*definition will come when i finish the book maybe*
"I don't get how you balance so easily." Spencer sighed, lying back on the sand, and Oliver laughed.
"I've been doing this since I could walk. You're lucky you can even stand on that board."
"Fair." Spencer took a long drink of water, staring out at the ocean. "I really like it here."
"I'm glad." Oliver sighed, then looked at him. "Actually... I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Yeah, shoot."
Oliver stared out at the ocean, and began to speak. "It only really hit me when... when the two of us were standing on the roof together."
Spencer didn't say anything, just waited.
"You were... the only one who was there, and I... I just realised... I don't need anyone else to be there, really, you're all I need."
"I... care about you too, Oli."
"Spence?"
"Mmm?"
"Are you gay?"
Spencer choked on his chip, and spluttered out, "Y-Yeah? Obviously?"
"Right... and... how do you know that you're gay?"
"How do I... what do you mean, how do I know that I'm gay?"
"How do you know?" he repeated. "Like... you've never had a girlfriend, right? Never been in a relationship?"
"Alright, calm down, I know," said Spencer with a laugh. "I... I dunno, I guess I just know? Like, I know that I'm gay the way you know that you're straight."
"That's just the thing, Spence."
"Hmm?"
"I don't know if I'm straight."
Spencer stared at the ocean in front of him silently. The waves were loud, crashing onto the shore, but it was nothing compared to the turmoil that had suddenly begun in his stomach. "Oh."
"You... have confused me. There's something about you, Hayes-Lockhart."
"Confused?"
"Yeah. I'm really confused right now. But... maybe you could help me with that?"
"What do you-"
But before he could finish his sentence, Oliver had leaned forward, and suddenly, they were kissing.
Spencer had never kissed anyone before. But he understood now. He understood why people were so obsessed with the idea of romance, of love. He'd never felt this good before. Maybe there was no other way to feel this good. Oliver tasted like rosemary, and the chips they were eating. His lips were soft. His hand was wrapped in Spencer's hair, and Spencer's hand was on his chest.
When Oliver pulled away, Spencer was breathing hard, his heart beating wildly in his chest. "What... the f*ck was that?" he asked.
"All the confirmation I needed," said Oliver, before kissing him again. Spencer was lost, but part of him didn't really mind, either. Not if it meant that he could kiss Oliver. "Spence, I... I really like you."
"This is... this is so out of the blue," he breathed back.
"Is it?"
Spencer thought carefully. Maybe... maybe it wasn't so out of the blue. "That's why."
"Hmm?"
"You told me you loved me. Before you went to jump."
"Maybe that wasn't quite right. I do care about you a lot. A lot. But I don't know if it's love, not yet. I... I really like you, though. For what it's worth."
"I really like you, too, Oli," breathed Spencer. "Do your... do your parents know?"
"Maybe it can wait 'til after this trip," said Oliver. "Besides, I don't think I'm gay."
His heart dropped. "You... don't?"
"No. I think... maybe I'm bi. Or pan. Hell, who knows? Maybe I'm just me, and I'm attracted to you. Do I need a label for that?"
"I... I guess not, no."
Oliver smiled slightly, biting his lip, and Spencer leaned forward, kissing him this time. "You're crazy."
"Yeah. About you."
"You're an idiot," he breathed, and Oliver laughed, kissing his forehead.
"We should get going, anyway. My parents will be worried."
"Do you think they suspect anything?"
"Whether they do or not," said Oliver, "this is my first time doing anything with a guy. We have a whole two weeks to ourselves, too."
Spencer's mouth opened slowly and his heart began to race. "Wait... shit, for real?"
"Only if you want to," he said quickly. "I don't wanna rush you."
"No, I'm... I'm down."
"Really?" Oliver's eyes shone, and he kissed Spencer again. "Well, I can't wait."
"Me neither. Let's get back home."
"Home," repeated Oliver softly with a smile.
<><><><><><><><>
Red was sitting down in the living room, watching her parents dance around the living room, laughing. They were spinning around to some old song, and she was doing her homework. She didn't mind that they were loud. It was nice to see Pa smiling again.
Eventually, they slowed down, and Ma kissed him softly, before turning to Red. "Hey, baby. Sorry, we're not too loud, are we?"
"No, all good. You can keep dancing if you want."
"I'm a bit knackered, to tell you the truth," said Ma, and Pa laughed.
"Ooh, a bit knackered," he said in a high-pitched, exaggerated British accent, and she hit his chest playfully, laughing.
"You're both gross," she signed, and smiled. They both chuckled, giving her a quick kiss on the head, before Pa gave Ma another kiss. As she went to leave the room, Red clicked to get her mother's attention.
"Are you hungry, darl?" asked Ma, sitting down. "Do you need help with your homework?"
She shook her head no, and Ma frowned. "What is it?"
"What's high school like?"
"High school? Well, it can be good, or it might not be perfect for you, but it's not the end of the world, y'know?"
She was silent, and Ryan said, "Sweetheart, I can feel that that's not all you want to talk about."
She hesitated, and Ryan kissed the top of her head. "Hon, it's okay."
"I found out about something."
"Something?"
"You were shot. A shooting at your school."
Ryan was dead silent. "There was a boy. P-E-T-E-R."
"Red, not now, okay?" she said shakily. "I'm sorry."
"Are you okay?"
"I- I need to go." Ryan stood up, walking stiffly to her room and sitting on the bed, breathing hard.
Peter. A name he hadn't heard or thought about in a long, long time. She was shaking. Her heart was racing.
It had been nearly twenty years since the shooting at the high school. It was the thing that had ripped her away from Hunter, emotionally and nearly broken up their marriage. She had gone to London, gotten pregnant, lost the baby... they were nearly torn apart by that. They... had stopped loving each other.
She didn't even realise that she was crying until a soft sob escaped her lips, and she hugged herself, feeling cold and alone. No, no, no, this wasn't a place she could go back to, not now.
"H-Hunter?" she called quietly, trying not to reveal that she was crying. "Hunt? Where are you?"
"Just in the bathroom, hon, I- Ryan!" He rushed out to her, grabbing her arms. "My dove, what is it? What's wrong?"
"Oh God, I- I'm sorry Hunt, I can't- dammit..."
Hunter hugged her tightly, kissing her hair. "What's wrong? Talk to me, darling."
"I- Hunt, I just-" She sobbed into his shoulder, and he held her tightly, kissing her hair and her forehead.
"Talk to me."
"Red- she asked about- about the shooting, and I just-" She broke off again, and Hunter hushed her gently.
"It's okay, baby. Breathe." Hunter stroked her hair. "I love you. I've got you."
"It... it was the thing that started breaking us up."
"Oh, Ry, don't-"
"It made me distant from you, it- it made me move away, it made us lose that baby, it got you in that accident- oh, God, I just-"
"Ryan."
She looked up at him, and he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "It's okay. I'm sorry that you're so panicked."
"F*ck..." She sighed. "Sorry. I'm sorry."
"Don't, my dove. Don't." He sighed. "Maybe it's time to talk to her about all of this. Talk to her about the shooting."
"No, no-" She sobbed again, and Hunter held her gently.
"It's okay. Breathe. She needs to understand everything. She's older, and she's not stupid. I bet she already knows more than she's saying. She needs to know what happened to me with Lilly, what's happened to you and what's happened to Elle and Nick. She has to."
"I know." She sighed. "It's just... a lot."
"Yeah, it is." He tucked her hair behind her ear. "You okay?"
"I am. I know, I'm okay, I just... I'm scared, is all."
"I get it. So... let's discuss the whole thing with her."
"Yeah." Ryan took a deep breath, and Hunter helped her to stand, before they both went to the living room, where Red was doing her homework.
"Red, honey, can we talk?" said Hunter, and Ryan closed her eyes, looking up at the ceiling to stop herself from crying again.
She nodded, and her parents sat down in front of her. "Red, it's about the shooting. The shooting at Ma's school."
Red's facial expression barely flickered, but Ryan recognised that look. "You know more than we think you do, huh?" she asked softly.
She hesitated, then nodded. "I looked it up when someone told me. I didn't believe them. But then I saw pictures. Of you. Of that boy."
"Dartwell," said Hunter quietly, and Ryan shuddered. "Yeah. He... was the shooter. His name wasn't released to the media, but I guess students have their ways."
"I saw that he shot you twice. He shot a teacher, and the principal. I saw that that's why he uses that walking stick."
"So what is it you don't know?"
Red blinked. Then, she sheepishly signed to them. "I asked, but I already know everything."
"I thought as much," said Hunter softly with a chuckle. "So... what do you want to know, if it's not about the shooting?"
"Why didn't you tell me? Does everyone else know?"
Ryan sighed. "Oh, hon. It's not that I don't want to talk to you about it. It's that... well, I still really struggle when I talk about it. It's hard for me. Pa knows that, so he hasn't talked about it either."
"You always say the best way to get past something is to talk about it."
"Perhaps," she said cautiously, "but that's not the same thing. This is..."
"It's different?"
Ryan nodded slightly, then shook her head. "Well... no. It's not different. I don't know how to explain it, okay?"
Red nodded slightly. "I understand. Thank you for talking about it." She stood up and walked away, and Hunter and Ryan watched her go upstairs to her bedroom.
"Life's funny, huh?" said Ryan finally.
"Yeah, that sums up how I feel right about now." Hunter sighed softly, rubbing her back. "You okay?"
"I will be." She smiled up at him slightly, and he gave her a kiss on the forehead. "We always are."
<><><><><><><><>
"Robbie? Baby?"
"I'm just in the kitchen, hon," called Robin, and Jordan appeared, holding a bunch of flowers for her.
"Hey," he said softly, kissing her cheek. "How are you, baby?"
"I'm good. Just chopping up some carrots for my meal prep this week."
"Oh? Do tell."
"I've got the championships. If I do this right, then I could do Taekwondo at an Olympic level."
"That's amazing! My girlfriend is an Olympian, what a thing to tell everyone!"
"Hey, she's not an Olympian yet, sucker," she said, turning around and giving him a quick peck on the lips. "What's up?"
"Well, I figure I could take my beautiful girlfriend on a date, just us, hmm? It's been a long time, and I miss you."
"You're so needy," she teased.
"Hey, you just don't see what I see. If you did, you'd be obsessed, too."
"Very funny, nerd," she said, kissing him again.
"Let's go out tonight. That place we went on our first date, that's fun-"
"Or, we could just do something chill. Sweats and hoodies, we can gorge ourselves at Carl's."
Jordan nodded, thinking this over. "Very true, they have unlimited soda."
"You don't need to take me to dinner, baby. I'm happy to just stay at home."
"Well, how about we do Carl's? Chill, super chill, and then come home and just watch a movie or a TV show or something? You like Lucifer, right?"
"I do, but-"
"Then it's settled," he said, clapping his hands, and she chuckled slightly.
"You really are a weirdo."
"And you love it, Hayes-Lockhart," he said, kissing her.
<><><><><><><><>
As they sat together, drinking their Coke and watching TV, Robin said, "Jay?"
"Mmm?"
"When do you think it's enough time to marry someone?"
He frowned, looking at her. "Why do you ask?"
"I just... remembered you saying you wanted to marry me within the next few years, that's all. When would it be?"
"I dunno, but... ASAP, that's all."
"I'm asking, 'cause... if this Olympics thing works out, I don't know that I'll have time for- for weddings, or kids, or family... or you, even." She set her Coke down and sat beside him, where he hugged her close. "And I know you don't mind, but... I can't help but feel bad."
"We'll make it work," he promised her. "I know we will. I'm not letting you go that easily, not after all the shit I went through trying to get you."
"Okay," she breathed, smiling. "I love you."
"I love you more."
As they sat there together, Jordan mumbled, "Hey, no sex tonight, okay? I had too many waffle fries."
She laughed, kissing his cheek. "No problem."
*a/n: it's been a hot minute yet again, how's it going
nethii <3*