CHAPTER 13
Pull the trigger
Carlos felt a hand touching his back and jumped out of his sleeping back in alarm.
'Hush! Are you trying to scare everyone?' Sonia asked. Carlos realized the hand that scared him so much belonged to her and his body warmed up as he came closer to her.
'I'm so dumb,' he answered. 'But I don't want to stay up,' he complained like a big baby and his eyes begged Sonia to let him be.
'You can't, Carlos. I didn't want to force Lucas to stay up tonight as well,' she explained herself.
'Fine. Am I with Anne?' he asked while trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.
'Yeah. And I think I'll stay with you two for a little while. I can't even pretend I'm sleepy,' she responded.
'Oh, no, no, miss. You need to go to sleep at some point. And don't make me sing some lullaby because your ears may bleed and I'm too manly for such things anyway,' he said jokingly.
Sonia tried to laugh quietly while throwing quick glares at her friends sleeping nearby. 'I'll try to keep my eyes shut then. Can you check up on Anne? Make sure she's awake?' she asked.
'Sure, goodnight,' he answered. He lingered on the spot and put an arm around Sonia's shoulder. 'We'll have a talk tomorrow, okay?' he asked, more like announcing his decision to talk to her. She did not protest.
When he left with a smile, Sonia returned to her desperate need to kill time before she could finally fall asleep for a couple of hours.
***
After Anne was up and ready, she joined Carlos' side on top of the hill that overlooked the lake and the small campfire.
'So, why are we up here?' she asked paying close attention to him.
'I just thought it would be easier to watch over them from up here. It's a great night too,' he answered and looked back at her.
Anne then slowly lay with her back on the ground, her arms wide open on both sides of her body.
'Do you want to look at the stars with me?' she unexpectedly asked.
'Um, sure, yeah,' he responded in doubt. Carlos followed Anne's lead and lied down on the ground as well.
'When I was little,' Anne said, 'I believed that when a person died they became stars. Actually, I think my mum used to say that to me.'
Carlos turned and looked at her momentarily, trying to smile back. Was he supposed to share a relevant childhood memory of his too?
'Sonia,' he begun talking just to cover his anxiety, 'couldn't sleep one night so she stayed up and the next morning she came over to my house and said she'd counted all the stars in the sky,' he said and sighed. 'I believed her,' he spontaneously confessed with a genuine smile.
'Sonia ... you guys are pretty close...'she said even though a little voice inside her tried to stop her.
'Ah, yeah, I guess. I sometimes think of her as my sister,' he whispered numbly.
'But sometimes, you don't...' she thought to herself and turned to the other side.
***
Pierre's body shifted from the right to the left, to the right again.
Darkness filled the place in front of him, causing him to fall on his knees until his eyes would adjust to the lack of any source of light. A whisper echoed inside the walls of what seemed to be an endless black room.
'Kill.' It sounded like a command. Pierre tried to locate the source of the voice.
'Kill him,' another voice whispered. Or was it the same one? It was definitely a female voice this time. Pierre took a leap of faith and started walking into the unknown.
'Who are you?' he asked loudly and the echo bounced around the emptiness that surrounded him.
'Kill him,' the voice whispered. 'Kill him. You must kill him,' the hushed voice insisted and Pierre felt his body freeze, shivers going down his spine. He raised his hands in alarm.
'Kill who?' he asked after a minute of concentrated thoughts.
'Kill him! You must kill him!' the voice yelled as it became sharper and sharper. 'Shoot him in the head. Kill him, do it now!' the voice requested angrily once more.
'Why?' he asked next. He was desperate for an answer.
'Take the gun in your hands,' the whisper instructed, now sounding double as its echo bounced around the invisible walls. 'Pull the trigger. Kill! Kill him! You know you want to!' the woman's voice said in an irritatingly calm manner.
Pierre felt his right hand grow heavy. Inside his palm was now a heavy miscellaneous object, smooth and cold against his skin. He fumbled around the object, examining it with his long fingers. He let the item drop with a tremor of his hands at the realization of what he was holding was a gun.
He knew it. His hand had accidentally squeezed the trigger. Was it loaded? His thoughts were interrupted by a bright light that filled the room as if a white void had swallowed the darkness inside it. It took him a moment to adjust to the new lighting. He immediately wished he had not.
Just a tile away from his feet, the gun lay untouched, threatening by its sheer presence. The whispered voice returned.
'Kill him. Do it. Do it. Kill. Kill him,' it kept chanting in a terrifying loop.
'No,' he said. And then "he" appeared. The man the voice wanted Pierre so desperately to kill. He was far away but started approaching as soon as Pierre spotted him.
As the man came nearer, Pierre noticed his ash blond hair and his pale skin. His eyes were not quite visible yet. As the man came closer and closer, Pierre's eyes widened in fear. He understood who the man was. He was himself. He was staring into his own eyes, staring at himself. And he was supposed to shoot him.
The gun somehow found its place between Pierre's clenched fingers and he was now pointing a gun at himself. 'Is it considered murder or suicide? Or both?' he wondered and he was taken aback by his reaction. 'Why do I feel the urge to pull the trigger? Why do I need to kill him so badly?'
The voice returned to haunt him once more. 'Do it. Kill him. Kill him and it will all be over.'
'It will all be over,' Pierre repeated. He closed his eyes and pulled the trigger without a second thought.
Pierre woke up, breathing heavily, his hands tugging on the sides of his sleeping bag. 'It was a dream. Just a dream. A nightmare,' he thought as he slowly inhaled and exhaled, trying to stabilize himself.
He knew it meant something but he was too tired to explore his thoughts so he simply shut his eyes again and tried to think of something nice, happy. He thought about his parents and the nostalgia seemed to sooth him until he drifted off to a deep sleep again.
***
The children woke up to a fairytale-like view. The lake was bluer than ever and turned purple, green and yellow where it met with the sunlight. Thin lines of puffy clouds ruled the sky which had the widest color range the seven friends ever imagined it could. The parts above their head were still blue that grew progressively lighter, but the parts close to the rising sun had mixed pastel pink, orange and purple colorings.
All of them remained cuddled inside their sleeping bags and warm blankets as the air was still chilly. They stood still and let nature take over as they witnessed the simplest of her miracles through sleepy eyes.
When the magic was gone, Lucas started assigning responsibilities and tasks for the day. Felicity managed to steal five minutes to have a chat with Anne which turned to be much more than a girls' talk.
Anne secretly approached Sonia while the latter was looking around the forest's start for firewood.
'Hey,' she said in a little voice and Sonia did not need to see her face to find out who it was.
'Hello. Wasn't dawn something else?' she asked to make conversation.
'Yeah. I'm still amazed by it. Listen, I...' she hesitated. 'Maybe this is not a good idea after all.'
'Is there something I should know?' Sonia asked and let some twigs and branches fall in front of her feet.
Anne picked up all the courage she had. 'Yes,' she said. It was the right thing to do. 'And you're not going to like it. Felicity called me over for a talk. And ... I just think you need to ask her what she said to me. I promised not to tell anyone, thinking it was some silly thing. I was wrong.'
At her last words, Sonia forgot all about the firewood, all about responsibilities. Her only mission was to find Felicity and make her spill out whatever it was that she was hiding from her best friend.
Felicity was, unfortunately for her, alone. Sonia stood in front of her face and, before she could greet her, she went straight to the point of her coming there.
'Anne told me you two talked. I need to know what you told her,' she demanded coldly as anger made her cheeks burn.
'Oh, did she? And, why should I tell you what we talked about?' Felicity answered with a question to defend herself. She crossed her arms together under her chest.
'Anne was upset. Apparently, whatever you said to her was ... upsetting. I care about her and I care about you. I thought we were best friends. That usually means no secrets!' she shouted, failing to suppress her anger.
'You wanna know why I didn't tell you? Fine! It was because I knew this would happen. You always yell at me, you scold me like my mother would, you make me feel stupid, like I'm the only one that makes mistakes here,' Felicity said and stepped back.
'I never claimed to be flawless or perfect! I have never called you stupid, ever! The difference is that I own up to my mistakes and it's time you started taking responsibility of your actions!' Sonia yelled and she felt her blood pump on the side of her neck. Sonia was not sure if her words were all honest. She counted to five, taking deep breaths and regained her calm.
'If you tell me what happened, I will try to fix it and we will do it, together,' she said with a tone of voice she rarely even used. It was soft and quiet and slightly monotonous. It was faked.
'Okay,' Felicity breathed and raised her head. 'I told Cynthia we were leaving New Earth.'
***
'I can do it!' Sonia yelled in enthusiasm as she grabbed the lighter out of Lucas' hand with a dry chuckle.
'You can but you won't because you'd probably end up setting your own hand on fire!' Pierre said and took the lighter out of her hands.
She did not respond, wanting to give an end to the whole argument. Instead, she sat on the big rock and wrapped her arms together under her chest. It was not like her to let others win over an argument but she believed Pierre was not being himself lately.
'This thing kinda reminds me of that movie they showed us two years ago,' Felicity said just to lighten everybody's mood.
The students of New Earth only rarely watched movies and when they did, the movies were usually about the benefits of living in New Earth, praising the governor and his every decision.
They only showed the good movies on special occasions like celebrations and the last movie of that kind the seven friends had watched was two years ago.
'You mean the western one?' Anne asked with a smile.
'Yeah, we could easily be those Indians around the big fire. Or were they called ... Native Americans?' she said and Sonia did not bother correcting her.
'Yeah, but without all the smoking,' Carlos commented lightheartedly.
'But they all got killed in the end,' Pierre said sarcastically. 'Hopefully, we won't have the same ending.'
They all stopped talking. Anne took her "I'm-taking-this-seriously" look but as soon as she opened her mouth, Sonia spoke instead.
'Do any of you believe the stories about the people who were left outside the dome? Or those who live in the Island for that matter?' she asked. Nobody dared answer. They were all discouraged by the burning fire, the chirping of insects and the general silence of the nature surrounding them.
'Oh, don't make me ask again! I thought it was okay to talk about those things now. We're allowed to talk about anything out here, right?' she insisted.
'I sort of believe 'em. I mean, it makes sense if you think about it. It isn't possible that every living person is inside the dome,' Carlos answered.
'Yeah, it wouldn't surprise me if these guards allowed people in based on their looks or something,' Pierre added. '"Perfection is the key to development." What's that even supposed to mean?'
Lucas got up, straightened his clothes and opened his hands before speaking like the announcer at the Daily News. 'About one out of four people in the United Nation suffered from cancer before ... everything fell apart. Now, can you count how many people suffering from cancer you have met throughout your sixteen years of life?' he asked and everyone looked baffled. Lucas sounded formal but that was his intention all along.
'One.' Sonia was the first one to speak. 'Just, one!'
'None,' Victor confessed. As the children took turns, nobody admitted to have met more than one cancer patient or survivor.
'So,' Lucas went on, 'where are they? Where are these people? What, are they cured? There have been found cures for only specific types of cancer. And even these would take lots of money and time. So, I'm asking again. Where are these people?' Lucas asked and his question seemed more like a conclusion, like a rhetorical question whose answer lingered inside everyone's mouth.
'They killed them?' Felicity asked and her bottom lip started shaking, making her look more of a human and less like a porcelain doll or a statue.
'No, maybe but ... I think they're still alive somewhere. We're talking about a huge chunk of the population here,' Lucas said, trying to orient them to his theories.
'Lucas?' Sonia asked. 'What about old people? They're only very few compared to adults and teens or children.'
'Good observation, yes,' Lucas said with a smile of pride.
'Oh, I got it!' Pierre suddenly shouted. 'All minorities were eliminated! Black people, sick people, old people, even women are much less in number than men!'
'Exactly,' Lucas smiled at his conclusion. 'Uniforms, white young people, wealthy people, smart teenagers. We're almost identical. There's no versatility,' he explained and a few mouth dropped.
'Hitler at his newest form,' Sonia commented and their blood stopped pumping for a second. She felt insane as her thoughts raced but then again, thinking felt like an advantage at such times.
'Can we please stop talking about this? It's no good now,' Anne pleaded for them to change the subject. Everyone knew she was scared because so were they.
'Okay,' Lucas agreed, 'let's leave the matter here.'
'So, random question ... what did you guys bring with you? As your item of choice, if you will ...' Anne asked quietly. 'I brought my blanket. Mainly to keep me warm but it also smells a bit like home.'
Carlos was next to speak. 'My parents actually wrote me a letter. I keep reading it again and again.' he confessed and everyone stared. 'What about you?' he asked Sonia, trying to escape the limelight.
'I-I brought this journal thing ... Actually I thought I was so cool as to keep track of what we do every day but I'm too lazy so I just write down whatever's in here,' she said pointing at the side of her head.
'You?' Carlos asked looking at Pierre.'
'I-I thought-'he mumbled incoherently and then stopped not knowing what to say.
'Pierre was kind enough to bring one of my favorite books for me,' Sonia jumped in and answered without lifting her eyes off of the ground.
Carlos looked at Pierre with a suspicious glare but Pierre seemed genuinely confused and his expressionless face had little to say.
'I thought you guys barely spoke to one another.' Carlos whispered so that only she could hear.
Sonia shrugged.
Victor, who had been playing with a sharp dagger ever since the conversation had started, said, 'I brought this knife,' and everyone turned to stare at him with wide eyes. 'It's good for hunting too,' he added with a low voice and Anne gulped down a mouthful of fear and repressed thought mixed with the worst possible scenarios she could imagine. Was it good for killing co-travelers as well or did it only work on harmless animals?
Lucas turned and looked at Pierre with hidden words behind his eyes. 'We need to keep an eye on him,' he thought hoping could get the mental message across to Pierre.
Pierre nodded to show his understanding to Lucas' thoughts.
Felicity's high-pitched voice broke the silence but Lucas had his eyes locked on Victor's black, vacant eyes. 'Oh, I almost missed my turn!' he shrieked. 'I brought this little mirror!' she yelled as she pulled a small, round mirror out of her pocket. 'Isn't it pretty?' she asked with a smile that slowly faded upon seeing the emotionless face of everyone around her.
'Out of all things, you brought a freaking mirror?' Pierre asked.
'Don' t...' Sonia tried to shush him but Felicity spoke up for herself.
'It is the only thing my grandma passed down to me. She managed to smuggle this inside the dome when the governor started gathering all golden things,' she explained.
It was true that the governor had ordered that everyone handed over their golden and other precious belonging to be melted into coins. Felicity's cat-like eyes shined in pride. Pierre, however, did not feel defeated. He believed it was an act of vanity to bring that mirror with her and the back story she provided was just a cover-up for her self-obsession.
'What about you, Lucas? Brought anything exciting?' Felicity asked, not minding the tension on the atmosphere.
'Just a compass. It's reversed actually because of the whole ... reversed poles thing. I thought it-'
'Good!' Felicity interrupted him. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I absolutely need to go to sleep. Ugh! I can't believe I have to get up so early...'
And so Felicity got up and left the scene with elegant, silent strides. Nobody complained about her departure.
***
'I thought we had an agreement,' Sonia bellowed. 'You said that you would tell everyone today. It's about ten in the morning and I barely got any sleep because of the guilt your secret put me through!' she shouted. Sonia knew she should not add more guilt on Felicity's load but it was the only way to make her understand the importance of her actions and how these would affect the whole group.
'Don't you get how hard it is for me?' she cried.
'She's weak,' Sonia thought. 'She really can't do it. But someone has too, before it's too late.' She took a few steps back and forth. 'I'll give you one hour to think about it. But when the hour is done, you're gonna have to tell them,' she concluded. She instantly hated herself for talking like that-like her mother.
'What happens if I don't?' Felicity asked in arrogance.
'Wrong time to be sassy, Felicity. I'm trying to help you out here,' she thought. 'If you don't tell them ... then I will.'
About an hour later, Sonia returned to find Felicity defeated by her tears. 'Fine,' she said. 'Can you at least pretend to be my friend for once and stand with me while I tell them?' she asked.
Sonia smiled. Maybe there was a spark of bravely hidden somewhere inside the girl, a hint of responsibility, of duty even. 'Of course' she answered with a smile. 'I'm proud of you' she added quietly. 'Can you at least pretend to be my friend for once?' she heard inside her head.
Moments later, Felicity had already spoken up and awaited the storm of hurtful comments, shouts and questions to break out. Sonia held her shoulder.
'So, you didn't tell her who was going with you?' Lucas asked, suppressing his frustration.
'No, no. I only said I wouldn't be alone,' Felicity rushed to explain.
'So, basically, Cynthia doesn't have a lot to say. Not even in the case of an interrogation?' Lucas asked again, shifting his eyes from Felicity to Sonia, then to Felicity again.
'No,' Felicity answered firmly. 'All I said was that I was leaving, that I wouldn't be alone and that I would miss her,' she added while looking straight into his suspicious eyes.
'I don't think she's hiding something,' Pierre said, as if Felicity was being accused of a crime. 'They have us on tape, anyway.'
'Of course she's not!' Sonia protested to protect her. She had started to realize how aggressive and ruthless she was being against her friend. 'Can you at least pretend to be my friend for once?'
'In that case, I think we're fine,' Lucas concluded. 'Thank you, Felicity, for coming clear with us. We appreciate it,' he said and all sets of eyes were turned to Felicity. All but one.
Pierre looked at Sonia, scowling at her, silently reminding her of her choice to bring Felicity along. Sonia felt guilt creep up to her mind. It was not Felicity's fault. It was hers, all along.
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