Previously on Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me
Once Emery discovered that Noel was the orchestrator of her humiliation years ago, she cut him out of her life. The fact that Dean was aware of this piece of information but failed to inform her angered her all the more. Dean later confessed to Emery that his reason for staying quiet was related to a text he sent her years ago on the night after he humiliated her which accidentally got sent to Noel. Ever since, Noel has threatened to tell Emery of the text (that she has yet to know of) if Dean ever dare to expose him.
Meanwhile, the friendship between Natalie, Aaliyah and Emery is bound to dissolve after the altercation that occurred during halloween night when Emery gave Aaliyah an ultimatum : choose to break up with Luke (after he mercilessly made fun of her almost drowning) for their friendship to survive or the opposite.
And that's what you missed on Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me.
➴ ➵ ➴ ➵ ➴ ➵
• C H A P T E R T H I R T Y O N E •
Radio silence.
That's been Aaliyah's current status for the past two days.
At first, I knew she needed some space after the whole Luke situation but she had both Natalie and I worried sick.
Is she even coming to school today?
After dialing her number for what seems like the tenth time, I pocket my phone after the call goes straight to voicemail.
Walking into the school's building on Monday morning, I program my brain to focus on my academics and avoid conflicts or any form of distractions.
Midterms are approaching and that means weeks of countless exams and sleepless nights. College admissions are right around the corner and regardless of any dislike I have for studying, I need to perform well if I intend to study far, far away from here.
I survey the halls but to no avail.
Where is she?
With only seven minutes left till class, I make a beeline towards my locker. Once I unlock the combination, I rapidly unload my bag of heavy books, relieving my shoulder from the excruciating pain. I could seriously have some posture issues if I don't start using a backpack instead of a handbag.
From my peripheral vision, I see an approaching figure head towards me. My body freezes after averting my gaze to the source. Apparently, blocking his number and telling him to get lost hasn't made much of a difference because here he is, persistent as ever and looking like he hasn't slept properly for days.
That makes two of us.
If I can't convince him to leave me alone then I'd just have to revert to playground tactics and ignore his existence until the message sinks in.
Noel gulps audibly before scratching the back of his head, a nervous habit he's picked. His eyes hold a glint of hope giving how I've made no move to withdraw myself.
Aggrieved, I divert my gaze back to my locker and start grabbing the necessary materials for class.
"You haven't answered my calls." his voice is audibly nervous.
"Did I have an obligation to?" I surprise myself by saying.
To hell with ignoring his existence then.
I can't see his expression but I'm guessing my question took him aback because he doesn't say anything for what seems like ages.
"I needed you to hear my side of the story," he urges, sounding more desperate this time, "that's why I called. Despite what you think, I did like you.
"My intentions were always pure when I befriended you at the beginning of the semester. I felt bad for the way things went down at my party and I wanted to apologize and confess everything but I couldn't bring myself to do it. When I saw you in my history class for the first time this year, I needed to set things right so I wanted to get to know you better. "
Summoning a dumbfounded expression, I shoulder my locker shut before facing him. "So what you're telling me is that your reason for approaching me in the beginning was only to appease your guilty conscience?"
Noel momentarily looks irritated before he sighs in exasperation. "That's not what I meant... I..."
I interrupt him. "You had weeks to come clean and confess but you didn't. To cover up your lie, you even went out of your way to threaten Dean when he was gonna tell me everything. How messed up is that?"
His eyes widen in bewilderment like he's just seen a ghost. Cursing under his breath, he takes what feels like an eternity to compose himself before saying, "I don't know what to say."
"If you're going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty." Obviously, him being unattractive is far from being the truth but his presence is unleashing an unapologetic side of me.
He stands statue still, unable to say a thing. His gaze becomes almost belligerent like he could punch a wall anytime soon or rather someone.
A wave of protectiveness surges through me at the thought of him possibly hurting Dean but is instantly suppressed.
"Well if that's it, I have to get to cla—" he clasps my hand to stop me from leaving and my instant reaction is to wrench my hand away from his grasp.
I stare at him in pure animosity. "Touch me again and you'll lose your ability to procreate."
He raises his hands in surrender. "Sorry, I was out of line."
With a few minutes left till first period, I know I have to end this conversation otherwise detention class might just become my second home.
"Stay away from me Noel, I mean it." He stares at me inquiringly, as if trying to decipher whether I meant what I said. After what seems like a momentarily reflection, he shoulders sag in defeat before he nods solemnly.
I turn to the opposite direction, not once looking back.
➴ ➵ ➴ ➵ ➴ ➵
The day goes by in flash and after what seems like a millennium, I spot Aaliyah at her locker with Natalie during lunch period. A few members of their swim club surround them as they all converse amongst themselves.
A wave of relief surges through me upon seeing her.
At least she's okay.
On autopilot, I take rapid steps to join them. Aaliyah's the first to notice me amongst the group before schooling her expression into a sombre look.
I study her with piercing scrutiny, unable to comprehend her sudden change of mood.
"See you guys at practice tomorrow." Natalie greets them off once they're in my earshot. They all exchange goodbyes before Natalie's the first to acknowledge me with a friendly nod.
"What was that all about?"
Natalie looks slightly distraught. "We've just been stressed after Princeton College announced that they were only selecting fifteen members in the state to join their swim team program next fall."
"You guys will make the team," I state with no hesitation, "I don't doubt it for a second. Besides you've been practicing like crazy since the beginning of the semester. That kind of hard work always pays off."
Natalie heaves her shoulders. "It's so competitive though and all the girls on the swim team are extremely good. I can't even begin to imagine the level of competence others have in different schools."
I wave a dismissive hand. "It doesn't matter, you'll never know your worth if you don't believe in yourself. Sure it's competitive, but you're just as skilful as they are."
Ever since we were in the sixth grade, Princeton has always been her dream school. She devoted her entire life to swimming in order to possibly make the cut at the Princeton's Olympian swim team.
"It's cute how optimistic you're being," Aaliyah who hasn't said a word since I arrived says impassively, "but what part of fifteen members only don't you get? They reduced the number of students for the selection and Princeton has a history of recruiting most of their swim team members from Parkland Academy."
My eyebrows furrow in puzzlement. "Why are you so moody today? I'm just trying to motivate you guys."
She avoids my gaze by looking downwards. Momentarily, she inspects the ground before shifting her irritating gaze to me. "Why would you think that Luke is scheming to humiliate me just like what Dean did to you? Even if he kept his involvement from me, it doesn't mean he's two faced."
Upon drifting my gaze to Natalie's apologetic expression, I figure she must have told her about the concerns I had of Luke on Friday, which explains Aaliyah's reason for avoiding my calls.
She studies me with an accusatory expression.
"I was just concerned about you," I begin determinedly, "I know we've been on the outs lately but I'm just looking out for you. If he knew about the things Noel did, don't you want to at least take that into consideration?"
She shoots me a look of disapproval before summoning an exasperated expression. "Look Em, I know what Noel did to you was messed up and believe me, when I learnt that Luke had something to do with it, I couldn't stand to look at him. But, it doesn't mean he's going to do the same thing to me. They were all immature pricks when they planned to humiliate you years back and I'm sorry that Noel turned out to be a manipulative jerk beneath the good guy pretence.
"All I'm asking you to do is leave Luke out of it. You should just move on from the past and live your life peacefully. Even if you're just trying to help, you need to focus on other things. It's like you don't even want me to be happy anymore because you want me to share the same burden of heartbreak you've had to carry, ever since you've been here. I can't help but feel like you're projecting all your past failed relationships onto me whenever you see Luke and I. Emery, I can't be around that anymore, it's overbearing. "
Despite everything that went down between us, I couldn't just keep my suspicions of him to myself. I may keep clinging on to the past but there's just something about Luke that's always rubbed me the wrong way.
And I'd blame myself if anything happened to her whereas I could've prevented it.
I don't realize the impact of her words until my vision starts to blur.
"Liyah, come on that's a bit harsh." Natalie points out with a gleam of disapproval in her eyes.
Aaliyah folds her arms, her belligerent gaze unwavering. "Yeah, well it's the truth."
For what seems like ages, we allow the background sounds of students' conversations combined with their quick paced walks to the cafeteria settle in.
Any hope of reconciliation I had earlier has been thrown out of the window. At the beginning of the semester, no matter how I always found school to be extremely nauseating, I knew I'd get through the day knowing I had them by my side.
Although, I failed to realize that we had all changed over the course of years being apart. Looking back, it's like I was under the illusion that things between us would remain the way they used to be before I left Roosevelt High.
And after taking my distance from them, it only magnified the fact that I was wrong.
"I didn't know you felt that way." I affirm after taking a laboured breath, "I was just looking out."
She stares at me with a look of impatience. "Thanks but I don't need you to be concerned. Now, that you've found out about Noel's true intentions, I have no obligations to befriend Stacey in order to find out what she's planning on doing to you next."
With one last glance, she pivots before sauntering to the opposite direction.
"Even if she was being brutal, she's right Em." I avert my gaze from Aaliyah's retreating figure to Natalie's piercing eyes. "You have an unhealthy attachment of the past and if you're not careful, it could permanently damage the relationship you have with others."
There are times when you feel like you're so far away from the people who you're close to.
And today might just be one of those days.
Natalie stands beside me for a few more seconds before disposing her hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay just please find a way to reconcile after giving her some time to cool off."
Heaving my right shoulder to break her clutch, I stare into space as the following words escape my lips, "Get used to the fact that my friendship with her ends here Nat."
A despondent look colours her features. "And where does that leave your friendship with me? As far as I'm concerned, I'm always here for you no matter what you decide."
A sardonic smile stretches my lips as I say, "I'll keep that in mind."
We both stand still, neither of us knowing what to say to the other. After what seems like minutes, she's the first to retreat.
With only forty minutes to go before history class, I contemplate on whether to eat at the cafeteria or eat somewhere private by myself.
There's been a lot of bad vibes between my friends and I lately. And it feels like the more time passes, the more we're growing as distant as ever.
Well you partially have yourself to blame.
That's one thing I can agree on.
Upon hearing the sound of my phone's message alert, I retract it from my pocket before reading the notifications. A few messages stand out among the rest.
From : Anthony
11:30 AM
Hey, you're okay? Have been trying to reach you for a while. Haven't seen you in the cafeteria. You usually eat with your friends.
From : Anthony
11:40 AM
And you're back to avoiding me. Tsk Tsk, that's fine by me. I just hope you know that it won't ever stop me from reaching out? Text me if you need anything ok?
From : Anthony
11:41 AM
What am I saying? I know you won't text me anytime soon, lol.
I chuckle at the latest message he sent me. After scrolling through the recent messages sent mainly from Evangelina and Anthony, I send them all a quick text to let them know that I'm okay.
My eyes wander through the empty halls of the school building in the hopes of figuring out where I'll be eating this lunch period. As I'm contemplating where to eat, a distant voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Do you want to eat lunch?"
My eyes widen upon recognizing his voice in an instant.
In a swift movement, my gaze diverts from my phone to Dean who's standing a few feet away. With an apprehensive look on his face, he takes dramatic steps towards me. He's in a light green pullover that reflects his chartreuse eyes with his hair uncharacteristically haggard than usual. Seeing him today triggers many suppressed feelings that I've been fighting so hard to avoid.
It's as though I don't know what to make of the dynamic between us anymore. My defensive walls have been nothing but fragile around him lately. I can't even begin to pinpoint how I'm feeling towards him at the moment. His presence forces me to face all the unresolved emotions threatening to resurface.
Squaring my shoulders, I respond in a neutral tone. "I prefer to eat alone thanks."
It's almost as if his intense gaze pierce right through my soul as we hold each other's gaze for a few seconds.
He runs a hand through his dishevelled hair, his face settling into pensiveness. "You're not gonna make this any easy are you?"
First to break eye contact, I anchor my gaze to the floor not daring to say a word. Under normal circumstances, I would have responded with a witty comment but a growing sense of fatigue and dejection hold me back from speaking.
"If space is what you need then fine but let's at least grab a bite at the Smoothie Sh—"
"I'm not interested in going anywhere with you Dean." I interrupt him coldly. As soon as the words escape me, I make the mistake of holding his gaze because once that happens, it's as though my defensive walls completely deteriorate.
He slams his eyes shut before reopening them as they seem to form a language of their own. It's almost as if he is imploring me to reconsider his offer with the way his eyes seem to search mine. In the midst of him closing any form of distance between us, the erratic sound of my heartbeat accelerates with every approaching steps he takes towards me.
A sudden look of determination crosses his face before the next words escape his lips effortlessly, "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you want nothing to do with me and I promise. . . I'll respect your decision. We can go about the remainder of senior year pretending to be strangers just like we've been doing for the past two years. But. . ."
He pauses as he slowly lowers his head to connect his forehead with mine which has the ability to make me lose all sense of reasoning as my eyes seem to close on their own. He doesn't say a word for seconds as we stand statue-still in the middle of the vacant halls of school. With the lack of distance between us, it is becoming very challenging to breathe rhythmically.
"If a part of you is ready to admit that going our separate ways will just be counterproductive," Dean trails off in a soft tone before his next words cut deep, "then, let's figure this. . . whatever this thing between us is. I'm not ready to lose you again because of Anderson."
I diminish the proximity by taking retreating steps. That is probably one of the rarest occasions where there was enough conviction and maturity in his words to make me consider his proposal.
Is he suggesting that we become friends?
"How can we move past this after everything Dean?" I utter, my voice laced with vulnerability as I refuse to look him in the eyes. "All of this could've been avoided if only you had manned up to Noel and refused to carry out his plan which jeopardized what we had."
Folding my hands across my chest, I pretend to be fascinated by the floor. Dean does the unexpected and tucks his fingers under my chin to lift my head upwards so that my gaze could meet his. "For us to move forward, Emery. . . you have to give me the chance to amend things. I'm willing to put my pride aside to show you how much you mean to me so please. . ." he states grimly before failing to finish his sentence as his gaze desperately seeks to hold mine.
Throughout this semester, no matter how much we've exchanged words of hostility and publicly declared our hatred for each other, there's always been this inexplicable gravitational pull between us.
But is it enough to make me forget about what he's put me through?
In a brusque manner, I shove his fingers away from my chin before failing to determine what compels me to say the next words that escape my mouth, "I don't see how us reconciling could work Dean."
The slight look of desperation on his face immediately diminishes as a cold expression, one I've grown to be familiar with, overshadows his features. "So that's it? We just go back to being strangers and after senior year, we never see each other again?" he queries and I don't recognize the tone he's using at the moment.
My voice betrays me as I fail to articulate any word because I'm afraid I may crumble before him if I dare speak. Therefore, I nod my head swiftly and pretend like my decision isn't inwardly ripping me to shreds.
He entraps me in his scrutinizing gaze as if to validate the accuracy of my statement. Momentarily, he sighs in defeat before saying, "Fine, I'll officially stay out of your life from here on out." It's not until his back is turned towards me that the unshed tears I've been fighting to hold back suddenly spill out of control. Immediately, I muffle any weeping sound threatening to escape my throat as I stare fixedly at his retreating figure.
You made the right decision Emery.
This was for the best. Besides, after high school you would have enrolled in some faraway new college and put all of this mess behind you.
Engulfed in my inner monologue, I proceed to wipe the tears from my cheeks as I repeatedly convince myself that I've done the right thing.
But as my legs seem to have temporarily lost their ability to move, the inner monologue shifts to one of huge regret for refusing to work things out with him. Hence, like the huge pretender I've been since the beginning of the semester, I suppress these feelings and decide to plug my ears with music as an attempt to silence my redondant thoughts.
➴ ➵ ➴ ➵ ➴ ➵
As soon as I arrive home after school, I quickly climb up two flights of stairs before heading straight to my room. I immediately dispose my shoulder bag and shoes haphazardly on the floor before cozying up to the comfort of my bed. As seconds turn to minutes, the growing sense of guilt magnifies as I stare fixedly at my school bag that I had not so graciously discarded on the floor.
Since my physics teacher thought it would be convenient to assign his students with loads of homework during the last period, I force myself to get up from my bed before gathering all my needed textbooks on my desk to begin my study session.
Lately, my grades have been slacking and if I allow my poor academic performances to continue, I will end up attending some university nearby with the same people I went to high school with.
Over the weekend, I began researching any Canadian universities that I could find online and what stood out to me thus far were those mainly located in Ottawa. However, I haven't really spoken to my dad about my plans to study abroad since he's under the impression that I'll be applying to Berkeley university just like the rest of the students in my school.
Once I'm sat on the rotating office chair near my desk, a firm knock on the door suddenly draws my attention. Before I can reply, the door swings open before my dad's figure is revealed.
"Hey sweetie," he greets softly as he saunters into my room space, "I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a walk in the neighbourhood with me." he finishes as he approaches my desk to inspect the textbooks that had barely managed to grab my full concentration before he walked into the room.
His presence briefly surprises me given how the rooms downstairs were suffocated by silence, indicating that there was no one home.
"I thought you weren't home," I tell him candidly before swivelling the chair to face the table. After the last conversation we had about my mom's upcoming wedding a few days ago, we barely exchanged words over the weekend. A small part of me was hoping that he would put a stop to the wedding and convince mom that she was making a huge mistake.
Albeit, even if my dad can often be very expressive, he lacks the ability to articulate his emotions when it comes to his personal life.
"I have to study dad," I affirm without throwing him a glance. He doesn't say a word for a few seconds before I hear him take a deep breath. "Come on, you can attend to your studies later but you and I need to spend some quality time especially when in a couple of months you'll be heading off to college." he reveals with finality in his tone.
Sighing in defeat, I end up accepting his proposal and proceed to grab some sports sneakers and a jacket before following him all the way to the main entrance of the house. Before stepping into the porch, I quickly wear my shoes and jacket in addition to fixing my hair in a high messy ponytail.
I'm instantly greeted by the chilly air breeze of the November weather by the time we step outside. Our stroll towards a nearby forest is mostly quiet but relaxing. The sun isn't beaming as brightly like it usually does at this hour of the day therefore setting a sombre and tranquil atmosphere. This walk briefly helps me to unwind as my thoughts aren't running a mile per hour as they've been doing recently.
Minutes pass before my dad's the first to break the silence, "Emery despite my busy schedule, I always want you to know that you can talk to me about anything alright? Don't ever feel as though I won't understand anything that you're going through."
His words are so therapeutic and incredibly touching. I simply nod my head in response to his statement without bothering to look him in the eye. How can I, when no parent wants to hear that their daughter has poorly been performing at school and has been entangled in constant youth drama.
"Have you thought about applying to any colleges for next year?" he inquires as we continue to stride onto the forest pathway.
Edgily, I throw him a glance for the first time since we left the house. "Kinda . . . I mean I've thought of applying to some schools in Canada." My revelation surprises us both especially when I didn't think I'd build up the courage to tell him this just moments ago.
A mixture of puzzlement and astonishment overtakes his face before a light chuckle escapes him. "So you're thinking of leaving your old man so soon?"
"Nothing's official dad. . ." I answer him with uncertainty, "it's just a back up plan and besides, I doubt I'd get accepted since my grades aren't good at the moment."
"Hey," he trails off as he abruptly pauses our walking session, "whatever you choose to do with your life is entirely your decision. I know that once you set your mind on something, you'll end up achieving your goal so don't worry about your grades and just do your best."
My lips curve into a small smile before I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jacket as the windchill rises.
"But if a part of your decision to study abroad is based on you wanting to escape your problems because some people at your school have contributed to your solemn mood then Emery, that's not the right way to go.'' he asserts thereby leaving me speechless.
Upon assessing the look of bewilderment plastered on my face, he goes on to say, "What. . .you don't think I've noticed how despondent you've been lately?" When I don't dare to speak he continues his inquisition, "Should I be worried about the guy you went out on a date with?"
The conversation my dad and I are currently having is all so new to me given that our daily conversations rarely transcend personal boundaries.
"He didn't turn out to be who I thought he was but that's okay, I am used to people walking out of my life anyways." I tell him in a disheartened tone before resuming the walking session.
My response catches him off guard but he gains his composure, "That's inaccurate because you have me and I'll always be here." The effects of his words possess me to give him an embrace but his arms are already outstretched before he pulls me into a hug.
"Sorry if I haven't been around for you lately," he apologizes causing me to pull away from the embrace. "Dad, the fact that you even initiated this conversation is such a blessing. I'm so thankful to have you in my life so please don't apologize." I explain in utter sincerity.
Once we approach a small curved bridge that rises above a pond, we end up settling near the rail fence as we observe the forest landscape. A mixture of the quacky sound of ducks swimming in the pond as well as the constant chants of birds can be heard. On rare occasions that I get to visit the forest, its nature sound instantly reduces my anxiety level.
My dad quickly proceeds to retrieve his phone from his pocket to capture a video of a swan that has suddenly appeared among the ducks. A small chuckle escapes my throat since that is such a typical thing of my dad to do because of his abundant fascination of nature and animals.
"How is one able to tell when they're in love with someone?" my dad is taken aback by my sudden question as he instantly anchors his full attention on me.
He summons his authoritative tone by saying, "What brought this on? Emery, you're too young to be thinking about love at the age of seventeen." We don't exchange words and I heave my shoulders in defeat.
It is astonishing that I brought up the topic knowing that he is not one to indulge in such topics on a daily basis. Therefore, I am surprised when he continues to where the discussion left off.
"I guess when you're in love with someone, you always find an excuse to be around them and in a room full of people, you're the only one to notice their absence." he begins as he absentmindedly stares into space. "In the case of your mother and I, I always needed to be around her even when I thought I despised her at the time."
I stare at him in a moment of puzzlement. "I didn't know you and mom hated each other before you started dating."
"Well, I wouldn't say hate but we strongly disliked each other. And so, I grew to realize that my obsessive need to remain close to her was because I fancied her a lot but I wasn't ready to admit it to myself." he reveals before briefly rubbing his temples. "We should head back inside. . . it's getting late."
I dismiss his suggestion before inquiring further, "Why did you and mom ever separate?"
With what feels like an eternity he doesn't say anything, almost as if he's contemplating on some right answer to give me. He then diverges his gaze from the pond to mine before he chooses to speak.
"I think part of the reason why we parted ways was mainly because your mom constantly needed reassurance and validation when it came to the love I had for her. Being the person that I am, I was never one to always vocalize my feelings since I tried to express my love for her through my actions, hoping that it would be enough. But your mom never saw it that way and therefore chose to leave.
"So what you need to take from all this is that when one loves someone, expressing that love to the person is pivotal but not entirely so. It is their actions afterwards that mainly speak volumes more than words ever could."
His words have the ability to leave me speechless for the second time in a row. I never would have seen it that way from his perspective.
My dad gently pats my head in a playful manner and gives me another one of his lectures on how I need to focus on school instead of worrying about boys.
"And like the mature daughter that I raised you to be," he says in the midst of his round of lectures, "you will go to your mom's wedding. If you don't, you'll end up regretting it for the rest of your life. You need to be there for her during the moments that count."
Even if I don't react to his command as an indication that I would do what he's asked of me, deep down, attending the ceremony would mean a lot to my mom and regardless of where she and I currently stand, I have to be there to give her my support.
➴ ➵ ➴ ➵ ➴ ➵
A/N : I know guys, it's been a minute. So much has happened in the course of years and I simply wasn't in a state of mind to write.
My motivation to write again was truly because of you guys. Y'all have been so patient and encouraging and the support has been really overwhelming. Thank you for reading and stay tuned.