of the kitchen after we'd finished washing and drying the dishes, a simple chore that I never knew could actually be interesting. We talked about novels and Mr. Harvey and the bookstore until we simply just looked at each other from separate ends of the kitchen.
"Courtney and Austin really seem to like you." She tells me, breaking our silence.
"They're a lot of fun." I say, being completely honest. "My little brother is just younger than Austin but they remind me a lot of each other." This comes out of my mouth before I can actually process what I've just said.
"You never mentioned you had a brother." Kali notes, her eyebrows twisting together in obvious confusion.
"I didn't know you had a brother and sister until today either." I throw back to which she shrugs but ultimately smiles.
"Want to go outside for a bit?" She asks me, her eyes shining as she moves towards the sliding glass door. I nod, following her motions until we are sat next to each other on the deck, the moon watching our every movement.
Silence envelopes us as we both keep watching the darkness. The music from the radio barely audible from out here.
"Do you ever think about the future?" Kali's question breaks the stagnant air, taking me a little off guard.
I find myself pausing as I mull the answer over in my head. I hadn't really spent too much time thinking about the future. "I don't know yet." I admit, feeling inadequate as the words slip out of my mouth. "What about you?"
"I don't know either, actually. I'm just glad that someone's on the same boat as me." She laughs, her giggle bringing a smile to my face. Her green eyes then meet my brown ones, something unspoken passing between us.
The moon smiled down at us as she watched the distance between Kali and myself vanish as our lips locked, shocking all of us, I think. In that moment though, I felt what it was like to be a kid again and believe that the moon was chasing me, and I felt like it wasn't a million miles away after all.
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