Remember to vote and comment ♥
Swirling in her chair, she stared out the window. The sun was hidden behind the clouds. The somber skies made her shiver for some reason. And then the first rain of the season had poured on them hard, as she sat in his office by the window. A week after she had the panic attack there.
She had barely finished scanning the blog online when she heard the drops of the first rain against the window. She stood up from her desk and walked to the window. Making the world outside blurry and hazy, the drops flowed down the glass. She held on the warm cup of coffee as she stared at the world drenching in the first rain.
"Are you fascinated by the rain?" His voice was much closer. She hadn't heard him move. She slightly turned her head and he was staring out the window as well.
"No." She shook head. "I despise rain." She sighed bitterly.
"Why?"
"It's always been a carrier of bad news." She mumbled as she traced a drop at it ran down the window.
"Only if you see it that way." He took a sip from his own cup, savoring the taste of dark liquid as he sighed in content. She slightly turned her head his way. He was tall, towering over her even at a distance between them. "It's all about how you internalize your feelings regarding something." His statement reminded her of something else that he had said to her.
Turning around, her back against the window, she leaned on it, coming face to face with him.
"Remember you said to look for something that I find comfort in?" Nodding, he stared back at her. She took a moment to stare back and completely take his look in. His blazer was replaced with a warm black coat, courtesy of the cold weather, but still, underneath she could see he had his pristine white dress shirt and a tie.
Does he not own normal clothes or what?
"I thought about it. Apart from books, there is not really something I'm attuned to."
He took a moment to take her question in. Placing the cup on her work table, he put his hands in his pockets. Her eyes followed his calm and slow movements.
"There are things in life you're naturally inclined to, for instance, books for you. Things that are your safe place, a place you find yourself in or lose yourself into." Breaking the eye contact with her, he glanced outside the blurred window. "Then there are things you make a home for yourself because they grant you a space at some point of your life. So you give them new meanings even if they were something that brought chilling fear to your bones at one point. You find some better meaning to associate it with."
"Is it that easy?" She wondered. "Just to decide that something is home, something is not. Something is poison, something is a cure?"
"No," he shook his head. "You just have to stop compromising with your fear. The more you let your fear have a say. The more it takes space and then one day all you have is fear. Fear of breathing. Fear of living. Fear of existing."
And in that moment, she knew he wasn't with her anymore. He was somewhere far. So far that he might have come across the fears he had conquered once.
"And Rain?"
She brought it back to where it started because of the way he was staring the pouring rain. As if he wanted to drink it in like a cure and burn it down at the same time. Her voice was quiet, almost inaudible. Scared that she would break the connection with him.
She was blatantly staring at him. Watching his alluring eyes with a certain fascination as they went blur with the shadows of the past.
"Rain." A grave chuckle left his throat, his voice thick with emotions. "Oh, it was brutal. Merciless and Cold. The thunderstorms took my breath away. Imagine you're a seven-year-old and alone in the middle of a night on a haunting road. All you can hear are howling whispers of the wind and animals wailing in a distance. Fear snakes around your feet and shackles you to the ground and the rain is pelting on you. Drops feeling like stones. Your body is shivering, but you can't move so you become the audience to your own massacre as your body try to grasp for every last breath."
He sucked in and gasped as if he was back in that cold night.
"That's how scared I was of rain and thunderstorms."
"So what changed?" She whispered. Her own breath stuck in her lungs.
"Life has mysterious ways to test you and then give you salvation. It was rain that took my breath away once, but then it was rain again that gave me solace as my body was scarred and battered. God, that night rain worked like salt on my wounds. As if my entire body had been set on fire.
"But I stayed there, stood my ground. Suffocated my fear as the water washed over my body. I choked my fear and took a breath of freedom as the raw drops of rain fell on my face."
Finishing the last of his words, he looked away from the window and into her shocked eyes. Seeing the ghosts of past alive in his eyes sent a shiver down her spine.
'What atrocities of life have you endured?' She was bitting those words at the tip of her tongue. 'What is caged in your heart?'
In that moment her heart yearned to be sinful. Just for a second. To be moral-less. To have that freedom to touch him. To run her fingers across his face. To trace that scar and look for the ones that were hidden. To count his tattoos as they told the tales of his demons.
But she held on to her cup, remembering that this man in front of her might have been sinful once, but now his soul was beautiful and pure. He had found the redemption she was seeking. She couldn't taint his soul or her own. She'd never forgive herself for it.
But her heart could whisper her wish in the darkness, couldn't it?
Her body jolted as she heard the slam of the front door. She covered her face as the memories of that rainy evening came to surface again. I'm losing my mind. Lord, she was losing it. Her thoughts were always swirling in chaos and finally found it's salvation at his remembrance.
"You're home?" She turned around at Falak's voice. She peeked into the room and then turned back into the kitchen. Finding a bag of stale Cheetos, as Rabail watched her from the room.
"He canceled the session today." Shrugging, she followed her out to their small cozy kitchen that extended into a living room. The kitchen counter dividing it. "Said some personal emergency came up."
"Good for you." Falak jumped up on the counter and sat on it. "So what's your plan for tonight then? It's Halloween and Friday Night. Finally, you can be yourself. A Witch." She grinned.
"Lame." She rolled her eyes. "Nothing to do. Staying home, finding a book and cuddling with Akira."
"Now... Now... Who is lame?" She raised her eyebrows. "Come with me. I'm leaving in ten minutes."
"What? No! I'm not going to some frat party." opening the fridge, she stared at all the stacked food and shook her head as she still declared that there was nothing to eat.
"Jeez, you've got such a low opinion of me. " She pretended to be hurt. Rabail rolled her eyes again. And they call me dramatic. "I was gonna go to a party but I don't have a costume." She sighed in disappointment.
"Dress up as your grades. They are scary enough." It was her turn to grin.
"Ha Ha Ha... very funny." Falak deadpanned. "Anyways, I got invited to a bonfire by that Officer Hot Sauce. It's gonna be very much halal. I mean it's him. Come on."
"I don't know." She was feeling iffy about it.
"Come on! What you gonna do here? Sanaz is going to the Halloween Ball at her law school. Zarmina is gone to New York for the weekend. And that weird blondie friend of yours is probably at some party. So you're gonna b here all alone." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "On Halloween Night. With Jins. All Alone. Spookyyyyy!"
"I deal with you on a daily basis. That's spooky enough."
"Rabaillllllll!" Falak whined like a two-year-old. "He said they are gonna have smores."
"Fine, anything for free food."
"I love you, Ruby Bear." Falak jumped off the counter and wrapped her arms around her.
"Get off me, FeeFee!!!" She laughed but Falak hugged her tighter.
Zipping up her long boots, she stood straight in front of the long mirror. She was surprised the black jeans still fit her, with the amount of junk food she was eating. Pairing a black pashmina scarf with the white floral shirt, she wore it and pinned it as she fixed her glasses.
Glasses and Hijabs were not really a friendly combination. They always ruined her perfectly pinned scarf. Six years of experience with the hijab and she still struggled with the glasses.
Once her glasses were set, she picked up the dark red lipstick and painted her lips as she freshened her light makeup.
"Bus kardo, Meri Maa." Falak's voice came from the living room. "Just finish it already. You're not going to a wedding, Rabail." She exasperated.
"Do you think I'd go like this to a wedding?" Rabail furrowed her eyebrows at her friend.
"No, you're gonna bath in a glitter, wear a dress made out of fairy lights, show up to the wedding and scandalously steal the thunder of the bride." Falak threw her hands in the air. "Now if you're done being overdramatic. Can we go?"
Picking up her bag and coat, she scowled at her friend as she followed her out. Like always, Flask was dressed in her ripped jeans, some rebellious shirt, her ombre red hair flowing back on her shoulder, as she sucked on her lip ring.
"So where are we going?" She fastened the seatbelt as Falak pulled out the car from the parking lot.
"Vernal Beach." Falak focused on the road as she turned on the music.
"I swear I'm not listening to this demonic English music."
"My ear drums are actually ruptured listening to that."
Fifteen minutes later, Rabail slammed the door as she got out of the car as they parked the car on the low fenced cliff that led down to the beach.
Vernal Beach was the amalgamation of cliffs and beaches. It was where the foliage of the mountains met the sands of the beach. As they walked down the small cliff, the camping ground was empty due to the Halloween.
The clouds from earlier had parted, giving a clear way to the sunshine as the day started to come to its closure. She basked in the warmth of sun rays, but the weather was still frosty. The wind was quietly swishing through the towering trees.
They got closer to the fire pits. One of which had clusters of people around. The fire was not started yet. People laughing and busy in conversation. She wasn't nervous. No, she was always people's person, but just the scars sometimes faltered her confidence. Her left hand went to her right wrist. Making sure her bangles were covering the scars and that her rubber band was there, just in case.
"Aye! Daredevil, you made it." Officer Rayyan Raza threw his hands in the air, welcoming them,
"You think I can ever say no to your pretty face." Falak flipped her hair over her shoulder.
"Behave, Daredevil!" He chuckled at her flirtatious act. "Oh, you brought your infamous friend. Sup Miss Arabica."
Her ears heated at the memory of splashing the coffee over them in Downtown. That first meeting and the coffee spill was exactly what started this roller coaster. She nodded at him as she hid her embarrassed smile. Taking them with him, he introduced them to his friends. Many of them were her age and some older.
Apparently, they were a group of young Muslims who met occasionally to organize such events as the bonfire, hikes, banquets and many other things. Falak was busy flirting with Rayyan as they all enjoyed the snacks. The wind picked up its speed and the weather became nippy.
"FeeFee," She tapped her shoulder to get her attention. "Give me the keys. Gonna go get the coat."
Falak nodded and was getting her car key when she looked up. Looking over Rabail's shoulder, her jaw dropped open. Literally.
"OH. MY. GOD!" She whispered each word out as her eyes widened like saucers. "He actually looks hot. Like damn. I'd drool over that too."
"FeeFee!" She scolded her friend. God knows who is the next victim. "Stop being a ho-" Before she could even complete her sentence, Falak put her hands on her shoulders and turned her around. And her jaw dropped in shock too.
Damn...
There he was in his usual colors. Black and White. But the suit was exchanged for the dark washed jeans with a long sleeve white t-shirt. The collar of his jacket raised to his ears. Good Lord. He stole the thunder of the sun. As he walked down from the cliff parking lot, she was starstruck. He was a flicker in the damn darkness. A phoenix rising from its ashes, leaving behind ruins in its wake.
"Is that his personal emergency with him?"
"Huh?" She was confused at Falak question until he moved her eyes to the person next to him. Her heart slammed in her ribcage and she could taste acid in her mouth.
There he was with his Ex-Fianceè.