heal - tom odell
skylar.
to say that i haven't talked to thomas much in the past 24 hours would be an understatement. quite frankly, we haven't exchanged one word since yesterday's events unfolded. he's been attempting to talk to me but i haven't given in. he lied to me and said he'd never do anything that i was uncomfortable with. yet he held me down and let that doctor poke me with a needle. he betrayed me and he understood that i was angry at him for it.
i only come out of my room once every few hours, usually in the morning and at night to eat and take my antibiotics. i enjoyed being alone; it was a nice break from constantly being pestered by my parents or at school. especially since i was ill, all i've been doing is laying on my bed either sleeping or watching movies. thomas hasn't really attempted to bother me either. he's been very busy at work recently. he leaves for the hospital early in the morning, comes home in the evening, and works even more at his makeshift office here.
once i was better i would have to return to school which i dreaded intensely. getting up early just to be picked on by girls who peaked in upper school was not my cup of tea or anyone's for that matter. hiding my feelings from thomas would be much more difficult than my parents. all i had to say was that my day was good and they wouldn't ask any further questions. they were so easy to deceive, he is not.
knowing that thomas was away at work, i forced myself to muster up enough energy to roll off the bed and walk downstairs. i could only be in this room for so long before needing a change of scenery for a bit. i poured myself a bowl of cereal before sitting on one of the stools at the countertop, blankly staring around as i ate. his flat didn't look like it belonged to a single twenty-four year old man. you'd expect the walls to be bare and the place to be poorly decorated but it was quite the opposite.
after a full day of doing absolutely nothing passed by, i heard the front lock jingle. he must be home. i glanced over at the clock hanging above the bathroom door. he was home early. please just leave me alone i begged in my mind as his footsteps grew closer up the stairs. he knocked and i didn't respond, hoping it would be enough to drive him away. but he opened the door and walked right in as i watched him walk to the edge of the bed and take a seat.
"we need to talk." he breathed out.
i glared at him, "no we don't."
"darling, please stop closing yourself off and talk to me. you know all i've ever wanted to do is help you." he begged desperately.
"then maybe it's time to stop." i answered bluntly.
"no!" he responded angrily. "you want me to give up on you and i refuse to, sky. i refuse to let go of you, what do you have to say to that?"
my lips remained in a thin line. with each sentence, my voice grew louder and more demanding. "you lied to me. you told me i'd be okay. you let him hurt me."
"i didn't let him hurt you! ashton needed a blood test in order to treat you and it would've been wrong of me to deny him permission. it was all to improve your wellbeing." he explained.
"i don't want to talk about it anymore! i don't want to see you!" i screamed, my voice cracking on the 'you' due to my sickness.
"skylar..." he pleaded with a tone of utter desperation that left a blow on my heart.
"tommy, please get out. i don't want to see you right now." i finished on the verge of tears.
he sighed but obeyed my requests. he lingered around the door for a second before turning around to face me, "i just wanted to say i'm sorry princess."
then, he was gone with another blow to my heart. i suddenly felt guilty about my apparent rudeness but at the same time felt like if i didn't continue on, my point would never be made. (how unfortunate this decision was later that night when the nightmares wouldn't stop coming.) at least he was starting to feel remorse for his actions.
two hours later, he entered my room silently while i was resting and left a plate for dinner on top of the nightstand. the fragrance of the food was enough to wake me up, but there was no sign of him when my eyes opened. eating my supper by myself in this room upset me greatly. i thought that things would be different here and i'd never have to feel alone again. look how things never change. nothing ever gets better.
i couldn't take any more blank staring up at the ceiling, feeling like i was drifting away...
"skylar!" a bubbly yet openly mocking voice called out from behind me.
keep walking skylar. walk faster! don't let her get to you.
"ah!" i cried out as i fell backwards after my hair was yanked. she stared at me from a towering height above, pursing her perfectly glossed lips. her arms crossed against her chest with that intense gaze that felt like it went straight through my soul.
"hi mckenna." i tried to appease her knowing a greeting is what she was waiting for.
"you little slut! were you ignoring me back there?" she gasped.
"i must've not heard you call me." i blatantly lied.
"bullshit!" she yelled, kicking me in my side and i groaned. mckenna bent down forward, grabbing my chin harshly so i was forced to look her in the eye. her spit splattered on my face as she talked, "next time you ignore me whore, you'll get much worse than a tap on the side."
her freshly manicured nails rose up to slap me but my body never processed the shock.
i shot up panting. i was having phobia nightmares again. sticky beads of sweat lined my forehead that i wiped away with my hand. there was nothing i craved more in this moment than to just be held and felt like i was safe from the outside world. but i had no one but myself. the last thing i wanted to do was go to thomas after i've been rude to him recently, whether he deserved it or not. i didn't hate him, i was just angry.
i thought about what thomas would tell me right now if i bothered him. he would probably tell me that i was safe and okay and nothing could hurt me right now. i repeated those words over and over again in my head to help me fall back asleep with no fear.
i laid there, taking andrew's hits and kicks in the deserted school hallway. blood stained my white blouse and my stomach hurt so badly i knew something was wrong. i had no strength to defend myself. nobody was around to hear my cries.
he crouched down and grabbed my face roughly, mumbling derogatory words. he smacked my face once more, forcing my head to turn towards the opposite corridor. for a second, i thought i saw scarlett staring right at me from around the corner. i knew it was my imagination, but i begged for help anyways. 'mason is on his way' she mouthed at me in horror.
"what? what are you staring at?" andrew growled and looked in scarlett's direction, just as she disappeared back behind the wall. "no one is going to save you. you'll be mine."
he began to suck on my neck as i laid helplessly.
"andrew! get off of her!" scarlett shrieks, running out from her hiding spot, jumping on his back and hitting him repeatedly. he threw scarlett off instantly like she weighed nothing more than a feather. she slid across the cold floor until her back collided with the metal locker.
andrew turned back to me, his foot colliding with my stomach hard enough to produce a blood curdling scream. the bell rang.
i gasped and coughed as i shot up from the nightmare again. much time hadn't passed since my last disturbance, only thirty minutes ago. i was so shaken up that there was no way i was going to fall back asleep tonight. the fear paralyzed my body for a few moments before i gained the courage to walk to the bathroom.
as i pulled down my pajama bottoms, i noticed blood stains and i could've screamed from frustration. are you kidding? on top of being sick and having nightmares, i was on my period. this night couldn't get any worse. the more i thought about being on my period, the more i noticed the cramps starting to hurt. i grabbed a tampon, seeing it was the last one. now i would have to talk to thomas since we needed to go to the market in the morning to grab some more.
i was so close to crying from the stress of everything happening to my body and the realization that i couldn't ignore thomas forever pushed me closer to his door. the light from the hallway that forced its way into the room upon opening the door was enough to alert thomas to be awake. it took him a second to process the situation in his sleepy state, but soon he spoke. his voice was very raspy, "skylar? are you okay honey?"
i could've broken down crying on the floor, but i kept my composure besides letting a few tears fall. i whined at a rapid pace, "no! i keep having nightmares and i just got my period and i still have this stupid sickness and i can't go back to sleep alone. i'm sorry i got mad at you when you were only trying to help me. please let me stay. i need you."
he stuck his hands out in the dim light as a sign of welcome and i grabbed both of them. he pulled, almost lifted, me next to him as more tears fell. "baby sh, don't cry. i'm not mad at you. i understand why you were hurt. here, just lay down. it's alright."
a little whimper escaped at my aching lower stomach. "are you having cramps?" he questioned.
"mhm." i nodded.
he repositioned me so that my back was facing him and he began massaging my stomach, magically finding the area that cramped. it hurt more than it had prior and i tried to push away his hand. he wrapped his other arm around us, trapping me from doing it again. "just relax and let me help you. i know it hurts at first but it will relieve the pain. close your eyes and breathe babe."
"i need to get tampons tomorrow." i blurted out, not thinking about the sentence at all. even with my eyes closed, i could tell that my cheeks started blushing.
"okay, don't worry about it. i'll take care of it." he assured.
"'i'm very sorry, i didn't want to wake you. i tried to handle it on my own-"
he cut me off, "you don't need to apologize to me pretty girl, but you do need to get some sleep for me, okay?"
i nodded lazily. "i miss my parents."
"i'm sure they miss you too." thomas responded, gently running his fingertips around my back. "get to sleep angel. you need it and we can talk in the morning."
i attempted to whisper to him a few minutes later but heard his faint snoring and decided against it. his grip around me had loosened as a result of his unconsciousness, but i wouldn't dare move. i enjoyed being in his arms, where everything was safe and comfortable. how much i wished every moment felt like this very one, then maybe life wouldn't be so terrible.